Jesse Jackson Jr.: Jesse Jackson Sucks At Life

  interracial warfare

So Jesse Jackson asked Barack Obama to teabag him or something; we don’t know yet. Anyway, here’s a statement from Jesse Jackson Jr., a national co-chair of Barack Obama’s campaign as well Jesse Jackson’s terrible son:

“I’m deeply outraged and disappointed in Reverend Jackson’s reckless statements about Senator Barack Obama. His divisive and demeaning comments about the presumptive Democratic nominee — and I believe the next president of the United States — contradict his inspiring and courageous career. …Instead of tearing others down, Barack Obama wants to build the country up and bring people together so that we can move forward, together — as one nation. The remarks like those uttered on Fox by Reverend Jackson do not advance the campaign’s cause of building a more perfect Union.”

Racist. [WP/The Trail]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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75 comments

  1. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    This is the most I could find at this time. Obviously, Fox is trying to juice O’Reilly’s ratings.
    All is from Fox News:

    “The Rev. Jesse Jackson apologized Wednesday for saying Obama is “talking down to black people” during what he thought was a private conversation with a FOX News reporter Sunday.

    Jackson also made an off-hand comment about cutting off a part of Obama’s anatomy.

    Fox News is scheduled to air the comments at 8 p.m. ET Wednesday on “The O’Reilly Factor.””

  2. NoWireHangers

    Fox News needed something new to masturbate to. The Jeremiah Wright clips just weren’t getting them hard anymore. Meanwhile, no one else in the country cares.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I noticed that Rep Jackson called the Obama nut cutter as Rev Jackson and not Father, Dad or Pop.

    Guess things will be awkward next Fathers Day.

  4. ForTheTurnstiles

    Jesse Jackson won South Carolina, you know.

    (truth be told, anything that distances Obama from Jesse J is good news for the Obama people.)

  5. Q2

    Fox News…using Jesse Jackson…to attack Hopey. Surreal. What a long strange trip it’s been. And I gotta pretty good feeling it’s gonna get a whole lot stranger.

  6. tunamelt

    [re=32574]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Guess who’s not getting a Starbucks gift card…

  7. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    See bitters, if a Muslim like Jesse Jackson doesn’t like Obama, he can’t possibly be pro-terrorist.

  8. Paultardville

    [re=32577]Q2[/re]: Well of course they are, they’re operating under the assumption that all black people are the same.

    So if Jesse Jackson would say it, so would Obama.

    Vote for Whitey ’08!

  9. NoWireHangers

    [re=32575]tunamelt[/re]: I’m not in the Facebook Group. I don’t know that I want to reveal my true self…especially considering some of the irreverent slop I write in this gilded forum. But ask away.

  10. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Jesse forgot to follow the basic rule for talking to an O’Reilly producer: Only discuss chickpeas and sponges.

  11. tsunami

    [re=32586]NoWireHangers[/re]: “irreverent”?

    “Fox News needed something new to masturbate to.”

    oh my, hangers, thanks for pointing that out. i hadn’t
    noticed…hehe

    i guess reverent would be: fox news needed something to
    which to masturbate.

  12. NoWireHangers

    [re=32588]tunamelt[/re]: If I am able to go–you still have to get free tickets from what I understand and what if they sell out? I didn’t want to buy the plane ticket before I had a ticket to stand outside and hear Obama speak–I may be able to stay at my friend’s house in Denver–that is if she comes with or if she doesn’t come with and her mom is cool with me and my other friend coming and invading her house for a few days. At least that is my tentative plan. I’ll also have to figure out if I can sacrifice the few vacation days I get (I must) and then pray that Southwest still has tickets left for the sweet round-trip price of $210 from LAX to Denver. But I really really really want to go. If crashing with my friend’s mom falls through then I don’t know what the fuck to do, probably turn to Craigslist, or think long and hard about anyone else I kinda know with family in Denver I can encroach upon.

