Wonkette
A lot of people think John McCain supports abortion rights and other things many ladies care about, even though he doesn’t support these things. One of those confused people is McCain’s potential lady running-mate Carly Fiorina. On Monday, she said, “There are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth control medication. Those women would like a choice.” But of course John McCain voted twice against legislation that would require insurance companies to cover birth control. Because seriously gals, just keep it in your pants!
Oh and also recently she said John McCain “has never signed on to efforts to overturn Roe vs. Wade” even though he has promised repeatedly to appoint Supreme Court judges who would overturn Roe vs. Wade.
Carly Fiorina will soon be banished to work on a chain gang with Charlie Black, Rick Renzi, Peter Keating and a bunch of Iranian cigarette addicts until President Obama’s second swearing-in. Meanwhile, John McCain will be gobbling free Viagara and chasing Cindy around his Exclusive Sedona Ranch.
Carly Fiorina’s fuzzy McCain-speak [Los Angeles Times]
I used to work in one of the HP offices Carly decimated. She regularly breezed through with a trollope-like amount of makeup on. I’d be surprised if she were aware of anything, at any time.
So much for Carly as Veep. Is Phyllis Schlafly available?
gjdodger: Hope. Bay Buchanan, that’s the ticket.
McCain DID support a bill that would offer low-cost surgery to sew together the knees of loose women, so he’s not completely against reproductive rights.
That’s not change we can believe in. That’s change we can copy, fax, print, and publish to our web sites, where we will make fun of it.
The thing about pro-lifers is that even if Roe v. Wade were overturned, then they would campaign against contraception. They just don’t want you to have sex at all. No one can have sex unless they are straight married and creating a baby. Otherwise it’s evil and you’re going to burn in the fires of hell.
How many children would the Bush twins have without abortions and bc? At least as many as WALNUTS! who has 7, and he’s not even Mormon/Catholic.
Shouldn’t Carly’s top-secret Hewlett-Packard wiretapping program have revealed this to her sooner?
That woman was such a disaster at that company. I friggin HOPE dumbass Walnuts picks her. Gah. At this point, is there a single GOP figure that doesn’t have 8 billion pounds of baggage?
The only truly effective form birth control is to have Jesse Jackson cut your nuts off.
So Carly’s young-ish (relatively), blonde and corrupt, having been forced out of HP in some scandal. Just McCain’s type — so there’s no way Cindy’s letting her get the VP spot. But it is good to see McCain’s surrogates are already realizing that the best way to appeal to the voters is to make shit up. Along with his Iraq policy (”imagine it’s years later and we’ve won”) he’s pretty much got this sewn up.
McCain will unveil his subsidized version of birth control: CHASTITY BELTS FOR EVERYONE! That’s how they did it in his day. And they LIKED it!
His peferred birth control method is oral. Watch him demonstrate.
FMA: No, Bay Buchanan is way too young. McSame likes old-fashioned things, especially fudge.
Is Liddy Dole still alive?
It doesn’t matter if McCain’s VP candidate supports insurance companies covering birth control because if McCain becomes President, he will allow the insurance companies to deem having a uterus as a pre-existing condition.
Sex for procreation only, please. That means you too, smug married people.
Think Robert Duvall in Handmaid’s Tale.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Nice.
That picture of McCain is better than my usual method of birth control: standing in line at WalMart.
Caption for the photo: “the ruddy-hued, upward-pointing shaft, its swollen veins and cap-like tip.”
McCain is very pro-life. That’s why he wants to destroy Iran.
That face in the picture was produced when some man had sex with McCain.
ManchuCandidate: The picture I’ll use for birth control, your comment I’ll use for diet control. *gag gag gag*
Uncle Al: If you call living with the Bobster and his Watergate-vaulted viagra stash ‘alive’, then yeah, Liddy Dole is still kicking around.
Ooh, that foxy zombie minx!
ManchuCandidate: EEEeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! LEGS. SHUT. FOREVER.
Airborne Toxic Event: oh foolish single person, we already limit ourselves to sex for procreation. because once you have kids you are TOO TIRED for any other reason.
