The only worthwhile event in Washington all summer is finally happening this weekend: The R[EVOL]UTION MARCH, in support of failed presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul, in which he will be joining the most Paultarded of Paultards in a march along Constitution Ave. — that, my friends, is not an accident — to the Capitol, which they will firebomb with flaming crossbows. We will proudly be attending this Saturday. Details!
The fun begins at 9:30 a.m. Saturday morning, according to the official website, on the Ron Paul Blimp (the Washington Monument — it’s a spaceship):
We will be promoting this as a family event. We will be assembling to March at the Northeast Quadrant of the Washington Monument and marching down Constitution Ave. toward our rallying point at the West Side of Capitol Hill. A fun idea is to have people dressed colonial style, and also dressed as our Founding Fathers, to lead the march. We hope to have Dr. Paul lead us in the march. We intend to wave posters of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, along with various other related banners and signs. We plan to pass out pocket copies of the Constitution and to hopefully organize a picket in front of the Federal Reserve Building at the same time as the March.
Please GOD.
You can volunteer to be a Marshal, too! Don’t forget your chant sheet:
Marshals might want to bring:
* A pad and pen.
* A pocket map of D.C.
* A bullhorn if you happen to have one.
* A wristwatch.
* The event schedule.
* “Chant” sheet.
Alas:
What nobody should bring.
The many security agencies in DC take their jobs very seriously. We don’t want any weapons or anything that might be used as a weapon. This includes but is not limited to:
* Firearms.
* Knives worn ourside your clothing.
* Sign-posts made out of wood or metal (use cardboard tubes instead).
* Glass or metal containers. Plastic bottles only.
* Beach umbrellas or shade tents (parasols are OK).
* Alcohol.
Goddamnit. Wonkette videographer Liz Glover and I will be attending (Oh, Liz, I need to e-mail you — there’s this Paultard March in D.C. on Saturday and we should probably go), and we have no intention of going sober. So if you’re also insane want to get shitfaced with Liz and me at like 9 a.m. Saturday morning, and either there is some bar open at 9 a.m. or you have a house to offer, please let us know (jim@wonkette.com) and we can have a full-fledged Wonkette Party. Then we can go to the March and pass out in Ron Paul’s arms (or just vomit and see Wall-E or something).
Here is a pirated version of Wall-E:
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I guess it’s time to run off some T-shirts of Ludwig Von Mises rolling a fattie and earn a little $$$. I wonder if there’s still time to get some Ron Paul blimp baloons made?
Too bad the Park Police will probably be able to estimate the crowd’s size by counting the fingers on one hand.
I am SO there….
… assuming I’m not passed out in bed with a serious hangover. 9 AM on a Saturday!?!? Christ almighty!
Well, since I see no prohibition against it, I’ll be bringing some dirty brown Chinese heroin.
And injecting everyone I see there.
“Hey everybody: bare your arms!”
It’s a constitutional right.
Dammit why do Wonkette D.C. people get to have all the fun? I propose a satellite party in California, for the sake of the Constitution.
God bless ‘merica.
Attention Second Life administrators — this might be the ideal time to perform those much-needed server upgrades!
>>A fun idea is to have people dressed colonial style, and also dressed as our Founding Fathers, to lead the march.
Can I come dressed as a slave?
This is EXACTLY what the shadow government planned all along. The Paultards will quickly be rounded up by agents in black helicopters and they will be flown to Area 51 where their cardboard tubes will double as anal probes.
OMG, Paultards actually do what they do without alcohol. That amazes me.
Damnit, lost my chant sheet! I’ll make up my own:
What do we want?
HOBBIT RATIONS!
When do we want them?
NOW!
[re=33243]Canuckledragger[/re]: The only two Paultards I’ve met in real, non-cyberspace life, were smackheads. No joke. And the reason they didn’t like Barry… “His name is OBAMA! That’s all I have to say.”
Brilliant!
[re=33244]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: California didn’t exist when the Constitution was written, thus you don’t count.
That’s CONGRESSMAN DOCTOR Ron Paul to you, Mr. Newall.
[re=33251]4tehlulz[/re]: As long as you don’t wear the same costume as me. I hate it when I show up to a party and someone else decided to dress like Richard Dobbs Spaight.
OH! MY! GOD! I am SO there!
