In the sun, in the sun I feel as one ... MARRIED, BURIED ....Orange-skinned Florida “bachelor 4 life” Charlie Crist is the latest in Florida’s long line of moderate Republican politicians who live swinging, middle-aged male lives without women. But he apparently really wants to lose with John McCain this fall, so he has announced the impending tinkle of little wedding bells!

Charlie was married for like five days way back in 1980, but that didn’t work out so well, due to differences between Charlie and the lady, whoever she was. He had some fake girlfriend last year; we don’t remember what happened to her. And there was that one time Jeb Bush called a reporter a jackass for asking about Crist’s sexytime or something.

His new gal pal is … eh, read the story, we are late for dinner. Happy July the 3rd leading to the July 4 holiday weekend, everybody!!

Crist is engaged []

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  • slavojzizek

    The article raises the possibility that the marriage is more about money than a beard: “Todd Rome estimated in court records that his ex-wife’s income has been as high as $1.48-million a year, and the Romes’ numerous properties included a 10,000 square foot vacation home in Southampton.”

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …well as long as he is married to a woman there is an impending gay Republican sex scandal waiting to come to the surface!

  • wheelie

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Republican male Governor, in possession of a good political fortune, must be in want of a wife.

  • josereyes.theroof

    [re=29668]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Prison pen-pal with Andrew Cunanan, I hope. (Did I spell AC’s name correctly?)

  • RooseveltFranklin

    This is thuper news.
    I heard Ted Haggard was one of the first to congratulate the happy couple.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Sounds like she’s both French and Jewish:

    “currently president of Franco-American Novelty Co., New York-based wholesale distributor of Halloween costumes and accessories”

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I bet she has some awesome dessert recepies!!!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Here’s the website of the company she owns:

    Click to go in, then click on WEAPONS. Do they recommend stabbing black men through the head with knives??? (sorry image is not linkable)

  • Scarab

    Future Headlines:

    1. Crist Married in Tampa Ceremony

    2. McCain Taps Crist as VP Running Mate

    3. Man Alleges Longtime Affair with Crist

    4. Crist Tryst Videos Surface

    5. Crist: I’m Sorry I Let You Down

    6. McCain Taps Coburn as VP Running Mate

    7. Crist Divorced

    8. (Years Later) Crist Married in Key West

  • drrty martini

    wheelie – you just made my afternoon

  • grevillea

    How do we know she’s not really a boy with lovely skin?

  • Neilist

    Only one question:

    Is “she” going to be married in “her” Eagle Scout uniform?

  • tonashideska

    When in Rome……….

  • Anita Cocktail

    One thing I’ve learned in this life is that there are no shortage of chicks with Daddy issues.

  • Quacker


    4 1/2. Crist arrested for stabbing Miami Dolphin tackle, Julius Wilson, in the head.

  • Quacker
  • Quacker

    [re=29678]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:

    It’s completely beyond belief what a girl can do to make multiple millions of dollars these days….

  • Mr. Spanky

    Charlie may be a gay homosexual, but he has to get out of Dodge (Tallahassee) fast! Even though being a gay politico in Tally is considered fairly normal.

    Charlie needs the #2 slot behind Walnuts before Floridians wake up from their nap and realize that his property tax and insurance “reforms” have bankrupted all the local governments in the state of FL!

  • StrangelyBrown

    I love the headline: “Florida Gov. Crist says he’s getting married”. It’s like the St. Petersburg Times is still calling bullshit on him, just without having to risk a pesky libel case. Well played.

  • Guppy06

    [re=29674]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    1.) “Franco”
    2.) “New York”
    3.) “Halloween”

    He may as well go for VP, since he sure as hell won’t hold on to his governorship now that it’s so obvious that he hates America, guns and Jesus.

  • SocialList

    He might be able to hide teh ghey,but he can’t hide the bronzer addiction.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Poor Carole, now she’ll know how Debbie Rowe & Lisa Marie Presley felt. Also, Crist’s description of his fiancee reminds me of how I describe my beloved bulldog (even though he’s a boy!).

  • American Dreamer

    Crist is NOT gay…I do know women in south Florida who have done sexy time with him…in fact he had an affair just last year with a MARRIED palm beach socialite. mccain has florida in his pocket so i dont see him picking Crist.


    Won’t he have to get married in Massachusetts though? Since his fiance is, you know, a man?

  • Vanity Smurf

    I smell a Cocktober surprise in the offing.

    The wedding colors will surely be blush and bashful.

    Will the bachelor party be held in South Beach or Fort Leatherdale, ahem, Lauderdale?

    Where, oh where, will the happy couple register?

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=29701]American Dreamer[/re]: All those women have strap-ons.

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=29702]KTHXBAI[/re]: McCain’s gonna go to California and chip away at Obama’s super-gay Muslim homosexual racist radical base. Did I leave anything out?

  • doppel_d

    Isn’t Vitter and Craig’s federal marriage amendment going to put a stop to this wedding?


    [re=29705]InsidiousTuna[/re]: “Elitist”

  • sezme

    Oh American Dreamer, you are so very Tony-the-Tiger-like. Please make the luckiest boy in the world and say ‘I do!’

  • sezme

    Me. Make “me” the luckiest boy .. aw never mind, forget it, you wouldn’t understand anyway.

  • liquiddaddy

    I wonder which one of them has the most skin cancer lesions? Crist looks like f-ing Goldmember.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Gayest bachelor party ever.

    Were talking Rove popping out of cakes gay.

  • ronaldpagan

    Yeah, he married this chick named Penelopsky Aaryonna Goldberry. I heard she had really soft skin.

