Oh Good God Jesse Jackson, This Might Be Rich

  secrets

OK, we’re *starting* to get a basic idea of what Jesse Jackson said, to a hidden microphone, about Barack Obama today. Here’s his paraphrase in an interview with CNN (the actual footage will be shown in full on Fox News — of course — at 8 p.m. tonight): “That the senator was cutting off his, you know whats, with black people and black church.” Please leave your guesses for “you know whats” in the comments (as if you needed to be urged). We’re going to go with “hotcakes.” No: “flapjacks.” NO EVEN BETTER YET — “VAGINAS.” HE’S CUTTING OFF HIS VAG-ES WITH THE BLACKS.

UPDATE: Wonkette has consulted with its arsenal of overused jokes and determined that Jesse Jackson was referring to “Truck Nutz.”

UPDATE II: According to senior officials at the Pentagon and/or Langley re: Jesse Jackson: “big sale on truck nutz.” [Breitbart]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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54 comments

  1. Dave J.

    Is “nuts” the new n-word? Is it somehow super duper offensive and can’t be said on air? I’m confused about this, America.

  2. shortsshortsshorts

    Maybe he’s cutting off his
    “desire to receive some of the worst press you can possibly receive in one of the more racially intolerant countries on the planet?”

    Is that too long?

  3. Fata Morgana

    Whatever it was, I’m thinking that a little distance from crazy-ass Jessie Jackson might just be a good thing for the Obama campaign….

  4. sleepy

    cutting off his “keep hope alives”. or maybe his “i am somebodys”. come to think of it, tho, prolly “balls”.

  5. NoWireHangers

    If all Jesse said was something about African Americans not voting for Barry because he left Trinity, then we’re fine. Unlike crazy bitters, African Americans don’t cast votes out of senile spite; I can’t even think of what Barry would have to do to lose the black vote to WALNUTS!

  6. amanasleep

    I didn’t know you could cut things with black people. Now that Barry has made them all hip and such, I personally find them insufferably dull. But this is too much. To claim that Barry Obama is using people [i]and[/i] a house of worship as some sort of horrific demon scissors to groom his “you know what” is really out of line!

  7. Buffy and Hildegard

    cutting off his “excess baggage of out-moded, senselessly rhyming, bloviating, anti-Semitic race pimps just in time to sail through the general election”?

  8. eyegoneblack

    hair?

    How is that offensive?

    Oooooooh, it’s that muslim/beard thing, right?

  9. m_supercomputer

    A veiled reference to his balls is too “crude” to repeat on air? Pfft. Wolf Blitzer is such a drama queen.

  10. snig

    [re=32482]Fata Morgana[/re]: I was thinking this might play well in Peoria too, but wasn’t sure if this was Jesse deliberately giving Obama a hand up, or just mouthing off as is his wont.

  11. Canuckledragger

    Cutting off his “access to Hymietown?”

    ‘Coz you know how guys named Hymie hate teh blackz and teh black churchez.

  12. GunsAndBitters

    His big monkey ears?

    Justkiddingjustkidding, that ad for those horrible t-shirts made me think it!

  13. KevoTron

    is cutting off his “gangster bar patrons who keep starting fights and bringing guns into the club”?

  14. swizzard

    The heart of the problem is that if you say “ties” to that particular CNN reporter, he puts a bag over his head, and the only way to make him stop is to stand in a box and sing “England’s Mountains Green.”

  15. JSDC007

    This is the perfect Sistah Souljah moment for Obama. Obama tells Jesse to sod off, like Clinton told Sistah back in 1992. Independents and other assorted white people have a collective orgasm. McCain only gets the bitter ex-Hill vote. The End.

  16. Political Addict

    Concluded Jackson:

    “That was the context of my private conversation and it does not reflect any disparagement on my part . . .

    Maybe he meant “privates” conversation?

  17. Anita Cocktail

    [re=32487]amanasleep[/re]: ha,ha, your fancy-ass html is too high-tech for this here new website! don’t you feel stupid?

  18. Q2

    Another ego crying for attention. Mr. Jackson cannot accept that another black man might touch more lives in a more positive way than he, himself, has managed. The result is criticism. What an asshole.

  19. Monsieur Grumpe

    Bitterness?
    Hopeness?
    Hillary’s debt?
    I’m confused but I still won’t watch FAUX News.

  20. Borat

    as a show of loyalty, I expect hillz to reject and denounce the good reverend. she wouldn’t spend one minute with a hate filled reverend

  21. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Cut off his search for a warm place to shit, comfortable shoes, and tight pussy?

  22. lawrenceofthedesert

    Rev. Jackson is struggling to adjust to the notion that a national African American candidate can be taken seriously, which is outside his experience and not covered in the Al Sharpton Political Handbook. Wolf as The Wounded Liberal somehow reminded me of Robert Preston in “Music Man,” only uglier. I can’t wait for the McCain t.v. spot with Jesse’s voiceover. Well, actually, I can… Of course Fox News will run Jackson’s unfortunate comments, making CNN look as if they are lacking sources of journalistic testosterone. Using code name “Flapjacks” in this case, I fear, has dangerous associations with Aunt Jemima. How about “stones,” as in “names will never hurt me”?

  23. boomer

    dedalus,

    I believe that Michelle’s “kahuna” is Barry. Perhaps you meant to say “cajones”? Naw, Jesse would never say somthing that “crude and hurtful”.

  24. ms_mcgee

    With a microphone on at FOX studios, what better time is there to have a heart-to-heart discussion with a friend and make an inflammatory comment about the Democratic Presdential candidate that you “support”? I mean, who would be listening? And recording? At FOX?

  25. Gormogon

    [re=32569]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Maybe Rev. Jesse is BITTER b/c the first black president is mostly white and arab and less black than Warren Harding.

    Man, Foxnews is creepy tho, eh wot?

  26. lawchic

    cut off…Jesse Jackson’s direct line to the mainstream news outlets whenever a “Black” issue pops up because we might have our first Black president in a couple of months who has swapped roles with Jesse as the official ambassador to all things Black?…or something like that.

  27. Doglessliberal

    [re=32517]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “Big $ale on TRUCK NUTZ!!” is now a phrase that will live forever.

Comments are closed.