CAMPAIGN ADS  11:40 am July 8, 2008

Walnuts: Don’t Hope For Anything Good To Happen If I’m In Charge

by Jim Newell

Here’s a new “biographical” ad from John McCain, where we learn — get this — that while a bunch of hippie anarcho-pinkist fags like 7-year-old Barack Obama spent five years mud-fucking on the AIDSy grounds of Woodstock in the 1960s, McCain was at a subprime torture hotel in Vietnam. The ad concludes with a number of inspirational messages that will surely drive voters to his corner, such as “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear” and “Don’t hope for a better life.” This rhetoric. We are overcome. [YouTube]

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medievalist July 8, 2008 at 11:43 am

He’s a MAVERICK who doesn’t like to talk about HOW HE WAS SHOT DOWN IN VIETNAM and besides, the world is DANGEROUS.

Message: Fuck hope.

tonashideska July 8, 2008 at 11:51 am

lets not forget the three other planes he crashed.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 11:52 am

Hey, we’re almost done with eight years of a president who promised that government can’t make our lives better. And although he proved it by making our lives miserable, he only did it accidentally. John McCain is different — he’ll keep f*cking up our lives on purpose. John McCain: chains you can believe in.

WadISay July 8, 2008 at 11:57 am

Jeez, what an annoying VO. An American hero (American hero), he called a cunt a cunt (cunt a cunt) and boned trollops (trollops, trollops) from Brazil to the Beltway (way, way).

EnBuenOra July 8, 2008 at 11:57 am

You will want to feature this video on Wonkette, when a strongly Count Chocula-accented older lady started screaming at McCain to stop taxing her and get off her back:

The most colorful part of the town hall meeting happened when McCain supporter Georgette Hattag let McCain know she doesn’t want to pay any higher taxes.

“You tax us when we’re born. You tax us when we’re dead. You tax us when we eat. You tax us when we sleep. You tax us every which way. Get off of my back,” says Hattag.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 8, 2008 at 11:58 am

[re=31149]SayItWithWookies[/re]: LMAO

John McCain: Haines you can believe in.

John McCain: Pains you can believe in.

John McCain: Canes you can believe in.

I could do this all day, really. I had better stop at three.

Domestic Goddess July 8, 2008 at 11:59 am

Because he’s such a MAVERICK, McCain decided to veer away from Bush rhetoric and focus more on fear than hope.

PrairiePossum July 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm

He’s letting us know that he will invade Iran and probably Pakistan.

“If you think things look bad now, just wait ’til I’m elected. You won’t even be able to spell HOPE by the time my first term ends.”

Quacker July 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm

John McCain – Hope you can forget about.

Sean O July 8, 2008 at 12:01 pm

I love the astonishing ignorance of the DON’T TAX ME!! crowd. I have to believe they’re anti-street lights and fire departments as well.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 12:01 pm

[re=31160]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: John McCain’s pants: Stains you can believe in.

Dave J. July 8, 2008 at 12:04 pm

“Half a world away, another kind of love…”


Mumble Softly July 8, 2008 at 12:08 pm

How come the only blacks in this video are : 1 The bus driver of the McCain Straight Talk Express and the : 1 Pimp/Black Panther militant with large afro in the clip from the 1970′s? Is there a subtle message here I am missing ?

(waits for angry black guy to respond)

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 8, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=31170]SayItWithWookies[/re]: John McCain’s temples or legs: [Vericose] Veins you can believe in.

A bit off topic, but… Hillary Clinton: Planes you can believe it.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey July 8, 2008 at 12:12 pm

He should really play up the whole “Top Gun” schtick. That way he’ll be able to cull all teh gays that were for Hillary and just don’t think Hopey is enough of a top for them.
John McCain: A TOP Gun you can believe in.

mookworthjwilson July 8, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=31175]Mumble Softly[/re]: Not so subtle…the only good black man is the one that drives the bus…the others are terrorists.

WhatTheHeck July 8, 2008 at 12:18 pm

Hippie love = Vietnam war.
Barack Obama = Bus driver.
Bus driver = back of the bus.

I approve this message = Be afraid of black people.

sleepy July 8, 2008 at 12:19 pm

funny how there’s no mention of the confession he signed upon being tortured.

madirishman July 8, 2008 at 12:24 pm

“Don’t hope for a better life. Give up, shut up, and serve thy Republican masters FOREVER!America: Love it or leave it! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Mumble Softly July 8, 2008 at 12:24 pm

[re=31180]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Do you think when the black bus driver takes a break from driving he has to sit in the back (way back)?

uncletravelingmatt July 8, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Wait, so Johnny Mac was shot down by an angry black bus driver?

uncletravelingmatt July 8, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Oh, and from the old Soviet commercials “The SA-8: Range you can believe in.”

