GAY OLD PARTY  3:58 pm July 10, 2008

Anti-Gay Alabama A.G. Caught Being Gay

by Ken Layne

Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay ...This may come as a shock, but a prominent anti-homosexual Republican attorney general has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed. This is the rumor that the AG’s office has officially denied, so now of course everybody is spilling the sordid details.

AG in question is Troy King, who, of course, is only interested in outlawing homosexuality and sex toys. His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? This seems like a wacky sitcom plot, on a gay porn channel. (Is this what that Will & Grace was about?)

Rumors Swirl On Possible Alabama AG Troy King Gay Sex Scandal, Possible Resignation [Fishbowl America]
If I’d a knowed that I’d a sent Troy King a Blow-Up Boar Hawg [Loretta Nall]
Alabama Attorney General Troy King Prepares to Resign? [Locust Fork Journal]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 186 comments }

wonderfulwonderful July 10, 2008 at 3:59 pm

No way. This is unprecedented.

HomoPolitico July 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm

What really pisses me off is that THIS guy is nailing prime college jock ass and I’m not.

choinski July 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm

FLALABAMALOUS!!!!!!!!

Casse-toi pauvre con July 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Wait? A bed!? Not a truck stop or a bathroom stall? What a conservative.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

NEED GAY JULY REFERENCE…

foofooly?

youly?

You’re doing it wrong!!!!!1!

eyegoneblack July 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Remember when things like this came as a shock?

Yeah, me neither.

Delicious July 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Is this the start of Endless Cummer, Pt. 2?

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

when does something move beyond cliche into guarantee? He is 1) against homosexual gay sex, 2) Republican 3) married, thus he is 4) gay and 5) will be caught at it. Add 6) he will repent and ask God to make him a non-homosexual gay man and everything will be fine.

And his name is Troy.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

OH MY GOD GAY GAY GAY GAAAAAAAAAAY!

And the Loretta Nall send-up of “Take It On the Run” is pure bonafide genius.

Guppy06 July 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Who could look at a face like that and not know he was gay?

Quacker July 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Hot-Diggity-Dawg! Ain’t nothin finah than ass-fukkin in ‘Bama. Go Tide! Teh Wonkette can haz “ride” this 1 all the way til the ‘lectshun

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:05 pm

AND 7) look at his picture!

NoWireHangers July 10, 2008 at 4:06 pm

He should probably ask Spitzer if he can wear the McGreevy tie for the requisite press conference.

Dave J. July 10, 2008 at 4:08 pm

During the 2005 legislative session, King made headlines by wearing an electronic monitoring bracelet of the kind used by parolees and others under judicial monitoring. King promised to wear the bracelet until the legislature passed tougher monitoring laws for parolees and convicted sex offenders, and removed it when such laws were passed.

He was just ACTING, people!!!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 10, 2008 at 4:08 pm

And bless her heart, but Troy’s wife really should have asked him for fashion advice before making her dress out of the living room drapes.

Harvey Birdman July 10, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=33310]Guppy06[/re]: Total gayface.

servo77 July 10, 2008 at 4:10 pm

HELLO, GAYFACE!!!

Political Addict July 10, 2008 at 4:10 pm

I googled Troy King and one of the first entries was a listing for one Troy King, classical guitarist, with a note from my virus/spyware that the site may damage my computer. [true]

So watch out for Troy King viruses.

Especially if you’re a homecoming king.

WhatTheHeck July 10, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Oh stop it Ken.
You’ve got to be making this shit up.
I mean, what are the odds?

2goats July 10, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=33308]Doglessliberal[/re]: Has anyone met a hetro named Troy?

Ken Layne July 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=33301]HomoPolitico[/re]: First you get de sugar, then you get de power, then you get de … homecoming kings.

Carrie_Okie July 10, 2008 at 4:13 pm

SCREW-LIE[re=33304]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
“SCREW-LIE” (Scruly?)
It’s a RED, WHITE, and BLEW season for TWO (men).

