Wonkette
Guess who will for sure be John McCain’s pretend vice president until November 4? Creepy businessman Mitt Romney, that’s who! According to a Super Exclusive and Very Weird Sentence by CO-ED Magazine, which is actually a website full of hot young girls who are more than half naked: “Sen. John McCain will choose businessman and former Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney as Vice President, in his bid for the White House this November, a source closely connected with the McCain campaign, who asked to remain anonymous, told us earlier this afternoon.”
This source, who could it be? Meghan McCain? Maybe Cindy McCain? Probably not Carol McCain.
Whoever the star-bellied sneetch, there is a certain obvious logic to why Walnuts McCain would pick the Mittens: Romney has a gazillion alien dollars.
And now that the Great Indian Hope has gone down in exorcist flames, and Mike Huckabee is a lunatic who thinks it is funny to scare the black people with shotguns, there’s really no other choice for McCain’s losing team than orange-skinned dog-torturing Scientology-loving Frenchman Mitt Romney.
Follow The Money: McCain to Pick Mitt Romney As Running Mate [CO-ED Magazine]
“Andrew” from “Hunter College” yet again with the “late” “”breaking”"” scoop. He’s going to be swimming in College Republican poonani tonight. God I wish I majored in journalism.
This ought to be good.
Surely the man who discovered the 20 best boob-jobs of all time has a vehemently accurate opinion of MITTENS being the veep. MAKE IT SO BOOB-MAN!!!!!!!!1!
Well, if CO-ED Magazine says it, then it must be true. But Mittens, with his magic underwear, would hardly be an asset to the McCain campaign. Does Walnuts have a political death wish?
This is 100% true - in fact, I just read about it on some website.
How is the dollar performing alongside alien dollars? I mean, is this like where you go to a third world country (like America) and pretend to be rich while on vacation?
Question - do they keep BOTH the “Straight Talk Express” and the “Mittmobile”?
Will they select Mitt’s themesong (Who Let the Dogs Out) as their campaign music???
Walnuts has a knack for making himself unpopular. The hard right doesn’t like him because they think he’s a pinko. The left doesn’t like him because of the war in Iraq. The women don’t like him because he wants to stop them from murdering their little fetuses. The 20-somethings don’t like him because he’s a geezer. The black people don’t like him because they like Obama. Now he’s going to get the Fundamentalist Christians to hate him for picking a Mormon heretic for VeePee. Sometimes I think Walnuts is just a straw man picked by the RNC just to keep their hand in the electoral process.
Awesome! I wonder if McCain’s daughter had permission to drop the bomb to the magazine (from the article) famous for “The Top 20 Side-Boobs of All-Time.” Cuz when I think side-boobs, I think McCain and Romney.
Ha ha, WaPo scooped by a girlie webmagblogzine.
Hey, isn’t that an espresso machine under the “FU” in Fudge? WALNUTS is using Mittens to get the elitist vote from Jesus!
And the Old Gray Lady sucks up with: “McCain chooses tall skinny no-foam latte (with really hard hair)”
Aurelio: Yeah! Weaken the Bush/RNC Brand so that the ‘Cons can’t possibly get caught!! The jury’s, like, “No way they did them crimes on purpose! They’re clowns!” Prosecutorially Farcicle-ationalized! Rove’s done it again!
Is anyone else’s anus breaking into a cold sweat at the sight of the above picture of Dr. Mittens donning his latex glove at The Fudge Factory? His glazed, anticipatory smile - worse than Heath Ledger’s Joker.
I’m squirming in my chair, engrossed. And no, I don’t have worms.
One thing to say about North Vietnamese jailers: they have small hands. Very small hands.
Given current population trends in another two hundred years everyone in america will be either mormon or look like tiger woods which is not all that bad.
American Dreamer: Why the dry history lesson, professor?
The whole Romney clan has stars (yellow moons, pink hearts, blue diamonds, purple horseshoes, but not green clovers — too papist) upon thars.
Hahaha “star-bellied sneetch.”
Please, Johnny, pick the Mormon!
Whoa, hat’s off to Derek Jeter.
Ah yes, one of those ‘if you can pull the watch out of my ass’ GOP fairy tales we’re always hearing about.
Yes, but the real stories are the sidebars Wonkette didn’t mention:
Top 7 Ass-Getting Hollywood Assclowns
Renaissance Man: COED Interviews Pete Wentz
Evolution of Hilary Duff’s Boobs
Dude Waxing: Celebrities Doing It, Are You?