Caption: GOPHERS!?!!?!!
ZOMGZ Grampy Judge Ted McKnight John Smails will protect the tiny wee infants in their mothers wombs!!!
Like most Republicans, McCain’s concern for “life” begins at conception.
And ends at birth.
“You had it, you raise it. And when it’s old enough, we’ll steal it and squander it in a foreign war without end.”
Now, who wouldn’t want to vote for that?
John McCain is only pro-life up to the age of 18 (military age). Then he likes to kill it off, preferably in spectacular explosions.
Anita Cocktail: Once you have kids? I’ve been too tired since I got my cats.
“Because seriously gals, just keep it in your pants!”
Actually, scratch that. Women shouldn’t even be allowed to wear pants. Hoop skirts are the way to go!
Godless Liberal *: If’n y’all are gonna subsidize the cost of stitching together the knees of loose women, can y’all start with the Slim Slack chick?
Really, she looks like the ‘actress’ wife of director Atom Egoyan [shudder] and her estrus-suggestive leer makes my outie an innie. Do. Not. Want. Evah.
Anita Cocktail: Come on. I know you can rally for your monthly duty-sex during the kids’ naptime. Hurry, hurry, they might wake up.
So you can feel alive.
I bet that old horn dog has already tried to get it on with Carly. She’s a fox: met her a couple of times and she’s hotter than a hot person’s hot bits…if you like your women tall, perfectly primped and full of old school Eastern paternalist entitlement.
I cannot drive once in a day without seeing the knew bumper sticker to try and make emotion an issue again this election:
“You can’t be both Catholic and Pro Choice”
Well, I am confounded by the obvious logical disconnect of being Pro Life and also Pro War and Pro Death Penalty. But hey, what’s religion without a little cognitive dissonance?
Brutus Harlot: Clever +1
Sara, can’t you find a new horrible picture of John McCain? Wonkette uses this same one over and over–as if it were the only picture in the world showing John in a state of demented senile rage. Surely there are plenty of other pics that would do the same job, since McCain continually blows what is left of his top. Or, if you can’t find any other pictures of this kind, perhaps you could just get one showing his left profile–the one with the biggest walnuts.
I realize that you probably don’t pick the pics yourself. Some Wonkette editor-lackey does this for you. But speak to him or her please. I need fresh despicable John McCain pics.
superfecta: “I used to work in one of the HP offices Carly decimated. She regularly breezed through with a trollope-like amount of makeup on.”
She was made up to look like Anthony Trollope?
AfghanVet: That bumper sticker has been around since (at least) Kerry/Edwards ‘04.
Being a former Catholic, I thought I’d print up one that says “You Can’t Be Both Catholic and not believe a bunch of weird, bizarre fairy stories and that whole thing about actually eating Jesus’ body and drinking his blood at communion, and the infallibility of some senile ex-Nazi and all that shit.”
But that might be too many words to fit on a bumper sticker.
Aurelio: Oh, I dunno. This pic is single-handedly responsible for launching a thousand hilarious captions from commenters. I still think this one should read, “John McCain, on receiving news that wife Cindy was once a 250-pound welder from Secaucus named Bruno.”
GIJoeIce: Hoopskirts rock! Nothing keeps that creepy guy from mashing up against you on the newly-overcrowded Metro like a 3-foot radius of horsehair and whalebone!
I don’t care about the issues!
I care whether or not he can have a bowl of chili with my cowboy friend!
McCain, have lunch with me!
Aurelio: Here, here! New pictures of WALNUTS! We’ve gotta change it up; there’s still like 7 million days until Election Day.
Aurelio: But… but this is the “invisible blowjob” picture!!
Lascauxcaveman: “Former Catholic”? There’s no such thing. You’re a “recovering Catholic.”
Need a new picture for McNutz? How about:
http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/35500/John-McCain-Primaries–35947.jpg
or
http://www.duffgardens.net/media/images/wallpaper2.gif
or even
http://jacketmagazine.com/31/px/deborn-dore.jpg