NOT HELPING  3:29 pm June 30, 2008

Shut Up, Wes Clark

by Sara K. Smith

And put a fucking shirt on.Meet General Wesley Clark, the secret GOP operative with the black, beady eyes of a born sociopath. (Or Jim Lehrer.) After spending four years windsurfing with John Kerry in Hell, he came back to remind America why he should never open his yap on the teevee. This weekend on Face the Nation, he said that John McCain’s experience riding in a fighter plane did not translate into preparation for executive office — which, while completely true, met with utterly predictable outrage.

Now Republicans, Patriots, and war porn connoisseurs get to express disgust over Clark’s terrible smear of John McCain’s glorious war record, and every time some Proud Democrat says “Hey but wait a minute!” the world can get regaled, yet again, with the story of John McCain getting his arms sawed off in Vietnam while Barack Obama was off studying Muslim theology in the South Pacific.

At time of writing David Axelrod had been hastily dispatched to track down Wesley Clark and whisk him to a secret Democrat prison where he will be cellmates with Alex’s mom.

Clark hits McCain’s military credentials [Politico]

 
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{ 71 comments }

PoliticalGraffiti June 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm

if you cover up his head, his torso looks like a face

graceless June 30, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=27028]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Yes it does! A frowny one

Maj. Major Major Major June 30, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Two words in Wes Clark’s defense: Ulysses S. Grant

(yeah, yeah, yeah – two words and an initial)

ForeignSickSpecialist June 30, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Charlie Black 1, Wes Clark 1. Ball in…

4tehlulz June 30, 2008 at 3:36 pm

>>Two words in Wes Clark’s defense: Wes Clark

Fixed.

Godless Liberal * June 30, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Jeez, he could have just said outright he didn’t want to be VP.

bitchincamaro June 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Wes Clarke is hot and will win over the horny mullahs in Tehran with his overpowering handsomeness without having to fire a shot. When he is VP.

The Real JR Revisted June 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Also, McCain never made Admiral.

And he crashed 5 planes so basically I doubt he was even shot down, they just waited for him with a butterfly net.

Inadequate Blackmail June 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm

McCain’s time in the Hanoi Hilton will be invaluable while he’s conducting our future war with Vietnam.

EnBuenOra June 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Yeah, Republicans and news anchors need to get outraged in 2008 that a Vietnam Vet’s war service was said to not automatically qualify him to be PREZNIT, which is totally different than in 2004 when it was important to interview 8 million times the Sh*t Boat Liars for Dupes and to watch Republicans mill around their convention wearing purple f***ing bandaids.

SayItWithWookies June 30, 2008 at 3:43 pm

What further outrages will this liberal tool perpetrate upon the American public? Next he’ll be saying that Dubya being in an airplane that landed on an aircraft carrier didn’t qualify him to declare the Iraq war a victory. Is there to be no end to this slander?

leonT June 30, 2008 at 3:44 pm

does anyone remember when he used to put his foot in his mouth during the 2004 debates? he once told some long story about a homosexual soldier that made no sense at all, whatsoever.

but like bobby jindal, let us not forget the man is a RHODES SCHOLAR. ya’ll’ah, let us all be as ill adept at talking to the media as this man. get him a muzzle.

ronaldpagan June 30, 2008 at 3:45 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/30/mccain-uses-swift-boat-ve_n_110003.html

In case anyone missed FloraWay’s link earlier, the Swift Boat Vets (McCain’s new BFFs) are completely disgusted by Wesley Clark’s chutzpah.

EnBuenOra June 30, 2008 at 3:47 pm

By the way : F*** 8 year old Bob Schieffer for nearly crying when Clark suggested that St John McCain of Maverickia was not magically made President when his plane was shot down.

“Really?” this useless, pre-pubescent G.I. Joe-playing hack babbled when Clark made the statement that anyone over 14 should agree with: Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down DOES NOT MAKE YOU THE F***ING PRESIDENT, and I didn’t hear Bob F***ing Schieffer saying that John Kerry getting shot on a Vietnames River made him Preznit Man.

NedPepper June 30, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=27047]EnBuenOra[/re]: To be fair and balanced, I believe I heard that John Kerry served in Vietnam
and this qualified him to be prez or that is what I believe I was told.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Clark will soon be indicted as an Australian on drug charges in Indonesia. DETAILS TO FOLLOW.

georgia_peach June 30, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=27043]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: HA HA! That is a fantastic image.
[re=27031]graceless[/re]: His torso is frowning because it is a Hillary supporter.

freakishlystrong June 30, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=27053]SayItWithWookies[/re]: SSSSSSSSSSStar!

Anita Cocktail June 30, 2008 at 3:52 pm

“which, while completely true, met with utterly predictable outrage.”