Guppy06 July 10, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=33322]Harvey Birdman[/re]: And his wife has “beard” written all over her.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=33330]2goats[/re]: if they have, they were wrong. Even Troy McClure on the Simpsons is clearly gay.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Anytime another dude is sitting next to me and arguing that “MARRIAGEZ IZ DEFINITIONED BETWEEN TEH MENZ AND TEH WOMENZ” I move a few feet away expecting an ass grab or reacharound.

2goats July 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=33321]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Job qualifications for GOP beard wife do not include fashion sense.

Casse-toi pauvre con July 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=33330]2goats[/re]: Troy McClure: “Gay? I wish! If I were gay they’d be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost.”

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm
SuperRounder July 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm

The only way this could be better is if they were having butt sex using a confederate flag condom.

bmannes July 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm

8) Look at his wife.

SayItWithWookies July 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm

I guess he was already in hot water and figured he may as well add some bubble bath…

Dave J. July 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm

[re=33336]Doglessliberal[/re]: He wishes! Come on, he had a fish fetish, everyone knows that.

According to Troy King’s Wiki entry (“entry,” tee hee), he’s got 3 actual kids, not kids he married into like Larry Craig, so he’s evidently deep in the closet.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=33334]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Yes!
Screw-lie! WIN WIN WIN!

Delicious July 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm

I slipped on a banana peel and my dick got stuck in his ass.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Oh yeah, that story about the gay governor is wild.

Lone Star Buck July 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm

I am sure this is happened to his wife before. Look at her!!!! She screams I took a gay gay to prom.

Dave J. July 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=33342]SuperRounder[/re]: A condom? What kind of freaky hippie libtard Demonrat do you take him for??

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Is it true that when you enroll in Troy University, they give you a free copy of “Liza’a Greatest Hits.”

ManchuCandidate July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Did Twoy fall in love with his “assistant” because of his “ruddy-hued, upward-pointing shaft, its swollen veins and cap-like tip”?

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=33343]bmannes[/re]: oh dear. He is more feminine than she.

Noodle Salad July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Troyking makes a fun verb. Troyking out?

ALIVE! July 10, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=33306]Delicious[/re]: I Know What You Did Last Cummer.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=33347]Dave J.[/re]: turkey baster. no way he did it the old-fashioned way with her unless he is really, really good at fantasizing

StrangelyBrown July 10, 2008 at 4:20 pm

When buttsecks is outlawed, only outlaws will be having buttsecks. And that makes it like 20x hotter.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=33321]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Good God, what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that? THAT is his true shame.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm

we really just need to print t-shirts and hand them out
“Another closeted gay republican anti-gay crusader in make-me-straight rehab”

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm

I wonder what the assistant did after he was at home-cumming?

Ken Layne July 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=33306]Delicious[/re]: It is now!

Guppy06 July 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=33350]Lone Star Buck[/re]: Did she kick him out because he was cheating, or because he wouldn’t let her join in?

Casse-toi pauvre con July 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm

There goes his shot at playing Pat Sajak in the upcoming biopic.

SuperRounder July 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=33347]Dave J.[/re]: The closet’s not the only thing he’s deep into.

Sorry. Had to be done.

junkscience July 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm

He’d thought he’d counterbalance his gayness with a fugly tie. Foiled!

HomoPolitico July 10, 2008 at 4:25 pm

[re=33360]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Do you have any idea how pissed off I was when the SCOTUS made the dirtydirtybuttsecks legal?

Delicious July 10, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Let’s be fair. Everyone’s entitled to a little sweet Dick-sie Land Delight.

Canuckledragger July 10, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Suggestion: henceforth, whenever a closeted GOPerv who rails against teh gayz gets busted for doing the nasty with a same-sexer, we say he was “troyking.”

i.e.

Q: “What did Senator Dick Inmouth get arrested for?”

A: “He was caught troyking.”

A living legacy left by an estimable hypocritical asshole.

Like “Santorum,” only marginally less puke-inducing.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:26 pm

thank you thank you, Ken for this. This day needed this story. Too much jaw-dropping, yet not really surprising, shit from the White House, so we needed a little closeted-gay-hypocrite leavening. Early Cummer Delights begin!

S.Luggo July 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm

His middle name is Robin.
Case closed.

