Wonkette
Now that he has finally defeated Flash Gordon, the former despised governor of Minnesota looks like he’ll try to be that great state’s next senator. His opponents: Hobo King Norm Coleman, and Michael Kinsley’s boyfriend Al Franken. His chances of winning: pretty much zero.
Ventura said he’d make an Official Announcement next week, even though he sort of spilled the beans to NPR’s David Welna in a St. Paul parking lot this weekend. “All you Minnesotans take a good hard look at all three of us. And you decide: if you were in a dark alley which one of the three of us would you want with you?” he said. This is an excellent question, and one that West Virginians should ask themselves the next time they think about pulling the lever for Robert Byrd.
Anyway, Norm Coleman will win this thing in a landslide, and maybe he will be able to afford a real apartment someday.
Jesse Ventura To Run for Senate [Political Punch]
What a Bozo. He’d fit right in with the other Bozos in the Senate.
Jesse the Merciless’ Senate Run “Mission” Statement:
“Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would’ve hidden from it in terror. “
David Welna mentioned that lots of Ventura critics said Minnesota was suffering from a four year post-Ventura “hangover.” I can only imagine what kind of hangovers they’ll have after the RNC comes to town!
It is absolutely absurd that in a state like Minnesota, they are on the verging of sticking with a true Republican nimrod like Coleman in a year like this. Ridiculous.
The headline should read “Jesse Venture torpedoes Al Franken’s candidacy, Norm Coleman celebrates by moving to larger washing machine-size cardboard box.”
queeraselvis v 2.0: The state’s going to wake up next to Larry Craig wondering why its ass hurts.
That picture makes him look more like he is running for “Best Anton LaVey impersonator.”
FMA: Norm Coleman’s been doing that for years.
“…if you were in a dark alley which one of the three of us would you want with you?”
This is very good question who’s format should be applied to the presidential race. Here are some examples of WALNUTS! vs Barry:
-If you were walking into a nightclub who would you want as your Wingman?
-If during a pickup basketball game you were named captain who would be your first pick?
-If you had to walk-in on your wife cheating on you; who would you rather the guy be?
For those of you not from Minnesota, there were way too many cars with My Governor Can Beat Up Governor bumper stickers after the first apocalypse. All done in a subtle florescent green. I suppose with the second coming we’ll be seeing My Senator Can Beat Up Your Senator bumper stickers. Can’t wait.
Ha — like Robert Byrd would be caught dead in a dark alley.
A few of us, This Correspondent included, are actually going to have to go into a voting booth and make this choice, and I will be very tempted to vote for Jesse, the theory being, let them hate, so long as they also fear.
Hey jesse, you got a little somethin on your chin there.
Al Franken claims to have been a college wrestler. The election should be decided by a steel cage match.
SayItWithWookies: In West Virginia they call them “hollers.”
Monsieur Grumpe: Those are just as good as the “My Congressman is a Rocket Scientist” bumper stickers that Rush Holt (D-NJ) has.
Despised? He enjoyed a 75% approval rating ( highest for any Minnesota governor ), before the legislature showed him who was running the show. The parties herded the sheep and basically made him a scapegoat for all of their failures. I’m not saying he was perfect, I just give him a lot of credit for taking a stand against the usual bi-partisan politics and the dirt-obsessed media. Most of us can identify with being an outcast and the difficulties that position creates when trying to educate those who are entrenched in their old ways and accept everything the media gives them without hesitation. It’s tough. Give the man some slack.
He does need to get cleaned up if he wants to appear serious about this.
I’m not sure what Senator I’d want to be next to me in a dark alley, I just know I wouldn’t want it to be Larry Craig.
I understood that quote to mean: Who’s dick would you like to suck in a dark alley?
That’s a good question for all political candidates.
“If you were in a dark alley which one of the three of us would you want with you?” Why, Jesse? What would you do–grab the guy in a hammerlock and whisper, “Now, pretend to collapse in agony”?
It becomes clearer every day that if we don’t start colonizing space pretty soon we are going to have no place to send these people.
Frankly, I think we should send them to places that have governments just they way they want them, e.g. no central government, little or no taxes and safety and security based on personal, rugged individualism. There are plenty of countries that fit that bill:
- Afghanistan
- Sudan
- Ethiopia
- Haiti
So, I say we create an American Foreign Legion led by the likes of Ming the Merciless(pictured above) and have them invade the coutries and run them as they wish. It’s not like we haven’t done it to more stable countries. Of course, the vast majority of these whiners who are upset that they cannot beat their wives with the Bible or not pay taxes to “the man” would last about a month in these countries before they were butt-fucked by the local tribal leader and then left to die of one of the many diseases for which they would receive no treatment.
Delicious: hillary’s
Dark alley? I usually imagine a dark bedroom, with some low Barry White music. This changes everything.
Larry Craig was my Senator once. If I’m in a dark alley with a Senator, i want it to be a Senator I can beat up.
Q2: Maybe he’d beat the crap out of some of them!
I think a Franken/Ventura tag team might be kind of fun.
He looks just as much like a Klingon as he did the last time you posted that picture.
