In the sun, in the sun I feel as one ... MARRIED, BURIED ....Orange-skinned Florida “bachelor 4 life” Charlie Crist is the latest in Florida’s long line of moderate Republican politicians who live swinging, middle-aged male lives without women. But he apparently really wants to lose with John McCain this fall, so he has announced the impending tinkle of little wedding bells!

Charlie was married for like five days way back in 1980, but that didn’t work out so well, due to differences between Charlie and the lady, whoever she was. He had some fake girlfriend last year; we don’t remember what happened to her. And there was that one time Jeb Bush called a reporter a jackass for asking about Crist’s sexytime or something.

His new gal pal is … eh, read the story, we are late for dinner. Happy July the 3rd leading to the July 4 holiday weekend, everybody!!

Crist is engaged []

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  1. The article raises the possibility that the marriage is more about money than a beard: “Todd Rome estimated in court records that his ex-wife’s income has been as high as $1.48-million a year, and the Romes’ numerous properties included a 10,000 square foot vacation home in Southampton.”

  2. …well as long as he is married to a woman there is an impending gay Republican sex scandal waiting to come to the surface!

  3. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Republican male Governor, in possession of a good political fortune, must be in want of a wife.

  4. Sounds like she’s both French and Jewish:

    “currently president of Franco-American Novelty Co., New York-based wholesale distributor of Halloween costumes and accessories”

  5. Future Headlines:

    1. Crist Married in Tampa Ceremony

    2. McCain Taps Crist as VP Running Mate

    3. Man Alleges Longtime Affair with Crist

    4. Crist Tryst Videos Surface

    5. Crist: I’m Sorry I Let You Down

    6. McCain Taps Coburn as VP Running Mate

    7. Crist Divorced

    8. (Years Later) Crist Married in Key West

  6. [re=29678]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:

    It’s completely beyond belief what a girl can do to make multiple millions of dollars these days….

  7. Charlie may be a gay homosexual, but he has to get out of Dodge (Tallahassee) fast! Even though being a gay politico in Tally is considered fairly normal.

    Charlie needs the #2 slot behind Walnuts before Floridians wake up from their nap and realize that his property tax and insurance “reforms” have bankrupted all the local governments in the state of FL!

  8. I love the headline: “Florida Gov. Crist says he’s getting married”. It’s like the St. Petersburg Times is still calling bullshit on him, just without having to risk a pesky libel case. Well played.

  9. [re=29674]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    1.) “Franco”
    2.) “New York”
    3.) “Halloween”

    He may as well go for VP, since he sure as hell won’t hold on to his governorship now that it’s so obvious that he hates America, guns and Jesus.

  10. Poor Carole, now she’ll know how Debbie Rowe & Lisa Marie Presley felt. Also, Crist’s description of his fiancee reminds me of how I describe my beloved bulldog (even though he’s a boy!).

  11. Crist is NOT gay…I do know women in south Florida who have done sexy time with him…in fact he had an affair just last year with a MARRIED palm beach socialite. mccain has florida in his pocket so i dont see him picking Crist.

  12. I smell a Cocktober surprise in the offing.

    The wedding colors will surely be blush and bashful.

    Will the bachelor party be held in South Beach or Fort Leatherdale, ahem, Lauderdale?

    Where, oh where, will the happy couple register?

  13. [re=29702]KTHXBAI[/re]: McCain’s gonna go to California and chip away at Obama’s super-gay Muslim homosexual racist radical base. Did I leave anything out?

  14. I am simply loving the sound of their honeymoon:

    “Rome will join Crist on a 12-day trip through London; Paris; Normandy, France; and St. Petersburg, Russia, that leaves July 11. The trip is described as a “business development mission for Florida’s aviation, defense and climate change sectors.”

    Be still my heart. What a woman will do for the chance to temporarily fantasize about living at Number One Observatory Circle, providing it can be found, having been deleted from the maps and all.

  15. [re=29701]American Dreamer[/re]: McCain is not married to the idea of good strategy, so
    I am forecasting he may very well pick a running mate with a shield-wife. When it’s
    announced, Walnuts will be joined by the Florida Orange in front of a green screen,
    initiating a mass epileptic seizure.

  16. Chapter 1
    Since the days of Adam, there has been hardly a mischief done in this world but a woman has been at the bottom of it.

  17. My people, listen: I’m only going to say this a billion times.

    I will do anything Mr. Crist wants me to do. You set this up for me, you give me the camera, I’ll take care of my dream, we all win by outing another sexafied faggot.

  18. Chuck “Orange Greek” Christodoulou levergages a plastic shite heiresses’ ducats:

    Americans will spend nearly $5 billion this Halloween (2006), or about $60 a person-roughly 50% more than last year, says the National Retail Federation.

    McCain should dump Cindy and her suds money and hook up with Rome. Cougar replacement therapy!

  19. Yeah! So that THAT, you big meanies! He’s gonna get married now and have (ulp) hot hetero sex (gag, urp) like all the time! With a WOMAN!!

    Of course, they’ll only do it from behind and with her wearing a football uniform — but it’s totes normal!!!

  20. Hey, maybe we will now learn the real answer to;
    “So, you want to be the husband or the wife?”

    Mr. Crist, here’s a recommended reading list for you:
    1. The difference between us is more than a penis
    2. The backdoor man meets his match (made in heaven)
    3. Shotgun wedding? As if….


    Dear Jesse,
    Roast in hell

  21. Ken Layne,

    Why would a fag-hag marry a bottom? At least if she picked a top, she could torment herself with the fact he was at least into fucking something…maybe not what she’s got, but something!

    Maybe he is just a clever metro sexual out for her dough? I can see why Midge would approve. Midge isn’t gay, but Cindy is loaded.

    Sincerely and respectfully,


  22. Aww, not fair, this guy gets married and poor little Andy Sullivan, still single, still sticking pins in his Hillary doll and jacking off on Barry’s picture. No justice no peace!

  23. [re=29701]American Dreamer[/re]: I’d do sexytime him if he had a bigger mustache, ideally the of the handlebar variety that required special wax. that would be nice. very nice.

  24. “We applied one coat of Nu Finish carwax to this old Oompa Loompa, and after running him through 50 consecutive carwashes, the water still beads.”

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