2goats July 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=33361]Doglessliberal[/re]: “what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that?” See the question includes the answer. Self hate apparently adds piquancy for the GOPers. Plus they get off on denying their beards comfort of sex toys and/or fashion advice.

freakishlystrong July 10, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=33361]Doglessliberal[/re]: I can’t WAIT to see what she wears for the humiliating public “apology/denial”…

Noodle Salad July 10, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=33334]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Bravo! Red, White, and Blew: the GOP, summed up perfectly.

Mr. Poe July 10, 2008 at 4:28 pm

That is sooooooooo hot! Although I’ve never been busted by the wife before. It would be pretty interesting, to say the least.

Maj. Major Major Major July 10, 2008 at 4:29 pm

[re=33304]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Gay-lie

Fata Morgana July 10, 2008 at 4:30 pm

What, no Goat? Not in the restroom at a church picnic? What about Saran Wrap? Silly Putty? Trained lizards?

This guy is not trying hard enough AT ALL.

Walter Sobchak July 10, 2008 at 4:30 pm

[re=33311]Quacker[/re]: C’mon man, it’s ROLL TIDE! As in: ROLL over, and prepare for the TIDE.

professor.cj July 10, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Loretta Nall is AWESOME!!!
@queeraselvis v 2.0, agreed: the REO speedwagon reference is inspired. who is this woman???

also, we all agree all Troys are gay, can we also agree they all are bottoms? at least this one is…..

villageatrois July 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Ken, you’re getting lazy. Same story every time — Christian, family-man, elected Republican, anti-gay, anti-porn gets caught doing that gay sex thing. When you want the afternoon off, you just copy and paste the story, change the name, photo-shop in matching head/ perp-walk wife set, and Presto! you’re out the door early on a sunny day. (Trying to figure out how I can make this shtick work for me.)

Quacker July 10, 2008 at 4:32 pm

King was an early supporter of the 2008 presidential campaign of Arizona Senator John McCain. King’s name had been mentioned as a possible gubernatorial candidate in 2010, but we suppose that’s out now…

oldguy July 10, 2008 at 4:32 pm

“He was appointed by Governor Bob Riley in 2004, when William Pryor resigned to accept a federal judgeship on an appointment from President George W. Bushy.” Locust Fork Journal

AxmxZ July 10, 2008 at 4:32 pm

A bed? That’s oddly conservative of him… were all the neighborhood truck stop bathroom stalls taken?

Quacker July 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Whoops! To find the above quote in a news story is just TOO much….

Guppy06 July 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=33372]Canuckledragger[/re]: What we really need is to be proactive about this and start compiling a “Gay Watch List” of homophobic and/or anti-sex politicians whose outings are only a matter of time. Maybe a take a cue from the DOD and produce a deck of playing cards with pictures of Charlie Crist and Mitt Romney and the like.

LorettaNall July 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm

>>Good God, what self-respecting gay man would let his wife out of the house looking like that? THAT is his true shame.<<

I’m not sure that one can be topped! If I laugh anymore today I’m gonna have to go to the hospital.

Makeithurt July 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm

As Kurt told us:

“What else should I be
All apologies
What else could I say
Everyone is gay”

capitol-hillbilly July 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm

What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? in alabama, i’d say about one in three …

Quacker July 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm

[re=33389]Walter Sobchak[/re]:
Just call me “Deacon Blues.” Correction noted ;-0

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 10, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=33381]freakishlystrong[/re]: Something like this sporty outfit, I’d wager.

villageatrois July 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=33365]Guppy06[/re]: “he wouldn’t let her join in” Would that be a Troyka?

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=33403]LorettaNall[/re]: I have a cramp from stifling guffaws.

V572625694 July 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=33303]Casse-toi pauvre con[/re]: “Elitist” would be the term, perhaps.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=33381]freakishlystrong[/re]: Sorry. Dammit. THIS sporty outfit.

And welcome Loretta! Are you any kin to Modine Gunch of New Orleans Magazine fame?

thefrontpage July 10, 2008 at 4:37 pm

And I think they were watching the movie “Troy” while they were doing it!!

sleepy July 10, 2008 at 4:37 pm

srsly?: “…he has three children; Briggs, Colden, and Asher.”

