WATCH YOURSELF  10:54 am July 8, 2008

Barack Obama’s Broken Plane Was Actually… Hillary Clinton’s Plane!

by Jim Newell

Yesterday, Barack Obama almost died in a fiery plane crash above lovely St. Louis, and you know what, it’s his own fault. Thought experiment: imagine you are a Jew. If, as a Jew, you are borrowing a car, you wouldn’t borrow it from Adolf Hitler, right? It would probably have a bomb set to the ignition (Hitler famously disliked the Jews). With that in mind: “This was not Obama’s regular campaign plane, which is being overhauled. It was a loaner, having previously been used by Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY.” When will dumb old Barack Obama realize that Hillary Clinton is actively trying to kill him? [ABC News]

 
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{ 50 comments }

DangerousLiberal July 8, 2008 at 10:57 am

Hey, everyone relax! Like Hillary, the plane just had “controlability issues.” Actually, that sounds more like Bill….

Uncle Al July 8, 2008 at 11:00 am

But wasn’t Bobby Kennedy killed in June?

Hillz is behind schedule, it’s July already.

Truculent July 8, 2008 at 11:02 am

Hillary plans to lend Barack her car. Ignore those puddles of brake fluid underneath

Serolf Divad July 8, 2008 at 11:04 am

OMG, I never knew that about Hitler. I’m starting to think that the big Hitler poster I had up between the Lamborghini Countach poster and the Swedish Bikini Team poster in my dorm room may be why I didn’t have that many friends in college.

ForeignSickSpecialist July 8, 2008 at 11:05 am

I’m sure it was all a coincidence. Pretty sure. Somewhat positive. Leaning toward the affirmative. Suppressing doubts. Burying lingering apprehension. Not quite enthusiastic about trusting Hillary. Remembering Ron Brown…

Fuck it, she wants Barry O. DEAD! DEAD, I tell you!

Borat July 8, 2008 at 11:07 am

is this the plane with the private bedroom for billz + guest

4tehlulz July 8, 2008 at 11:09 am

>>you wouldn’t borrow it from Adolf Hitler, right?

Depends on the ride. If it was a GTO or a ’65 Mustang, then I’ll cover the Jewskin seating with a towel.

Mumble Softly July 8, 2008 at 11:09 am

Obama better listen to his mama — and not accept any candy or apples from Hillary or Bill

Borat July 8, 2008 at 11:09 am

just remember to sit on your bullet proof vest to stop the unwanted sniper fire

columnv July 8, 2008 at 11:10 am

[re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: me too.

cantabrigia July 8, 2008 at 11:11 am

[re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yeah. Definitely not a way to be popular at Brandeis.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 8, 2008 at 11:14 am

[re=31097]Uncle Al[/re]: Well, she was always behind schedule in “conceding” so it only makes sense that she’d fall behind in this whole assassination thing.

Guppy06 July 8, 2008 at 11:20 am

[re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: That, or it would have helped if the Swedish models in the bikinis were women.

Servo July 8, 2008 at 11:22 am

The bullet holes certainly explain the pressurization problem. A stashed bottle of Crown Royal may have jammed the elevator control rods.

Botswana Meat Commission FC July 8, 2008 at 11:23 am

[re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]:
They hated you for your Jenny McCarthy poster.

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 11:25 am

[re=31109]4tehlulz[/re]:

It’d have to be a pretty sweet Mercedes, right?

Canuckledragger July 8, 2008 at 11:26 am

“Well, something might happen between now and the convention…..”

Prediction? Or prescription?

Larry Fine July 8, 2008 at 11:27 am

This should be a warning to Obama to refuse to borrow any of Hillary’s dildos.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 11:29 am

Hell, if she can’t kill her rivals properly, she doesn’t deserve to be LBJ.
What? President. She doesn’t deserve to be president. Ahem. How about them Mets?

madirishman July 8, 2008 at 11:33 am

I felt a great disturbance in the Force–as 17 million Hilltardz voices suddenly cried out, “Damn it! So close!”–and then were silenced.

Despair not, Hilltardz. Strong with the Dark Side is Darth Hillary. Another way she will find.

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 11:37 am

[re=31127]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

Wait until she gets to the convention and tells the crowd that she “shall both seek and accept the nomination”.

graceless July 8, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=31131]madirishman[/re]: Help us, O-B-Balm-knobee, you’re our only hopey!

Paultardville July 8, 2008 at 11:43 am

What, Jesse Helms’ old plane wasn’t available?

Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 11:43 am

This would be such a great action movie. The final scene would be at the convention, Denzel Washington as the nominee about to accept the nomination when Tommy Lee Jones hobbles onto the stage screaming “The flag pin the Senator gave you is a bomb! Tha flag pin is a bomb!” Denzel looks down at his lapel, turns slowly to Tommy and says “No it’s not. I changed lapel pins with the Senator during the luncheon.” We suddenly see Sigourney Weaver in her hotel room, watching the convention on her television, look down at her lapel pin in shock as the camera changes to the outside of the hotel just in time for us to see her window blow out. Kaboom!

graceless July 8, 2008 at 11:46 am

[re=31139]Brutus Harlot[/re]: Cool, but I think Greta Scocci should play HRC.

