Barack Obama’s Broken Plane Was Actually… Hillary Clinton’s Plane!

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Yesterday, Barack Obama almost died in a fiery plane crash above lovely St. Louis, and you know what, it’s his own fault. Thought experiment: imagine you are a Jew. If, as a Jew, you are borrowing a car, you wouldn’t borrow it from Adolf Hitler, right? It would probably have a bomb set to the ignition (Hitler famously disliked the Jews). With that in mind: “This was not Obama’s regular campaign plane, which is being overhauled. It was a loaner, having previously been used by Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY.” When will dumb old Barack Obama realize that Hillary Clinton is actively trying to kill him? [ABC News]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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50 comments

  1. DangerousLiberal

    Hey, everyone relax! Like Hillary, the plane just had “controlability issues.” Actually, that sounds more like Bill….

  2. Uncle Al

    But wasn’t Bobby Kennedy killed in June?

    Hillz is behind schedule, it’s July already.

  3. Truculent

    Hillary plans to lend Barack her car. Ignore those puddles of brake fluid underneath

  4. Serolf Divad

    OMG, I never knew that about Hitler. I’m starting to think that the big Hitler poster I had up between the Lamborghini Countach poster and the Swedish Bikini Team poster in my dorm room may be why I didn’t have that many friends in college.

  5. ForeignSickSpecialist

    I’m sure it was all a coincidence. Pretty sure. Somewhat positive. Leaning toward the affirmative. Suppressing doubts. Burying lingering apprehension. Not quite enthusiastic about trusting Hillary. Remembering Ron Brown…

    Fuck it, she wants Barry O. DEAD! DEAD, I tell you!

  6. 4tehlulz

    >>you wouldn’t borrow it from Adolf Hitler, right?

    Depends on the ride. If it was a GTO or a ’65 Mustang, then I’ll cover the Jewskin seating with a towel.

  7. Mumble Softly

    Obama better listen to his mama — and not accept any candy or apples from Hillary or Bill

  8. cantabrigia

    [re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yeah. Definitely not a way to be popular at Brandeis.

  9. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=31097]Uncle Al[/re]: Well, she was always behind schedule in “conceding” so it only makes sense that she’d fall behind in this whole assassination thing.

  10. Guppy06

    [re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: That, or it would have helped if the Swedish models in the bikinis were women.

  11. Servo

    The bullet holes certainly explain the pressurization problem. A stashed bottle of Crown Royal may have jammed the elevator control rods.

  12. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    [re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    They hated you for your Jenny McCarthy poster.

  13. Canuckledragger

    “Well, something might happen between now and the convention…..”

    Prediction? Or prescription?

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Hell, if she can’t kill her rivals properly, she doesn’t deserve to be LBJ.
    What? President. She doesn’t deserve to be president. Ahem. How about them Mets?

  15. madirishman

    I felt a great disturbance in the Force–as 17 million Hilltardz voices suddenly cried out, “Damn it! So close!”–and then were silenced.

    Despair not, Hilltardz. Strong with the Dark Side is Darth Hillary. Another way she will find.

  16. obfuscator

    [re=31127]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    Wait until she gets to the convention and tells the crowd that she “shall both seek and accept the nomination”.

  17. Brutus Harlot

    This would be such a great action movie. The final scene would be at the convention, Denzel Washington as the nominee about to accept the nomination when Tommy Lee Jones hobbles onto the stage screaming “The flag pin the Senator gave you is a bomb! Tha flag pin is a bomb!” Denzel looks down at his lapel, turns slowly to Tommy and says “No it’s not. I changed lapel pins with the Senator during the luncheon.” We suddenly see Sigourney Weaver in her hotel room, watching the convention on her television, look down at her lapel pin in shock as the camera changes to the outside of the hotel just in time for us to see her window blow out. Kaboom!

  18. WadISay

    Wasn’t there something about how they couldn’t get the plane in the elitist “nose up” position?

  19. queeraselvis v 2.0

    If Gerry Ferraro had only known, there would have been snakes. Oh yes, there would have been snakes.