  • columnv

    you said tinkle.

  • tonyAZ82

    Wheres Larry Sinclair when you need him???

  • populucious

    I am simply loving the sound of their honeymoon:

    “Rome will join Crist on a 12-day trip through London; Paris; Normandy, France; and St. Petersburg, Russia, that leaves July 11. The trip is described as a “business development mission for Florida’s aviation, defense and climate change sectors.”

    Be still my heart. What a woman will do for the chance to temporarily fantasize about living at Number One Observatory Circle, providing it can be found, having been deleted from the maps and all.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=29720]tonyAZ82[/re]: Jail. Finally.

  • wonk_the_heck

    [re=29701]American Dreamer[/re]: McCain is not married to the idea of good strategy, so
    I am forecasting he may very well pick a running mate with a shield-wife. When it’s
    announced, Walnuts will be joined by the Florida Orange in front of a green screen,
    initiating a mass epileptic seizure.

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=29708]KTHXBAI[/re]: Dammit.

  • gurukalehuru

    Picture of the beard, er, bride, please.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=29669]wheelie[/re]: Mark Foley, so cry.

  • Destonio


  • Destonio
  • S.Luggo

    Chapter 1
    Since the days of Adam, there has been hardly a mischief done in this world but a woman has been at the bottom of it.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=29734]Destonio[/re]: I like the paralytic cupping of his rigid hand on her waist. CANZ I GO NOWZ?

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=29734]Destonio[/re]: I thought Susan Lucci was already married.

  • Mr. Poe

    My people, listen: I’m only going to say this a billion times.

    I will do anything Mr. Crist wants me to do. You set this up for me, you give me the camera, I’ll take care of my dream, we all win by outing another sexafied faggot.

  • tonyAZ82

    I bet he’s a bottom…

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=29745]tonyAZ82[/re]: He’s a manlife-sized Loompa.

  • Sabre_Justice

    [re=29744]Mr. Poe[/re]: Wait until closer to the election. I can’t WAIT to see the fallout.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Oh, well. Happy Independence Gay, everyone!

  • Darehead

    I just went to the Internets to find out why the gov-ner dude has orange skin. Answer: He’s Tony the Tiger.
    …… Grreat!

  • capitol-hillbilly

    jim mc greevey will be sending the happy couple a special gift – a recipe for a first lady sandwich!

  • figbash

    A gay man married to a Halloween costume heiress. Kind of like a drinker married to a Beer heiress…OH, I get this year’s theme.

  • schvitzatura

    Chuck “Orange Greek” Christodoulou levergages a plastic shite heiresses’ ducats:

    Americans will spend nearly $5 billion this Halloween (2006), or about $60 a person-roughly 50% more than last year, says the National Retail Federation.

    McCain should dump Cindy and her suds money and hook up with Rome. Cougar replacement therapy!

  • iconoclasticflow

    Breaking… Jesse Helms stars in “Dead on the 4th of July”

  • GlennBecksTaint

    Crist is the Tony Randall of Florida.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Does Carole realize that if he has nephews, she will automatically become the Auntie Crist?

  • jasonelias

    Charlie Crist is getting married, because Jesse Helms would have wanted it that way…

  • Not_So_Much

    Yeah! So that THAT, you big meanies! He’s gonna get married now and have (ulp) hot hetero sex (gag, urp) like all the time! With a WOMAN!!

    Of course, they’ll only do it from behind and with her wearing a football uniform — but it’s totes normal!!!

  • Servo

    He’s only one of the many fruit flavors in Fruit Loops.

  • TGY

    So, Trojan bride, Trojan wife. Just bring along the Trojans and everything will be lovely.

  • Darehead

    [re=29772]Servo[/re]: So, flakey and loopy!

  • jerryw

    Hey, maybe we will now learn the real answer to;
    “So, you want to be the husband or the wife?”

    Mr. Crist, here’s a recommended reading list for you:
    1. The difference between us is more than a penis
    2. The backdoor man meets his match (made in heaven)
    3. Shotgun wedding? As if….


    Dear Jesse,
    Roast in hell

  • wheelie

    [re=29680]@ drrty martini[/re]: Thanks. I shall make other commenters cower with my hard-hitting merciless Jane Austen quips!

  • J-Man

    Way to ruin Kitty Harris’s Fourth of July, Chuck!

  • hrhkingfriday

    still geigh, just like barry’s still a muzlim

  • superfecta

    Will this woman have to move to Canada now?

  • kellygrrrl
  • kellygrrrl

    [re=29678]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I liked the wide range of BEARDS available on the site

  • Mr-Clark

    Ken Layne,

    Why would a fag-hag marry a bottom? At least if she picked a top, she could torment herself with the fact he was at least into fucking something…maybe not what she’s got, but something!

    Maybe he is just a clever metro sexual out for her dough? I can see why Midge would approve. Midge isn’t gay, but Cindy is loaded.

    Sincerely and respectfully,


  • J

    Aww, not fair, this guy gets married and poor little Andy Sullivan, still single, still sticking pins in his Hillary doll and jacking off on Barry’s picture. No justice no peace!

  • Wee Mousie

    It’s not easy being orange, and wanting more long green.

  • Borat

    [re=29701]American Dreamer[/re]: I’d do sexytime him if he had a bigger mustache, ideally the of the handlebar variety that required special wax. that would be nice. very nice.

  • Servo

    “We applied one coat of Nu Finish carwax to this old Oompa Loompa, and after running him through 50 consecutive carwashes, the water still beads.”

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