Fuck You, Jesse Helms! We hope the Devil's a gay black communist.We interrupt your Fourth of July with some Breaking News: Jesse Helms was apparently still alive, and now he’s dead, hooray! He was a sour troll and a bigot, and it’s a testament to every rotten thing about this country that for a quarter century, he was one of the most powerful people in American politics. [LAT/NYT]

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  1. He died too soon. Now the senile crippled old fuck won’t have to witness a “niggra” being sworn in as President. Tis a pity.

    I hope someone skull-fucks his corpse.

  2. Rats! I was hoping he was going to be McCain’s running mate. The press could have called it “Old and Older.”

    Guess we’ll just have to settle for the closeted gay man with the fake marriage behind door number 2 instead.

  3. I thought I detected an extra few degrees of heat from the fires of Hades today. Good riddance, you racist, fascist, bloated old racist fuck. What a complete waste of protoplasm.

    I hope Satan himself is enjoying disembowling him with his fluked tail, yanking out his entrails by his horns, and wrapping them around Jesse’s neck and choking him to dea…oh, wait, he’s already dead. Well, I hope he suffered the same pain he inflicted on millions of people in American and worldwide.

    Don’t bother praying for this asshole’s soul. He never had one to begin with.

  4. Oh, come on, you meanies…stop talking shit about the man who wrote THIS:

    “White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.”

  5. Read his Wikipedia bio. Depressing. Is the fact that he died on July 4th a good or bad omen? I suspect it’s random chance in an unfeeling universe. So it goes or possibly c’est la mort.

  6. Couldn’t happen to a better guy. It’s too bad that hate seems to be one of the greatest keys to longevity.

    My favorite Helms story:

    I think it would be appropriate for everyone to raise a cold one to former Sen Moseley-Brown for her reported response to
    the old, racist fucker:

    “Mr Helms, I guarantee, if you sing, it’ll make me cry.”

    And is it any surprise that his body didn’t reject a pig valve in his heart?

  7. [re=29788]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Sorry, I’m pretty sure Satan just nominated a Secretary for Minority Affairs.

    But we can always hope that he has a sophisticated sense of irony. Fox News makes me doubt this.

  8. [re=29796]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: That’s what I was thinking. He didn’t want to be around to witness the downfall of the white race.

  9. [re=29802]FreshCliches[/re]: No, screwing goats & other small farm animals is a better & more probable scenario. I doubt he ever let his ball peen touch a Negress.

  10. He won’t be around to see Obama elected? Damn.

    Short of that, I hope in Jesse’s hell, MJK Jr. is shitting on his face for eternity.

  11. WOW I haven’t heard about this fucker in….
    forever? I think? Something like that. I’ll drink one for him anyway. Screw you Jesse! God Bless ‘merica!

    Oh and that battle to the death you’ve been fighting? You lost.

  12. OBTW I’ve finally downloaded a virus ridden Japanese, captured from videotape, version of Funkadelic in Houston 1978 which I’m going to watch as soon as I finish this J. Yeah I’m that old.

  13. Any suggestions for homemade fireworks?


    Take a 2 liter bottle, some lye from the grocery store, some balloons, and aluminum foil

    Fill bottle a quarter of the way and mix in a little lye, then break the foil into 1 sq. cm. pieces and drop in a few of the flakes.

    Place balloon around the lip of the bottle. The balloon will expand, as it is now filled with hydrogen. Repeat this process until you have enough balloons for an accurate explosion, and then apply the proper incendiary device. BOOM! Hindenburg!!


  14. This is the most patriotic thing that Jesse has ever done.

    Still, I can’t help but think it was all Obama’s fault. He has consistently been leading in the polls. Jesse’s heart, or whatever the black mass in the center of his chest was, just could not handle it.

  15. Here’s my favorite Jesse Helms gem, “If God had wanted us to use the metric system,
    Jesus would have had 10 apostles.” Maybe he really did have a sense of humor.

  16. Jesus, FINALLY… That was a long wait. Good fucking riddance, you dixiefied zombie.

    My favorite Helms moment was when he spoke at the UN (as the inexplicable head of a foreign relations committee or somesuch title) and rambled on about how he was “just an old country boy” and thought that the UN needed to get the hell out of the Ol’ US of A and stuff. What an unrepentant jerk.

  17. [re=29824]Godless Liberal *[/re]: Somehow, I can see him having a black mass in that heaving bulk he called a thorax. It could comfortably seat a couple dozen satanists, at least.
    [re=29816]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You need to add some oxygen to them also, for the big boom. That’s hard to come by safely, though. Why not just be patriotic and use a gun?

  18. I was going to try snark, but nope.

    Jesse Helms was all of George Carlin’s dirty words and then some. I hope the pompous, arrogant, racist motherfucking son-of-a-bastard rots in the fiery depths of hell for all eternity.

    Happy Independence Day Starring Will Smith, everyone!

  19. I hope his room in Hell is covered in Robert Mapplethorpe prints. Let’s hope that when they bury him, the earth spits him back out.

  20. I would love to think that the prospect of an African-American president killed Helms. However, he had vascular dementia, and probably didn’t even know Barack Obama exists. The silver lining in this, of course, is that Helms probably spent the last couple of years wearing a diaper and prone to fits of uncontrollable rage.

  21. My memory may be playing tricks on me, but when Hilary got to the Senate and was trying to argue that she could act all bi-partisan and stuff, didn’t she use as an example how she would yuck it up with this racist piece of shit?

  22. He can’t do anything to you, but you lower yourself by the mean, petty remarks you post. Mr Helms was certainly wrong about many things, but who needs the vitriol expressed here? In case you haven’t noticed, the bigotry of the past is dead, America may elect Obama and a generosity of spirit would be nice.
    Or we can just spew hatred and become smaller, not greater.

