Wonkette
Hey everyone, what are you having for dinner tonight? Ha ha, we already know the answer and it’s NOTHING, because there is no longer any food in the world. As you may have heard in the news, the world’s most powerful leaders are convening this week for their annual G8 summit, which is being held in Japan this year. Among the top items on this year’s Agenda is devising a plan to combat the global food shortage. And that is why the leaders and their spouses yesterday ate a fancy six-course lunch and 18-course dinner, the highlight of which had to be the chef’s vinegar jelly. How insensitive! Vinegar jelly is the most endangered of the world’s basic foodstuffs. [Daily Mail]
Compote.
“Hairy crab”?
“Hot Onion Tart”?
“Milk-fed Lamb”?
All of these are also terms of endearment that Larry Craig uses to address the senate pages.
Kelp-flavored beef and asparagus? Really, who eats beaf for the taste of ..kelp? Also, I, as a taxpayer, am so revoking our membership in the G8 if they can’t stick to three wines or less. Five if you a few are ‘Riunite’.
No arugula?
Umm….I know malnutrition is no joke and all, but I kind of think that given the choice between “kelp-flavoured beef” and “hairy crab soup” (rimshot!) and hunger, I would rather starve.
now im depressed..[but not surprised]..
i just ate my lunch…a small bag of chips…
They must have all those leftovers from the oil for food program…. at least its going to good use.
And why the fuck do they get to drink on the job?
“I’ve got a great idea other world leaders! Lets get piss drunk and make decisions that in effect, decide the future of the human race!”
Delete ‘you’. Bah, my typos have proliferated. I blame Dick Cheney.
mmmmm, grilled bighand thornyhead…
A six-course working lunch? Are you kidding me? I mean come…oh who am I fooling. I am just trying to cover up my disappointment at not being the first one to notice the humor in “hairy crab soup”
Wait!
What the hell is the G8 “fantasy” dessert? I am guessing it is a form of baked Alaska served on the hairless buttocks of tweens.
I would like to be a world leader for the wine list.
To Serve Man
My working dinner:
A bowl of cereal followed by a few bottles of Flat Tire. Don’t forget the desert (cigarettes)!
I’ll just have the Almond Oil Foam. I’m on a diet.
anabellum: Elitist. I’m eating the bag the chips came in from last Sunday.
And whoever laid out this text deserves to be shot straight in the eyes twice for this. Seriously.
Does “bisque” not imply that it is a soup?
What? No Baked Baby Whooping Crane Fritters?
And where’s the Compote of Gay Baby Harp Seal?
And no Braised Baby Blue Whale Liver in Creamed Snaildarter Sauce?
You call THAT a “menu”?
HA!
The Vice President of the United States and I are going to Jack In The Box!
keilerm:
G8 fantasy desert is a Light Sweet Crude Heath Bar Blizzard garnished with Blood Diamond Sauce and Opium sprinkles.
Sounds like a normal evening meal for Theodore Roosevelt, Jr.
keilerm: The G8 “Fantasy” dessert is an inexpensive source of renewable energy availble to all the world’s countries.
Except, you know…a dessert.
I bet the rejected idea for fantasy dessert was some kind of marzipan-based depiction of Dubya’s immediate disappearance from the face of the planet. That’s my G8 Fantasy!
Is the G8 ‘Fantasy’ dessert actually soylent green?
I’m disappointed there is no Miso Horny Soup.
18 courses? That’s a diet for PM Harper.
mmmmmm Heath Bar Blizzard.
My “working” lunch: beans, rice and shredded mexican cheese mix. Bon appetit!
shortsshortsshorts: youre probably right…mine are imported Toreadas brand, made in that glorious land of opportunety….mexico…
[theyre 15cents cheaper than Lays]…
Definitely want to stay away from the Hairy Crab Soup. Tastes like vag.
For one brief moment I want to be in the Bush administration, as long as I got to tell the chef who lovingly braised the fuck out of some water shield and pink conger that the leader of the free world would like a hot dog with ketchup, french fries, a glass of milk and some oreos for dessert.
This must have been put together by the Iron Chefs. That the only place you regularly see this crazy mix of total crap.
I once got vinegar jelly in my girlfriends eye.
I had never thought about offering her prawns with it, that might have worked better.
And on exactly the same day the bastid labour leader Gordon Brown has ADMONISHED the entire UK for WASTING food. I mean even Bush is smarter to say stuff like that while enjoying an 18 course meal
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtml?xml=/money/2008/07/08/ccfood108.xml
At least their servers were able to lick the plates before going back to their empty rice sacks to get some rest.
Candied vegetables go lovely with coffee. Yum.
I’d really love to hear some audio of Preznit Bush reading this menu aloud.
“Com-PO-tay… compo-TAY… COM-pote… ahh, fuck it, Condi! Git me a cheese toastie and some tomato soup!”
georgia_peach: I kinda picture that the other 7 leaders are sitting at the table with their trays, and W comes by, and they kinda shift over to make it look like there’s no room on either side for him, but he sits down on the corner oblivious anyway, and they begrudgingly have to make room for him so Ban Ki-Moon doesn’t get mad at them for being mean, and he has no idea the whole time, and within three minutes, he’s asking Stephen Harper if he’s gonna finish his tater tots.
georgia_peach: The real G8 fantasy dessert is a tabletop fusion reactor that only works for white people.