I have everything a Marshal needs. Does that make me an officer (Field Marshal?) in the new Paultard Corps when the rEVOLution comes? I am so there…wha?…9AM?…uhhhh….wake me when the rEVOLution starts.
(Seriously, I have a nice collapsable chair with (adult) beverage holders on each side to sit in and watch the parade of WoWers. I MIGHT just get up even with my hangover to see this goat-rope occur.)
[re=33251]4tehlulz[/re]: Of course — Ron Paul is for states’ rights above everything else, right?
[re=33244]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I have to concur with [re=33258]mookworthjwilson[/re]. However, didn’t some kid named Justin do a live streaming video of the last Dr. Paul event? Maybe he’ll do the same with this one.
[re=33257]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: That explains why there are so many Paultards in WA. Tweakers4ThaConstitution!
The eight of them marching down the street will be a sight to behold, for sure.
gee…makes my idea of live blogging the KosKids convention while tripping my brains out seem redundant…
No:
* Firearms.
* Knives worn ourside your clothing.
* Sign-posts made out of wood or metal (use cardboard tubes instead).
* Glass or metal containers. Plastic bottles only.
* Beach umbrellas or shade tents (parasols are OK).
* Alcohol.
Ganja and Crossbows are still A-OK!
[re=33270]Maus[/re]: Yup, there is no prohibition in the constitution against American subsidized, Afghani black tar heroin which, before our intervention, was reduced to almost nothing under the freedom hating Taliban.
Oh, come on! The Supreme Court just affirmed the Paultards’ God-given right to pack heat! Each and every marcher should have a Kalashnikov on their shoulder!
Are you kidding me? A wonkette party? WTF!!! I need to make my way over there. Soo not fair you D.C.’ians get to have all the fun. I’ll go dressed up as one of Thomas Jefferson illegitimate black children. Or maybe as Alexander Hamilton after he got shot by Aaron Burr. OO Who wants to re-enact the shooting of Hamilton Vs Burr with me? Do you think that might start a riot?
Unfortunately, I left my parasol in a horse drawn carriage last weekend. I guess I can’t go. Oh, that and I don’t go to anything that bans alcohol.
[re=33251]4tehlulz[/re]: I totally went on a high school marching band trip two years ago dressed as a slave. On rest stops, I threw cotton balls on the ground and picked them up, for photo ops.
[re=33244]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: CALIFORNIA REVOLUTION! But do you really want to get drunk and puke on a Paultard? …
[re=33278]Guppy06[/re]: Why, yes they should. But only if they promise to convene a circular firing squad.
Four bullets. Job done.
Knives worn inside your clothing are A-OK!
[re=33254]GayInMaine[/re]: That’s because most of them are 13-year-olds who still live in Mom and Dad’s basement.
[re=33283]tunamelt[/re]: I have dreamed about that all my life. To finally retaliate on the Paultards puking all over everybody else.
For realz though. I wish I was in DC right now (only time i will ever say that).
This will be more exercise than any of them have gotten since they took (and failed miserably) the President’s Physical Fitness Test in the seventh grade.
Doesnt Ron Paul support the Constitutional right to drug use and assfuckery? Maybe Wonkette Operatives could, in a moment of ecumenical sympathy, form the “Drug Use and Ass Fuckery” contingent of the parade. Costumes should be encouraged
[re=33278]Guppy06[/re]: My pocket Constitution doesn’t say anything about Park Police. Not only should the Paultards carry guns, I think they should wave them at the cops, just to prove their constitutionalist bona fides.
From the Chant-List:
1. It’s never too late – revolution 2008
2. Ron Paul revolution – legalize the Constitution
3. Real ID – Don’t push it on me
4. America’s divided – we’re patriots united
5. Our favorite subject – Restore the Republic
6. We don’t trust what we’ve been told – Congress needs to hit the road
7. America and sovereignty – We don’t want your SPP
8. Peace is patriotic – our policy’s psychotic
9. North American Union – Destroys our Constitution
10. Don’t forget what word it is – neocons are not conservatives
11. We dont think it’s funny – DC takes 1/2 our money
12. It’s time you all retired – DC, you’r fired.
I assume that the first and second half of the chants are to have the same amount of syllables. By my count, that excludes nos. 1, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10, plus 11 and 12 have typos and no. 8 it clearly too autobiographical.
