MONSTERS  12:31 pm July 8, 2008

Game-Altering Poll: Pet Owners Prefer McCain

by Jim Newell

That is actually John McCain's catA new poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no pets because he hates domesticated beasts. But — as the AP tells us — John McCain owns a “veritable menagerie” of creatures. Sexy!

These are all of the monsters John McCain owns:

  • Sam, the English springer spaniel! That would be a… dog!
  • Coco, “the mutt.” Coco is a mulatto!
  • Two turtles that Common Man John McCain has named after FORMALWEAR ACCESSORIES: “Cuff” and “Link.” He does not, however, own any gerbils named “Cummerbund.”
  • Oreo, a cat that John McCain eats regularly.
  • A nameless ferret that Meghan McCain frequently sports as a stinky scarf.
  • Three parakeets, also nameless; although when Cindy McCain gets hopped up on pills she worships them as the actual Holy Trinity.
  • “A bunch of saltwater fish,” a.k.a. plantation slaves.

Poll: Pet owners prefer McCain over Obama [AP/WTOP]

 
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{ 47 comments }

columnv July 8, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Cindy McCain is a bitch.

pattycake July 8, 2008 at 12:37 pm

* Robert Mosbacher.

shortsshortsshorts July 8, 2008 at 12:37 pm

EXTRA EXTRA:
AP ASSIGNING INTERNS TO DO REPORTING
CUT COSTS MAKE FOR ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE
SOON YOUR DOG WILL BE TELLING YOU HOW TO VOTE

uncletravelingmatt July 8, 2008 at 12:41 pm

There is nothing more “Presidential” than someone carrying around a little plastic bag full of animal feces.

Baiowulf July 8, 2008 at 12:41 pm

Pet rapists support Ron Paul 69%! ARF!!

Inadequate Blackmail July 8, 2008 at 12:42 pm

I sense a disturbance in The Force, as if a million Wonketeers were coming up with Crazy Cat Lady jokes at once…

toastandlove July 8, 2008 at 12:42 pm

What about all the crazy cat-ladies at hcsfjm.alsjfkldjsl.wtf? The people DESERVE TO KNOW

RooseveltFranklin July 8, 2008 at 12:43 pm

So glad to know that I take after George Washington’s foxhounds.

Beef Supreme July 8, 2008 at 12:44 pm

That was an interesting poll. Also, owners of cock-fighting roosters support McCain by 97%.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 12:44 pm

How about people who have sex with pets? I am betting McCain gets the bestiality vote, too, especially from Florida, where it is not illegal.

masterofzen July 8, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Cuff and Link were Rocky Balboa’s Elitist turtles.

Mista Eko July 8, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Coco, “the mutt.” Coco is a mulatto!

So THEEEEERE’S the black baby!

Tawmn July 8, 2008 at 12:48 pm

I couldn’t help but notice that Meg-han McCain has a song on her summertime playlist from MUSLIM EXTRETMEIST Cat Stevens. Is this a secret “I love you” to Hopey?

villageatrois July 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm

“nameless ferret”? Oh, you mean Hickey Hider.

mookworthjwilson July 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm

[re=31224]Beef Supreme[/re]: And they are all have the beetus like their hero Wilford Brimley…

BTW Cuff and Link were the names of Rocky’s pet turtles, for those who slept through the 70s and didn’t know…

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Don’t forget Cindy’s two matching baby cougars, “Drapes” & “Carpet”.

villageatrois July 8, 2008 at 12:52 pm

My dog, a mutt himself, is willing to interview Coco. Provided — Coco must be female, must pass a sniff test, and must stand still during the actual examination. Due to these criteria, my dog does not like Jamacain. The cats don’t like him either, but cats have natural snark.

mookworthjwilson July 8, 2008 at 12:53 pm

[re=31235]villageatrois[/re]: Well daddy does say she’s the best kisser…

Maj. Major Major Major July 8, 2008 at 12:53 pm

This reflects the urban – rural divide in the Great American Culture War. The further you get from midtown the greater your chances of owning a pet and voting Republican.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 8, 2008 at 12:53 pm

[re=31237]obfuscator[/re]: Oh right. Like they’ve EVER matched.

tunamelt July 8, 2008 at 12:54 pm

I have a chihuahua but those are basically just cats, hence my Obama support.

Harvey Birdman July 8, 2008 at 12:54 pm

[re=31231]Mista Eko[/re]: Well, he does have an Oreo…the cat.

ForeignSickSpecialist July 8, 2008 at 12:55 pm

[re=31220]Baiowulf[/re]: Correct. Pet owners tend to vote for old reliable conservative ex POWs, while pet LOVERS prefer libertarians. They don’t want the government dictating what happens in the privacy of one’s own kennel.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 12:56 pm

And a startling 80% of tuatara owners lean towards John McCain.

