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Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay ...This may come as a shock, but a prominent anti-homosexual Republican attorney general has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed. This is the rumor that the AG’s office has officially denied, so now of course everybody is spilling the sordid details.

AG in question is Troy King, who, of course, is only interested in outlawing homosexuality and sex toys. His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? This seems like a wacky sitcom plot, on a gay porn channel. (Is this what that Will & Grace was about?)

Rumors Swirl On Possible Alabama AG Troy King Gay Sex Scandal, Possible Resignation [Fishbowl America]
If I’d a knowed that I’d a sent Troy King a Blow-Up Boar Hawg [Loretta Nall]
Alabama Attorney General Troy King Prepares to Resign? [Locust Fork Journal]

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190 COMMENTS

  1. when does something move beyond cliche into guarantee? He is 1) against homosexual gay sex, 2) Republican 3) married, thus he is 4) gay and 5) will be caught at it. Add 6) he will repent and ask God to make him a non-homosexual gay man and everything will be fine.

    And his name is Troy.

  2. Hot-Diggity-Dawg! Ain’t nothin finah than ass-fukkin in ‘Bama. Go Tide! Teh Wonkette can haz “ride” this 1 all the way til the ‘lectshun

  3. During the 2005 legislative session, King made headlines by wearing an electronic monitoring bracelet of the kind used by parolees and others under judicial monitoring. King promised to wear the bracelet until the legislature passed tougher monitoring laws for parolees and convicted sex offenders, and removed it when such laws were passed.

    He was just ACTING, people!!!!

  4. And bless her heart, but Troy’s wife really should have asked him for fashion advice before making her dress out of the living room drapes.

  5. I googled Troy King and one of the first entries was a listing for one Troy King, classical guitarist, with a note from my virus/spyware that the site may damage my computer. [true]

    So watch out for Troy King viruses.

    Especially if you’re a homecoming king.

  6. Anytime another dude is sitting next to me and arguing that “MARRIAGEZ IZ DEFINITIONED BETWEEN TEH MENZ AND TEH WOMENZ” I move a few feet away expecting an ass grab or reacharound.

  7. [re=33330]2goats[/re]: Troy McClure: “Gay? I wish! If I were gay they’d be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost.”

  8. [re=33336]Doglessliberal[/re]: He wishes! Come on, he had a fish fetish, everyone knows that.

    According to Troy King’s Wiki entry (“entry,” tee hee), he’s got 3 actual kids, not kids he married into like Larry Craig, so he’s evidently deep in the closet.

  9. I slipped on a banana peel and my dick got stuck in his ass.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

    Oh yeah, that story about the gay governor is wild.

  10. Did Twoy fall in love with his “assistant” because of his “ruddy-hued, upward-pointing shaft, its swollen veins and cap-like tip”?

  11. [re=33347]Dave J.[/re]: turkey baster. no way he did it the old-fashioned way with her unless he is really, really good at fantasizing

  12. [re=33321]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Good God, what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that? THAT is his true shame.

  13. we really just need to print t-shirts and hand them out
    “Another closeted gay republican anti-gay crusader in make-me-straight rehab”

  14. Suggestion: henceforth, whenever a closeted GOPerv who rails against teh gayz gets busted for doing the nasty with a same-sexer, we say he was “troyking.”

    i.e.

    Q: “What did Senator Dick Inmouth get arrested for?”

    A: “He was caught troyking.”

    A living legacy left by an estimable hypocritical asshole.

    Like “Santorum,” only marginally less puke-inducing.

  15. thank you thank you, Ken for this. This day needed this story. Too much jaw-dropping, yet not really surprising, shit from the White House, so we needed a little closeted-gay-hypocrite leavening. Early Cummer Delights begin!

  16. [re=33361]Doglessliberal[/re]: “what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that?” See the question includes the answer. Self hate apparently adds piquancy for the GOPers. Plus they get off on denying their beards comfort of sex toys and/or fashion advice.

  17. What, no Goat? Not in the restroom at a church picnic? What about Saran Wrap? Silly Putty? Trained lizards?

    This guy is not trying hard enough AT ALL.

