SECRETS  5:19 pm July 9, 2008

Oh Good God Jesse Jackson, This Might Be Rich

by Jim Newell

OK, we’re *starting* to get a basic idea of what Jesse Jackson said, to a hidden microphone, about Barack Obama today. Here’s his paraphrase in an interview with CNN (the actual footage will be shown in full on Fox News — of course — at 8 p.m. tonight): “That the senator was cutting off his, you know whats, with black people and black church.” Please leave your guesses for “you know whats” in the comments (as if you needed to be urged). We’re going to go with “hotcakes.” No: “flapjacks.” NO EVEN BETTER YET — “VAGINAS.” HE’S CUTTING OFF HIS VAG-ES WITH THE BLACKS.

UPDATE: Wonkette has consulted with its arsenal of overused jokes and determined that Jesse Jackson was referring to “Truck Nutz.”

UPDATE II: According to senior officials at the Pentagon and/or Langley re: Jesse Jackson: “big sale on truck nutz.” [Breitbart]

 
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{ 54 comments }

RaptorAvatar July 9, 2008 at 5:22 pm

nillas?

Cathangover July 9, 2008 at 5:22 pm

I’m guessing it’s a polysyllabic word that may or may not exist.

Dave J. July 9, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Is “nuts” the new n-word? Is it somehow super duper offensive and can’t be said on air? I’m confused about this, America.

Jason July 9, 2008 at 5:23 pm

The Rev. Jackson has a verbal diarrhea problem. He should keep his pie hole shut.

shortsshortsshorts July 9, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Maybe he’s cutting off his
“desire to receive some of the worst press you can possibly receive in one of the more racially intolerant countries on the planet?”

Is that too long?

Fata Morgana July 9, 2008 at 5:26 pm

Whatever it was, I’m thinking that a little distance from crazy-ass Jessie Jackson might just be a good thing for the Obama campaign….

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 9, 2008 at 5:26 pm

Nigerians?

sleepy July 9, 2008 at 5:27 pm

cutting off his “keep hope alives”. or maybe his “i am somebodys”. come to think of it, tho, prolly “balls”.

NoWireHangers July 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm

If all Jesse said was something about African Americans not voting for Barry because he left Trinity, then we’re fine. Unlike crazy bitters, African Americans don’t cast votes out of senile spite; I can’t even think of what Barry would have to do to lose the black vote to WALNUTS!

amanasleep July 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm

I didn’t know you could cut things with black people. Now that Barry has made them all hip and such, I personally find them insufferably dull. But this is too much. To claim that Barry Obama is using people [i]and[/i] a house of worship as some sort of horrific demon scissors to groom his “you know what” is really out of line!

Buffy and Hildegard July 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm

cutting off his “excess baggage of out-moded, senselessly rhyming, bloviating, anti-Semitic race pimps just in time to sail through the general election”?

eyegoneblack July 9, 2008 at 5:29 pm

hair?

How is that offensive?

Oooooooh, it’s that muslim/beard thing, right?

Noodle Salad July 9, 2008 at 5:29 pm

The black church has trucknutz?

DailyComicsReview July 9, 2008 at 5:30 pm

his little darkies, duh

columnv July 9, 2008 at 5:30 pm

I’m confused, Jesse Jackson is still relevant?

Truculent July 9, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Truck Nutz

shortsshortsshorts July 9, 2008 at 5:32 pm

Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people.

FunkyPalmettoBug July 9, 2008 at 5:41 pm

his white half?

FunkyPalmettoBug July 9, 2008 at 5:42 pm

his butt sexes?

m_supercomputer July 9, 2008 at 5:43 pm

A veiled reference to his balls is too “crude” to repeat on air? Pfft. Wolf Blitzer is such a drama queen.

snig July 9, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=32482]Fata Morgana[/re]: I was thinking this might play well in Peoria too, but wasn’t sure if this was Jesse deliberately giving Obama a hand up, or just mouthing off as is his wont.

shortsshortsshorts July 9, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Wonkette is effectively destroying Truck NUTZ.

Canuckledragger July 9, 2008 at 6:00 pm

Cutting off his “access to Hymietown?”

‘Coz you know how guys named Hymie hate teh blackz and teh black churchez.

GunsAndBitters July 9, 2008 at 6:01 pm

His big monkey ears?

Justkiddingjustkidding, that ad for those horrible t-shirts made me think it!