That’s what passes for a “working lunch” among the Illuminati nowadays? Would there have been an international incident if someone attending had just asked for a BLT or something? Nobody had the menu from the local Chinese delivery place handy?
What is the implication of having a “working lunch?” Does that mean they actually hold off on calling in the hookers and the blow until they’ve finished eating?
“Grilled bighand thornyhead fish”???
I think the chef is just back there making shit up.
You must work up a heck of an appetite agreeing to cut emissions by a moderate amount at some point after you’re dead, on a voluntary basis. And “hairy crab” sounds like something Ellen DeGeneres serves.
SayItWithWookies: Ah, yes. I stand corrected.
Imagine42: Ha! I love it. “Hey, buddy. Are you going to finish that thar burdock?”
BTW, why would someone want hair on their crab soup OR thorns on their fish? This menu sounds made up. And narsty.
“Supreme of chicken, with stuffed thigh, nuts
and orange savoury and beetroot foam”
Bush will giggle about this item uncontrollably for at least 5 minutes.
What?! No infant flesh flavored with placental juices?
Borat: Gordon Brown’s favorite food is “rumblethumps”, which is made with a pound of potato, a pound of cabbage and a lot of cheddar cheese, all mashed together. Mmm. He probably cried for his mammy when he saw the menu: “Whorr’s ma tasty rumblethumps? I cannae eat this rubbish!”
The Station Manager: Considering it’s Japan, I’m sure the original was done (in Japanese) with elegant calligraphy, then for the English version some flunky just put it in Mincho romaji and crammed it in the same space.
I’ve actually had meals of this ilk (?) at conferences in Japan - the “courses” here are probably one or two bites each. So don’t worry about trying to cram leftover hairy crabs in a doggy bag.
They can all eat my special Creme de T’ain’t. I just whipped it up.
wheelie: Rumblethumps, faggots and haggis — oh my.
With any luck, it’s all soylent green.
wheelie:
Sounds like a slightly less sad version of the KFC Famous Bowl.
HOT ONION TART. McCain’s pet name for Cindy’s…
give them a break; all of the wines are less than 10 years old…you KNOW that pissed off Merkel.
@ obfuscator: I just looked up that ‘KFC famous bowl’. Oh jesus. This is a dish for dogs, perhaps?
RuperttheBear: which goes nicely with a pomegranate vinegar salad.
wheelie:
No, just the armies of obese who need to hasten their descent into Type 2 Diabeetus.
anabellum: You better lay off the chips if you want to fit into those Hotpants in August.
I was going to say something about how, while the G8 elite get to stuff their faces with exquisite fare, the rest of us have to make do with hairy crab soup. But I see that’s on their menu also.
For all the poors out there, the .99 Cent Store sells a mean can of menudo. Try some tonight!
That menu just proves that a multi-million dollar catering budget does not buy good taste.
This could not possibly be the authentic menu. Where is the Baked Indigenous 3rd World Baby?
amuse bouche of ethanol feedstock and trade-embargo-enhanced Iranian beluga sturgeon fish eggs…subtle dig at ‘Murica, Mr. Moon!
Wonkette is making me laugh bigly today. This was boring when I saw it on HuffPo but has now achieved the heights of great comedy.
Oh, fer cryin’ out loud…give ‘em three pepperoni pizzas and a case of beer. That all my college roommates and I needed to solve the world’s problems. If it was good enough for us patriotic American kids, then it’s good enough for Dubya and all them furriners.
And wash it all down with Hershey’s Moose Tracks ice cream. But only if they solve global warming.
wheelie: locally, KFCs famous bowl has been dubbed…the porcelain bowl…
ive also heard it called the dumpster special…
and more generically, the bowl of crap…
They shoot just serve the starving children of developing nations. Poverty solved. G-8 with happy bellies.
please tell me the G8 fantasy dessert doesn’t involve licking whipped cream of vlad putin’s big ole man titties!
On the bright side, once Barry is president of the universe, there’ll be a lot more people lining up for the “G8 fantasy”…
Mahousu: im sure youre right…but still the meal seems at best insensitive given the setting…
personally, id love to have a meal like that…
What, no Crunchy Frog???
wheelie: i never heard this. i thought scottish delicacies were haggus and deep fried mars bars?
wheelie: well, right you are Rumblethumps. WTF is that? I’ll have to ask a scottish dude i’m meeting tomorrow.
In that BBC comparison, Sarkozy looks totally cool and he likes Thai Food (and not GOP favorites like Sum Yung Gai). And Sarkozys wife is a babe. Even more of a babe than Michelly O. I mean even hotter than the american apparel girl. man that is nice
well back to politix…Obama + Sarkozy + Cameron now that would make a cool 37.5% of the G8.
anabellum: Well of course it’s insensitive! This is the G8 we’re talking about, right? I mean, even the U.N. Security Council lets other nations take turns play-acting at being important, but not the G8 - they say right up front, “None of you 190-odd other nations really matter.”