DCBulloch July 10, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=33372]Canuckledragger[/re]: Troyking is accepted but remember is closley related to the verb Craigtap.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:38 pm

Dan Savage is peeing himself with glee.

freakishlystrong July 10, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=33411]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Thanks, I hadn’t peed myself yet…

Guppy06 July 10, 2008 at 4:39 pm

[re=33416]villageatrois[/re]: Pair-of-Troys-ka?

freakishlystrong July 10, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=33419]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Nah you had it the first time and I’m still laughing, in shame of course…poor kid..

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=33422]sleepy[/re]: they are doomed to be gay

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:42 pm

(and duh, I meant of course not doomed to be gay, but because they will be closeted, like Dad)

MrAgro July 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Oh fuck yes. Speaking as an Alabama native and a Georgia resident, this is so…RIGHT.

Anita Cocktail July 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm

[re=33308]Doglessliberal[/re]: You forget the press conference where his steel-jawed wife stands beside him.

Gopherit v2.0 July 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm

If there’s no wet suit involved, it’s just boring.

Dave J. July 10, 2008 at 4:46 pm

Here’s a picture of Troy with some guy from Alabama who is probably Saddam Hussein’s cousin.

The lavender tie, in hindsight, was his desperate plea for help.

DCBulloch July 10, 2008 at 4:47 pm

This just in; troy King transferred to South Carolina, and as everyone knows, that is the new gay!

sleepy July 10, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=33436]Doglessliberal[/re]: right, and let me likewise clarify — that he named his kids asher, briggs, and colden (and not, say, adam, ben, and chuck (though, i can’t even tell if they’re grrlz or what)) only confirms that he (and not so much his poor chillens) is, obviously, a total gay-wad.

Anita Cocktail July 10, 2008 at 4:50 pm

[re=33447]sleepy[/re]: WTF kind of name is “colden”? and WTF with the alphabetical order? moran.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=33438]Anita Cocktail[/re]: nothing about her is steely. Dough-jawed.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:52 pm

[re=33444]Dave J.[/re]: he was crying out to be caught

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 4:52 pm

[re=33447]sleepy[/re]: That’s like naming your kids Facial, Cockring and Assfuck.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 4:53 pm

[re=33447]sleepy[/re]: Oh, yeah, big time. And at least he could have gotten a hot beard like Mike Piazza or Charlie Crist

Joey Ratz July 10, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=33392]villageatrois[/re]: What makes this story different is that Troy Robin King was having illicit buttsecks with his first cousin, Homecoming King.

sleepy July 10, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=33453]Anita Cocktail[/re]: their next (hypothetical? adopted?) kid, obv, would’ve been named dick.

RooseveltFranklin July 10, 2008 at 4:55 pm

He must have gotten tired of rolling her in flour to find the wet spot.

LorettaNall July 10, 2008 at 4:57 pm

queeraselvis v 2.0 : Thanks for the welcome…and to my knowledge I am not related to Modine Gunch.

Glad y’all liked my rendition of “Take it on the Run”
I liked my version of Bobby Brown by Frank Zappa better myself
Be sure and click on the parody song link as it is another doosie about gay baptist preachers who die of auto erotic asphyxiation while their wives are on vacation and about King Troy’s ragin’ moralistic hard-on against all things pleasurable. Not to be missed!

gurukalehuru July 10, 2008 at 5:09 pm

Y’all are being awful mean about poor Paige’s dress, but be fair…ain’t nothin’ in the world gonna make that woman look thin.

gurukalehuru July 10, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Briggs, Colden and Asher. I don’t know if homosexuality is hereditary, but I’d say those kids are definitely playing against a stacked deck.

Q2 July 10, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Geez Luoise…this hasn’t happened for a whole week now.

Outstando July 10, 2008 at 5:34 pm

It’s all the rage right now in the South to name your kids after historic (i.e. early 1990s) Laura Ashley patterns. Especially if you’re gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

I’m starting to believe the whole Iraq fuck up was just a head fake so that Bush and Rove could implement the gay agenda. I mean, Roberts? Come on! In five years that dude is banning government licensing of hetero marriage. And the majority opinion will be read with whistle and strobe light accompaniment. And Cher.