Yep, that’s why I loves me my Wonkette. Trenchant observations that the MSM won’t touch. Well done, Sara K. Smith (if that is your real name).

EnBuenOra June 30, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=27058]NedPepper[/re]: Did you hear this from a major news anchor, or from John Kerry and his campaign?

WadISay June 30, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Actually, throwing a crippled wife under the bus, cozying up to some cunt for money, and getting sexed up by representatives of the military-industrial complex is kind of good training for the presidency.

AngryBlakGuy June 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm

…I actually think this will play well with the people who were too young to remember Vietnam or weren’t born. Because the more he defends it the older he sounds.

slavojzizek June 30, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Why doesn’t anyone care that John McCain ‘confessed’ in Vietnam? Imagine if a Democrat were running with that on his record. And then the asshole wants to torture people, presumably to get the ‘truth’ out of them. Fucker deserves everything you can throw at him.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=27072]slavojzizek[/re]: Barry’s too much of a pussy to bring it up.

jagorev June 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm

What on earth is wrong with Rhodes Scholars (ie, Jindal, Clark, Clinton, Stephanopoulos)? Do you have to be an obnoxious douche completely lacking in self-awareness in order to be considered?

Atoz June 30, 2008 at 4:13 pm

You think maybe Barry rejected Clark’s statement because he feels like POW experience is in fact relevant for the presidency? Like, the Prisoner Of the White house?

freakishlystrong June 30, 2008 at 4:15 pm

I tire of manufactured nutjob “outrage”, when are we going to get outraged at the real outrages this lying, outrageous, fucked up administration has foisted upon us?

Chiraq June 30, 2008 at 4:15 pm

WTF?! MSM going ape-shit about how Wes Clark “called into question” McCain’s war record!!? How fucking dumb is this? What I find humiliating is that I am called into defending a hack like Wes Clark who did an awesomely bad job supporting psycho-bot Hillary. Why are we being treated like dumbshits? And fucking A! Obama just DISTANCED himself from this!? Barry, you disappoint me, you big gulp of lukewarm Coca Cola. This is not swiftboating. It is not calling into question McCan’t’s record… ahh, I am going back to taking heavy drugs.

RaptorAvatar June 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm

I believe the term for McCain is “Shitty Pilot” not “hero.” If we want to be generous we could maybe say he was a “torture victim” instead of a “bomb-dropping air bully who got what was coming to him.”

Sussemilch June 30, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Obviously, the children of strong leaders are stronger leaders than strong leaders.

AnnieGetYourFun June 30, 2008 at 4:25 pm

And it begins. I knew that Senator Unicorn would eventually stop standing up for what is right. I believe it started with the lapel pin.

I fucking hate Republicans.

Atoz June 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Ha, I’d like to see Jim Webb weigh in on this.

Kingbee June 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=27081]Chiraq[/re]: MSNBC is a Republican front organization. Slightly more subtle than Fox.
[re=27085]RaptorAvatar[/re]: Omigod! So true!!

AnnieGetYourFun June 30, 2008 at 4:35 pm

If McCain had any semblance of testicular remnants, his almost immediate response would be “He’s right. Being shot down and tortured in a foreign country does NOT qualify anyone to be leader of the free world. I like to think that the 20-odd years I’ve spent serving in the US Senate, however, have.”

AnnieGetYourFun June 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=27102]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Not that I think his Congressional experience is worth much, but STILL.

uncletravelingmatt June 30, 2008 at 4:39 pm

How dare Wesley Clark suggest that he knows more about military service than the pundits? He didn’t even have a fifth star, the big fraud.

floraway June 30, 2008 at 4:40 pm

Clark sucks. But what he said is true, and is being misrepresented by McCain and actually, by the media and dems.

For someone who is supposed to be “tough”, McCain is basically running on hurt feelings. Ageism, military service, 100 years, Cindy’s tax returns… anything that he is criticized for makes him weep and say that everyone is mean.

Luckily for Obama, McCain does enough to piss off the left that his move toward the center isn’t as noticeable. But it is becoming really disheartening. That’s what I get for falling for a politician.
It is like dating a musician, you always end up disappointed.

Q2 June 30, 2008 at 4:45 pm

[re=27028]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: I wonder…if someone stuck their dick in that mouth thingie…near his belly button…what would happen?

gurukalehuru June 30, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Being shot down does not make you an ace, being a prisoner does not make you a hero, victimhood doesn’t qualify anyone for anything, being an admiral’s grandson and son does not make you an admiral, marrying a millionaress does not mean that you love her, running for congress with her mob-connected father’s bankroll does not prove that you had a burning desire to work for the public good. Being acquitted in the Keating 5 scandal does not prove that you were innocent. Introducing legislation does not mean you can’t, personally, avoid that law, or speak out against it at a later date.