  23. [re=29842]rightwingnut[/re]: Deadpan humor–excellent. It’s good to have a straight man around here…

    Unlike Nixon & Reagan’s graves, this one should be unmonitored much of the time…& I’m really needing to “change the ole’ crank case fluid,” if ya know what I mean…

  24. i wish i could care one way or the other. so many of the people i know that would be simply THRILLED with this news. they all died years ago. helms really came into his own during the onset of the AIDS crisis in america. hates not a strong enough word. he was the beginning of the end. so this must BE the end. i’d spit, but i just washed my hair.

  25. NCAA
    no class at all
    Oh yeah, I’m not glad the Kennedy boys got shot and Teddy has a brain tumor.
    Just wait till they get a Reagan clone up and running, you guys don’t now how pissed off y’all can get!

  26. [re=29850]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I could have gone on and on about how all the horrible things Jesse Helms did and said made him worthy of our disdain, even after his death, but your tiny little right-wing mind probably would take those as laudable attributes, so instead I took the easy low road. It’s a holiday.

  27. [re=29842]rightwingnut[/re]:

    He was wrong about a lot of things, but if you’re curious as to why no one here is especially sad about his death, then I’d suggest that maybe his “homosexuality is an abomination against God” stance and his “Nigras are an inferior race and shouldn’t mingle with whites” stance are probably the main sticking points.

    Combine those… “antiquated” views with the fact that “for a quarter century, he was one of the most powerful people in American politics” and you might understand the vitriol.

    I don’t understand anyone who comes here and complains about snark, either.

  28. I’m appalled at you people.

    You’re “breaking the social code.” You know how it worked:

    Benazir Bhutto alive: Corrupt Paki Pol.

    Benazir Bhutto dead: Heroic Martyr for Freedom.

    Tim Russert alive: Mainstream Media Hack.

    Tim Russert dead: Heroic Martyr for Freedom (of the Press).

    Jessie Helms alive: Bigoted old fuck.

    Jessie Helms dead: Heroic Martyr for Freedom (of the Great & Glorious South).

    20 years from now, there will be a national airport named after him.

    True, it will be in the Fourth Reich. But it will be a national airport.

  29. May we never see his like again, the fat, ornery, bastard. The idea of him and old Strom roasting in a cauldron of their own pus-fill bilious waste, or being forever beaten by gigantic, ethnically diverse, demon-lesbians is almost sweet enough to make superstition worth it. Sadly, they’re both just worm-food and rat-home.

    May your grave molder unvisited, and your name vanish unremembered!

  30. “In paradise even the devil is forgiven”. I don’t know the source of that quote
    but I always felt it was powerful. Still, I have a vision of hell for the ex Helms.
    He is laying on the ground, his guts on fire. No one volunteers to piss on him.

  31. [re=29854]tonashideska[/re]: Way to sugar-coat it, Lizzy… Yeesh. How can you put a pretty little bow on this guy’s horrible career? This stuff just makes me mad all over again, like I’m watching the NEA hearings back in the 80’s. Grr. Helms has earned this vitriol, thank you.

  32. You can buy Jesse Helms memorabilia at the JH Museum shop linked to the website of the Jesse Helms Center. But wait, did someone with a sense of humor infiltrate that place? Check out the “30 years of world domination” t-shirt:

  33. [re=29849]rightwingnut[/re]: Fuck off. That cancer deserves every ounce of bile. This pigfucking piece of shit actively blocked money for AIDS research and care because teh fagz might not die a horrible death.

    I hope Harvey Gantt takes nice long piss on Helms’s grave.

  34. I hope I’m a Christian, so I hope The Big Whoever will forgive the evil shit. AFTER he’s been forced to clean up all the dog-shit in hell. With his tongue.

  35. [re=29879]rightwingnut[/re]: If Byrd had spent his entire life propagating the views of the KKK, we would. However, he left the Klan in 1947 and has spent the last 60 years talking about how stupid he was for joining it in the first place. Helms, on the other hand, spent his entire worthless existence promoting the values of Third World fascist death-squad commanders and Big Tobacco. Hell, any 5-year old in Latin America knew who Jesse Helms was – he was the guy who had armed and supported the guys who killed your parents and raped your sister.

    Now, why don’t you tell us why you admire Helms so much? There’s got to be something.

  36. [re=29791]TGY[/re]: Is the fact that he died on July 4th, along with the second and third POTUS John Adams and Tom Jefferson (exact same day in 18 and 26) kismet?

    This has Masonic creepiness written all over it…right?

  37. [re=29884]Joey Ratz[/re]: His admiration is based on what you described in your 1st paragraph…add in the antigay stuff too…all plusses in this pussbag’s book…

  38. [re=29879]rightwingnut[/re]: I’m not surprised, but you don’t get it. Helms was utterly unrepentant, unchanging. Byrd is supporting Obama, he changed. The ground Helms is buried in awaits the urine of every person of color and sexual persuasion, not to mention those he hurt in the despicable Raygun years. The preposterously absurd joke is he thought he was standing for something. In reality he was the poster boy reflection of fear-addled America.

  39. [re=29879]rightwingnut[/re]: The Byrd Response… I thought it was just an internet fancy, an old wives tale. I had no idea people really did it. It doesn’t work BTW…

  40. According to my Republican parsing code book, he choked to death in a bus station men’s room on a 14″ ‘colored’ penis. Hell yes, that’s patriotic!

  41. [re=29861]AngryLagomorph[/re]: “being forever beaten by gigantic, ethnically diverse, demon-lesbians” Wait, are we talking about eternal punishment, or eternal reward? I mean, people pay good money for that kind of stuff.

  42. [re=29867]4tehlulz[/re]: Amen. I wouldn’t piss on a person as vile as Helms if he was on fire. Fat, self satisfied cunts like that major shit hole don’t deserve an ounce of compassion. I hope he gets reborn as a lab rat.

  43. [re=29860]Neilist[/re]: Jesse Helms Nationalen Flughaven. Has a nice ring to it. Also Das Jesse Helms Autobahn. Or Die Jesse Helms Center fur Racial Brüderlichkeit. The Jesse Helms Center fur Moderniche Kunst. And my alltime favorite, Die Jesse Helms-Center der Krieg der nördlichen Aggression. This shit just writes itself, with a little help from Babelfish.