  13. Makeithurt

    Jesse’s just mad cause he couldn’t pass the ‘brown paper bag’ test as well as OB. I mean taupe ain’t as niggrah as chocolate. Jesse just feels he’s more of a niggrah than Whatshisears and has eaten his share of salt ‘n pepper sandwiches.

  14. tunamelt

    [re=32594]NoWireHangers[/re]: Okay. Because I hadn’t bought a plane ticket because of that whole selling out issue. So. complicated.

  15. NoWireHangers

    [re=32596]tunamelt[/re]: Sure, first it was the flag pin, now this. What if Barry’s for the Iran war by August?–because I’m sure W will have bombed Tehran by then. It would certainly be fun to run around Denver all drunk and hopey, but I’m waiting a bit to see how things go for me and for Barry…

  16. tunamelt

    [re=32598]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yeah, no kidding. Well, since it’s 5:00 for me, I’m going to leave and preemptively run around LA drunk and hopey.

  17. GoLikeHellMachine

    [re=32599]tunamelt[/re]: [re=32598]NoWireHangers[/re]: Living in Denver myself, I can tell you that people here in the city are renting out places for a week for, like, two or three months’ of their rent.

    That said, you, too, can rent my 650 sq foot apartment for $7000!

  18. misterarthur

    I must say that I couldn’t understand one word of Jesse’s apology. Pardon my dumbness, but can someone help me out here?

  19. loquaciousmusic

    Okay, so let’s everyone join that Facebook group and then we can all rent out a four-whore-diamond motel in the Denver and crash Hopey’s speech together!

    Do you think Jesse Jackson reads Wonkette?

  20. ronaldpagan

    Hey, everybody, did that O’Reilly thing happen? How was it?

    Also, from Drudge, Jesse cannot speak English:

    That was the context of my private conversation and it does not reflect any disparagement on my part for the historic event in which we are involved or my pride in Senator Barack Obama, who is leading it, whom I have supported by crisscrossing this nation in every level of media and audience from the beginning in absolute terms.

    Those are words all right, but that’s some ESL level discourse right there.

  21. ronaldpagan

    [re=32605]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Wait what Facebook group? And who’s going to the DNC here? Because I am. Den-ver! Den-ver! Den-ver!

  22. ronaldpagan

    [re=32588]tunamelt[/re]: Yay you’re coming! I like you! I’m staying in a hotel because I am a golddigging no-diamond ho (which is also why I get to go to the convention in the first place).

    [re=32594]NoWireHangers[/re]: You should come too, Joan! Southwest is way cheap (I live in the west and haven’t bought tickets yet either) and if your friend’s mom doesn’t have a place for you to stay, some fool will.

  23. Gopherit v2.0

    Wouldn’t a smple “Fuck off, Dad!” had sufficed? It works for Walnuts and Cunttollop!

  24. ronaldpagan

    I want to get in on that Facebook group so we can all meet up in Denv, but I also don’t want to reveal my secret identity. I have said a lot of things here about Obama’s penis that would not be said without the comfort of anonymity. What to do?

  25. Lolo

    I’m going to Denver and really hope to meet AngryBlakGuy in person. Just never thought it would turn out to be Jesse Jackson…

  26. loquaciousmusic

    It turns out that shortshortshorts and I went to the same middle school (at different times). We found that out by unmasking ourselves in the Facebook!

    Also, he’s an elitist. But I knew that anyway.

  27. Lolo

    [re=32621]loquaciousmusic[/re]: How did you sync your Wonkette identity with your Facebook profile?

  28. ronaldpagan

    [re=32621]loquaciousmusic[/re]: What? That is mad weird. And another reason I’m not unmasking myself on facebook. Although I will check out all of y’all’s pictures if you don’t mind.

    We should get back on topic though. Nut-cutting.