You, John McCain, are a cranky, war-loving, cruel, hypocritical and quite possibly senile old man. That, your close connection to lobbyists, your helping in the lies that have started this war and kept it going, and your weak ass phony smile is what disqualifies you from being President.

TGY June 30, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Well, the cynic’s view is: why does Hopey get to be made president because he was a ‘community organizer’? He didn’t make admiral (or Organizer Admiral), either, though it’s true he’s crashed fewer planes than John McCain. The small-minded among us might wonder how many planes he would’ve crashed had he actually flown any.

Dread Pirate Wesley’s remark about McCain is just as un-germane as any that could be made about Obama. Not that I admit he should go to Gitmo because of it. A nice 5-star hotel room with a door that locks on the outside is sufficient.

nbawriter June 30, 2008 at 4:54 pm

Two things about McCain’s response today:

1) Someone gave him tan-in-a-can. No doubt about it.
2) I thought he was going to cry, when all Clark said was that just because you got shot down and spent five years in the Hanoi Hilton doesn’t mean you are suitable to be President. Which is true. If Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel was shot down and survived five years in captivity, I’d admire him for toughness and valor. It doesn’t mean I want Cletus to be Prez.

KevoTron June 30, 2008 at 5:10 pm

To me what’s missing in the comparison between the Swift Boat jackasses and Clark is CONTEXT. Kerry was campaigning on his military service in juxtaposition to GWB who skipped out on the draft and flew some planes in Texas (when he wasn’t doing cocaine, not that there’s anything wrong with THAT.)Kerry was roundly criticized by a team of hawkish, bastards who had lead us into war. Kerry was a leader of men and that was his point- he has military leadership experience and is battle tested.

Obama was very young during the Vietnam war and the draft was but a distant memory by the time he was old enough to serve. His surrogate, Clark, made a point that being a POW does not give you foreign policy cred.

If the Swift Douches had challenged him on the same grounds that Clark is challenging Walnuts! than fair play to all. The fact is they sought to make Kerry look like a fraud and liar while Clark has stated rather plainly that spending five years in captivity does not, necessarily, a leader make.

mykl June 30, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Horizontal stomach poontang.

problemwithcaring June 30, 2008 at 5:17 pm

I stayed at the Palm Springs Hilton this weekend: where’s my purple heart? Shit was like a bombed out Motel 6. They didn’t even have a hair dryer.

Brutus Harlot June 30, 2008 at 5:19 pm

[re=27031]graceless[/re]: Emo torso wants new head.

problemwithcaring June 30, 2008 at 5:30 pm

[re=27111]TGY[/re]: why does Hopey get to be made president because he was a ‘community organizer’?

Obama supporters have no qualms with the assertation being made is the difference. (Even if ignoring objectively, crashing a plane and then divulging state secrets to the enemy is less of a leadrship quality, than say…”leading and organizing people.”)

William Tecumseh Sherman June 30, 2008 at 5:37 pm

I’m not as pissed off about all this outrage coming out of the teevee because it’s been counterbalanced by all the coverage and attendant outrage being shown over those hearings about torture and the DOJ scandal and that recent story in the New Yorker about the White House trying to start a war with Iran. Oh wait…. nevermind

kapish June 30, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Hey, wait a minute. Wes Clark is doing exactly what I have ben told a Veep candidate is supposed to do – play attack dog.
Then, the POTUS candidate rises above the controversy, right? I admit that telling the truth is way extreme – much
too extreme for MSM, which never does truth stuff. But, all’s fair in love anat. Wes is just auditioning.

TJBeck June 30, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Dammit, I guess I forgot that after the Clinton campaign stopped, their idiot surrogates would now be saying stupid things on TV for the Obama campaign.

JSDC007 June 30, 2008 at 7:17 pm

Wes is one hot peepaw.

That man can say anything and I’ll just nod and say “yes, hot daddy.”

Texan Bulldoggette June 30, 2008 at 7:59 pm

[re=27227]JSDC007[/re]: I agree. For an old man from Arkansas–with a wife named “Gert” or “Gertrude” –I’ve just heard her referred to as Gert, he’s do-able. Not Brad Pitt or young Robert Redford do-able, but much more so than say…Jack Black (totally undo-able), any British rocker of any age with yellow/missing/decayed teeth, Hannity/O’Reilly (only unless you can get blackmail photos), Jack Nicholson (shiver up spine….only if he’s going to make me a superstar!), and the list of those grosser than Wes Clark goes on! Anyway, all in all old Wes is smack in the middle of the pile of average.

Prodigalson1982 June 30, 2008 at 8:40 pm

As the un-official President of General Wesley Clark’s Vice-Presidential Nomination, I’m saddened and disappointed with General Clark’s comment. Not to change the subject. How dare Wonkette run an anti-wesley clark story while I was nowhere near a computer for a period of 5 hours! This is what you do the moment the un-official President of General Wesley Clark Vice-Presidential Nomination or as i call it UPGWCVP club! How dare thy saintly wonkette act treasonous to our Supreme Allied Commander! This is far more prejudicial then Sexism, Racism, Homophobia, or Ageism…this is pure anti-militarism!