ForeignSickSpecialist July 8, 2008 at 12:26 pm

From Wiki:

The Maverick was designed to be inexpensive and and easily repaired. According to several insiders, the Maverick was originally slated to be either a full GOP replacement or the newest restyling of the GOP. The Maverick never replaced the GOP, but for one brief year, it was far more muscular than the beloved Grande Olde Party.

The Maverick had several different models. Initially, only the standard was available. Early models lacked a true plan to save on costs.

Some of the options had unusual names, such as Anti-Establish Mint, Hulla Blue, Original Cinnamon, Freudian Gilt, Thanks Vermillion, Black Jade, Champagne Gold, Gulfstream Aqua, Meadowlark Yellow, Brittany Blue, Lime Gold, Dresden Blue, Raven Black, Wimbledon White, and Candyapple Red.

The muscle themed Grabber package included special graphics and trim, including a spoiler. A Sprint package was offered that had a special red, white, and blue job with a matching interior. The one year trim package was said to have been a patriotic theme for the 2008 Elections. Versions were given a stylized U.S. flag made into a badge decal on the rear quarter. The badge was very much in the vein of Olympic symbols, but without being too close, to avoid stepping on copyrights.
Jumping gas prices and increasing demand for smaller cars resulting from the Arab Oil embargo did cause the Maverick to grow in popularity. The Maverick issued minor changes that included the replacement of Maverick nameplates with WALNUTS! nameplates.

Alas, the Grabber was dropped, and a Black Stallion package was introduced. The Black Stallion option came with special trim. Production of the standard Maverick continued to drop, as the popularity of the Black Stallion significantly erased the relevance of the Maverick.

Servo July 8, 2008 at 12:29 pm

If he’s in the cockpit or in the White House, the outcome is the same…..a big smoking hole in the ground.

columnv July 8, 2008 at 12:41 pm

[re=31172]Dave J.[/re]: the love of blowing people the fuck up.

jimh July 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm

This was like a one-minute Forrest Gump. It mostly reminded me that before I was born, John McCain was already old. At least they didn’t include the stuff where he wears a powdered wig, it’s so dated.

TGY July 8, 2008 at 12:58 pm

So we have Hope and Anti-hope, like the Yin and the Yang, the Good and the Bad, Abbot and Costello. I can feel the psychic currents from here.

Mahousu July 8, 2008 at 12:59 pm

John McCain: Because You Don’t Deserve Any Better, You Lazy Bunch Of Hippies.

Cathangover July 8, 2008 at 1:00 pm

I love that verbal wink when the narrator first says “Hope”. It’s like Mike Myers threw this together.

sezme July 8, 2008 at 1:02 pm

That tie he’s wearing in the last shot looks like it goes down past his crotch. Do they not make these in petite sizes?

sezme July 8, 2008 at 1:04 pm

John McCain: “I believe I need to be changed. Nurse!”

ServiceJervixJuice July 8, 2008 at 1:17 pm

You’ve gotta admire his honesty…if she’s a cunt he’ll call her a cunt.

Deepthroat July 8, 2008 at 1:18 pm

“Note to viewers, John McCain can operate a cellular telephone” (or at least flip it up to his ear)

DirkLeisure July 8, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=31169]Sean O[/re]: If God wants there to be light at night, he will use the glow of the eternal hellfires to do it, not some hippie liberal streetlight. And don’t get me started on firefighters…

Hooray For Anything July 8, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Oh goody, another politician picks a fight over the 60′s. You can never get enough of that.

Mediahohoho July 8, 2008 at 1:46 pm

I HOPE he has a stroke.

See, I’m still relying on hope.

teebob2000 July 8, 2008 at 2:28 pm

Is that VO guy Powers Boothe or Steve Landesberg??

Th-th-that’s not a n-n-narrator we can believe in!

teebob2000 July 8, 2008 at 2:31 pm

‘Course, we all know he didn’t love his country until he was a POW…

Lolo July 8, 2008 at 3:22 pm

[re=31172]Dave J.[/re]: That explains the illegitimate black child…

Serolf Divad July 8, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Wow, the first 5 seconds of this video were like: “The sixties totally rocked!”

Borat July 8, 2008 at 7:43 pm

my god this is getting tedious….is this the best he can offer us? He’s even worse than the baby boomers, harping on about some stupid decade and how great it was before we were born.

Isn’t a sign of incompetence to (1) go to war (2) get shot down in war (3) get captured in war (4) not leave your captors when they let you go (5) talk forever about how this experience made you so smart.

somelegalbitch July 8, 2008 at 11:20 pm

Wait, is that narrated by Powers Boothe? Hey does anyone remember when he beat those two kids to death on Deadwood? Good choice, McCain!

Fear of a Black Reagan July 9, 2008 at 1:50 pm

[re=31195]Mumble Softly[/re]: The black bus driver *never* takes a break.

pointed1 September 28, 2008 at 8:00 pm

It’s no wonder he spent so long in Vietnam. They tried to get the truth out of him but he was incapable of telling the truth.

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