  18. Loretta Nall is AWESOME!!!
    @queeraselvis v 2.0, agreed: the REO speedwagon reference is inspired. who is this woman???

    also, we all agree all Troys are gay, can we also agree they all are bottoms? at least this one is…..

  19. Ken, you’re getting lazy. Same story every time — Christian, family-man, elected Republican, anti-gay, anti-porn gets caught doing that gay sex thing. When you want the afternoon off, you just copy and paste the story, change the name, photo-shop in matching head/ perp-walk wife set, and Presto! you’re out the door early on a sunny day. (Trying to figure out how I can make this shtick work for me.)

  20. King was an early supporter of the 2008 presidential campaign of Arizona Senator John McCain. King’s name had been mentioned as a possible gubernatorial candidate in 2010, but we suppose that’s out now…

  21. “He was appointed by Governor Bob Riley in 2004, when William Pryor resigned to accept a federal judgeship on an appointment from President George W. Bushy.” Locust Fork Journal

  22. [re=33372]Canuckledragger[/re]: What we really need is to be proactive about this and start compiling a “Gay Watch List” of homophobic and/or anti-sex politicians whose outings are only a matter of time. Maybe a take a cue from the DOD and produce a deck of playing cards with pictures of Charlie Crist and Mitt Romney and the like.

  23. >>Good God, what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that? THAT is his true shame.<<

    I’m not sure that one can be topped! If I laugh anymore today I’m gonna have to go to the hospital.

  24. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? in alabama, i’d say about one in three …

  25. [re=33419]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Nah you had it the first time and I’m still laughing, in shame of course…poor kid..

  26. [re=33436]Doglessliberal[/re]: right, and let me likewise clarify — that he named his kids asher, briggs, and colden (and not, say, adam, ben, and chuck (though, i can’t even tell if they’re grrlz or what)) only confirms that he (and not so much his poor chillens) is, obviously, a total gay-wad.

  27. [re=33392]villageatrois[/re]: What makes this story different is that Troy Robin King was having illicit buttsecks with his first cousin, Homecoming King.

  28. queeraselvis v 2.0 : Thanks for the welcome…and to my knowledge I am not related to Modine Gunch.

    Glad y’all liked my rendition of “Take it on the Run”
    I liked my version of Bobby Brown by Frank Zappa better myself
    Be sure and click on the parody song link as it is another doosie about gay baptist preachers who die of auto erotic asphyxiation while their wives are on vacation and about King Troy’s ragin’ moralistic hard-on against all things pleasurable. Not to be missed!

  29. Y’all are being awful mean about poor Paige’s dress, but be fair…ain’t nothin’ in the world gonna make that woman look thin.

  30. Briggs, Colden and Asher. I don’t know if homosexuality is hereditary, but I’d say those kids are definitely playing against a stacked deck.

  31. It’s all the rage right now in the South to name your kids after historic (i.e. early 1990s) Laura Ashley patterns. Especially if you’re gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

    I’m starting to believe the whole Iraq fuck up was just a head fake so that Bush and Rove could implement the gay agenda. I mean, Roberts? Come on! In five years that dude is banning government licensing of hetero marriage. And the majority opinion will be read with whistle and strobe light accompaniment. And Cher.

  32. To paraphrase the foundation of our country: “…all persons are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…” So when was it determined that homos are not people?

  33. I’m sure this wacky sitcom idea has been floated at a meeting somewhere with somepeople. Never would be as funny as Three’s Company, though.

  34. WAIT. Something from Locust Fork was sourced in another news story, ever? Fuck, people, have any of you ever been to Locust Fork? I grew up near there, and it is exactly what you would expect a place called Locust Fork to be.

  35. What is it with these whiteys and their ridiculous, made-up names for their kids nowadays? Briggs? Colden? Asher? What was the next one gonna be? Dickenzie?

  36. Why do I always end up feeling sorry for wife?

    When she’s probably a stone-cold bitch who closed her eyes to the obvious signs, and supported the hypocritical, bigoted ravings of her conservative “husband”?