By the way, you can have an even better - or at least weirder - meal right here in the U.S. In D.C., try the minibar at Cafe Atlantico - 30-some course of industrial art for $120.
There’s nothing like taking a dump after an 18-course meal to make one think about the hungry in the world.
I hope the Japanese have toilets big enough for this kind of crap.
FAILURE PILE IN A SADNESS BOWL.
I want a ‘G8 fantasy’ dessert! Cause you know its made with priest semen and baby blood.
What’s the entree that Bush 41 “drove the Buick to Borneo” with?
I’d finish my veggies EVERY night if they were candied! Such whimsy…
teebob2000: Candied cherry tomatoes are incredible. I’m surprised they haven’t caught on in the U.S. yet.
No Freshly picked Mexican Tomatoes?
What, no hot buttered groat clusters?
Dave J.: Must be the case. No one can complain that his momma made bighand thornyhead fish a lot better than these amateurs.
It’s somehow comforting to know that Japanese chefs are just as desperate to be creative as chefs in other countries. I have to go back to poetry in the Seventies, or one of my own disciplines, photography, to think of another art so creatively bankrupt. And it’s amazing that there has never been a Japanese alternative band called Bighand Thornyfish, to my knowledge. Calling it G8 reduces the world economic summit to the level of Bingo; they should have met at an Indian casino.
lawrenceofthedesert: I can’t believe you would call a menu creatively bankrupt when it’s got, like, eight different kinds of foam. Foam, fer chrissakes — it’s like a whole new phylum of nutrients. It’s like the Bose-Einstein condensate of foodstuffs. It’s the veritable last frontier of the culinary arts. Hell, foam hasn’t even come to my town. Though to be honest, there are only two places here that even make a decent Hollandaise — so given that this is the Third World of eggs Benedict, foam is but a rumor of a distant oasis. Sigh…
Hairy crab soup?
Haven’t those Europeans heard of waxing?!
Here’s hoping the next G8 is held in Brazil.
SayItWithWookies: I guess you never saw Top Chef Season 2, with rappin’ Marcel? Other than cringeworthy bacon/avocado ice cream, I’m not sure he made a dish that didn’t involve a foam or gelee. Since it just looks like spit, I never figured out why he bothered.
http://www.televisionaryblog.com/2007/01/theres-no-place-like-foam-seven-deadly.html
SayItWithWookies — I stand by my remark regarding the culinary creative Chapter 13; like poetry, cheffing (it should be a word) lost touch with common sense and sensibilities. When is the last time you worked really hard and thought, “Gee, I can’t wait until I can go home, change clothes, and have a really fresh bowl of foam?” They’re playing strip poker in a nudist colony, all because chefs have become the starlets of cable television. There are some good cooks on t.v., but the food channels and allegedly gourmet magazines have an unhealthy appetite for gimmicks. You have to be The Minimalist and cook your clafouti with clementines instead of good old cherries to appease the powers at the NYT. Without her Hollywood heritage and looks, Giada would never have gotten away with something as pedestrian as “Everyday Italian,” but it’s her recipes that I cook when I’m hungry, which is almost always. It’s yet another sinister CIA influence (Culinary Institute of America).
Supreme of Chicken? Is this a real dish or just a classier version of the Wendy’s Chicken Supreme sandwich? These guys are eating stuff I never heard of and all I can relate to is the dollar menu. What a sad study in contrasts.
now here’s some really good eats. Not like hairy crabs. christ, who’d want those? This is food from the good old days, when you had to worry about scurvy.
What happened to the good ol’ days of Chicken Divan, Lobster Thermidor, Beef Wellington, Pommes Supreme, Shrimp cocktail all served with a giant vat of mayonnaise by sniveling waiters?
Corn and caviar? Eastern Shore sweet corn on the cob, freshly warm with melted butter and just a little bit of salt, is great. Caviar, with just a little bit of cream cheese on a good cracker, is great, too.
But just listing “corn and caviar?” Ech. Yech.
Beyond that, the idea of world leaders sitting down to a stupid 18-course meal to discuss a world hunger crisis is nothing short of stupid, dumb, moronic, insensitive, stupid, offensive and hypocritical.
Isn’t “Hot Onion Tart” one of Eliot Spitzer’s diamond whores?
So did Mrs. Sarkozy (A/k/a Supermodel Carla Bruni) eat it all and then purge it up later?
Hairy Crab? Is that similar to Hairy Clam?
Mmmm… hairy clam…
hockeymom: obfuscator: SayItWithWookies: thursdaynext27:
Blame Spaniard “molecular gastronomist” Ferran Adrià, of El Bulli fame/infamy, for this fin de siècle assault on the accepted notions of food prep, most notably cuisine de foam
For Cheney, break out the infant sous-vide…
what? no faggots? spotted dick?
Err… Gobyfish? http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/staticfiles/NGS/Shared/StaticFiles/Photography/Images/Content/goby-fish-henry-656023-ga.jpg
those sick bastards