space monsters

Crude Robot Runes Signal Impending Onslaught of D.C.

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Wonkette omen operative “Jacklyn” sends us this photo and writes, “Does anyone know what these paintings are or why they are there? They are painted on streets all around the Mall… 3rd, 4th, and 7th, Streets NW at least.” We have no clue but are willing to conjecture: In ten days, a race of oversized, porous ribbed condoms from Outer Space will destroy this city and rebuild it as five-star day spa. Any other theories?

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • columnv

    It’s a penis skeleton w/ arms and legs.


  • SayItWithWookies

    I, for one, welcome our ribbed-for-her-pleasure overlords.

  • multiplechoice

    It’s in Los Angeles as well. At Sunset and Orange.

  • anabellum

    columnv is partially correct…its whats left when you step on a Rovian…

  • Q2

    Noooooo! This is a secret repub sign signal reminding the faithful to wear a condom when ass fucking page boys to prevent evidential DNA collection. Kinda like sexually deviant Free Masons.

  • liquiddaddy

    Aqua Teen Hunger Force has another movie?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Klatuu Barada Nikto, dude.

  • Dave J.

    It’s the skeletal form Lord Cheney adopts when he leaves the grounds every fortnight and hunts his prey.

  • Nasara

    I sincerely hope no federal funds were used to pay for the propagation of this condom themed artwork.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    YOUR ALL WRONG. Its the new simply of the Grand Ol’ Party.

  • tunamelt

    Maybe they’re sabotaging condoms so everyone gets pregnant.

  • Q2

    [re=31583]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Klan hooded. No heart. No gut. Unhappy. Unsure footed. It screams “Look!!! I am empty! Without soul! Devoid of spirit!” Yep. Definately could be.

  • Manofsteel

    It’s Waldo as a Klansman. All this time we’ve been looking for him, he’s been at a Klan camp, learning the ways of ignorance.

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    Somewhere, some art student is creaming himself because his little “guerrilla art” stunt is getting national attention. I recommend we hit him with our death ray.

  • Keram2


  • tallycast

    This is in DC? Right? Check the surveillance videos to see who is doing the tagging. I’m guessing viral marketing and you played right into their hands.

  • Truculent

    Dear God, is someome still sidewalk-chalking for publicity? The only one worth a damn in my book was a stencil sprayed on the sidewalks in D.C. a few years back. It read “Tuna Taco” and included a picture of something that could have been a taco, or something else. Done the week of the Gay Pride parade.

  • kudzu

    It’s a disemboweled, sun-dried, and salt-cured Ron Paul voodoo doll avatar created by Hillary supporters in an attempt to sway Paultards towards voting for WALNUTS! and to piss off Barry Hussein. Am I right… eh? Am I right?

  • PrairiePossum

    He’s looking for his lite brite friends who visited Boston last year. He appears in the form of a condom because he intends to breed with the lite brites. We better get Homeland Security on this ASAP.

  • obfuscator

    Mr. Sad-faced Rockethead doing the dance from the “Thriller” video.

  • Marcel Parcells

    It’s a sad exacto knife. This must be about 9/11. Never forget!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=31583]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: *symbol* not simply.
    Way to fuck that one up, retard.

  • TGY

    Most likely if you ride past very fast on a skateboard and stare at the wall, you’ll get a ‘flipbook animation’ effect. And then you’ll run into something nasty and serves you right for looking off to the side when you should be looking ahead.

  • Clovis

    I know that critter anywhere. It’s Man From Planet X. I haven’t seen him since 1951. He’s a ringer for McSame.

  • Q2

    Sadly, this is “Stickman,” also seen in Manhattan and Philly. So much for conspiracy theories. Damn.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    And why is SF like 178 degrees? You think that symbol is a bad omen for D.C.?

  • Seanibus

    These damned things are all over the streets of Philadelphia, too, right next to the piles of dog poop that people in this accursed city seem to think is some kind of decorative accent to our already run down and depressing streetscape.

  • I am the Liquor

    It’s the Wicker Man dancing like one of the kids in the Charlie Brown Xmas cartoon.

  • Aurelio

    That looks to me like Jim Cramer when he’s off his meds.

  • AxmxZ

    It’s a starved Klansman, enslaved under Hopey’s fascist regime.

  • Mr Blifil

    It’s an attempt to cut a toilet paper snowflake gone horribly wrong…

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    I may be wrong, but could it be related to the bunch of protesters outside my building on Wisconsin Avenue with the terrible slogans that are for democracy, student freedom and political reform in Iran??? They’re making quite a ruckus, but I feel as if they are lost. The Chinese embassy is a few buildings down, and they’re obviously no where near any federal buildings…

  • Combover

    Am I the only one who fantasizes about the Slim Slack chick and the Generation Kill guy getting together? Sigh.

  • Rickish

    There’s another one I walk by every day on my way to work at Fountain and Cole in LA. I’m glad somebody is finally trying to tackle this mystery.

  • KevoTron

    Jesse Helms will soon rise from the dead as a Grand Wizard and terrorize the Hopey one.

  • Keram2

    [re=31656]Combover[/re]: You are not. Rawr.

  • Michael Bauser

    It’s a Reflectorman tile, also known as a Stickman. They’re in Philly and New York, too.

    If that weirds you out, be glad you never had to read a Toynbee Tile.

  • Michael Bauser

    [re=31745]Michael Bauser[/re]: Dammit, posted a link from the wrong clipboard! Try this:

  • jacksonmab

    These exact figures are all over the sidewalks of Center City (Downtown) Philadelphia as well. I always figured it was an angst-full “guerilla” art student, as other readers have speculated. They look like someone laid down a little tar/concrete, or found freshly paved areas, and pushed them into it.
    Has anyone seen these in other cities?

  • DCBulloch
  • Q2

    They have been reported in Philly, Manhattan, DC, and Washington. In Philly I have read them described as “Stickman” and the bear an uncanny resemblance to a Manhattan artist’s work. Lot’s of sightings, here’s one…

  • Q2

    @Q2: “…LA, and Washington.”

  • teebob2000

    They’re what terrorize me every night of my life!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!


    They’ve been all over NYC for a year or more. Well, downtown and Williamsburg.

  • American Dreamer

    Sounds like a bad plot line for an N. Night Shamalaywhatever movie.

  • American Dreamer

    [re=31612]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’ve been seeing your avatar taped all over street signs and sidewalks in the Castro District of San Francisco and the West Village of New York and the South End of Boston. What are you trying to tell us?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    It’s 2 dimensional albino squirrel road kill. Good eating and low fat if you leave out the butter.

  • American Dreamer

    It actually looks a lot like a religous symbol of the Dogon tribe of west Mali. I remmeber it from an art history class in college. I think you should contact the Mali embassy in D.C. for the answer to this puzzle.

  • trai_dep

    It appears that our walking dildo friend isn’t showing up for work with the required degree of enthusiasm.

  • notthe600

    Something for stroller babies to look at so they will not be overly disturbed when the aliens arrive after the babies have reached their cantankerous and conservative old age. Notice the images are appearing in centers of power, like Philadelphia.

  • DailyComicsReview

    It’s called getting drunk and spending a night on the town tagging your stencil all over DUH

  • thefrontpage

    These “paintings” are actually secretive, clandestine symbols used by Interpol, The Trilateral Commission and The Illuminati to pass on secret spy codes about upcoming intelligence operations that will change the course of world politics, economics and climate change.