  44. I’m glad you’re fucking dead you piece of shit. Fuck Jesse Helms, a racist coward of a Senator who won by divisive politics and just barely at that. Rot in the hell you created for so many people on Earth asshole. Your death on July 4th is nothing short of a hilarious irony that some higher being bestowed upon the nation you buttfucked for so long. What a surprise that Lott would come to call you a “giant” after he patted Strom Thurmond on the back for being a good kind of racist and segregationist.

  45. snark off for a moment//The kind of hatefest which we are indulging in here, and which I am thoroughly enjoying, would not have been possible in a pre-internet age. Ditto Tim Russert, the cons would have flat out got away with elevating him, in death, to the status of great investigative journalist.
    The moral of the story is: Be careful how you live,death no longer brings forgiveness.

  46. rot in hell, jesse. i hope for you there is an afterlife so you can watch Americans finally come to reject everything you stood for. your legacy will be nothing.

  47. Speaking of the dead, Jesse would be proud to know that CNN will continue on in his place.

    On July 23 and 24 they will proudly air a series about what it’s like to be “Black in America”, hosted by Soledad O’Brien, a Mexican.

    Previous to this series was another similar one on “Race! Can they soar like eagles, or will they be blown out of high places with water hoses?” A series hosted by the very white Paula Zahn, coincidentally now also dead.

  48. You are some of the sickest left wingnuts I’ve ever met. May God have mercy on your souls. The liberal/socialist/communist world has to be the most hypocritical bunch of folks in the world. You claim to be so acceptable of all views (but only as long as they promote your agenda) but yet you rejoice when someone gets a divorce or dies.

    I’m sure if someone said they wished Obama choked on a watermelon seed or chicken neck bone you’d be all over them and calling them a racist and saying how bad they are. At the same time, they’re no worse or better than your warped ideas.

    I’m an African/American and a lifelong democrat but I just can’t identify with people of your ilk.

  49. So CNN Headline News had a story on Helms this morning, in which they said even those who opposed Helms’ politics knew he was a good person…their proof? Bob Dole said some crap about how even though he disagreed with Helms on civil rights, Helms was really nice to all the Republican pages.

  50. [re=29963]Aurelio[/re]: Russert wasn’t as universally reviled as Helms because he wasn’t as universally despicable to lefties.

  51. No lionel, Sean Hannity isn’t an African/American. Some idiocy never stops. You’re just a bunch of pathetic little people that can’t stand anything that happens to disagree with you. You’re the type of people that’ll be licking dog crap off the floors of hell and the world will be better off if it’s sooner than later.

  52. So many bigoted, hypocritical, sour, mean-spirited, if not outright evil, comments. Y’all seem to be a pretty bitter and defensive group of folks. Seems as though Sen. Helms touched a nerve amonst y’all.

  53. [re=29967]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: Sure you’re black And I have a 12 inch penis. But if you are in to defending the old racist bastard, please defend the following that flowed from that great man Jesse Helms:

    Jesse Helms on “negroes”:

    As an aide to the 1950 Senate campaign of North Carolina Republican candidate Willis Smith, Helms reportedly helped create attack ads against Smith’s opponent, including one which read: “White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” Another ad featured photographs Helms himself had doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham’s wife had danced with a black man. (The News and Observer, 8/26/01; The New Republic, 6/19/95; The Observer, 5/5/96; Hard Right: The Rise of Jesse Helms, by Ernest B. Furgurson, Norton, 1986)

    The University of North Carolina was “the University of Negroes and Communists.” (Capital Times, 11/22/94) Black civil rights activists were “Communists and sex perverts.” (Copley News Service, 8/23/01)

    Of civil rights protests Helms wrote, “The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that’s thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men’s rights.” (WRAL-TV commentary, 1963) He also wrote, “Crime rates and irresponsibility among Negroes are a fact of life which must be faced.” (New York Times, 2/8/81)

    Helms on “degenerate, weak, sick homosexuals”:

    Over the years Helms has declared homosexuality “degenerate,” and homosexuals “weak, morally sick wretches.” (Newsweek, 12/5/94) In a tirade highlighting his routine opposition to AIDS research funding, Helms lashed out at the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS bill in 1988: “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” (States News Service, 5/17/88)

    Helms being a racist:

    And the man ABC News now describes as a “conservative icon” (8/22/01) in 1993 sang “Dixie” in an elevator to Carol Moseley-Braun, the first African-American woman elected to the Senate, bragging, “I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing Dixie until she cries.” (Chicago Sun-Times, 8/5/93)

    Helms filibusters making Martin Luther King day a national holiday:

    A year before the election, when public polls showed Helms trailing by 20 points, he launched a Senate filibuster against the bill making the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr. a national holiday. (David Broder, Washington Post, Aug, 29, 2001)

    On cutting AIDS funding:

    Sen. Jesse Helms says the government should spend less money on people with AIDS because they got sick as a result of “deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct,” The New York Times reported Wednesday….

    “We’ve got to have some common sense about a disease transmitted by people deliberately engaging in unnatural acts,” Helms told the Times.

    And before anyone says that Helms came around on AIDS in his later years. No he didn’t. He came around on AIDS in Africa. Still didn’t want to help Americans with AIDS because, you know, they were homersexuals.

  54. [re=29968]Blah, blah, blah[/re]: Yes, Sen. Helms did touch a nerve. Evil people usually do that to people who aren’t evil. Go suck an exhaust pipe.

  55. [re=29968]Blah, blah, blah[/re]: Are you using the conjunction ‘y’all’ as an affectation to give us the impression that you are some kind of folksy, southern dingbat or do you speak that way in real life?
    Sorry you don’t like the comments. Infamous scumbags dying brings that out in people.

  56. [re=29967]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: [re=29968]Blah, blah, blah[/re]: Hee-hee. You must be having a lot of fun wanking to the negative attention. You just want to be spanked by a big bad ol’ librul dom, admit it!