The Station Manager July 10, 2008 at 5:53 pm

[re=33330]2goats[/re]: Once, yes. I have met one straight guy named Troy. But in his defense, he was hopelessly ugly.

Servo July 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Song. Song of the South. Sweet college buddy, he shoots in my mouth.

bitchincamaro July 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm
villageatrois July 10, 2008 at 6:06 pm

I see that Paige through him out. Now he’s living in his Troyota Priam.

wallythepug July 10, 2008 at 6:13 pm

My gaydar went off just looking at that photo. FAAAAABULOUS!

problemwithcaring July 10, 2008 at 6:14 pm

[re=33343]bmannes[/re]: In hindsight, such an obvious Beard…

Servo July 10, 2008 at 6:17 pm

“When he’s finished, I want to hear you say ‘Ooo, what a lovely tea party’”.

Merkin July 10, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Is the sex aide hot at least? That is the only way I can get myself care about another Republican sex scandal.

Q2 July 10, 2008 at 6:21 pm

To paraphrase the foundation of our country: “…all persons are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…” So when was it determined that homos are not people?

GlennBecksTaint July 10, 2008 at 6:42 pm

Are there any straight Republicans?

Eliz17 July 10, 2008 at 6:46 pm

Paging several Southern governors and Senators…

sanantonerose July 10, 2008 at 7:23 pm

I’m sure this wacky sitcom idea has been floated at a meeting somewhere with somepeople. Never would be as funny as Three’s Company, though.

Godless Liberal * July 10, 2008 at 7:26 pm

Why couldn’t this have happened to Jeff Sessions?

sanantonerose July 10, 2008 at 7:27 pm

[re=33465]RooseveltFranklin[/re]: Haaaaaaaw!

sanantonerose July 10, 2008 at 7:28 pm

[re=33510]Servo[/re]: Hawwwwww haaaaawwww!

Godless Liberal * July 10, 2008 at 7:28 pm

WAIT. Something from Locust Fork was sourced in another news story, ever? Fuck, people, have any of you ever been to Locust Fork? I grew up near there, and it is exactly what you would expect a place called Locust Fork to be.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 7:40 pm

[re=33568]Godless Liberal *[/re]: A plague?

ShortShadey July 10, 2008 at 7:50 pm

What is it with these whiteys and their ridiculous, made-up names for their kids nowadays? Briggs? Colden? Asher? What was the next one gonna be? Dickenzie?

Neilist July 10, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Why do I always end up feeling sorry for wife?

When she’s probably a stone-cold bitch who closed her eyes to the obvious signs, and supported the hypocritical, bigoted ravings of her conservative “husband”?

Fuck the kids, too. They’re probably little “Spunkwads of the Old Wank,” if you know what I mean.

Fata Morgana July 10, 2008 at 7:59 pm

[re=33486]gurukalehuru[/re]:

Particularly Asher. Asher King sounds like the owner of a used bookstore- you know, the kind that has blue hair, Edith Head glasses, and wears cravats.

KTHXBAI July 10, 2008 at 8:06 pm

[re=33301]HomoPolitico[/re]: Hell yeah. Maybe I should start voting Republican so I can tap some young’uns.

SocialList July 10, 2008 at 8:31 pm

I used to live in Baldwin County(which by the way,is where the Rethugs pretty much openly stole Don Seigleman’s job).Anyway,I worked across the street from an adult “book” store(why are they always called “book stores”),that Troy and his butt buddies use to love to raid approximately every three weeks(I guess because it was in a tourist area),in order to save us all from the evils of black,vibrating dildoes.And yes,he’s every bit as fucking creepy in person as his photo would lead you to believe.He came in the Restaurant i was managing(the Oasis on Wilcox RD.,next to I-10 after one such raid.He spent the next two hours signing autographs fpr the local baptists and checking out the work release guys that worked in the kitchen.

sricki July 10, 2008 at 8:41 pm

The irony is really quite delightful, and this is especially enjoyable since I’m from AL. The only thing which could make this completely perfect would be to find out that he and his gay lover were using **gasp** sex toys!

Advocatus_Diaboli July 10, 2008 at 8:57 pm

[re=33425]Doglessliberal[/re]: Dan Savage is peeing himself with glee.