  29. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=32621]loquaciousmusic[/re]: LIES! You are an elitist! I toiled the fields and tried to make the quota for my starving family in mother Russia while you were sipping on ice tea at some prep school in CT. You LIE I tell you!

  30. loquaciousmusic

    [re=32623]ronaldpagan[/re]: I lost my anonymity in the backseat of a Chevy Silverado pickup truck that got 3 MPG and had a pair of TRUCK NUTZ on the trailer hitch.

    But seriously. Cut his balls off? Give me a fucking break, Rev. Rhymemaster Jesse!

  31. SayItWithWookies

    [re=32637]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Is this like MySpace where I join and then get bombarded with friend requests from every hooker in the northern hemisphere?

    And why the fuck is it a controversy that Jesse Jackson said Obama was cutting his own balls off? Frankly, I found it refreshing that he didn’t speak in rhmed couplets.

  32. ronaldpagan

    [re=32637]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I saw THE group, got a shoutout in your message board! Not joining it though…I am a Fox News pundit, and they would totally fire me for not being racist enough. And, ARE you coming to Denver? Maybe I can just friend the Denver people. Is Tunamelt among them?

  33. tsunami

    looked at THE group. maybe it’s just me, but everyone looked so…
    normal…and so…nice. i can’t figure that out.

    i guess i expected y’all to look like a cross between america’s most wanted
    and last comic standing…with numbers under your mugs.

    i definately pick up on the shared feeling that everybody is more clever than me,
    and i look forward to the reports ever from denver…better
    than sal paradise, maybe.

  34. ronaldpagan

    [re=32637]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I friended you.

    PS: The fact that we’re having this discussion about meeting our imaginary internet buddies on another imaginary internet social networking site is pathetic on so many levels. We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

  35. Clovis

    Didn’t the right reverend Jackson father an illegitimate child while otherwise married? is that why he resented Obama’s call for Responsibility?

  36. American Dreamer

    [re=32647]ronaldpagan[/re]: loqaciousmusic is on manhunt.net and bigmuscle.com 24/7 so you can talk naughty to him there. he is on that site even more often than you are on jezebel (how do you hold down a job and post on 10 sites at a time?)

  37. ronaldpagan

    [re=32657]American Dreamer[/re]: Haha, a job! Yeah I read Wonkette and Jezebel, but how did you find out about my other personas at bulldykesrus.net, condimunchersanonymous.org, and jesustonycanyoupleasetakeyourgayhookupsitepimpingsomewhereelse.edu?

  38. tonyAZ82

    Grrr.. Why is Jesse Jackson even still allowed to be on TV? Doesnt he know that the Hymies in the media are out for him.

  39. boomer

    Barry’s appointments short list just got shorter. And Jesse can’t come to the inauguration either (per Michelle’s office).

    BTW, does anyone know if straight razor severed nuts can be reattached?

  40. donner_froh

    [re=32606]ronaldpagan[/re]: Jesse has been talking like that and his audiences have been pretending to understand him since he ran Operation PUSH (People United to Shoot Honkies) on Chicago’s South Side.

  41. boomer

    My favorite thing about the Fox “nuts off” video? Subtitles. Without them I can’t understand a work Jackson says.

    (Second comment on this post–the first being before donner_froh says at 11:46 pm, July 9th, 2008. Looks like the DC blogger guy was right, comments are being blocked.)

  42. Cicada

    [re=32655]Clovis[/re]: BINGO!
    I thought Jesse was saying that he thought Barry was cutting off his own balls, which, whatevs. But it turns out he was saying he wants to cut Barry’s balls off HIMSELF. Guess Barry hit a nerve. I especially liked the little hand gesture at the end, when he was mentally envisioning cutting off Barry’s balls.

    Oh, Jesse. Remember when the pissed off “hymies” and that bastard baby were your biggest political woes? You’re going to remember those times as the golden age, my friend.

  43. boomer

    OK, two comments tonight on this thread, zero posted.