    For the spank bank:
    (Imagine Donna Brazile with a leather paddle)
    You suck, maggots! Bend over and get ready for a whuppin’. Jesse Helms was a racist bastard with a shriveled up dick the size of my pinky. You all are pathetic pretenders to Helm’s legacy of hatred. No WAY can you measure up to his level of pestilent prejudice. Now drop and give me twenty!
    If you’re very, very good I might let you lick my boots.

  57. [re=29970]mookworthjwilson[/re]: While I don’t agree with how blah, etc. said it, I’ve been pretty uncomfortable reading many of these comments. I was very happy the day that Helms left the Senate. I didn’t feel bad that it was due to ill health, and I don’t feel sad that he died. I’m also not happy he died. And I’m angry at the media coverage which is failing to mention his actions against civil rights (which happen to also include the disabled and the institutionalized).

  58. [re=29976]mookworthjwilson[/re]: And it’s your right to feel that way and admit it. I tried to be careful how I worded my post, that it was about my feelings and not about the people posting.

  59. [re=29968]Blah, blah, blah[/re]: Dude, seriously. Helms defended the Guatemalan army’s genocide against the Mayan indians because General Rios Montt was a born-again Christian and called El Salvador’s murderous Colonel Roberto d’Aubuisson “Latin America’s George Washington”. Of course he touched a fucking nerve.

    [re=29974]Brutus Harlot[/re]: I doubt there are very many politicians left that will inspire this kind of impassioned send-off – not Newt Gingrich, not Richard Pombo or Ted Stevens, probably not even W. While I guess that one could admire Helms’ refusal to sell out and abandon his 1920s-style sensibilities, he was otherwise devoid of redeeming qualities. His combination of pettiness, obstinate racism and ideologic thuggery made him unique. I’m glad to see him gone – but, like you, I was even happier when he left the Senate and merely becam an evil, irrelevant old man.

  60. [re=29980]Joey Ratz[/re]: I understand why people feel the way they do. I guess I just have an inherent uncomfortability with people rejoicing over somebody’s death.

  61. [re=29978]Brutus Harlot[/re]: I can honestly say that the death of no one I can remember in my lifetime has ever made me feel this way. Even Strom Thurmond’s. He at least felt a bit of remorse for his support of segregation, while this turd felt he was right to the day he went senile and started shitting his pants.

  62. Or how about, I’ll be glad with that cancer eats a complete hole in murderous teddy kennedy’s head?

    It’s all stupid but you folks are too blinded by your hatred by anything non left wingnut/socialist to understand.

    As I said, may God have mercy on your souls but I doubt many of you even believe in God.

  63. [re=29985]mookworthjwilson[/re]:

    I think that his utter lack of remorse is a large part of the antipathy he’s getting here. George Wallace, Robert Byrd, and Lee Atwater all renounced their past actions and views to some extent. Helms is literally taking that shit to the grave with him, where he and it both belong.

    [re=29984]Brutus Harlot[/re]: I don’t feel the need to dance on the old fucker’s grave, but I do find myself absolutely loving the most vitriolic comments here.

  64. [re=29989]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]:

    It’s not a matter of our “hatred of anything non left wingnut/socialist”, genius. We’re not arguing about the fucking war on Christmas or cap gains tax cuts.

    Helms was an unrepentant racist and a homophobe. He felt that people with AIDS deserved to die and that blacks were an inferior race who shouldn’t be allowed to mix with whites in the workplace, the armed forces, or in public schools. He would have felt more than comfortable using you and anyone who looks like you to scare the shit out of poor white folk in order to win another election.

  65. [re=29985]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Correct. His obstinacy, his absoluteness, his utter unreasoned judgmentalism, all make him reviled. That his avowed legacy is “he always said ‘no'” is pathetic and absurd. What constructive ‘yes’ did he offer in his life? How many people were deeply affected by his ‘no’? I would rather he treated the pages as adults rather than kittens, and the rest of America as constituents, not fodder for his narrow morality. His face is the face of the Silent Majority: unconscious with fear, like a cocky used car salesman. Just because he is dead does not make his behavior any less relevant or in need of some concocted reverence. I pity his loved ones, who surely experienced a love with him he was unable to transfer to others. But that’s so like conservatives: I love my clique and everybody else is going to hell. The Carol Mosley-Braun story alone proves his meanness. That story won’t be in the obits, but Sen. No subsisted on inflicting cruelty.

  66. It appears Obamaisanidiot will not take up the challenge from LIONEL HUTZ to defend
    the old fucker’s statements. I believe everyone here should nag Obamaisanidiot and not let

  67. [re=29989]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: Your first statement is untrue in calling Ted a murderer. He’s a cad and a drunk and womanizer, but not a murderer. I know a retired FBI agent who served during that period. The the FBI knows what actually happened the night that Mary Jo died. The true story does not absolve Ted completely of guilt, but it also doesn’t put him in the “murderer” territory.

    And btw, I am a Socialist. I am not ashamed of it. Not a socialist in how you probably think of it (you probably invision 1984 or Farenheit 451), but more in the Swedish sense. Like how the British Labour party is a member of Socialist International.


  68. buppie, I’m not trying to defend anything he did. I find it reprehensible that he felt that way. Even worse is the way you idiots are behaving and rejoicing over the death of anyone no matter their political views. That’s what’s sick and demented.

    I’ve always been told the democratic party was one of allowing all walks of life such as gay, African/American like me, believers in God and non believers of God.

    You people are as hypocritical as they come and a shame to the human race.

    We should all be hoping he made peace with God before he died and not wish anyone to eternal fire and brimstone. There’ll be a special place in hell for folks that wish that on anyone just like there will be one for any unrepenting soul.

    As I said, there is no place in our world today and shouldn’t have been one then for hatred because of race but I just hope he made peace with God before he died and hope he’s resting in His love right now.