    Fuck the kids, too. They’re probably little “Spunkwads of the Old Wank,” if you know what I mean.

  37. [re=33486]gurukalehuru[/re]:

    Particularly Asher. Asher King sounds like the owner of a used bookstore- you know, the kind that has blue hair, Edith Head glasses, and wears cravats.

  38. I used to live in Baldwin County(which by the way,is where the Rethugs pretty much openly stole Don Seigleman’s job).Anyway,I worked across the street from an adult “book” store(why are they always called “book stores”),that Troy and his butt buddies use to love to raid approximately every three weeks(I guess because it was in a tourist area),in order to save us all from the evils of black,vibrating dildoes.And yes,he’s every bit as fucking creepy in person as his photo would lead you to believe.He came in the Restaurant i was managing(the Oasis on Wilcox RD.,next to I-10 after one such raid.He spent the next two hours signing autographs fpr the local baptists and checking out the work release guys that worked in the kitchen.

  39. The irony is really quite delightful, and this is especially enjoyable since I’m from AL. The only thing which could make this completely perfect would be to find out that he and his gay lover were using **gasp** sex toys!

  40. [re=33425]Doglessliberal[/re]: Dan Savage is peeing himself with glee.

    Michael Savage, on the other hand, after getting ass-fucked himself by the sex slave he hates to love, will figure out a way only his own twisted logic could ever understand to blame this on Obama.

  41. Birds and the Bees should be rewritten…
    “You see, when a man and another man love each other very much, one of the men becomes a Republican and persecutes the other.”

  42. Stupid fuckers. All of them. I know it’s stating the obvious, but why would or should anyone care about what someone else does to get off? (short of rape and pedophilia, natch) All animals are wired to want to get off; yet this country continues to pretend that getting off is somehow wrong.

    (slinks back to his avocado-colored kitchen through the shag-carpeted rec room)

  43. The one good thing that will come out of all of this is that Attorney General King will be able to start using his real name when posting comments on wonkette instead of his profile name (shortshortshorts)

  44. [re=33629]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: You’re missing the point entirely.When some idiot runs around screaming that gays are evil incarnate for years and years,then gets caught getting the back of his ballsac being repeatedly slapped by the front of another man’s ballsac,everybody should care that hypocritical fuck is run out of town on a rail.

  45. [re=33631]American Dreamer[/re]: Jesus Christ that’s the second post tonight I see you eyein’ me. Why do you love shorts so much?

  46. [re=33310]Guppy06[/re]: Exactly! I can spot “Gay Face Syndrome” a mile away.

    And how many times am I supposed to explain this to you people: it’s not Gay if all you do is engage in Fisting, Felching, Rimming, Ball Licking, Cum Swapping/Snow Balling, Foot Worship, Ass Play with a giant Black Butt Plug and nipple play. It can only be Gay if you get caught. Or kiss on the mouth.

  47. Check this out — he rewrote and recorded/mashed-up (!) an incomplete Johnny Cash (!) duet and changed the lyrics from a normal hetero love song to a Brokeback type thing!!!

    http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:www.al.com/news/press-register/index.ssf%3F/base/news/1199614533303590.xml%26coll%3D3

    ————–
    In the notes on the CD, King explained that he set out to transform the song from a love song to a “ballad of brotherhood and friendship.” He said he retreated in November to a recording studio in Montgomery with his new lyrics, the Cash vocals, and “friends and fellow musical conspirators.”

  48. I misread the gay sexee to be named Bonus, which is a great porn name. Of couse, I happen to be drunk. It’s better than being a repressed hypocrit, but I still plead guilty.

  49. Ken Layne,

    I’ll bet the Attorney General was the bottom. He looks like he prefers to take it raw.

    Sincerely and respectfully,

    Mr-Clark

  50. [re=33659]Gormogon[/re]: Sure, his wife conceived, but you can’t swing a rainbow-filled handbag in Montgomery without hitting a T.G.I. Fridays.