Michael Savage, on the other hand, after getting ass-fucked himself by the sex slave he hates to love, will figure out a way only his own twisted logic could ever understand to blame this on Obama.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 9:09 pm

Birds and the Bees should be rewritten…
“You see, when a man and another man love each other very much, one of the men becomes a Republican and persecutes the other.”

bago July 10, 2008 at 9:14 pm

va-jay-jay-lie?

Atoz July 10, 2008 at 9:32 pm

I just can’t get over the Kyle McLachlanness of that official pic.

wonk_the_heck July 10, 2008 at 10:02 pm

http://tinyurl.com/6qeglv

look who’s #1 at google news canada

Advocatus_Diaboli July 10, 2008 at 10:04 pm

Stupid fuckers. All of them. I know it’s stating the obvious, but why would or should anyone care about what someone else does to get off? (short of rape and pedophilia, natch) All animals are wired to want to get off; yet this country continues to pretend that getting off is somehow wrong.

(slinks back to his avocado-colored kitchen through the shag-carpeted rec room)

American Dreamer July 10, 2008 at 10:11 pm

The one good thing that will come out of all of this is that Attorney General King will be able to start using his real name when posting comments on wonkette instead of his profile name (shortshortshorts)

SocialList July 10, 2008 at 10:12 pm

[re=33629]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: You’re missing the point entirely.When some idiot runs around screaming that gays are evil incarnate for years and years,then gets caught getting the back of his ballsac being repeatedly slapped by the front of another man’s ballsac,everybody should care that hypocritical fuck is run out of town on a rail.

kudzu July 10, 2008 at 10:22 pm

This is so much fun. I can never get tired of bigoted Repugs being caught taking it deep in the ass.

Jordanderejection July 10, 2008 at 10:30 pm

So I looked up last year Troy U Homecoming King…

FUG!! Hope the lover was a college buddy.

villageatrois July 10, 2008 at 10:58 pm

[re=33629]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: “(short of rape and pedophilia, (s)natch)

Corrected the typo. It’s a freebie. Y’er welcome.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 11:13 pm

[re=33631]American Dreamer[/re]: Jesus Christ that’s the second post tonight I see you eyein’ me. Why do you love shorts so much?

RobPetrified July 10, 2008 at 11:21 pm

Its 95 degrees outside.
The endless cummer has finally begun.
Like the swallows return to Capistrano….
Oh shit. I said swallows.

james_cambridge July 11, 2008 at 12:08 am

[re=33310]Guppy06[/re]: Exactly! I can spot “Gay Face Syndrome” a mile away.

And how many times am I supposed to explain this to you people: it’s not Gay if all you do is engage in Fisting, Felching, Rimming, Ball Licking, Cum Swapping/Snow Balling, Foot Worship, Ass Play with a giant Black Butt Plug and nipple play. It can only be Gay if you get caught. Or kiss on the mouth.

Gormogon July 11, 2008 at 12:27 am

[re=33496]Outstando[/re]: At least Troy got it up enough to impregnate his wife. Roberts had to adopt.

Gormogon July 11, 2008 at 12:34 am

Check this out — he rewrote and recorded/mashed-up (!) an incomplete Johnny Cash (!) duet and changed the lyrics from a normal hetero love song to a Brokeback type thing!!!

http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:www.al.com/news/press-register/index.ssf%3F/base/news/1199614533303590.xml%26coll%3D3

————–
In the notes on the CD, King explained that he set out to transform the song from a love song to a “ballad of brotherhood and friendship.” He said he retreated in November to a recording studio in Montgomery with his new lyrics, the Cash vocals, and “friends and fellow musical conspirators.”

Gormogon July 11, 2008 at 12:37 am

[re=33402]Guppy06[/re]: Run it like the dead pool on howard stern.

gurukalehuru July 11, 2008 at 12:42 am

I’m thinking Colden is maybe because he had to read Catcher in the Rye in college, and he screwed up the name.

zhubajie July 11, 2008 at 12:50 am

[re=33320]Dave J.[/re]: Doesn’t he know that these bracelets are prototypes for the MARK OF THE BEAST???

