Wonkette
A while back our boyfriend Alec Baldwin said he would go to Canada if George W. Bush was elected, but he ended up staying in country and calling his daughter a pig and Redeeming himself on a funny television show. Now his stupider brother Stephen is threatening to leave America one Baldwin poorer if Barack Obama gets elected.
You know this “Stephen Baldwin,” yes? The one with the closely set eyes of a mental defective? Dude who played a “sexy” murderer (ha ha, spoiler alert!) in that Sharon Stone movie? Oh no wait, that was the other one, “Billy.” Anyhow, here’s Dorkus McDouchebag talking with Laura Ingraham about his emigration plans.
FOX News via New York Observer
B-Bye.
By my math, if a Baldwin leaves America every time a Mexican hops the fence we will achieve instant population equilibrium.
Can we get rid of Kelsey Grammar too? He gives me the heebie-jeebies.
But everyone already films these cheap movies & TV shows in Canada anyway. Him leaving will likely cause him to be in even more films & TV shows.
What about Tibet? Could he move to Tibet?
Dude just hasn’t been the same since he got anally probed by Josh Lucas in “Threesome.”
The fact that he’s talking to Laura Ingrahm is probably a motive for leaving the country, oh, and Baldwins, Canada doesn’t want you either…
Billy Baldwin and Laura Ingraham all wrapped up into one MP3? And you really expect me to click “play”?
Well, if this Baldwin is the one with the mega-monkey on his back, tell him not to come northward. We’ve got too many Yanquis raiding our medicine cabinets for cheap pharmaceuticals as it is. Don’t need any additional professional ingesters.
All Baldwins, except Alec, are aliens anyway. Stephen’s visa has expired.
EnBuenOra: Why inflict his born-again schlockiness on those nice buddhists? But Canada should be out, too, since they have socialized medicine and all. Hmm. Shouldn’t he just go far far away to some malarial hellhole and proslytize?
I wonder if the Baldwin Boys’ mother can be prosecuted now for having 12 or so fetal-alcohol babies?
Don’t let the Golden Door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Contrary to the loss of Alec, the loss of Stephen would be most welcome. Obama should use this in his ads.
This guy’s still around? Kind of? And where’s he going to go, anyway? Canada? Please. There ain’t no place more ‘Merkin than ‘Merka.
Another out-burst that raises my hopes of cartoon’s inspiring reality!
Canada, please bomb the Baldwins!
Is this the Baldwin who found Jesus and is all preachy now?
confusionanddelay<: I hear Zimbabwe is nice.
Is this a cause I can donate to? My suggestion would be Iraq.
Please, somebody, hold him to this.
The only Baldwin worth a shit is Alec — and only because he has the capacity to be a hilarious douche.
The Baldwins are already Canadians. You can tell because they are white, boring, well-groomed, and the tops of their heads come off and bob up and down when they talk.
I hate to defend the douche, but atleast this Baldwin doesn’t blog at HuffBlow.
Terry: You mean he was lost? They get to be a couple of millenia old, and that Alzheimer’s kicks in pretty hard. Won’t be too long before McCain will need a minder, too.
Oh, the irony. ‘mericans in America don’t have to think about bein’ American every day cuz they’re just like everyone else.
It’s when you move overseas that you truly *become American* and carry that label around with you all day, every day.
I miss McManus.
Cicada: Yeah & & take Patricia Heaton (of Everybody Loves Raymond) too, the most tummy-tucked, boob-lifted, oh…and annoyingly sanctimonious ‘Christian’ on the tube. So glad her & Grammar’s show on Fox tanked!
Also, Obama wins & no more Stephen Baldwin. That’s a win win — drinks for everybody! (But how will Celebrity Rehab survive without the Baldwins?)
“That’s the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” A remarkably poignant statement.
Eh, I don’t really care about Baldwin. Can we complain about what a trollop that c^nt Laura Ingram is?
unclesahm: That would be an awesome ad!
Canuckledragger: No, no. Steven’s the born-again one. The only monkey on his back is Jeebus. Jeebus monkeys are an epidemic here in the states.
Can no one rid me of this meddlesome Baldwin?
…not that anyone valued the opinions of brothers that comb their hair with buttered toast.
Just when I think the Obama campaign has exhausted their brilliant ideas to get me to give, they come up with something like this, and I reach for the credit card again. Just hope I don’t give this week and find out next that there’s a special where one donation gets rid of two Baldwins.
Where to begin?? An interview deriding celebrities for voicing their opinions on the election conducted with another(sort of)celebrity. And what sort of pearls of wisdom does Billy “most stupidist” Baldwin serve up for us? Proof that Ds are depraved and will do anything to win the election as demonstrated by Hillary and Barry hugging…. WTF? It would be nice if he left the country, but sending him back to Masapequa Long Island to work in the local pizzeria where belongs would suffice.
I’m a bit concerned about all of the Baldwin’s moving somewhere at once. The sheer tonage of that group could shift the earth on its axis creating nuclear winter overnight. Maybe they’re packin’ it on to combat the cold, cold nights up north…
Is he the one who appeared in the Sopranos as Christopher Moltisanti’s second-choice for the star of his horror film, “Cleaver”?
Oh, OK, that was Danny. How many of these Baldwins are there anyway?
2goats: oh my Dog–imagine what you could get for $2300! Maybe Obama could create an “Exile a Moran” section on his page. For $X, you can banish a) Paris Hilton b) David Duke c) Gary Bauer”.
