CELEBRATIONS  2:54 pm July 3, 2008

Happy Fourth Of July, Muppets!

by Sara K. Smith

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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columnv July 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Freedom, bitches!

Go HIllZ!

AngryBlakGuy July 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

…that eagle has a uncanny resemblance to WALNUTS! I know I’m not the only one that see this.

TGY July 3, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Nothing says ‘Happy Fourth of July’ better than…sock puppets…doing a vocal ‘extraordinary’ rendition…of ‘Stars and Stripes’. Uh. J. P. Souza would be…would be…

“Email it so everybody we know!”: priceless. Or at least worth a dollar.

TGY July 3, 2008 at 3:04 pm

‘to’, even. Fuck it, I’m outta here.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 3, 2008 at 3:04 pm

[re=29475]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Oh no, that’s Fred Thompson. Animal bears a stunning resemblance to Walnuts (and the two chickens? Cindy’s dual personalities).

Monsieur Grumpe July 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Very inspiring. I’m going to get liquored up, put a flag on my bike and run over some of the neighbors lawn ornaments shouting “Take that commies!”

ManchuCandidate July 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Why do the muppets celebrate US America using illegals? Deport Swedish Chef and that Penguin (and maybe Animal too.)

jamescarmel July 3, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Muppet penguins! That just made my day. They were always my favorite.

jamescarmel July 3, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Penguin, singular. Only one penguin here. But the multiple penguins, collectively, were my favorite, back in the day. Just so we’re clear.

Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen just one muppet penguin at one time. Huh.

And yes, I’m still running out the clock here at the office, why do you ask?

pondscum July 3, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Swedish Chef cooked those two chickens right after the fade-to-black.

DemmeFatale July 3, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Sam the American Eagle and Sen. John Warner. Separated at birth?

SayItWithWookies July 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm

200 days, 20 hours and 37 minutes to freedom!

GIJoeIce July 3, 2008 at 3:47 pm

What’s funny is you could have told me that was a clip from “War Stories with Oliver North” and I wouldn’t have known any better.

Q2 July 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Happy birthday America. Freedom is not free.

SayItWithWookies July 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=29518]Q2[/re]: Yeah, but it has to be cheaper than whateverthef*ck we’re saddled with now.

nyhfrog July 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

…And this is only one of a very few reasons that I love my country.

queerbubbles July 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Hil friggin lariousness on a scale with which I cannot comprehend!!!!

graceless July 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Way to redeem yourself Sara K.

Guppy06 July 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Well, it’s certainly the first bit of culture, morality and patriotism I’ve seen on this website!

Paultardville July 3, 2008 at 4:09 pm

American Eagle has a unibrow, he’s probably a product of that polygamist sect.

anabellum July 3, 2008 at 4:25 pm

for the first time in my adult life, i am proud of my country…

bitchincamaro July 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

I shall begin my observance of the Day of the Eagle by ingesting massive quantities of Polish Keilbasa, Czech Pilsner, and German sauerkraut. As soon as I am released by the giant talons of the Wonkette. Peace, people.

freakishlystrong July 3, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Is Beaker a fucking terrist???

Larry Fine July 3, 2008 at 4:33 pm

they scary

anabellum July 3, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=29542]bitchincamaro[/re]: have a nice weekend…im off to drink a few bottles of corona myself…

KevoTron July 3, 2008 at 4:39 pm

The boss man is letting us go early today (it’s only two o’clock on the West Coast.) Therefor I am going on to do the good American thing and pound some Budweiser. One last thing: ‘Merica… FUCK YEA!

MordecuS July 3, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Five. Can’t. Get. Here. Fast Enough… Damn.

Canuckledragger July 3, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=29525]graceless[/re]: Sara does more than just redeem herself. I’ve noticed a pattern. Sara’s the early bird who does all the wee-hour-AM posts while the boys sleep in and nurse their hangovers. And here it is, late in day before a long weekend, and Sara’s still posting. Jim’s AWOL/MIA, Ken’s only posted a couple of drive-bys and yet, Sara remains hard at work.