  69. [re=29999]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yeah, that might have been a stretch. Still, W doesn’t exude the stench of evil the way Helms did – he’s just a good ol’ boy risen far, far above his level of incompetence. History will be cruel to W, but for different reasons than with Helms.

  70. Yeah, looks like the Devil LOST (reason why, IMO JH lived as long as he did, the devil was like, “I’m not taking him!” and God was like, “Well, I couldn’t possibly take him!” and so on…back and forth for YEARS.)

    One down, only maybe another 149 or so too go (public figgures) and yeah, “W” is on that list.

    But, “Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! (sorry to any Pagans out there. Cultural refrence, not a dig on your faith) ;)

  71. [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: Since you have identified yourself as holier than thou, what’s up with your name “Obamaisanidiot?”

  72. [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: First of all, this isn’t a Democratic Party website…2nd, obviously you don’t read many posts.

  73. [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]:

    I’ve always been told the democratic party was one of allowing all walks of life such as gay, African/American like me, believers in God and non believers of God.

    The contempt for Helms comes from his hatred for 3 out of those 4 groups.

  74. ObamaIsAnIdiot is an idiot. Joy at the death of an evil man
    condemns no one. People on the “left” do not blindly tolerate
    and include just anyone. The most important requirement for
    EXclusion, I would think, is the lack of respect for human rights,
    something Helms reveled in and OIAO can’t wrap his pea size brain around.

  75. You know Helms took the fast track to hell too. He just did so much evil, it was a given, that’s probably why he held on so long. He was such a vile, sick man, I’m glad he’s gone.

    Happy 5th! :D

  76. >>Even worse is the way you idiots are behaving and rejoicing over the death of anyone no matter their political views.

    Yes, we are much worse than the evil man for being happy that the evil man is dead.

  77. Dear Jesus,

    Thank you for finally removing Jesse Helms from this realm. The world is much better without his evil soul here soiling everyone and everything in his path. Amen

  78. [re=29969]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: In the 1950 North Carolina US senatorial Dem primary ih which Jesse’s candidate opposed the president of UNC, Jesse (Baal’s most faithful servant) spread the word that “UNC” stood for the “University of Negroes and Communists.” No. “Negroes” is a euphemism for what Helms actually said.
    Helms could never utter the word “Negro” without his windpipe shrinking to the diameter of a Sippy straw.

  79. [re=29989]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]:

    I just love all Christian Spirit emanating from you, bubba!

    Just tell us – what do God and Jesse Helms have to do with each other?

  80. [re=29989]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: You are lowering the tone of the internet with your crude comments. For shame. Shame on you. Boo.

  81. Quick. Put the Helmster’s pine box into the cold, cold funereal dirt before a pulse can be found. Should, as the casket is lowered, furious scraping sounds are heard from the coffin, meh. Continue. As our President has often said, “Mistake were made.”

  82. [re=30031]S.Luggo[/re]: [re=29989]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: Eat a dick, you satanically iconoclastic bastard.
    HA HA! A double meaning!

    You should now eat two dicks for my efforts.

  83. [re=29968]Blah, blah, blah[/re]: Helms spent his entire life getting what he had coming. Now he has it coming. If I had known he were alive before, I would have personally (allegedly) shot him in the foot.

  84. [re=30031]S.Luggo[/re]: SLUGGO THAT COMMENT WAS NOT MEANT FOR YOU!!!!!
    I dont know how that happened, but you SHOULD NOT eat a dick. Sorry for the mistake.

  85. When I heard SSS tell S.Luggo to eat a dick I thought “That’s either a mistake
    or they have a secret friendspeak thing.” Glad that got straightened out, it
    was a real buzzkill on the whole dead Jesse thing.

  86. [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: ‘You people are as hypocritical as they come and a shame to the human race.’
    Your grossly inflated and hypocritical sense of outrage is duly noted.

  87. Helms’ eulogies:
    1. Mitch McConnell: Helms dead, I can now ascend in Vordor.
    2. George W. Bush: Jesse Ventura, our nation’s loss.
    3. John McCodger: While I disagreed with his position on many things, including civil rights, Helms was a stalwart of the Republican conservatism.
    4. Oflppo: (What can I say about Helms in order to gain the votes of the bitters?) Jesse was like a father to me.

  88. OK, so Jesse, one senator of a hundred, didn’t jump on the AIDS bandwagon.
    Maybe he was terribly wrong about bathhouses – they worked out great,
    didn”t they?
    He was a racist in his politics, but in his personal life he was giving
    the black woman some real lovin’ and don’t that matter?
    Jesse was anti-Communist and I guess that still bothers the commies and
    commie sympathizers amongst us still. Oh, so sorry, “Progressive”.
    Jesse Helms just didn’t matter enough for all the hatred spewed here.
    Sorry so many have to rage instead of being constructive.
    PS Why all the suck dick/glory hole comments. It is as if there were a
    bunch of homophobes here using casual male sex as a perjorative.

  89. [re=30036]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    What happens if S.Luggo wanted to eat a dick? Why should you interfere with his lifestyle? I hope he eats as much of whatever pubic parts he wants to eat. :)

    [re=30028]S.Luggo[/re]: Shhhh…. Jesse is Dead, apparently we are not to mention that he thought the only good nigger was a dead nigger.

    [re=30000]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I once saw a NOVA, I think, or some other PBS show where the working theory is that a drunk Mary Jo kicked a drunk and “handy” Teddy out of the car and then drove off the bridge herself. The theory is nice since it explains the time-line and a lot of things. Is that what you were told?

    [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: It is Gods to judge what actually happens to the old bastard. But, please, tell me one thing, one, that the man did that showed any sorrow for the bile he spewed into this country, or the hate he held in his heart.

    I’m all for redemption, but there is nothing more hypocritical then saying nice things about an evil person just because they have died. Should our History books now read like a Fox News report and state that, while Hitler was controversial, he was a stalwart defender of family values and held to his ideals to the day he died? If the best thing you ever do on this earth is leave it, that should be commented on. I don’t care if we are talking about Jesse Helms, Robert Mugabe, Stalin or any other political figure.