  51. [re=33470]LorettaNall[/re]: To the tune of Soft Cell’s “Sex Dwarf”-

    Isn’t it nice
    Prosecutin’ vice
    Putting homos back in closets
    Where I get myself a slice
    I could raid adult bookshops
    And wear a tin star
    You’d be a natural
    The way you are
    I would like you
    in place of my spouse
    I would serve you on all fours
    In our empty house.
    You’ve got the motion
    You’ve got the meat
    Use me like a piggy
    Fuck me big ol’prom king
    We could play a scene
    You could make me scream
    Avoiding the headlines
    Sounds like a dream
    When the beard is away
    Hit the YMCA, with the astroglide
    Homecoming King will take me
    For a ride of rides
    I sure love your
    Meatheaded ways
    You know what they say
    About small-town boys
    I’m mounting my wife now
    Look she’s so huge
    She’s big and she’s crass
    I’d rather do my chauffeur
    Looking to procure
    Isn’t it nice
    Speaking out on vice
    Busting poor store clerks
    For selling naughty dice
    I could seize some latex
    And dress you like a gimp
    You’d be a natural
    Glossy sex blimp
    I would like you
    when my wife’s out of town
    I would like it if you pinned me down
    Homecoming King
    You’ve got the johnson
    You’ve got the fisting power
    Hump me like a doggy
    Hump your smarmy sex toy
    We could be obscene
    Who’d ever dream
    That when the office door is closed
    I’m lapping up your cream
    Wrestling on the floor, begging you for more
    No warrant’s needed to cuff this whore
    You will take me
    For a ride of rides
    They all love your
    cleanliving ways
    You know what they say
    About college boys…

  52. His wife’s nickname is “Tugboat Mary”. Some call her “Haystacks Clementine”. Anyway, no matter what you call her, she has a weight problem.

  53. I cannot believe nobody’s mentioned that Alabama is the “Yellowhammer State.” Troy and the boys should know that if they occasionally washed that hammer after using it, it might not be so yellow.

    And, really people: no Alabama slammer jokes? Too lazy to reach for even the lowest hanging fruit?

    What has become of my Wonkette?

  54. It’s Friday morning, and this story has nearly 37,000 hits. Is that a record for Wonkette? Of course, we’re not talking unique hits here, so I’m guessing about half of that 37,000 came from a group of 20 or so guys who were exchanging song parodies and trading snark (of which I heartily approve).

  55. I just did a Google news search on this story, and all I get are links to Wonkette and other snark blogs. Where’s the MSM on this? Probably doing a buncha coke and snickering at ways they can get away with talking about Obama’s nutsack on TV.

  56. I just Googled Troy King and got both his Wikipedia page and Priam’s. Is Google trying to tell me that the Trojans were a bunch of closeted buttsecks fiends? Was the war with the Greeks really just a catfight? Cause, if so, that whole “What a lovely horse sculpture! I simply must have it!” thing makes much more sense.

  57. I am guessing that the good Attorney General of Alabama never heard the political phrase “There are two rules in politics: 1) Never get caught with a live boy in your bed. 2) Never get caught with a dead girl in your bed”.

  58. Lordy, Loretta! They named their daughter “Colden?” After what? “Ah jes’ know Ah’m gonna need a Colden or 12 to get through this ‘Union of one man and one woman business’,” or “Asher,” from the biblical “Asher wish I din’t hafta sleep with this big ol’ woman to keep folks from knowin’ I’m gay.”

  59. His wife has it all wrong. When she walked in on them, they were rehearsing their parts for the Montgomery Community Theatre production of “Deliverance”.

  60. Isn’t this behavior wrong? Why is this guy trying to circumnavigate around laws instituded to protect marriage of one man and one woman? Why does this married man do these adulterous, sinful attacks on his own normal, heterosexual, one man, one woman marriage? Isn’t having certain rights available on account one has a normal sexuality, within marriage, of one man and one woman? Hypocrites saying and doing two different things. outside the normal one man, one woman marriage.

  61. Troy University is known for having a larger than usual percentage of gay male students. It’s had that reputation for years; I know — I live here.

  62. “homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant.” There is a mind boggling amount of redundancy in this sentence. Hire a proofreader.

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