  20. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=31139]Brutus Harlot[/re]: [re=31141]graceless[/re]: Please. No one could play Hilz better than Faye Dunaway. Cybill Sheppard is a close second, but yea, totally Faye.

  21. Doglessliberal

    [re=31139]Brutus Harlot[/re]: Sigourney Weaver too good looking. I am thinking Kathy Bates in frump mode.

  22. Brutus Harlot

    [re=31144]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: There was actually a practice bar exam question I recently answered based on that movie. Best practice question ever.

  23. Brutus Harlot

    [re=31151]Doglessliberal[/re]: [re=31148]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: [re=31141]graceless[/re]: I was really thinking more that Sigourney would do a villainous Senator really well and would allow for some added (fictional) sexual tension between the main characters. Because how else could he change the lapel pin, unless they were very, very close at that luncheon.

  24. madirishman

    [re=31135]graceless[/re]: I find your lack of faith…disturbing. Sssssssshhhh…haawwwwww.

  25. Brutus Harlot

    [re=31171]obfuscator[/re]: That’s a whole new interesting vibe…she can be hiding the fact that she is really British and trying to take America back. I’m starting on the script the day after the bar exam.

  26. obfuscator

    [re=31176]Brutus Harlot[/re]:

    She was my first choice, mostly due to “Primary Colors”, I suppose.

  27. Doglessliberal

    [re=31157]Brutus Harlot[/re]: ah, I see. The full Hollywood treatment. There must be sexual tension/sex or you cannot get it made.

  28. NebraskashireGentry

    why must you compare every evil (real or imagined) with Hitler, Senator Graham?

  29. obfuscator

    [re=31181]Doglessliberal[/re]:

    Barry- Denzel
    Michelle- Angela Bassett
    Howard Wolfson- Phillip Seymour Hoffman

    THERE’S your sexual tension.

  30. Brutus Harlot

    [re=31181]Doglessliberal[/re]: I want to win an MTV movie award for this. Which means I might need to cast Johnny Depp….which I may need to do just to meet him….oh yes, he can play the candidate that is the son of the mine worker (much more exciting than the son of the mill worker, plus allows for a reference to Zoolander).

  31. S.Luggo

    Can’t be Hil’s campaign plane. She used a modified AC-47 which was mounted with three 7.62 mm gatling guns, each was capable of 6,000 rounds per minute. Or maybe that’s what she uses to fly Chappaqua.
    [re=31138]Paultardville[/re]: JH’s plane has been converted into a vomitorium, as has his casket.

  32. Empress of Snarkistan

    “(Hitler famously disliked the Jews)”

    It’s little asides like this, Mr. Newell, that will get you a Pulitzer one day.

  33. Doglessliberal

    [re=31187]obfuscator[/re]: who plays the “Bill” character? I was thinking PSH for him, but maybe Fred Thompson could do it!

  34. jagorev

    [re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: I don’t know about other people, but I’m a fan of Hitler’s art, y’know? Sure, he made some decisions, but you can’t start judging artists based on their politics, right?

  35. Peggy McGilligan

    Barbara Olson wrote, “The Clinton era is far from over and Hillary’s ambitions far from satisfied.” Ms. Olson was aboard American Airlines Flight 77, bound for Los Angeles as a guest on Bill Maher’s popular TV show, Politically Incorrect. Flight 77 was hijacked and flown into the Pentagon. Date: September 11, 2001. During her suspended campaign, Senator Hillary Clinton is redoubling her efforts, removing obstacles, and paving the way for her comeback. When Senator Obama was forced to land due to a “controllability issue,” KSDK-TV in St. Louis reported, “The same plane was used by Hillary Clinton during the primaries, but after Obama clinched the nomination, he began using it.” During Mr. Obama’s unscheduled layover, oil soaked fabric bearing the initials HRC was found packed into the tail section’s hydraulics; but authorities say remnants of the signature green scarf could have been from an old repair. Besides, millions of people have the same initials. To borrow a phrase from Bill Clinton, “It ought to make the bells go off in your head:” http://theseedsof9-11.com

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