    Secondly, you do know what site you are reading, don’t you? Shame the comments are gone from the Ted Kennedy threads. Now there is a man that has done tons of good for the world, even if he has done bad, but it is not like we treated him with kid gloves. I personally look forward to coming up with a very good pantless drunk joke when he passes. And since Ted is a Democrat, and has a sense of humor, I think he will smile at it assuming he can look down upon us.

    Lastly, what is more hypocritical: pointing out the evil that a man has done, or making up good things about him just because he is dead? If all Jesse has to do is ride in the back of the bus in Hell, he should count himself lucky. How can it be hypocritical to hope for there to be some sort of justice in the next life, if not in this one?

  90. [re=30061]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yes. Hell Yes. And yes again.

    Russert was the other poignant example. Nobody wanted to hate him, but there was this calm sense of sympathy. No one gave praise to the bastard, other than an “RIP” or a “WHY GAWD WHY NO NO NO,” which was total bullshit. There is nothing separating Helms and Potato, other then stupid fucks.
    Between Russert and Helms? I choose Carlin.

  91. ObamaIsAnIdiot: Fuck you, you steppin’ fetchin’ ass Tom! Do you think the hallowed white people that you hang at the country club with, and work with, play golf with, actually like you? One thing I know about people is they respect and like someone who is genuine and know who they are and are not trying to be something and someone they’re NOT. Even this old decrepit fuck (May Satan torment his soul) Jesse Helms, he may not warranted love, but he may have warranted some respect cause at least he was being what he was, even though it was racist slimeball. You right wing fucks are nothing more than the devil cause you hide all your evil views and agendas behind the name of God himself. You claim to be Christians (meaning Christ like) when everything you represent and do is far from what Jesus Christ represented. Jesus was love, peace, tolerance, patience, forgiveness, and mercy. The tyrants that be conservatives are nothing but hate mongering, war mongering, murdering, thieving, constitution raping, terrorist. Have any of you noticed the same dumb fucks who are so pro-life are the same ones that are pro-death penalty, and quick to go to war? So yes, most sane minded civilized people are glad that America, and the world is rid of this old wretched bigot. Do you think anybody but a bunch of sick, twisted, evil, sinister fucks mourned the death of Hitler? The world was glad to be rid of him too.

  92. Most who hated gays as much as him are closet faggs anyway. I’m sure that he, Ronald Reagan, Adolf Hitler, and Jerry Falwell are playing a very competitive game of butt darts right now. I hope Jesse wins, cause the prize is to be ass spelunkered by a AIDS infected, communist, minority, gay demon with a two foot flaming dong.

  93. [re=30069]rightwingnut[/re]: I refer you to the top of the page, where it says Wonkette: The DC Gossip. This blog is for folks who are tired of the solemn, ponderous and sleep-inducing pronouncements of the main-stream media, as well as the hysterical bloviating that passes for “serious political discussion” on FOX News. In other words–LIGHTEN UP! If you can’t be snarky, why bother?

    As for the rest of you–a little less venom, and a little more WIT.

    I am a believer in God, too.
    And why on Earth wouldn’t I want him to suffer the ravages of Hell? He was PRECISELY the type of person who MERITS it!
    With a use name like obamaisanidiot, your demonstration for the dignity of others is apparrent.

  95. You guys are getting so trolled it stopped being funny about 100 posts ago. Do you sit there and try to argue with the people that email you about herbal viagra or their royal Nigerian lineage too?

    Look, I spend my free time playing an MMORPG and I haven’t touched a woman in forever, and I’m going to say it: get out of the house. It’s a beautiful day outside. The birds are shining and the sun is singing and there is a great deal of alcohol left in the world that needs to be consumed. Carpe beerem!

    Feeding the trolls is one internet tradition that could use some forgetting.

  96. [re=30069]rightwingnut[/re]: Snort .. Wonkette .. serious discussion .. hahaha ah uh .. carry on. I love it when people just do not get it.

  97. [re=30078]Guppy06[/re]: Dude, herbal viagra is bullshit. I demand you defend the following statement “This magical combination helps increase targeted blood flow, unleashes stored testosterone and heightens key pleasure zones with maximum stimulation.”

  98. Jesse and his buddy Strom are in heaven now. Bless their sweet lil’ Christian hearts. Enjoying a meal of baba ghanoush, tabouli, hummous and on those special days, some gefilte fish. For all of eternity.

    You know, its so sweet when a bunch of good ol’ boys think that doing the lord’s work will get them an eternity’s supply of baby back ribs, BBQ pulled pork, hush puppies and sweet tea, but forget that Jesus, sweet Jesus, was a Jew from the levant. I can just Jesse (bless his sweet lil’ heart say): “Y’mean I kicked all those niggras and fags for this????????”

  99. [re=30089]dcjdjay[/re]: And I’m sure he couldn’t possibly care less, nor could any of the other 99 yahoos he works with. He’s got his seat, his money and his last name, what more could he possibly want?

    (OK, fine, I left myself open for “A drink.”)

    Heck, the two of them probably played golf with each other and sucked each other off (at least when Jesse wasn’t busy following Bob Allen’s example).

  100. [re=30002]ObamaIsAnIdiot[/re]: “We should all be hoping he made peace with God before he died and not wish anyone to eternal fire and brimstone. There’ll be a special place in hell for folks that wish that on anyone just like there will be one for any unrepenting soul.”

    Um… OK. So how does that square with other comments you’ve made here?

    “You’re the type of people that’ll be licking dog crap off the floors of hell and the world will be better off if it’s sooner than later.”

    Or how about:

    “Or how about, I’ll be glad with that cancer eats a complete hole in murderous teddy kennedy’s head?”

    So, having said that there’s “a special place in hell for folks that wish that on anyone,” you wish precisely that upon us. Charming. See you in that special place, asswipe. Sooner rather than later.

