Wonkette
The American Kennel Club wants to know what kind of dog you think the Obama family should get once they are all elected president. The two youngest President Obamas, Malia and Sasha, have Elitest allergies so they will need a fancy hypoallergenic dog instead of a nice old mutt from the D.C. pound who would love them forever for springing it from Dog Prison.
In a perfect world, the Obamas would of course get an Airedale terrier: the proud pet of Presidents Theodore Roosevelt, Calvin Coolidge, and Warren Harding, and a lovable goofus who will happily rip off the balls of its owner’s enemies.
But that isn’t an option as far as the AKC is concerned, so Wonkette readers are implored to vote for the Chinese Crested. Not only is it the most terrifyingly ugly animal on the planet, it is also from the Red Chinese, so Lou Dobbs will hate it an extra lot.
Vetting Obama’s Canine Companion [Political Radar]
Presidential Pup Survey [American Kennel Club]
This is just like when the Clintons had Socks and then Bill got Buddy to appease the dog patriots. The Obamas should get a bird, a big fat bald eagle. Show those bitters who the REAL patriots are.
Would naming the dog Checkers be considered a subtle “fuck you” to the bitters who resent Obama’s mixed heritage?
Imploring the Obamas to adopt Terri Schiavo is in very poor taste, Wonkette.
Vietnamese pot belly pig. They do not have dander, so the little elitists will not sneeze. Hopey can name him Arnold and have zany fun with the colorful locals.
NoWireHangers: “Let the eaaaagle soar, like she’s never soared before…”
Where did you get a picture of Yoda’s illegitimate black baby?
I’d suggest a Mexican Hairless, but you’ve already had a post about Eric Estrada today.
They’ll ned a big bad-ass dog to clear W out of the white house, on account of him thinking he was appointed king for life.
So any dog from a junk yard will do. A dog who won’t run away at the sight of Cheney with a shotgun.
Why the hell do they need a dog? After the past eight years it’ll be a relief not to have a witless ass-sniffer in the Oval Office.
The Obama White House already has a drooling pet sniffing after Barry’s heels, whimpering for attention. But I guess Biden cant play with the little terrorist fist jabbers all the time…
He’s a nigra, ain’t he? He’ll have a pitbull kennel in the backyard and a fighting pit next to the basketball court inside the White House.
ForeignSickSpecialist: “Gentlemen, dogs can’t fight in here. This is the war room!”
Pet rat. Name him “Ben”.
Did anyone read the top paragraph stating that the McCains have 24 PETS? I think we need a breakdown of what all those beasts are: My vote - 4 dogs, 19 scorpions, and Joe Liberman’s furry sack.
That’s not a dog–it’s a bat. You’re pullin’ our leg.
Next issue—what color should the dog be? Black? White? Other?
I think a Rottweiler/Irish Wolfhound mix would be perfect. Ann Coulter can be assigned to clean the steamy mountains of dogshit on the White House lawn.
Walter Sobchak: 24 leeches. For blood lettin’
Dog Prison? More like Doggy Dachau, if DC’s shelter is like most of them. But Sara’s right: people should rescue dogs from the pound before buying more sick mutant “purebreds.”
Two words: komodo dragon
American Cream.
Not only is it a cool breed, but it even has an ever-so-slight tangential connection to the JFK assassination.
A Standard Poodle, of course! Comes in lots of colors, can be groomed in many elitist cuts, wicked smart, loyal and affectionate.
(Just be sure it’s female, the males always look “gay” no matter how you try to butch ‘em up!)
Well, poodles are out, obviously, even though they are hypo-allergenic.
So the best choice for dander avoidance is the more macho Portugese Water Dog http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portuguese_Water_Dog
Word is Barry’s python peeps its head out only when he’s alone with Michelle.
Here is my nomination for an allergen free dog for the Obama’s in the WH:
http://pixdaus.com/pics/1210773121flPprmL.jpg
Lascauxcaveman: That’s some pooch, that Portuguese Water Dog–herds fish into nets? That would be something to see.
He’s black, so obviously he’ll get a pit bull.
A hog-tied Chenney with a horse mouth plug would be a nice addition to the Rose Garden.
…well after he chooses Michael Vick as his VP, he will probably buy 15 Pit-Bulls and begin fighting them on the White House lawn once he is elected Caesar!
The Chinese Crested is a filthy, wretched animal. Surely Barry will be a perfect match for this dawg.
…or he can go the elitist route and get one of those rat-dogs that Paris Hilton is always torturing.
Peggy: Look, if you want a dog inside the house, it says right here that there are several hypoallergenic breeds of dog, such as poodles or hairless.
Hank: A poodle? Why not just go all the way and get me a cat and a sex-change operation?
Woof! I’ll be their bitch..
Labradoodle! Nothing elitist or effeminate about that!
Fox News is debating now whether to go with the pitbull angle, a teacup poddle (unless there’s a poddle that’s even more effeminate), or an elite, white country club dog, like a golden retriever. Or would an afghan hound suggest Obama lusts after willowy blondes?