Servo: I endured the Jesse Times as well. The man was an ineffective idiot. He’s not very smart, period. Accept that. And like Hannity and O’Reilley, he blamed “the media” for everything that went wrong. The reason he didn’t want to talk to reporters was, he feared looking like more of a buffoon with every word he spoke. The highlights of his governorship were cutting the price of license plate renewals because he personally didn’t like to pay more than $100, and that one-time tax rebate which pretty much got all that dusty old money cleared out of the treasury. He wouldn’t even support candidates from his own party.
This meme about Jesse being a rebel and a breath of fresh air in politics and all that is complete and utter bullshit. He’s a aimless, feckless drifter who lost his purpose in life decades ago. Sending him to the Senate for the pure entertainmet value is insane. We had a professional clown in the White House for the last eight years and as I recall, the laughter died out pretty quickly.
Minnesota’s history of sending bizzare and ineffective people into positions of national power has to end. Shouty Paul Wellstone was beloved but he never got a single bill passed. Walter Mondale — nothing more need be said about him. Human Humpty-Dumpty Hubert Humphrey took the term “loser” to new heights. At least Franken has shown some signs of responsibility, although his pledge to bar members of Congress from lobbying for the rest of their lives shows how much he has to learn. You want to be entertained? Have Kinsley fellate Franken on the Senate steps if he wins. I’ll bring the feather boa and the Nine Inch Nails CD.
This is good news for me. When he was Governor, I made a rash decision at an auction, the day after being dumped, and bought an autographed copy of the Playboy with his interview. I may actually be able to sell it for less of a loss during the campaign.
Truculent: You are brilliant! You’ve given me a great idea! We could establish…wait for it…a Clown Senate! A body of so-called ‘government’ established specifically to parody the U.S. Senate! And we could elect..uh..complete incompetants to it and…well…stop me if you’ve heard this one before…
don’t be too sure. those dipshits due south of me elected her royal highness batshit crazy baby farmer michele bachmann into office.
Jesse Ventura is a nimrod. In fact, many historians believe that he actually came from Planet Nimrod in the PsychoCrazy Galaxy.
Servo: Wonkette is of course using an old picture. He’s sporting his bald governor look these days, iirc.
If I remember rightly, while Governor he pushed for a unicameral legislature. I guess it was the House, not the Senate he thought unnecessary. Or using his crazy disguise is he bringing it down from the inside?
Anyway I suppose his target was just MN, but I found it hilarious when this was amongst his proposals as all the lifelong politicians and their hangers-on started freaking out about a populist having a chance of carrying it out.
and Bob Barr will root him all the way!
Huzzah.
Kahn!!!
TGY: Exactly. Our Clown Senate would have to dress up and live in mud huts in Mexico and bring seltzer bottles to the floor and all the fun stuff. Ours would get more accomplished.
Truculent:
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not supporting his return to politics by any means. I just give him credit for putting his ass on the line as an outsider. A buffoon? Absolutely. But a baffoon with big cajones. It’s rarely seen in politics. Just look to our current spineless Congress. They call themselves “leaders”, but they are really followers of polls. Like your summary of Jesse, 99.99% of them are ineffective idiots.
I’m sure there was plenty of blame to go around in the Jesse governorship, I just find it hard to believe that it ALL can be pinned on one person.
Servo: He put his ass on the line because he was an unemployed ex-wrestler and Jiffy Lube wasn’t hiring that week. I see no particular virtue in that. You want to see outsider-ship at work? Take a look at the list of fringe presidential candidates most people have never heard of. Looks like a Ventura family reunion.
They should turn the Senate into a free-for-all cage fight. I’d watch that on C-SPAN.
But I’d rather have a beer with Franken.
He just said he’s not running, and that NPR can stick a rod in its ass.
I hear WWF will be featuring it on next Monday’s RAW.
AngryBlakGuy: I would much rather my wife cheated with John McCain, because then at least I’d know she was only whoring herself out for his connections (totally understandable career move, ask any lobbyist in DC); if she was sleeping with Barry, I might feel threatened by his dashing good looks, charming personality, washboard abs, and vastly more adequate p3n15.
shortsshortsshorts: Then he’s in for sure. Milk the publicity puppy for another few days
Can’t trust a guy that once yelled topless into a camera . . . This would be like turning to DFT News as a useful news source. Hilarious, yes. Real, not so much.
http://www.digitalfuntown.com/homepage.php
Never put the political control of your state/nation in the hands of a man that once yelled topless in to a camera . . . That’s like going to DFT News from Digitalfuntown.com for your news source . . . Just silly
When will the people of Minnesota finally realize that it is Carl Weathers, not Jesse Ventura, that is their true messiah?
In all seriousness, Franken should thank his lucky stars if this happens. Jesse isn’t exactly down with the brie crowd.
is that a pair of truck nutz hanging from his chin?
“Jesse isn’t exactly down with the brie crowd.”
Sorry, Lionel, that is _exactly_ the wrong attitude, but an attitude I think is very common among Franken neo-McGovernites. There are a lot more Minnesotans who go to the Sunday evening demolition derby than eat brie. Franken has about minus 50% blue collar appeal and I’ve been saying for years that the polls are right and Coleman will whip his ass back to New York outside the Minneapolis/St. Paul beltway.
So, Jesse? I hate him a _lot_ less than I’m “supposed” to as an educated and informed liberal. He’s perhaps the only politician I can quickly point to who has said in office that he has been wrong on issues and has grown in the job. So I say, “Go for it.”