    And your fellow troll rightwingnut waxed eloquent as well:

    “In case you haven’t noticed, the bigotry of the past is dead…..”

    Yeah, thank Dawg there’s no more racism in the USofA; that there’s no newscasters calling Obama’s wife his “baby mama;” that there’s no smears about him being a Muslim; that there’s no evidence that race has played and will play a role in this election with “hard working white voters;” that stuff’s all history.

    And it is becoming history, incrementally, because prejudiced pricks like Maddox, Thurmond, Helms, et al, are going to their greater reward. Which is why we celebrate their demise.

    Don’t like it? There’s the fuckin’ door, numbnuts; don’t let it hit your hypocritical, disingenuously hypersensitive ass on the way out.

    As for the handle “ObamaIsAnIdiot,” that may yet prove to be true. If so, it’s equally self-evident that he’s not alone, because we’ve got a pair of economy-sized, first-prize morans trolling these parts.

  101. [re=30093]Canuckledragger[/re]: What did I [re=30078]just say[/re]? If it’s too cold for you to go outside or if your Canadian beer is too undrinkable, then just go download some porn or something. The time you spent cutting and pasting and writing all those big words is time you could have spent masturbating, but instead the only one getting his rocks off is the troll you insist on feeding. Now you’ll never get those five minutes back!

  102. [re=30093]Canuckledragger[/re]: The “bigotry of the past” IS dead.

    That’s why I’m investing in the Bigotry of the FUTURE!!!!!

  103. Fascinating anthropological display by trolls – do they all have some kind of pavlovian rabid instinct to mention Ted K’s name whenever one of their dying fellow wingnuts lies exposed in his/her drool and fecal matter?

    Guess it must be their way of thanking Ted K for ADA legislation, healthcare, cheaper generics that kept Jesse alive.

    Bless their little troll hearts.

  104. [re=30104]dcjdjay[/re]: I’m going to cry and/or bang my head on my desk.

    “one of their dying fellow wingnuts”

    He’s not a right-winger. He’s not a true-believer. He cares about this not a whit. He is a troll! His one and only purpose in his life is to piss you off, and he’s saying the things he knows will piss you off, and it’s obviously working! I mentioned porn earlier; seeing you get all bent-out-of-shape and posting needlessly long posts about your indignation is porn to him.

    If this was a battered womens’ support group, he’d post about how we all had it coming and were asking for it. If this were a board for recovering alcoholics, he’d offer us free beer. If this as board were populated by epileptics, he’d post bright, flashing pictures.

    Alright, probably not the last one, because people can’t post all pissed off and self-righteous while they’re mid-seizure.

    You’re not going to prove him wrong, you’re not going to be right, you’re never going to win, because if you respond in any way, shape or form, he wins. And…

    … to be honest, I can’t blame him. Look at yourselves! This article is pushing 200 comments, and at least 3/4 of the posts here are responses to him. You’re an attention whore’s wet dream! You insist on proving the old adage about how arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics.

    Internet trolling persists until one party or the other learns some self-restraint, and from the looks of it it won’t be you guys.

    You want to talk about him bringing up Ted? I guaranfuckingtee you he’ll be back with a new name to sing Ted’s praises when that old geezer finally kicks it. And it seems the more vocal chunk of you will fall into the same old trap yet again.

    Welcome to the internets, get a clue already.

  105. [re=30105]Guppy06[/re]:

    GodDAMNit, Guppy!!!

    If you keep revealing all the SECRETS like that, you’re going to take all the FUN out of this!!

    [P.s. Benazir Bhutto is STILL dead!]

    [P.P.S. I think she had it COMING, and ASKED for it!!

    (What is Pushto for “She changed Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist,” anyway?)]

  106. Guppy06: What you fail to realize whatever Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton did, was personal shit, and they didn’t do it to the nation. Jesse Helms spearheaded politics that affected the people of America, so if Bill got some fellatio, or Ted got drunk, so what neither of them use my woman or my money to do it.

  107. [re=30109]riceroni[/re]: Well, true.

    Although there was that poor Mary Jo woman that Teddy “drunken drowned” that time.

    And that Sudanese aspirin factory that Bill “Wagged The Dog” to pieces with cruise missiles to take The Nation’s attention off that fellatio . . . .

    But that was DIFFERENT!

    Bill and Teddy were . . . (wait for it) . . .LIBERALS!

  108. (Jesus H. Christ.

    You people don’t believe that any of this actually MATTERS, do you?

    We’re all just expressing our smug little snarks, while Western Civilization totters along to the upcoming population collapse.

    3-5 billion dead.

    It’s not a “solution,” or a “remedy.”

    It’s a “consequence,” or “result.”

    A minor, but important, difference.

    No ice cap on the North Pole this summer!


    I may actually get to live long enough to see the Chickens A’Coming Home To Roost!

    In the meantime: “Oh, that Jessie Helms. What a bad, Bad, BAD man!”)

  109. I’m not a Christian, or actually religious (in the mainstream sense) in any way. So, yaknow, I don’t believe in eternal torment or reward, fourty virgins and a mule or otherwise (I prefer experienced women, anyway: pass on the mule – heehaw!). My concern, such as it is, is with the living.

    It’s not Jesse Helm’s death that makes me have that second tequila, as I’d have it anyway, it’s his life. Yuck. Holy Geebus-on-the-Mount and Al Frankincense’s monster. And any party that would venerate him as ‘staunch’: ew. No way, Jose (Cuervo), are these people going to get control of *my* Republic…again! Fuckers.

  110. Oh lordie lordie lord. This is a magical moment in the magical forest indeed.

    A Warlock is dead. Fairies and the freed dance to disco, soul, R&B and hip hop. Elves come out to play.

    Trolls crawl out of wood stumps to put a damper on the party, but those feisty fairies, elves, pixies play “whack-a-troll.” What fun.

    But who do we have here? A self-anointed Yoda with zzzzzz-aphorisms on self-restraint.

    Yoda, you may be wise, but me thinks you’ve strayed onto the wrong set.