I have been and always will be an ardent support of the standard poodle.
Just imagine president Hopey with an elitest French dog!
DemmeFatale: Jinx!
Get a German Shepherd and name it Blondi.
That’ll lock up the white vote.
Labradoodle.
Big enough to chase burgl…I mean Republicans.
Hypoallergenic for the Preznits in training.
Curly.
Name it Rocky, and teach it to fetch balls.
Lascauxcaveman: on the AKC site’s poll poodles are winning! I could not believe it. Can you imagine the flak he would take? From the options listed, I think the soft-coated wheaten would be good.
http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/992/50212064.JPG
What’s wrong with a cat? Oh, that’s right! Cats are elitist.
Barry should get a bomb-sniffing dog for when Michelle goes on her little terrorist-tangents.
MoodProcessor:
Here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labradoodle
Lascauxcaveman: V572625694: Not only their fish herding capacity but also they can work as foghorns.
…search over!
http://catsworking.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/obamadog.jpg
Humble Pi: South Carolina GOP.
Holy, is this a description of a dog, or the candidate???
The Chinese Crested — Their Chinese and African heritage makes for an exotic pedigree, and with its unique appearance it’s certain to turn heads.
AngryBlakGuy:
Winner! Now, do they name him “Whitey” or “Crackers”?
AngryBlakGuy: my cat is for Obama, but blood would be shed if I tried to get to him to wear that shirt. He prefers to express his support silently.
Fucking dog owners…
I’ve seen Best in Show. You’re all creepy.
Portugese Water Dog — nope. Everybody will think it’s a poodle (which are lovely dogs except the white ones which are schizophrenic because of inbreeding to get the white coat).
Rhodesian Ridgeback — very like Barry in personality, never known one that wasn’t a great dog. An African dog only owned by white people. Not the best choice for first time dog owners though.
So that leaves us with….
The Labradoodle. Yes the bipartisan compromise candidate. All things to all people. Half Labrador, half Standard Poodle — it’s half elitist and half everyman. Choice of celebrities and Perez Hilton alike.
The AKC people won’t like the Labradoodle though. It’s produced by doggie miscegenation in their eyes.
MoodProcessor: Damn, you beat me! must. type. faster.
Mutts are the best and the Humane Society is over stocked due to the dumbshits who thought having a pet would be so much fun until they had to cope with the puke and poo. Put the rugrats on Claritan and do the right thing Hopey.
The liars at the AKC suggest that a Bichon is hypoallergenic (only sometimes), a Wheaten is smart (sweet, but really dumb, according to every groomer I’ve met), and the Schnauzer, (have you ever met one that DIDN’T try to bite you?).
Porties are great! (Why aren’t they on the list?)
Labradoodles are adorable. Are they 100% non-shedding?
What about a non-shedding dog from a Rescue group?
At least we know the Obamas won’t strap it to the roof of the car.
I know, I know. I take this topic WAY to seriously!
DemmeFatale: Labradoodles aren’t a true breed, so they don’t have any consistency with regards to dander/shedding. You might end up with the Lab end of the stick on that one.
This issue can NEVER be taken too seriously. A wrong choice of dog could lead to little Malia and Sasha having an allergy attack at 3am. Do we really want our next CIC distracted during that critical hour?
DemmeFatale: Some Labradoodles shed, some don’t… you just have to wait and see… At the very least they shed much less than a regular Labrador. But Labs (like most large breeds) shouldn’t really be house dogs unless you like a smelly, hairy, mess of a house. They should be happy outside or in the kennels down by the stables.
Clearly, without question, a Bernese Mountain Dog. They are mostly black, like the Obama family, but with a little white and a little brown, just like America. They are also originally from Switzerland, and are therefore neutral and post-partisan. They are huge and enormously strong, just like America, but are basically big pussies and would never think of invading anybody, just like the Democrats. They love to eat and usually eat too much and tend to get fat, and refuse to get up and fetch anything, just like America. I rest my case.
He can have our dog Bandit.He got ran over about six months ago,so we really don’t need him anymore.
whatever…just keep the damn dog away from the korean houseboy.
Walter Sobchak: The McCains actually have pets modeled after the Series “24″. These Jack Bauer Terriers are trained in all effective torture techniques and bred to live through 100 years of war in Iraq. Dammit!
I think he should get that dog in the picture and name it Malkin.
Felonious Monk:
I had a German Shepherd as a kid. He was hit by a car and lost two of his legs, so I had to push him around in a wheel-barrow.
He got after a rabbit once and nearly ran me half to death!
People, people, people. As a proud dog owner, I can safely say that the Welsh Corgi is by far the best choice. It’s cute, it’s smart, it’s compact, and it mixes well with both elites and commoners. Just ask QEII.
I think they should get a rainbow colored unicorn.
A JACKAL or another scavenging opportunist (Joe Liebermann,maybe).
oh geez…i just voted for the chinese crested.
we’re last with 10%, but since nobody in their right mind would vote
for such an ugly little beast, i think it’s safe to say that us wonkettes
have cast every single vote for the crested.
now, we need a name. is moo goo gai pan too obvious?
tsunami: Coulter!