Gormogon July 11, 2008 at 12:55 am

[re=33667]zhubajie[/re]: He’s Satan.

zhubajie July 11, 2008 at 1:19 am

[re=33586]Neilist[/re]: are you sure he’s the father?

VenjaminJenkman July 11, 2008 at 2:14 am

I misread the gay sexee to be named Bonus, which is a great porn name. Of couse, I happen to be drunk. It’s better than being a repressed hypocrit, but I still plead guilty.

Mr-Clark July 11, 2008 at 3:22 am

Ken Layne,

I’ll bet the Attorney General was the bottom. He looks like he prefers to take it raw.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Mr-Clark

Outstando July 11, 2008 at 3:25 am

[re=33659]Gormogon[/re]: Sure, his wife conceived, but you can’t swing a rainbow-filled handbag in Montgomery without hitting a T.G.I. Fridays.

Mahatma Froglegs July 11, 2008 at 5:49 am

[re=33470]LorettaNall[/re]: To the tune of Soft Cell’s “Sex Dwarf”-

Isn’t it nice
Prosecutin’ vice
Putting homos back in closets
Where I get myself a slice
I could raid adult bookshops
And wear a tin star
You’d be a natural
The way you are
I would like you
in place of my spouse
I would serve you on all fours
In our empty house.
You’ve got the motion
You’ve got the meat
Use me like a piggy
Fuck me big ol’prom king
We could play a scene
You could make me scream
Avoiding the headlines
Sounds like a dream
When the beard is away
Hit the YMCA, with the astroglide
Homecoming King will take me
For a ride of rides
I sure love your
Meatheaded ways
You know what they say
About small-town boys
I’m mounting my wife now
Look she’s so huge
She’s big and she’s crass
I’d rather do my chauffeur
Looking to procure
Isn’t it nice
Speaking out on vice
Busting poor store clerks
For selling naughty dice
I could seize some latex
And dress you like a gimp
You’d be a natural
Glossy sex blimp
I would like you
when my wife’s out of town
I would like it if you pinned me down
Homecoming King
You’ve got the johnson
You’ve got the fisting power
Hump me like a doggy
Hump your smarmy sex toy
We could be obscene
Who’d ever dream
That when the office door is closed
I’m lapping up your cream
Wrestling on the floor, begging you for more
No warrant’s needed to cuff this whore
You will take me
For a ride of rides
They all love your
cleanliving ways
You know what they say
About college boys…

TGY July 11, 2008 at 7:23 am

Republicans hate themselves SO much.

gurukalehuru July 11, 2008 at 7:26 am

@gormogon A boy named Troy?

Mahousu July 11, 2008 at 7:57 am

This is all so overblown, er, or something. Troy was just conducting opposition research.

AfghanVet July 11, 2008 at 8:02 am

Hey, everyone knows you are not gay if A) you don’t look down or B) don’t back up.

Sofa King! Awesome!

LorettaNall July 11, 2008 at 8:03 am

New parody song

I’m Troy King and I’ll Blow (To the tune of Roger Miller’s King of the Road)

Larry Fine July 11, 2008 at 8:08 am

His wife’s nickname is “Tugboat Mary”. Some call her “Haystacks Clementine”. Anyway, no matter what you call her, she has a weight problem.

AfghanVet July 11, 2008 at 8:08 am

I am sooo buying a franchise outlet to build log cabins.

Canuckledragger July 11, 2008 at 8:31 am

I cannot believe nobody’s mentioned that Alabama is the “Yellowhammer State.” Troy and the boys should know that if they occasionally washed that hammer after using it, it might not be so yellow.

And, really people: no Alabama slammer jokes? Too lazy to reach for even the lowest hanging fruit?

What has become of my Wonkette?

LorettaNall July 11, 2008 at 8:38 am

Oh…and the kids….Briggs is the boy and Colden and Asher are the girls.

confusionanddelay< July 11, 2008 at 8:49 am

[re=33659]Gormogon[/re]: Well, someone got it up to impregnate Mary.

disgustedcitizen July 11, 2008 at 9:19 am

Seriously, with a name like Troy no one suspected?

greg July 11, 2008 at 10:36 am

[re=33635]Jordanderejection[/re]: and though that guy is called “the ‘active’ one,” he is staying at Troy for a Masters degree.