  111. First of all I’m not a liberal or a conservative, I’m a realist. First of all no normal person is totally left on everything or totally right. Normal everyday people have a “grey” area and middle ground if you will. Some things I can be conservative on, some things I can liberal on. (i.e. Let’s say, on our borders, I’m conservative, on prostitution I’m liberal). The thing that get’s me about republicans/conservatives is that they’re dedicated and loyal PEOPLE not PRINCIPLE, just take a look at some of the crap here, trying to make this bigoted old bastard out to be some kind of hero and patriot.

  112. [re=30118]riceroni[/re]:
    You’re absolutely correct, but that mentality crosses party lines, as I mentioned in a post about the bitters while Hillary was still in the race. These people do exactly as they are told and DO NOT waver. Period. They use it to display what they define as integrity. Hold the course, despite spotting huge fucking rocks in their ship’s path.
    Altering course will get you labeled as a waffler or flip-flopper and therefore not trustworthy.

  113. I’d have sympathy for Jesse Helms if he had sympathy for all the Salvadorians that died in their country’s civil war. Whole towns were wiped out with money we gave them. And I fucking hate getting all political like this on Wonkette. It’s a momentary lapse.

  114. Servo:

    You know it bro, some people can be such controllable drones. Just like lemmings who dare not stray the course or risk suffering the wrath of their master. It’s really an insult what the media will shovel down people throat and expect them to believe, and conservatives are notoriously bad for this. They don’t know what or how to think until FOX News tell them. From 9/11 to this bullshit war on terror, they believe what they’re told to believe and react how they’re told to react.

  115. Neilist you are right, Jesse Helms is gone and doesn’t matter. There are real issues to be thrashed
    out. MSNBC or FoxNews are both screechfests…a little like some blog discussions I’ve seen.
    Fine, have your Two Minute Hate, just be careful that it doesn’t turn into a 24/7 Hate.
    We share a country and great history. Let’s disagree about things but remember we share more in
    common than what we disagree about.
    Galaxy Song

    Just remember that you’re standing on a planet that’s evolving
    And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
    That’s orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it’s reckoned,
    A sun that is the source of all our power.
    The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
    Are moving at a million miles a day
    In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
    Of the galaxy we call the ‘Milky Way’.

    Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
    It’s a hundred thousand light years side to side.
    It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
    But out by us, it’s just three thousand light years wide.
    We’re thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
    We go ’round every two hundred million years,
    And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
    In this amazing and expanding universe.

    The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
    In all of the directions it can whizz
    As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
    Twelve million miles a minute, and that’s the fastest speed there is.
    So remember, when you’re feeling very small and insecure,
    How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
    And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space,
    ‘Cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth.

  116. So, do you think that Jesse got his 72 vigins?

    [re=30095]Guppy06[/re]:Who says you can’t do both.

    [re=30111]Neilist[/re]: You seem kind of chipper of late. What have you been drinking?

  117. why the 72 virgins? What if they were virgins because they’re frigid uptight bitches?
    72 strippers, now that’s heaven

    Heineken here

  118. rightwingnut: Now I can agree with you cause when it comes down to it, we’re all human beings and we definitely ALL have that in common, some of us are good ones and some of us are bad ones. Ultimately the choice is your own. I hold no malice or contempt towards no one who didn’t seriously earn it. In my heart I feel that we’re all brothers and sisters, and that it’s good when different cultures can come together inter mingle and make something beautiful and new with their union. I support politicians with that kind of outlook and view, who are for love, peace, camaraderie, brotherhood, friendship, and all that is beautiful about humanity. That’s why I support Barrack Obama, not someone like Jesse Helms who represented none of which I spoke of here. He was all about hate, division, supremacy, chaos, and anything else sinister and evil. The people of North Carolina should be ashamed of themselves that they’d even keep such a despicable, corrupt, piece of poison like Helms in office for so long. It’s a reflection on their mindset and way of thinking. But I must be fair cause I know it wasn’t all of North Carolina, there were certainly people there who wanted nothing more than to be rid of him and campaigned very hard to try and defeat him, and not just minorities, many whites as well. Most of his victories were very narrow ones. For those of us still alive life is going on, and it’s just not sane or healthy to hold such contempt on your mind and heart for anyone (especially someone who is already dead and burning in hell), but I will savor the event for at least a few more days and then move on. By the way I’d take the 72 strippers too, I wouldn’t have the patience to deal with one virgin.

  119. [re=30139]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Drinking?

    The usual: The condensed tears of disappointed idealists, and of the mothers of prematurely dead sons — shaken, not stirred, over ice chipped from a frozen heart — with a twist of anguish and a large splash of bitters.


  120. Jesse Helms was a great American. The greatest.

    He was also the most patriotic American and loved Jesus more than anyone. Even more than Jesus’ mom Mary and that hot Hebe chick, Mary Magdalene. He also loved disco.

    He was also very handsome. And tall. And he was hung like a horse.


    Trolls for Helms (a division of Nigerian Investment, Ltd., Abuja, Nigeria)

  121. Helms was an idiot and a moron and a poseur, and he set politics back about 100 years in this country. Everyone should be ashamed that, somehow, people in the United States actually voted this moron into office. He was an idiot, and nothing else.

  122. [re=30118]riceroni[/re]: Conservative on the borders and liberal on prostitution. There’s a surprise. What if they’re fifteen year old illegal mexican boys? That could be very conflicting.

  123. KevoTron: What about’em? If they’re illegal they need to enter the country by legal means, learn english, go to school, and apply for citizenship. They too like anyone else that come here can be a productive member of our society. If they obtain employment and want to spend it on prostitutes, none of my business, it’s their money, their business. I just hope they get enough “bang” for their buck.

  124. He was a consumate prick. He once said:
    “Democracy used to be a good thing,
    but now it has gotten into the wrong hands.
    Jesse Helms (Republican, NC)”
    I hope he is buried stomach-down at the Martin Luther King Memorial, so we can use his butt to park a bike.

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