SAFETY FIRST  10:51 am July 10, 2008

Attractive Alaska Governor Sarah Palin ‘Rear-Ended’

by Sara K. Smith

Surprised from behindHere is an update on that affable mother of five who the mens are always licking their chops over: She almost died the other day. Unlike other fancy-pants governors who have personal drivers to get them into car wrecks, Governor Sarah Palin drives her own self around in a Chevy Suburban. On Tuesday morning she was sitting at a stop light on her way to work in downtown Anchorage when some silly fellow ran into her, and now that guy gets to say he rear-ended the governor, wokka wokka.

The rear-ender has gotten speeding tickets before, and he is also a certified EMT who drives fire trucks and stuff, so look out, Anchorage!

Anyhow, the governor is totally fine, due to her enormous vehicle. It bumped the car in front of her, and that car bumped another one. In total, four cars were involved in this little accident. The driver of the first car had a funny little anecdote about the whole thing:

“It was really just a quick bump,” said Jason Goodenbery, the driver of the fourth vehicle hit, a Toyota Camry.

He went to the driver of the car behind him, Amanda Peterson, and realized two other vehicles were involved, he said.

“She asked me, ‘Is that Sarah Palin?’ And, I had seen her and I had noted some resemblance, but I was like, ‘No it’s not her.’ ”

“So I went to speak with her and the gentlemen in (the car behind Palin’s), Mr. Brown, and we were just trading names and phone numbers, very polite, and I asked her (for) her name and phone number and she started to say, ‘Sarah,’ and I was like, ‘Oh, man, you are Sarah Palin, aren’t you?’ “

Governor Palin will probably see many more rear endings in her future so that dudes in Camrys can get her phone number.

Palin unhurt in fender bender [Anchorage Daily News]

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Larry Fine July 10, 2008 at 10:55 am

Alaska has a lot of heavy drinkers, she’s lucky she hasn’t been rear-ended a lot more.

sanantonerose July 10, 2008 at 10:56 am

She’s Tina Fey hot.

teebob2000 July 10, 2008 at 10:58 am

Jeebus, I’d love to get her up on the lift to check out that undercarriage just to be sure…

AxmxZ July 10, 2008 at 10:59 am

Read-end: the Alaskan pick-up.

freakishlystrong July 10, 2008 at 11:01 am

And by “rear ended” you mean the butt secks, no?

V572625694 July 10, 2008 at 11:03 am

Ted Stevens had better appropriate another $500 million or so to cover any potential liability.

SayItWithWookies July 10, 2008 at 11:05 am

“Previous governors have used chauffeurs. Palin, as part of her no-nonsense take on the job, does not. Palin has also shed perks like the governor’s jet and personal chef.”
Uh-oh — a pragmatic, perk-shedding Republican? Ted Stevens’ star is definitely fading.

Q2 July 10, 2008 at 11:12 am

The rear-ender may have been a true American Freedom-Lover, attacking the hated symbol of aRab oppression she was driving. Then again, it may have been a American Freedom-Hating Whack Job, attacking the oppressive climate changemobile she was driving. Or it may have been some asshole who was desperate for any back-door Chevy enema action he could get. Or maybe an ass-ass-inatation attempt? I dunno…so many issues these days…I do — however — find her completely SNARKOLICIOUS!

Jewdishoowary Square July 10, 2008 at 11:12 am

Wait, she was driving to work in Anchorage? Wouldn’t a governor typically work in, y’know, the state capital, Juneau?

P.S. Grade school geography FTW. Now ask me what the capital of Delaware is.

Serolf Divad July 10, 2008 at 11:13 am

But did she have any junk in her trunk?

TGY July 10, 2008 at 11:16 am

She’s not that hot. Liz Glover is hotter. :p

WadISay July 10, 2008 at 11:17 am

I bet this was great on the local news, with the air quotes, like, there was no “penetration” of Ms. Palin’s “passenger compartment” by “Mr. Brown.” (Lips purse, eyes cross, stuff comes out of reporter’s nose)

gurukalehuru July 10, 2008 at 11:18 am

No golf clubs, no story. Move along.

The Neoskeptic July 10, 2008 at 11:19 am

[re=32845]Jewdishoowary Square[/re]: What’s the capital of Delaware?

Sean O July 10, 2008 at 11:22 am

[re=32823]sanantonerose[/re]: that is *sacrilege*. Tina Fey >>>>>>>>> Wingnut Palin.

Anyway, ridiculous conservative driving a giant suburban. total shocker.

Q2 July 10, 2008 at 11:23 am

[re=32857]The Neoskeptic[/re]: Fuck Delaware. What is the capitol of the Federal Islamic Republic of the Comoros Islands? No Googling!

Q2 July 10, 2008 at 11:32 am

@Q capital. FUCK.

johnbpt July 10, 2008 at 11:32 am

Forget the GILF. I want to know more about “Homing in on Halibut.”

AfghanVet July 10, 2008 at 11:35 am

You know, she has that look that says, “I am not opposed to back door action if it is done right.”

