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The Obama campaign has sent its latest self-important “Big Announcement” email, and it’s funny! He will not be giving his empty-rhetoric convention speech in some smoky back room with George Soros and Scrooge McDuck as his only audience, which is customary. He will hold it outdoors, for everyone to attend, but only if they turn off their Xboxes first: “Barack will leave the convention hall and join more than 75,000 people for a huge, free, open-air event where he will deliver his acceptance speech to the American people.” But what if it rained on his parade, as they say? Or what if no one showed up, since the speech will be on the teevee and no one gives a shit anyway? Answer: book the Decemberists. Oh and also, if you give this clown more money he might let you, uh, watch him speak from a decent vantage point or what have you. [Barack Obama]

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48 COMMENTS

  1. First he was scheduled to give it indoors, now he’s doing it outdoors. Sounds like another terrorist flip-flop from NOOBAMA. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

  2. [re=30489]tunamelt[/re]: Barack speaks on Thursday night and Southwest airlines has cheap flights from LA to Denver (and other cities) when you fly on a Wednesday. I’m looking into this. It’ll be historic, and not in the Chicago 1968 sense either.

  3. “…And while we wait for the nominee to arrive, please direct your attention to Stage 2, where Jeremiah Wright is going to attempt to break the record for open-air abortions performed in a one-hour period. Brought to you by Shop-Vac.”

  4. [re=30493]SuperRounder[/re]: I learned some important things in my youth about firearms, most of them from Easy-E. Consider what happens when the silly motherfucker pulls out a deuce-deuce.

  5. [re=30492]jagorev[/re]:

    Oh, wait I just got that: NOOB-Ama. NOOB-Ama. Like N00B.

    Is that what all the mouth-breathers are calling him? Very hep.

  6. If you give him $5 you might get a backstage pass, y’all. I’m going, so I hope the fucking Decemberists aren’t there. Nas, maybe?

  7. [re=30486]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Somewhere, a lot of Secret Service guys are having the Big One. Jeebus, talk about taking chances. Next, he’ll be riding through town in an open Lincoln Continental remarking about how welcoming the local citizenry is.

  8. Outdoors is the only place they’re allowed to serve funnel cake, Boardwalk Fries and other heart-cloggers. He’s speaking outside in order to connect to the bitters.

  9. [re=30529]Truculent[/re]: What’s so scary about him doing a speech at a football stadium? It’s just a bigger building without a roof; everybody who comes in is going to be cavity-searched. The SS will put their own snipers on everything overlooking it, assuming anything does.

    Actually attending the speech is for loosers, tho; the real hep cats will tailgate outside and watch it on the satellite teevee. Barry + beer + brats = win!

  10. Screw the Decemberists, he should turn it into one of those Monster Of Rock Music Festivals, like they had in the old days. He should have Van Halen, Journey and Metallica (it’ll help with the vaunted white, male, white trash demographic he apparently has trouble with). Nothing like a bunch of drunken dudes in mullets who’ve been drinking all day to feel the Hope.

  11. As a Coloradan, I can assure you that Denver is not risky, like Dallas. The Columbine guys are no longer a threat.

    Seriously, great idea. Walnuts! can’t fill a football stadium.

  12. Instead of playing bland patriotic numbers, they can fire-up the crowd with “Whoomp (There It Is)” and “We Will Rock You.” When he makes his speech, a herd of Obama girl cheerleaders in super short skirts and tight shirts can jump up and down and spell “H – O – P – E!”

  13. This is all working into the plans of the global oligarchy that is hell-bent on enslaving the citizens of the world and ushering in a New World Order. During the convention they will operate from their secret underground base in D.I.A.

    http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Denver_Airport.html

    Yup, apparently Denver international (AKA “Dog Tits”) is the future staging ground of a mass enslavement of all of us Lemmings who don’t see obvious cover-up that the president is a lizard person.

  14. [re=30546]Lazy Media[/re]: True that. But having spent a whole lot of time around those folks, they really hate to drag all those people and all that artillery into poisition so some guy can yack for a few minutes. Imagine spending a few cozy hours on your belly in body armor lying on a steel beam in the rafters of the stadium. As birds crap on you, you try to keep pidgeon shit off your heavy sniper rifle while praying feverishly that you won’t be the one to fuck up, to miss the guy with the CAT hat and the deer rifle crawling out of the back of the scoreboard, about to save Amerika from havin’ a damn nigra in the White House.

  15. open air. that’s good with me. spark it up + i suspect no open container laws that night.

    if this were the mcccccainiac convention, that’s where the SS I mean Sekret Service would get nervous. spark it up + pure oxygen = kaboom. tell homeland sekuritat to keep that off the aerodynamic planes

  16. I SO want Barry to ride into Invesco on the Broncos mascot white horse…..with a horn sticking out of his head.

    The horse’s, that is. We already know that the Muslim SonuvaLuoTribesman is Satan incarnate. I have the emails to prove it.

  17. Remember, this is at altitude, so it is the equivalent to speaking to 150,000 at sea level.

    [re=30521]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Depends on what you are smoking.

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