Steve baby, I love it. Definitely a good career move. This should get you out of the straight-to-cable auditions, baby. Be bold. Be defiant. Obama is hogging all the charisma, so natch’, you gotta play the other hand, Mr. Zero. I like the way you think, baby. But I’m not sure you’re far enough out there yet to get the big press. Go farther. Say you’re gonna set yourself on fire…No, no, that God, yeah, that God is gonna set you on fire if Obama gets elected. You’ll be on the cover of Vanity Fair in no time! What? Of course, we’ll make sure you don’t really catch on fire…
Thank God Fox News was there to cover this important event!
Stephen’s the one who got religion and turned into a real dick about it. He doesn’t deserve to be a Baldwin brother anyway. Can he be kicked out of the clan and they adopt Adam Baldwin as one of their own instead?
Cool2Snog: a herd of them. http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~smason/photos/baldwin.jpg
He also converted to born-again-ism-ism after 9/11 and was firmly in the powerhouse Huckabee camp on accounta him being the only candidate with a M.Miracles degree.
He fits right in, though…he just looks like he’s ready to take out his pent up born-again-virginism frustration out on an alter boy or something.
Texan Bulldoggette:
Kelsey Grammar has this thing going on where you just KNOW he has massive amounts of back hair and sweats like a pig. He squicks me out on so many levels.
Steven Baldwin has the greasy-hair, Downs syndrome-y, Jeebus molester vibe.
What a pair o’ GOP studmuffins!
The only good Balwin is Adam “Three full mags and my swinging cod” Balwin, who isn’t even related to Balwin brothers.
I thought Republicans moved to Australia. Canada is for the Dems.
WIDTAP: Yes. “A man They Call Jayne,” bitches.
Doglessliberal: That set of pictures is a gradient from smoking hot to doofus, if you go counter clockwise.
pondscum: To say nothing of the damage it would do to America’s “Straight-to-Video” Movie market.
Doglessliberal: How does that much doucheyness occur in one family?
Doglessliberal: Again with the picking on the Jim Moran… That being said, your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Funny thing about Laura Ingrahm: she typically loathes the “Hollywood elite” but when she finds some half-wit actor who actually agrees with her, she’s all over him.
Perhaps he would enjoy Zimbabwe’s commitment to the democratic process.
Just think, if he had died or been permanently paralyzed after making “The Usual Suspects”, he might have gone down in history as something other than what he is now. But of course, he did make “Bio-Dome” with Paulie Shore before that, so….
As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you move to Canada.
/Baldwin’d
(And yes, I realize that’s Alec.)
If only we’d been able to elect Barry before BioDome!
if only I knew how the other stars of “The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas” felt about politics…
The cultural decline??? Honestly, you’re talking about the “cultural decline” with a guy who was on the celebrity apprentice????
Hay guys let’s ask more undereducated actors what they think about politics.
Doglessliberal: Gack! So hard to choose! I guess I’ll just have to donate multiple times… How much to send off Ben Stein?
Is that Stephen Baldwin or Mickey Rourke’s liver?
I agree with Laura. Why would anyone care what famous and talented people have to say about stuff?
I’m glad she found a not famous and not talented person to make her point.
Because, umm… we should care what the…
wait…
We shouldn’t care what not-talented but semi-famous people think…of what famous people think.
Nonono.. i got it: Laura Ingraham is a cunty trollup. and there are too many Baldwins.
United Straights?
The Celebrity Rehab gig didn’t work out? Could it be the cheap Vicodin
avaible in Canada?
He can’t go to Canadia though. They let teh gayz marry there.
scotterl: it could be Brian Moran, but it is actually not a “moran” slur.
Promises, promises.
I prefer the Bridges’
BREAKING NEWS:
This just in: Canada has announced it’s unwillingness to accept Stephen Baldwin due to a parliamentary resolution denouncing ‘Slap Shot 2.’
Stephen seems to forget how it was a liberal society that actually endured the “peak” of his acting career with cinematic masterpieces such as “Bio-Dome” and “Fled”. Heaven forbid he make movies like that in John McCain’s America. He would probably be shot. On second thought…McCain ‘08?
Celebrity Rehab was Daniel Baldwin. Unfortunately, he’s staying in the USA no matter who wins the election
You know, if there was No Other Reason In The World to vote for Obama, this one would be sufficient.
Makes sense that a bargain basement Ann Coulter would yap with a bargain basement Baldwin brother.
“GIVE ME THE KEYS, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!!!”
Wilford Brimley supports McCain? Expect to see Stephen Baldwin doing mail-order diabeetus supply commercials in about five years.
He said he’d leave if Barack got “nominated.” That means get ta steppin’, Cody.
“Stephen Baldwin, please tell us why we should care what any of these celebrities think about politics.”
It’s like… she didn’t even get it.
stephen baldwin was going to rape me, but then he found jesus. HE. IS. NOT. MY. LOVER!!!
He’s really hasn’t been the same since he came out of the Bio-Dome with Pauley Shore buuuuuddy.
If he leaves the country, he’ll have to get a real job.
Inadequateblackmale: I’ve been dying to use that quote but I’m always afraid someone will remember the context and accuse me of inciting to murder. Thus it is in Bush’s America. Kudos on your cinema literacy.
Cicada: Kelsey’s kind of likeable, in a bizarre way.
Ever notice that these born-again conservatives once had substance abuse problems?