Just sayin’.

randomsausage July 10, 2008 at 11:36 am

She’s definitely got that repressed librarian fox vibe going on with those glasses.

sanantonerose July 10, 2008 at 11:38 am

[re=32859]Sean O[/re]: I’m merely pointing out the physical similarities. Don’t go dragging politics into this!

DangerousLiberal July 10, 2008 at 11:47 am

[re=32845]Jewdishoowary Square[/re]: Anchorage has been the defacto capital for 20 years. Juneau still thinks its the capital. I loved in AK ten years and never once set foot in Juneau (I was in Los Anchorage). Palin avoids Joon-oh like the plague–she was sworn in in Fairbanks, and I think she’d rather move the capitol to Adak than be in Juneau. Folks flying to Juneau can usually be assured of one thing–a diversion to Sitka, Ketchikan, or Seattle.

Iggy Plop July 10, 2008 at 11:49 am

I want Palin and Corzine competing in a state governor demolition derby.

FreshCliches July 10, 2008 at 11:52 am

Given that Guv Hottie used to play basketball, I’m confident that many have taken it to the hole on her.

WhatTheHeck July 10, 2008 at 11:54 am

In the muslim state of Al Aska, women are allowed to drive?

Clovis July 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Listen, don’t talk about drinking in Alaska, because eventually that leads down that slippery slope to the native population. And they did my family a very good service one year when we were hiking up on Deer Mountain near Anchorage, albeit unintentionally. We became lost, not being able to tell down from up, so at the foot of the hill we knocked on a door featuring Native Alaskans, who would’ve probably answered the knock had they been able to find the door. Anyway, we caught a ride when a taxi showed up, hooray! Why was a taxi coming out to that particular shanty? To deliver more booze, of course!

So don’t talk about drinking in Alaska. Drinking in Alaska is your friend.

Truculent July 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm

Did he push her bumper in? Or did it just spring back out after the initial impact?

Lascauxcaveman July 10, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=32823]sanantonerose[/re]: Damn, Rose. I’m not sure if even Tina Fey is “Tina Fey Hot.”

Banzai77 July 10, 2008 at 12:13 pm

I’d hit that guber-gash.

Tawmn July 10, 2008 at 12:16 pm

[re=32823]sanantonerose[/re]: I just spent a little over a week in Alaska and I believe she is one of 7 hot women in the state.

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 12:17 pm

I appreciate that the BREAKING: HOT DISH SARAH PALIN GIVES BIRTH, KID link is still flashing. Awesome.

Cape Clod July 10, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Boring story. But anything involving Sarah Palin automatically makes it Smoking Hot!

anabellum July 10, 2008 at 12:29 pm

[re=32865]johnbpt[/re]: looks to me as if Alaska is some kind of creepy ‘hunting’ oriented fetish sex mag…

other recent articles include..

The Bears of Steep Creek…
Chasing Rainbows…
and Whale Watcher [which i assume is for fans of BBWs]…

shortsshortsshorts July 10, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Isn’t she the only woman left in Alaska?

ShortShadey July 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Meh. Fat hands.

Mr.BorgtoYou July 10, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=32876]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Ah you loved in Anchorage, but did you leave after loving there or did you stay for breakfast?

ReelectTilden July 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm

After she gets nominated for VP, WALNUTS(!) can rear-end her on the Straight Talk Express across the 48 non-freak states.

FunkyPalmettoBug July 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm

As long as she didn’t get rear ended by a Ford Probe, I’d still tap it.

Servo July 10, 2008 at 1:29 pm

You have to look harder. There are more, but they look like Geddy Lee with missing teeth and smell like ketchup and cigarettes.

teebob2000 July 10, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=32851]TGY: She’s not that hot. Liz Glover is hotter. :p[/re]

You mean this hot Liz Glover??

Or this hot Liz Glover??

Or this hot soon-to-be-drunk Liz Glover??

DangerousLiberal July 10, 2008 at 6:42 pm

[re=32985]Mr.BorgtoYou[/re]: Alas, I lived in Anchorage. I couldn’t get laid in my late teens/early 20s if I paid for it, and it was available in wholesale lots in Skanchorage back in the day. Sigh

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2008 at 2:13 am

[re=33040]teebob2000[/re]: Um… are you trying to make me feel better about Obama’s FISA vote? Because it’s working — if that’s what you’re trying to do.

sezme July 11, 2008 at 4:42 pm

[re=32823]sanantonerose[/re]: But is she “Slim Slack” hot?

The 3-Legged Man July 26, 2008 at 9:10 am

There’s a reason you’ll never see her in a mini-skirt. Her hotness sort of cools off when you get down to the tree trunks she calls legs. Her high school basketball pictures are the last ones she ever allowed that showed those twin obelisks.

rastamick August 30, 2008 at 2:47 pm

I’ve had 3 Suburbans unless she got reared ended by a loaded cement truck at 140 mph there’s no way in Junea that she’d be injured driving that rig !

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