KevoTron July 9, 2008 at 6:02 pm

is cutting off his “gangster bar patrons who keep starting fights and bringing guns into the club”?

swizzard July 9, 2008 at 6:03 pm

The heart of the problem is that if you say “ties” to that particular CNN reporter, he puts a bag over his head, and the only way to make him stop is to stand in a box and sing “England’s Mountains Green.”

tunamelt July 9, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=32510]snig[/re]: “Why not mix business with pleasure?” -Jesse Jackson

JSDC007 July 9, 2008 at 6:10 pm

This is the perfect Sistah Souljah moment for Obama. Obama tells Jesse to sod off, like Clinton told Sistah back in 1992. Independents and other assorted white people have a collective orgasm. McCain only gets the bitter ex-Hill vote. The End.

Political Addict July 9, 2008 at 6:10 pm

Concluded Jackson:

“That was the context of my private conversation and it does not reflect any disparagement on my part . . .

Maybe he meant “privates” conversation?

Paultardville July 9, 2008 at 6:11 pm

That’s not racial transcendence!

Q2 July 9, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Chicken Neck! It was “Chicken Neck” wasn’t it huh…was it…huh?!

Anita Cocktail July 9, 2008 at 6:25 pm

[re=32487]amanasleep[/re]: ha,ha, your fancy-ass html is too high-tech for this here new website! don’t you feel stupid?

Q2 July 9, 2008 at 6:29 pm

Another ego crying for attention. Mr. Jackson cannot accept that another black man might touch more lives in a more positive way than he, himself, has managed. The result is criticism. What an asshole.

jhy767 July 9, 2008 at 6:31 pm

Flag pin.

kellygrrrl July 9, 2008 at 6:34 pm

dreads

Fata Morgana July 9, 2008 at 6:43 pm

Spliff.

Brutus Harlot July 9, 2008 at 6:46 pm

his action movie script starring Ashton Kutcher as the truck nutz

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 9, 2008 at 6:51 pm

pajamas?

problemwithcaring July 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm

[re=32520]Canuckledragger[/re]: Someone said it – thank you.

Monsieur Grumpe July 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Bitterness?
Hopeness?
Hillary’s debt?
I’m confused but I still won’t watch FAUX News.

Borat July 9, 2008 at 7:01 pm

boyz in da hood

Borat July 9, 2008 at 7:03 pm

as a show of loyalty, I expect hillz to reject and denounce the good reverend. she wouldn’t spend one minute with a hate filled reverend

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 9, 2008 at 7:11 pm

Cut off his search for a warm place to shit, comfortable shoes, and tight pussy?

lawrenceofthedesert July 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm

Rev. Jackson is struggling to adjust to the notion that a national African American candidate can be taken seriously, which is outside his experience and not covered in the Al Sharpton Political Handbook. Wolf as The Wounded Liberal somehow reminded me of Robert Preston in “Music Man,” only uglier. I can’t wait for the McCain t.v. spot with Jesse’s voiceover. Well, actually, I can… Of course Fox News will run Jackson’s unfortunate comments, making CNN look as if they are lacking sources of journalistic testosterone. Using code name “Flapjacks” in this case, I fear, has dangerous associations with Aunt Jemima. How about “stones,” as in “names will never hurt me”?

tunamelt July 9, 2008 at 7:15 pm

[re=32486]NoWireHangers[/re]: Are you on the Facebook group, I’d like to ask you a question.

dedalus July 9, 2008 at 8:41 pm

Michelle’s kahunas?

The jury is out on whether Barry has any. But we doubt it.

boomer July 9, 2008 at 8:57 pm

dedalus,

I believe that Michelle’s “kahuna” is Barry. Perhaps you meant to say “cajones”? Naw, Jesse would never say somthing that “crude and hurtful”.

ms_mcgee July 9, 2008 at 11:12 pm

With a microphone on at FOX studios, what better time is there to have a heart-to-heart discussion with a friend and make an inflammatory comment about the Democratic Presdential candidate that you “support”? I mean, who would be listening? And recording? At FOX?

tonyAZ82 July 9, 2008 at 11:12 pm

What a waste of a “Breaking News” logo.

Gormogon July 9, 2008 at 11:20 pm

[re=32569]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Maybe Rev. Jesse is BITTER b/c the first black president is mostly white and arab and less black than Warren Harding.

Man, Foxnews is creepy tho, eh wot?

lawchic July 10, 2008 at 12:27 am

cut off…Jesse Jackson’s direct line to the mainstream news outlets whenever a “Black” issue pops up because we might have our first Black president in a couple of months who has swapped roles with Jesse as the official ambassador to all things Black?…or something like that.

bitchincamaro July 10, 2008 at 8:19 am

NuGrape Soda. JJ meant to say NuGrape Soda.

Doglessliberal July 10, 2008 at 9:45 am

[re=32517]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “Big $ale on TRUCK NUTZ!!” is now a phrase that will live forever.

thefrontpage July 10, 2008 at 10:52 am

Jackson needs to retire to that deserted island out in the Pacific.

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