I’ll bet they make her do the dishes after poker night, take out the garbage and sleep on the wet spot. If so, Sara deserves far better treatment than that. So, Sara, this is my special shout-out to you and you alone, you underappreciated, underpaid, overworked and righteously hot tamale.


[The rest of you can have a good weekend, too, if'n y'all want...]

WhatTheHeck July 3, 2008 at 4:54 pm

I feel very patriotic when someone’s hand is up my cavity, manipulating my every word.

But I’ve had two Stellas for lunch.
That’s beers you morans.

pondscum July 3, 2008 at 5:01 pm

[re=29542]bitchincamaro[/re]: I think I’ll be elists and have some good ol’ merican champagne.

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm


WhatTheHeck July 3, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=29562]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I prefer to be shot then raped.

InsidiousTuna July 3, 2008 at 5:13 pm

God bless America.

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2008 at 5:14 pm

[re=29565]WhatTheHeck[/re]: There ain’t no shootin’ without the rapin’. This is why the castration law should be passed.

pondscum July 3, 2008 at 5:14 pm

[re=29562]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Geesh. You’re harsh. Sam Adams it is…

Neilist July 3, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Which one of the two videos shown on the home page was (1) the one in which the “real power” has its hand up the ass of an empty, sock-headed puppet pretending to be a patriot; vs. (2) the one showing those delightful Muppets?

Please clarify at your earliest.

InsidiousTuna July 3, 2008 at 5:20 pm

[re=29570]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Sorry, I took a sick day, and have been drinking since 10 am. My bad.

weirdiowasculpture July 3, 2008 at 5:20 pm

Ya’ know, the voice of the Eagle and the voice of Yoda? Same guy.

Christastic July 3, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Is that Michael Chertoff?

Canuckledragger July 3, 2008 at 5:59 pm

[re=29562]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Hey, if WhatTheHeck wants to have a couple of Belgian brownpops on the Third of July, I think your threats to rape and kill are just a tad Republican, coming from a guy who quaffs the Mexi-cervesas on the Castro.

It ain’t no capital crime!

But if s/he does it tomorrow, I’ll help you. [Well, not the killing part; I'm only into maiming myself, but I'll watch you do that part.]

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2008 at 6:02 pm

[re=29606]Canuckledragger[/re]: its good to know the Canadians are with us on this one.

columnv July 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm

[re=29562]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’d rather be shot then raped.

Accordion-o-rama July 3, 2008 at 6:54 pm

This video was attempt by Linus Torvalds to shed
Linux’s elitist “European” image – Tux leads an
all-American band populated by typical Linux
developer types (hippie drummer, bulging eyeballed
frizzle head, bear …).

Don’t know why Steve Ballmer did the narration, though …

DoctorCulturae July 3, 2008 at 7:08 pm

[re=29475]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: [re=29503]DemmeFatale[/re]: Sam the Eagle is really Keith Olbermann.

Sarah no can haz bad 4th! Cheers!

Lazy Media July 3, 2008 at 7:23 pm

Sam the Eagle is obviously an al Qaeda mole, as the flag behind him is hanging the wrong way. The blue part is supposed to be upper left, whether it’s hanging horizontally or vertically.

And none of you hippies mentioned it, either. J’Accuse!

Felonious Monk July 3, 2008 at 8:39 pm

And the Swedish Chef is wearing clothing made from the flag.

Waterboard ‘im!

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2008 at 11:27 pm

This video defines awesome. How do the Muppets remain so amazing in every way?


TGY July 4, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Today, we’re all flag pins. Something like that.

TGY July 4, 2008 at 2:19 pm

[re=29717]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: They are an American classic for sure, much like The Simpsons.

Borat July 6, 2008 at 7:46 pm

This is horrible. How can the rest of you even watch this? This is no better than flag burnin. There are inanimate devil creatures passing judgement on on the american way of life. That is not in the bible, constityushion or declaration of indianapolis. There ought to be a law against this filth and everyone who finds it interesting.

I just got back from a bunch of muzzie countries and let me tell you if this sort of thing were ever done against one of their leaders they’d chop yur nutz off and drag them around on the back of a truck. now, thats more american than the rest o you lot. those muzzie countries know how to control all ya all who step out o line.

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