(Works for bitches and males.)
obfuscator: …Im particularly partial to “White Devil” or “Honky”!
Doglessliberal: …my personal opinion is, anyone who put clothes on their animals deserve any injuries result from such cruelty! And yes you are a bad pet parent!!!
Get two and call them Hannity and Colmes. That way Barry could yell “Hannity, No!” and “Colmes, stop eating that shit!”
If they get the Bichon Frise, Michelle could name it Whitey.
tsunami: Speaking of voting…. we are within 26 votes of surpassing Jeremiah Wright on the traitors list at http://www.countryaboveself.com. After that our next hurdle is some guy named Ted Rall who I had to Google to know who he was. Won’t you honor all of those who fought for our Independence by carving in stone the infamous reputation of Wonkette? Please, in the name of apple pie, baseball, and all things American (like calling your wife a cunt) go vote. Do your patriotic duty.
Why don’t the Obama’s choose a pair of lovely mastiffs?
And btw can an ingorant european ask what TruckNutz are?
Thanks
The family pet will of course, be a chicken. And, yes, it will be “free roam, Organic farm raised, spade/neutered, and PETA certified “
Chihuahua. Barry can carry it in his elistist, terrorist-sheltering purse
He should get a crossbreed.
“Our pet? Oh, he’s a little white boy we found along the side of the road. We call him ‘Nilla”
weirdiowasculpture: You. Are. Correct. They are wonderful. And they pull carts. Think of the gas savings…
AngryBlakGuy: Well, most cats would fight to the death to prevent such humiliation.
BlackEuro.Observer:
Truck Nutz are only the best thing to come out of the U.S. of A. since cluster bombs. Yee-haw!
http://www.trucknutz.com/
This is the perfect opportunity to satisfy the bitters by nominating Hillary as White House pet. Of course, she will have to wear hypoallergenic pantsuits, but she’s willing to do anything to win!
Doglessliberal: …isn’t that what Nyquil is for? I mean my sister uses it on my niece all the time!
weirdiowasculpture: Perfect. That, or a great pyrenees—-an extremely white, lazy-yet-protective dog. And a Newfoundland, for the swirl that is Barry. And of course he must get them from a rescue, as he is not a douche.
Did you get that picture from Gremlins?
They should get a macaca monkey and name it George Allen.
Molly Ivins used to have a Chihuahua she called “Shit.”
Cicada: Thanks. Nearly spit my elitist Heineken on the screen.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Find the BUSY BEE!
Don’t burden tax payers with the cost of a new dog!
When he arrives at the White House, all he needs
to do is poke around in the basement. In front of
a suspiciously warm gate leading to the Naval Observatory
he should find one of these:
http://mschaut.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/cerberus.jpg
They should follow my example and get an australian shepherd. Fantastic dogs. Of course, it sheds like a motherfucker, but the kids would just have to tough it out.
BlackEuro.Observer: Male mastiffs come with their own TruckNutz.
What the matter with a MOTHERFUCKIN’ SNAKE, MOTHERFUCKERS?
[re=29261]boomer: http://pixdaus.com/pics/1210773121flPprmL.jpg/re
Cindy McCain without make-up??
Get one of those Canaan Dogs and reassure the pro-Isreal voters.
No, but for reals, adopt an ex-racing greyhound.
The Baracks can have my f*cking dog. It’s a breed known as a pesteranian, and it has very weak “don’t bug the shi*t out of me” skills.
teebob2000: file not found
Lascauxcaveman: I’ve never heard of fish herding and remain perplexed.
They need a long, brown, smooth, non-neutered wiener dachshund named Cleetus.
columnv: Yeah, copy paste like a retard I do.
[re=29261]boomer: http://pixdaus.com/pics/1210773121flPprmL.jpg/re
ForeignSickSpecialist: If we had a dogfighter in the White House, I would be most pleased.
& next, I would demand CIC run in Pamplona.
/love bloodsport
Monsieur Grumpe: Yay, Grumpay! That’s the right choice; the kids can take their shots. If they attend public school they’ll need them anyway.
Mutts are genetically diverse, and lack the recessive characteristics and perverse personalities of “pure-breds”, like the Bush Terrier or Rove-er Hound. They are loyal, will protect those girls, and are better judges of character than most of the people who advise Barry. How could any Chicago guy not be drawn to a junk yard dog?
And he doesn’t have to worry about cleaning up after them. He’ll have a full cabinet full of secretaries, who have under-secretaries, and assistants and deputies, each of whom has unders, assistants, etc., each of whom has secretaries, and so on. The people at the end of this chain will be happy to care for a dog, if it means they get to look out a window occasionally.
They should get an all-American dog like a Walker hound, Plott hound or Catahoula. Treeing Walker coonhounds make excellent family pets and are super-cute, and have the bonus of never, ever looking elitist or French.