    Definitely a “blockage” of sorts.

    BTW, where are all the original, pre-ownership-transfer commenters–you know, the funny ones?

    Bugged out?

    Oh, I get it. THAT is why you can afford to be so choosy about which comments to post. You have soooo many to chose from!

    You know, Rusty is 100% spot on. I used to love Wonkette too.

    Adeos Amegos.

  44. travellabyrinth

    Events like this make me question my wholesale rejection of Freud’s theories.

  45. WonkaBee

    [re=32637]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Well! Thank goodness someone posted THE group. I became a “fan” of the first one posted, but then learned that that might have made me “appropriately arch and irrepressibly giddy”

    Sigh… after a lifetime of trying to be inappropriately arch ….

  46. loquaciousmusic

    [re=32657]American Dreamer[/re]: Ooh, I like playing manhunt! When you go outside after dark? And run around with flashlights and stuff?

    Oh, you were being a dick. Sorry.

  47. TGY

    [re=32638]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “Is this like MySpace where I join and then get bombarded with friend requests from every hooker in the northern hemisphere?”

    Yes, that is correct.

  48. RobPetrified

    “Hello, Rev. Mr. Jackson? This is Reality calling.”
    “You DO know that FOX “news” is hostile territory, don’t you?”
    “Watch what you say, and don’t trust anybody.
    “Even the black people.”
    And take that goddamn foot out of your mouth, dummy!”

  49. Schaden-fried (fka Whore Diamond in the

    [re=32574]ManchuCandidate[/re]: JJ Jr. has been pissed at JJ Sr, ever since that whole “baby mama” debacle. I heard a rumor that if he cheated on his wife and embarrassed the family again, he would disown him.

  50. Schadenfried (fka Whore Diamond ITR)

    [re=32661]ronaldpagan[/re]: I think American Dream might be a frequenter of the Lemon Party website, agree?

  51. thefrontpage

    Since when does someone’s son issue a statement like that about their father? Didn’t they talk before the statement was issued? Do either of them understand public relations? It’s a stupid p.r. move on the son’s part–the statement makes BOTH of them look stupid. What a bunch of nimrods!

  52. ForeignSickSpecialist

    Rev. Hymietown was just reassuring us that he is willing to preserve Barry’s sperm, intact, in case he is assassinated before assuming the office of the presidency. He will then inject his own balsack with Barry’s Messianic sperm and impregnate Oprah to fulfill the prophecy of the Scripture of Hope for black mankind.

  53. Anita Cocktail

    [re=32593]tsunami[/re]: geez, you mean no one called Mr. Refuses-to-Dangle-A-Preposition an elitist yet? Elitist.

    Now if you want to dangle propositions, that’s a whole different story.

  54. Anita Cocktail

    [re=32602]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: not nearly as big as they say it is. “fair and balanced” indeed.

  55. Uncle Al

    I’m afraid Jesse has entered McCain country–you know, senile. Guess he didn’t notice there were big TV cameras and a microphone pointed at him.

  56. gurukalehuru

    @anita cocktail @tsunami I was too busy digging on the Sal Paradise, walking through Denver, past the ball game and the Mexicans and fireworks exploding like big purple cockroaches and everybody says “Awe” reference.

  57. Quasimodo

    I call this latest mess up by ‘Rev’ Jackson a major screw up.
    Just how many major screw ups does Jackson have to commit before he loses all
    credibility? He screwed around on his wife, lied to the press, revealed his sad sick
    inner self by whispering into live microphones.
    How selfish and power-hungry does Jackson have to show himself to be before we
    see him for the fool he is? Just wondering.

  58. Quasimodo

    I’m agreeing with UNCLE AL on this. ‘Rev’ Jackson’s brain is partially cooked.
    Maybe this makes him eligible to join the Jackson (Michael) family. Gee, I hope so.
    I’ll bet he plays a mean tambourine.

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