Super High: Best Weed Ever
Because Dogs Get Blue Balls Too
Way to miss the obvious ledes again, Wonkette.
Sheesh!
Well, if anyone could pump the truth out of the McCain camp, it would be hot young girls who are more than half naked. Or hot young boys who were more than half naked. I’m sure CO-ED Magazine tried both, along with diapers and trannys, just to cover the bases.
The source was also quoted saying “We are anonymous. We do not forgive. We do not forget.”
Canuckledragger: Now that’s some fine journalism right there…
unertl: “He’s going to be swimming in College Republican poonani tonight.”
Recently at a restaurant, I ordered panini and they brought me poonani instead. It wasn’t very good, but I ate it anyway.
Strangely, no matter how much I ate, the portion didn’t get any smaller. Jedi mind-trick? Some new-fangled “all you can eat” dealie-o?
Nevertheless, I left a big tip, because I am a big tipper.
But next time, I’m sticking with the clams.
This is why McCain needs Jindal. Jindal is a weird-looking little guy. Put McCain next to him, and he looks fine. Now, you put McCain next to Romney, and his vigorous-looking hair, and McCain suddenly looks like he should be in a wheelchair, with a blanket over his lap.
Canuckledragger: You just vindicated Dana Milbank’s comment in an earlier post that anything of importance will be brought to our attention. Thank you for restoring my faith in journalistic tradition.
Speaking of star-bellied sneetches, when will Wonkette commenters get stars upon thars?
A Romney presidency could bring about a fashion trend:
http://fldsdress.com/about.php
How am I supposed to masturbate to Brook Banx with Romney staring at me?
I want to personally thank our Wonkette overlords for the return of the “Fudgepacking with Mittens” photo. It remains one of my favorites.
After checking out their pix of the half-naked college babes and the feature article “The Five Stages of Drunkenness,” I believe anything CO-ED Magazine says.
Jeez! What is he doing with the glove!!? Run doggie, run!
dilhavarti: For Mittens, that would be a decaf latte, thank you very much…
Depends and Magic Underwear?
It’s like Christmas in July!
My first experience with the Mittens fudge-packing photo. How could we NOT elect this man, people?!
Hey Ken, why did you have to put that CO-ED mag link in there? I, like a trusting fool, followed it and had some level of intelligence sucked out of my snarky brain upon reading about Hillary Duff’s boob implants. “Did she, or didn’t she?”
Seems like Politico ran the same story a couple of days ago. Of course, Politico does not feature pictures of gleaming, scantily-clad hard-bodies. Well played, Ken!
Mittens for Veep? WALNUTS!, I appreciate the gesture and all–after all, it is the laughter of asshole leftist young’uns helps keep your heartbeat above death, but seriously? I don’t think this is a good idea, and I say that as someone who despises you.
mookworthjwilson: Vanilla steamer.
Wait - link to CO-ED Magazine posted at 1:08 am?! Ken, are you working or surfing for porn?
Monstrous fuckin’ goon.
trai_dep: Yeah & that creepy smile. Looks like Johnny Mac is going to get 2 for 1: a Veep candidate & someone to check his prostate.
But he’ll deliver Utah in the primary, so it’s totally win-win.
This is a great new magazine! Forget the political story, and check out the links on the side–including the photo spread of Mila Kunis! You’ll soon forget all about this dumb campaign.
This isn’t that surprising. Maxim originally ran Fukuyama’s “End of History” article under the title “Revealing All: How To Spice Up A One-Night Stand” a few months before The Atlantic got hip to it.
Johnny Zhivago: Lots of polyester underwear in there. Great for the sweat and monkey skids. No wonder they’re so cranky.
(Ewww. I think I just grossed myself out.)
Canuckledragger: I’m glad they posted the link. Yahoo, I’m now a woman’s tennis fan!!
The glove plus that “Fudge” sign in the background. Scary…
I totally read porn sites for the political articles.
Canuckledragger: But next time, I’m sticking with the clams.
With a side of tacos?
Humble Pi: Speaking of star-bellied sneetches, when will Wonkette commenters get stars upon thars?
Uhhh… I already got mine.
spencer: How am I supposed to masturbate to Brook Banx with Romney staring at me?
Depends — are you a dood or a chick?
Yeah, sorry about all those commas.