TGY July 8, 2008 at 1:02 pm

It’s true that cats aren’t domesticated.

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 8, 2008 at 1:03 pm

Dogs are considered unclean in Islam.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 8, 2008 at 1:06 pm

The article failed to mention that 87% of unicorn owners support Hope™

spandrelmatic July 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm

The other 21% is holding out for Huckabee.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/78241

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 8, 2008 at 1:12 pm
awesomeguy#1 July 8, 2008 at 1:13 pm

Masterofzen beat me to the punch about the turtles. Yet Masterofzen failed by using the term “were.” In fact, they are Rocky’s turtles to this day (30 years later). They like to eat dry Meow Mix.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1577242/posts

Truculent July 8, 2008 at 1:15 pm

…know homossexual MUSLIM TERRORIST. Please don’t make me correct you yet again.

anabellum July 8, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=31249]SayItWithWookies[/re]: i can see why, the simularities are striking…”The attachments for biting muscles are: Two bone arches, plus the side of the little brain box, plus the struts joining the arches. The brain box is little, because tuatara is not very clever and most of tuatara’s skull is for eating, not thinking.”

nbawriter July 8, 2008 at 1:21 pm

[re=31237]obfuscator[/re]: I thought their names were “Platinum” and “Baldy?”

Johnny Zhivago July 8, 2008 at 1:27 pm

The pets belong to Cindy, not John; she’s always looking for something new to cuddle.

AxmxZ July 8, 2008 at 1:30 pm

Jerboa owners were found to overwhelmingly support Obama. Something about the ears, the long legs, and the irresistible cuteness.

WIDTAP July 8, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Ah the standards of Wonkette are declining.

Why no picture of a Hitler Cat?, Jim?

ServiceJervixJuice July 8, 2008 at 1:33 pm

“Cummerbund” is an odd German fellow who lives in a closet in McCain’s basement.

masterofzen July 8, 2008 at 1:39 pm

[re=31275]awesomeguy#1[/re]: Oh, my, you have taught me something fascinating that I did not know. Wait a minute — are they the same turtles? Maybe a gift from Stallone, who I believe was the one who freed McCain from the Hanoi Hilton?

PJ July 8, 2008 at 1:52 pm

Oh, little interns! Oh, little INNN-terns! YOOOOHOOOO! Come sit down here by me.

:draws skirts aside to make room:

My gosh, but it’s been a long time since I actually spoke to anyone other than my two fur-friends Molly and Gizmo.

Now I know for a fact that those members of the Oughtred Society who own cats support Obama, dear. Are you old enough to drive? You look so young.

Now tell Auntie the truth. Did you just call home and ask your family those questions because it was really scary to have to call strangers? I thought that might be the case.

Now you just open that little laptop of yours and google ‘representative sample.’ We’ll go for ice cream once you can tell me why just calling your family and then writing about it was a bad idea.

No, I’m not mad, but I am disappointed.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 1:58 pm

[re=31287]anabellum[/re]: Also they live in sheltered burrows and have been struggling to survive ever since the Maori first came to New Zealand about 20,000 years ago.
But I do like that site’s writing style — check out the link to the weta (the huge, venomous insect, not the TV station) if you found that entertaining.

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=31244]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:

No, you’re thinking of her pet bobcats, “Hairdo” & “Gorilla Salad”.

Guppy06 July 8, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=31214]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: At this point, I think I’d rather have the dogs voting.

Yeil' July 8, 2008 at 6:33 pm

Democrat’s will not concede Pet owners to the Republicans. Yes Seriously!

All Cat lovers (Google Video)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4412027748204910365&hl=en

Talking Dogs and thier fans (Youtube Video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCYaw5tGYAs

All these Cats and dogs are supporting Barack Obama in ’08!

Join Us!

ladymacbeth July 8, 2008 at 6:58 pm

technically i would prefer to see more pictures of john mccain’s pets and less of cindy.

especially that cat.

Borat July 8, 2008 at 8:51 pm

we need more surveys like this but with more microtrend population groups. like how many KKK dudes support McC, how many court-marshalled solders support McKey, etc

muff0808 July 17, 2008 at 11:33 am

ALL politically-minded pet owneres should get their dogs on one of these McCain/Obama dog bandanas!
Check it out at:
http://www.thedogvote.com

Elessar December 1, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Well now that everyone knows Obama’s family is getting a puppy, I should think the pet voter base would be back in his camp. He better have some of his staff out looking for dog doors, beds, treats, etc… The President doesn’t have time for stuff like that!
I suggest:
http://www.discount-pet-superstore.com/dog_doors/patio_panel_doors.htm
One of those would look great in the White House and is small enough to be guarded by a single secret service dog.

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