You fuckerz better be drinking Budweiser, or those pigs will string you up…. you can see the madness in their EYES…
Adam Kokesh is locked in as a speaker. Doesn’t say anything about his tote-board, though.
peaking of matters Paultard, I was just checking out the Congressional race for my district (MD-7) this year. In 2006 the incumbant (Elijah Cummings, a fine fellow) ran unopposed in both the primary and the general, so despite my like for him it felt a bit like voting for Stalin. Anyhoo, he does have Republican opposition this year, and check out his Website!
http://www.hargadonforuscongress.com/htdocs/modules/news/
Yup, he’s a full-blown Paultard, and is pimping the Saturday rally on his Website, which probably means he’ll be there! O happy day. I wonder how many Republican candidates in ultra-left-leaning districts like mine are Paul acolytes, elected by libertarians and hippies who switched to the GOP to vote for the good doctor?
Oh shit. This is the first time since moving to Arlington that I wished I still lived in DC– I had an apartment that would have been perfect for random internet people to come and get shitfaced at at 9AM on a Saturday. (Don’t think of it as 9AM saturday, think of it as 19PM friday.) My wife wouldn’ta been down, though. Even if it got us into one of Liz’s videograms. I’d have had to distract her with shiny keys or something.
Actually the problem with getting hammered and then going to something like this is you’ll start to sober up around noon, and then you’re just hungover surrounded by Paultards.
Well, the DCANG needs some ground attack practice…
parasols are OK
Thanks, Scarlett O’Hara.
I’m bringing Chan Marshall.
Or, actually, I will just keep her in my hotel room with a crate of whisky. Enjoy the Paultards!
I will be there, much later than 9AM, with my OVERlution sign in tow. How can I find other Wonkettes who hate these guys so I don’t have to march around with my sign and my loneliness?
[re=33295]columnv[/re]: Lame! “Union” doesn’t rhyme with “Constitution”. And, seriously, who’s going to chant something like “Don’t forget what word it is – neocons are not conservatives”?
[re=33415]Ken Layne[/re]: Probably best to keep her in your hotel room. Paultards haven’t seen a woman in years, and Chan Marshall is pretty much pivotal sexiness in the flesh.
[re=33433]Imagine42[/re]: Look for those who don’t look like they’re dressed for a renaissance fair or an anthro-con.
“G. Edward Griffin – founder of Freedom Force International and author of The Creature from Jekyll Island, shares his in depth research and analysis concerning the Federal Reserve System and the forces behind its inception.”
Wow…they’re actually so committed to their obsession with the Federal Reserve/gold standard that they’re willing to listen to people blather about that stuff LIVE?
Also, Freedom Force International sounds way more bad-ass than it probably is, considering that Chuck Norris is a Huckleby supporter.
[re=33248]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I was more concerned about a cataclysmic downturn in the cam-whore economy Saturday.
[re=33295]columnv[/re]:
5. Our favorite subject – Restore the Republic
Shouldn’t that be something like: Our favorite subject – That-godawful-abortion-of-a-movie-called-Zeitgeist-that-somehow-links-Christ-the-Federal Reserve-and-9/11-in-an-attempt-to-”enlighten”-the-public?
It’s about as catchy, anyway.
Your assignment, Mr. Newell, should you choose to accept it (and you’d better!) is to throw yourself in front of Liz should harm loom about her. Either that or see she’s arrayed in the latest body armor.
But wait! Isn’t she some sort of blackbelt at something? Perhaps you should throw yourself in front of the Paultards should Liz get mad.
Oh, my lord, these people say so many wrong things:
-There is such as thing as the “Capitol Mall”
-The Metro closes at 10:00 pm on weekdays
-Some parts of the Metro are open till 3:00 am on weekends
-Alcohol shouldn’t be brought because it could be used as a weapon
-People should support Ron Paul
Wrong, wrong, wrong. You’ll never make it in politics if you don’t fact-check, kiddies.
[re=33237]Serolf Divad[/re]: T-shirts of Ludwig Von Mises rolling a fattie
SOLD!
[re=33257]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: Smackheads don’t trust crackheads.
Will this march be in the real Washington? Or in 2d Life? Or World of Warcraft?
OOH! Can I dress up like the slave owner?!?
Godspeed, Wonketeers.
For those about to snark, WE SALUTE YOU…….
And remember, don’t fire until you see the batshit pinwheels of their eyes.
Turns out, it wasn’t a handful of people.
over 14,000 people showed up.
The Revolution has begun.
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