But the Trojans only started crowning homecoming kings in 2006. Here’s a not-at-all-gay picture of the first one being anointed by Bob Riley, who apparently urges the lad to touch it, go ahead, boy.

http://www.troy.edu/news/photogallery/2006/november/04_homecoming/full/king.html

sleepy July 11, 2008 at 11:03 am

for some reason, the dude’s 2004 swearing-in speech — the one where he pledges that “Our watchword must be fidelity – fidelity to the law, fidelity to those we serve, fidelity to our traditions and beliefs…That it will be” — is particularly hilarious now, on a variety of levels:

http://www.ago.state.al.us/bio_speech.htm

Empress of Snarkistan July 11, 2008 at 11:31 am

It’s Friday morning, and this story has nearly 37,000 hits. Is that a record for Wonkette? Of course, we’re not talking unique hits here, so I’m guessing about half of that 37,000 came from a group of 20 or so guys who were exchanging song parodies and trading snark (of which I heartily approve).

Empress of Snarkistan July 11, 2008 at 11:35 am

WTF, while I was writing the count jumped to 38,198! Let’s go for the record!

Er, what is the record, Ken?

S.Luggo July 11, 2008 at 11:37 am

[re=33802]sleepy[/re]: “fidelity to our traditions”. Is man love in Alabama a tradition or a custom?

nbawriter July 11, 2008 at 12:03 pm

His wife looks like a dude in a muumuu.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 11, 2008 at 12:03 pm

Just checking. Yep. He’s still gayer than a box of birds.

DangerousLiberal July 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm

I just did a Google news search on this story, and all I get are links to Wonkette and other snark blogs. Where’s the MSM on this? Probably doing a buncha coke and snickering at ways they can get away with talking about Obama’s nutsack on TV.

BobLoblawLawBlog July 11, 2008 at 3:35 pm

I just Googled Troy King and got both his Wikipedia page and Priam’s. Is Google trying to tell me that the Trojans were a bunch of closeted buttsecks fiends? Was the war with the Greeks really just a catfight? Cause, if so, that whole “What a lovely horse sculpture! I simply must have it!” thing makes much more sense.

PhxJustice July 11, 2008 at 7:25 pm

I am guessing that the good Attorney General of Alabama never heard the political phrase “There are two rules in politics: 1) Never get caught with a live boy in your bed. 2) Never get caught with a dead girl in your bed”.

Bob Kincaid July 11, 2008 at 8:02 pm

Lordy, Loretta! They named their daughter “Colden?” After what? “Ah jes’ know Ah’m gonna need a Colden or 12 to get through this ‘Union of one man and one woman business’,” or “Asher,” from the biblical “Asher wish I din’t hafta sleep with this big ol’ woman to keep folks from knowin’ I’m gay.”

Bob Bobson July 11, 2008 at 10:38 pm

Eh, It’s good to be ‘da King!

Phred July 12, 2008 at 10:11 am

Can anyone account for the whereabouts of Lindsay Graham?

LorettaNall July 12, 2008 at 12:03 pm
S. Cullen Bonz July 12, 2008 at 6:03 pm

His wife has it all wrong. When she walked in on them, they were rehearsing their parts for the Montgomery Community Theatre production of “Deliverance”.

MichelleMMM July 12, 2008 at 7:59 pm

How hard is it NOT to get caught having gay sex, by your wife, in your bedroom? http://twitter.com/MichelleMMM

Roger July 13, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Isn’t this behavior wrong? Why is this guy trying to circumnavigate around laws instituded to protect marriage of one man and one woman? Why does this married man do these adulterous, sinful attacks on his own normal, heterosexual, one man, one woman marriage? Isn’t having certain rights available on account one has a normal sexuality, within marriage, of one man and one woman? Hypocrites saying and doing two different things. outside the normal one man, one woman marriage.

LorettaNall July 15, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Troy King whoops out “What about the Children?” defense in response to why he has not addressed the rumors. I couldn’t make this stuff up!

Alabama Queen July 15, 2008 at 7:21 pm
GP July 15, 2008 at 9:22 pm

He’ll fit perfectly in this deck of Gay Republicans – http://www.gayrepublicancards.com

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: