ADVENTURES IN HELL  10:22 am July 8, 2008

Howard Wolfson Leaves Politics To Embrace His First Love: Selling Out

by Sara K. Smith

He is basically the Elephant Man.Poor Howard Wolfson. The former Clinton toady was born with only one testicle, half a human soul, and twice the normal complement of genes coding for poor taste in sweaters. But finally it looks like a little ray of lucky light is shining on our Wolfie: he got himself a job! After months of volunteering, he will now be officially paid to appear on Fox News.

No word yet on what the compensation package will be, but we’ll hazard a guess that it involves bat blood, chickens, and a few gallons of off-brand lube.

Wolfson’s boyfriend Karl Rove had this to say about his coworker: “He strikes me as a very able guy and surprisingly pleasant and amiable.”

At the time of the announcement, Wolfson was vacationing in Liverpool — an exceptionally creepy and sinister place to vacation.

Clinton Strategist Howard Wolfson Heads to Fox News [Daily Intel]

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termite July 8, 2008 at 10:24 am

Vacation? In Liverpool?!?!?!? What about the name LIVER POOL strikes you as implying a holiday destination? It’s like going to Bangkok and expecting no gay prostitutes…

loquaciousmusic July 8, 2008 at 10:27 am

He’s going down to Liverpool to do nothing, apparently.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 8, 2008 at 10:32 am

Liverpool: the Newark of England.

ForeignSickSpecialist July 8, 2008 at 10:34 am

Fox will be the leader of news for all white viewers over 65 until they die, which isn’t happening fast enough, if you ask me.

loquaciousmusic July 8, 2008 at 10:34 am

Oh, my God. I was just reading this piece somewhere on the Intertubes about George W. Bush becoming a high school civics teacher, and this was the first comment after the author asked, “What else could he do after leaving the Oval Office?”

He could, i dunno, tonguejack my shitbox?


Howard Wolfson can tonguejack my shitbox.

4tehlulz July 8, 2008 at 10:36 am

>>Tourism is a major factor in the economy and will be of increasing importance in the run up to the Liverpool’s year as European Capital of Culture.

From Wiki.

Liverpool, European Capital of Culture.

Other than the Beatles being from there, what the hell kind of significant culture is in Liverpool?

MC_Bob July 8, 2008 at 10:37 am


Wow! Never thought of that. Kind of like Hilary supporters, no?

Delicious July 8, 2008 at 10:44 am

So he appeared at no charge to lie and now he will get paid to lie.

America, what a country.

toastandlove July 8, 2008 at 10:45 am

Howard Wolfson? Karl Rove? The only thing left would be for Dick Cheney to become a Fox News pundit after this administration is over…once they have the Sinister Triad in their leagues, the stars will align and the ground will crack and open, and the hollow screams of a thousand stolen souls will deafen us all.

Hart88 July 8, 2008 at 10:46 am

Well, there you have it: the next four years (at least) will be filled with Clintonistas constantly sniping at Obama for not fixing everything in his first 90 days, setting up Hillary for ’12.

Can’t we just kill these assholes?

Borat July 8, 2008 at 10:52 am

Boris Johnson, the new mayor of London was FORCED to go to Liverpool to apoligise for saying all they do is “wallow in their own victimhood”. Of course it is true the people of Liverpool are like this and Boris was correct in saying this.

So, where do you think a bitter Hillz supporter will feel at home abroad…hmmmm

Canuckledragger July 8, 2008 at 11:00 am

Well somebody from the Klingon kampaign had to go to Fox to hold l’il Lanny Davis’ hand. Funny thing. How many more Hillaryous stalwarts will make their way to GOPspeak Central, all the while pretending that Hillaryous wasn’t a Republican in Dem-drag?

And now all the Klingon Bitters will vote for a Republican candydate because their fave Dem didn’t win the primary? What did Hillaryous put in the water to attract so many GOPervs to her nominally Dem campaign, only to have them out themselves when she lost?

The fucking fifth column is now going public, people. Celebrate what you’ve been spared, had Hillaryous actually won.

ForeignSickSpecialist July 8, 2008 at 11:00 am

[re=31084]MC_Bob[/re]: The HRC and Ailes axes of evil are aligning together to form the oldest, whitest, angriest voting block ever to go to bed before 8:30. They won’t stop until they get what they want, or the street lights come on, whichever comes first.

Botswana Meat Commission FC July 8, 2008 at 11:05 am

That sweater will go great with a fine set of stolen Scouse hubcaps.

Serolf Divad July 8, 2008 at 11:07 am

Any place whose name is a combination of the words “liver” and “pool” has got to be a creepy place. I can’t imagine a place such as that producing anything of any cultural of artistic significance. Maybe liverwurst and cod oil.

columnv July 8, 2008 at 11:11 am


Brutus Harlot July 8, 2008 at 11:31 am

So wait, the conservatives really did want Clinton to win? We all think Obama’s the manchurian candidate (because a black guy was in the movie) but it was really Clinton!

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2008 at 11:35 am

Best of luck, Howie. And when in Rome, do as the Romans do — suck on Karl Rove’s shrivelled, warty Gannon-stained cock.

Paultardville July 8, 2008 at 11:38 am

Fox News: Fair and balanced and unshaven and making ugly sweaters come back into style and eating your children.

graceless July 8, 2008 at 11:44 am

[re=31134]Paultardville[/re]: YUM!

PJ July 8, 2008 at 11:47 am

As a knitter, I can only say that the problem is not the sweater. If that thing is hand knit, it is an amazing piece of work.

Whereas the person wearing it is just a piece of work.

Truculent July 8, 2008 at 11:50 am

Fox News — Employer of last resort for scumbags, hacks, criminals, the insane, the incompetent, the inarticulate.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 11:51 am

[re=31142]PJ[/re]: But it is not. It is synthetic material and machine made, much like the wearer.

S.Luggo July 8, 2008 at 12:05 pm

[re=31145]Truculent[/re]: I believe that you are describing:
A. the American Enterprise Institute.
B. the Hoover Institution at Stanford

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 12:13 pm

[re=31173]S.Luggo[/re]: D. The Bush Administration.

S.Luggo July 8, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Is that the grip of a ski pole which Howard has in his mitts, or am I being far too kind?

Truculent July 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm

[re=31173]S.Luggo[/re]: All leisure time divisions of the Murdoch/Cheney octopus. As we speak/type, a special throne is being prepared. Cheney will ascend it on January 22 at a fantastic ritual announcing his appointment as Fox’s All-Wise Seer. Rows of screaming virgins will be put to the knife as John Yoo and David Addington call upon Satan to reveal himself in his full glory

georgia_peach July 8, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=31183]Doglessliberal[/re]: I am shocked that E. FEMA has not yet made this list.

dearest July 8, 2008 at 1:28 pm

There you go. When that horrid hillary person talked about the “vast right-wing conspiracy”, she was planning her presidential campaign. The clintons and their wolves were never above the bushes and their roves. There were just less effective and more emotionally convoluted.

Doglessliberal July 8, 2008 at 2:36 pm

[re=31306]dearest[/re]: organized evil vs. feckless Machiavellianism

Odd Ass City July 8, 2008 at 3:24 pm

Betting my ass didn’t pay off for him, and he’s gotta eat.

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