kwame kilpatrick is aware of the internet

Kwame Kilpatrick Blames Sexy Text Messages On Hackers

pwnedKwame Kilpatrick, the laughable clown and still-not-fired mayor of Detroit, suggests that INTERNET HAXXORS may have gotten into his phone and sent slutty text messages to his chief of staff. His defense team is arguing that the prosecution (he might go to jail for perjury, obstruction of justice, and aggravated LOLing) must prove that the Mayor himself, and not some prankster, wrote the half-literate messages promising sexytime at the Benz Chili Bowl. At least one legal expert reckons this will not be too difficult. [Freep.com]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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27 comments

  1. Dave J.

    For real? Hackers did it? Isn’t this just the lame excuse every guy uses to explain to his wife what his profile is doing up at Adult Friend Finder? Now it’s the basis for his legal defense? Awesome!

  2. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    I actually pulled this defense with my father one time when he questioned why i was being billed by correctional collect calling service. Sad thing is he believed it.

  3. queeraselvis v 2.0

    LOL. LOL LOL. LOL LOL LOL. LOL LOL LOL LOL. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. Dude! LOL LOL.

    Yep, them hackers are a mighty creative bunch, f’sure.

  4. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I know the I.Hate.DC guy won’t approve of all this conspiracy talk, but I’m still fairly sure Kwame is being sabotaged by a secret cabal of tailors.

  5. StupidGeek

    The Benz Chili Bowl sounds like a terrible terrifying bowel movement just waiting to happen. LOL.

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    If this defense were true, WHY have you hacker peoplz not fucked with teh Whitehouse? GET ON IT.

  7. RooseveltFranklin

    Maybe that dead stripper Tamara Green is hacking his shit from teh heavenz.

  8. LBOtomist

    [re=32417]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Assumes someone over there has and can work a cell phone. Unlikely.

  9. Guppy06

    Hackerz would have put in some better smut. And changed his ringtone to Rick Astley.

  10. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Hey, those must be the same hackers that keep putting porn on my computer at work.

  11. Borat

    OH MY GOD, WWW HACKERS MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN ON THIS SITE TOO. CANCEL ALL YOUR CREDIT CARDS AND CELLPHONES AND WAIT TOO WEEKS SO THE THREAT GOEZ AWAY. BUT YOU CAN STILL DONATE TO THE NOBAMA HOMES PAGES BECAUSE HILLARY WILL NEVER LIE.

  12. tonyAZ82

    Yes. Hackers sent that text. Dont you know its a big conspiracy against the black man.

  13. Doglessliberal

    This legal team is clearly charging enough to retire after this case, because making this cannot-possibly-pass-the-straight-face-test argument has to be a last act for them. But maybe not. Shamelessness is often a cultivated quality in defense lawyers. Me, I cannot make an argument for a client that makes me laugh out loud, but I guess that is why I am not rich.

  14. 2goats

    Bet Ms. “Chief of STAFF” was some pissed when she followed a string of IMs to some mother’s basement and found a bunch of pimply faced hackers hoping for some of dat hummer love, ‘stead of Mr. Mayor.

Comments are closed.