WadISay July 8, 2008 at 11:49 am

Wasn’t there something about how they couldn’t get the plane in the elitist “nose up” position?

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 8, 2008 at 11:50 am

If Gerry Ferraro had only known, there would have been snakes. Oh yes, there would have been snakes.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 8, 2008 at 11:51 am

[re=31139]Brutus Harlot[/re]: [re=31141]graceless[/re]: Please. No one could play Hilz better than Faye Dunaway. Cybill Sheppard is a close second, but yea, totally Faye.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 11:52 am

[re=31139]Brutus Harlot[/re]: Sigourney Weaver too good looking. I am thinking Kathy Bates in frump mode.

Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=31144]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: There was actually a practice bar exam question I recently answered based on that movie. Best practice question ever.

Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 11:57 am

[re=31151]Doglessliberal[/re]: [re=31148]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: [re=31141]graceless[/re]: I was really thinking more that Sigourney would do a villainous Senator really well and would allow for some added (fictional) sexual tension between the main characters. Because how else could he change the lapel pin, unless they were very, very close at that luncheon.

madirishman July 8, 2008 at 11:59 am

[re=31135]graceless[/re]: I find your lack of faith…disturbing. Sssssssshhhh…haawwwwww.

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 12:03 pm

[re=31157]Brutus Harlot[/re]:

Emma Thompson?

Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 12:08 pm

[re=31171]obfuscator[/re]: That’s a whole new interesting vibe…she can be hiding the fact that she is really British and trying to take America back. I’m starting on the script the day after the bar exam.

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=31176]Brutus Harlot[/re]:

She was my first choice, mostly due to “Primary Colors”, I suppose.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=31157]Brutus Harlot[/re]: ah, I see. The full Hollywood treatment. There must be sexual tension/sex or you cannot get it made.

NebraskashireGentry July 8, 2008 at 12:13 pm

why must you compare every evil (real or imagined) with Hitler, Senator Graham?

obfuscator July 8, 2008 at 12:19 pm

[re=31181]Doglessliberal[/re]:

Barry- Denzel
Michelle- Angela Bassett
Howard Wolfson- Phillip Seymour Hoffman

THERE’S your sexual tension.

qwerty42 July 8, 2008 at 12:22 pm

and i was just watching Kill Bill yesterday.

Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 12:23 pm

[re=31181]Doglessliberal[/re]: I want to win an MTV movie award for this. Which means I might need to cast Johnny Depp….which I may need to do just to meet him….oh yes, he can play the candidate that is the son of the mine worker (much more exciting than the son of the mill worker, plus allows for a reference to Zoolander).

S.Luggo July 8, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Can’t be Hil’s campaign plane. She used a modified AC-47 which was mounted with three 7.62 mm gatling guns, each was capable of 6,000 rounds per minute. Or maybe that’s what she uses to fly Chappaqua.
[re=31138]Paultardville[/re]: JH’s plane has been converted into a vomitorium, as has his casket.

S.Luggo July 8, 2008 at 12:25 pm

[re=31193]S.Luggo[/re]: “fly TO Chappaqua”, dammit.

bhosp July 8, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Bill didn’t manage to gnaw all the way through those cables on the wing then?

uncletravelingmatt July 8, 2008 at 12:29 pm

John McCain would have crashed that pup.

Empress of Snarkistan July 8, 2008 at 1:13 pm

“(Hitler famously disliked the Jews)”

It’s little asides like this, Mr. Newell, that will get you a Pulitzer one day.

dearest July 8, 2008 at 1:37 pm

as far as she knows, he ain’t muslim and the plane was fine.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=31187]obfuscator[/re]: who plays the “Bill” character? I was thinking PSH for him, but maybe Fred Thompson could do it!

jagorev July 8, 2008 at 3:52 pm

[re=31102]Serolf Divad[/re]: I don’t know about other people, but I’m a fan of Hitler’s art, y’know? Sure, he made some decisions, but you can’t start judging artists based on their politics, right?

Peggy McGilligan July 8, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Barbara Olson wrote, “The Clinton era is far from over and Hillary’s ambitions far from satisfied.” Ms. Olson was aboard American Airlines Flight 77, bound for Los Angeles as a guest on Bill Maher’s popular TV show, Politically Incorrect. Flight 77 was hijacked and flown into the Pentagon. Date: September 11, 2001. During her suspended campaign, Senator Hillary Clinton is redoubling her efforts, removing obstacles, and paving the way for her comeback. When Senator Obama was forced to land due to a “controllability issue,” KSDK-TV in St. Louis reported, “The same plane was used by Hillary Clinton during the primaries, but after Obama clinched the nomination, he began using it.” During Mr. Obama’s unscheduled layover, oil soaked fabric bearing the initials HRC was found packed into the tail section’s hydraulics; but authorities say remnants of the signature green scarf could have been from an old repair. Besides, millions of people have the same initials. To borrow a phrase from Bill Clinton, “It ought to make the bells go off in your head:” http://theseedsof9-11.com

KTHXBAI July 8, 2008 at 8:22 pm

“lovely St. Louis” ?

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