I would go as far as to say that just because Wonkette deems itself as a D.C. Gossip site, it’s not qualified enough to cover the next Sexual Gangbang that will involve Hopey, Slick Willy and Mrs. Ahmadinejad!

Also, The picture of Wesley Clark makes me Hard.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 8:56 pm

[re=27272]Prodigalson1982[/re]: At least Wesley has somebody to get hard for him. Hey- he’s a good enough guy, I say. And his military record is just a BIT better than WALNUTS

ladymacbeth June 30, 2008 at 9:09 pm

[re=27118]nbawriter[/re]: actually, cletus is prez.

bitchincamaro June 30, 2008 at 10:22 pm

[re=27080]freakishlystrong[/re]: Like the Sy Hersch piece in the latest New Yorker detailing how we are about to follow W and Dick to war with Iran??????? AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

NedPepper June 30, 2008 at 10:23 pm

[re=27067]EnBuenOra[/re]: Who has not heard the tale of his heroic exploits? What puzzles me about the entire Kerry time in country, is the free time he had to relive his adventures via self made home movies and reenactments. You did not get that kind of free time and let alone video equipment in country. Personally, I was too busy keeping my shit wired up tight and stopping the little people from shooting my ass off. The best I could mustard up was the time to keep a thin war journal sleep and eat. Of course there were the boom boom bars…..

bitchincamaro June 30, 2008 at 10:24 pm

[re=27145]William Tecumseh Sherman[/re]: Oops, you first General.

bitchincamaro June 30, 2008 at 10:26 pm

[re=27057]EnBuenOra[/re]: FTW.

TGY June 30, 2008 at 10:37 pm

[re=27139]problemwithcaring[/re]: Ok, ok, so I tried to not be an Obamatard quite so hard. Fail!

donner_froh July 1, 2008 at 12:07 am

Past time to let slip the dogs of surrogacy, Clark or anyone else. Pile onto the stupid old man, keep him on the defensive, make sure Obama defines the field upon with they do battle. Someone needs to find (or create) one of the men held at the same time as McCain to give press conferences on how he collaborated with his jailers, was given special treatment for selling out his comrades and sucked cock for cigarettes.

Make these guys see what they set in motion with the Swift Boat fraud.

Tra July 1, 2008 at 12:10 am

Arrrrgggghhhhh.

Dear Sen. Obama: When you said you were going to bring a gun to a knife fight, we did not realize you meant a *&^&%^$%#@% squirt gun. Thanks for clearing that up.

Dear Freaking Insane Media Assholes: We look forward to your forthcoming explanations of how military service should automatically make you president. For instance, Vietnam flying ace pilot “Duke” Cunningham would be a terrific president by virtue of his stellar military service. We do not believe he crashed any of his planes, which makes him even more holy and glorious than John McCain! Please get on this important story Right Away!

Dear Sen. John Kerry: We second the resounding WTF that must be running on a loop right now inside your head. We are so very sorry.

EnBuenOra July 1, 2008 at 12:16 am

[re=27324]NedPepper[/re]: “Who has not heard the tale of [Kerry's] heroic exploits?”

I’d say all those idiot cretins repeating Swift Boat sh*t, and those fat ugly monsters roaming the Republican national convention with purple heart bandaids showing the depth of their humanity bubbling up from their corroded dermal layers.

I never said John Kerry was the combination of Paul Bunyan and all the souls of Valley Forge wrapped into one.

But in the years when fake war-mongering twits such as George W. Fake A** Coward Moron Destroy Every F***ing Business He Ever Touched Andover Cheerleader Dry Drunk Fake Texan A**hole Bush Jr. got celebrated like conquering heroes because they sent other people to blow up a nation which didn’t attack us, and Democrats who actually served get morphed into pictures of Saddam Hussein and have unsuccessfully trans-gendered harpies joking about how they let a grenade blow 3 arms off, Kerry’s service should have been enough to at least shut those freaks up.

Cicada July 1, 2008 at 1:12 am

Good lord, Clark got caught telling the truth! Of course Barry has to distance himself, since he’s been saying for months that WALNUTS! military service is out of bounds. And, as always, the purists are screaming about his “betrayal” of Clark, because they want to talk about how WALNUTS! shouldn’t be Prez because..um.. his military service doesn’t qualify him, or something. Because Dems run issue based campaigns, only Republican SCUM want to get wrapped up in distractions…right? And this is an issue we should stand firm on…right? Because the real issue is…THEY SUCK! THEY DID BAD THINGS TO KERRY! WE HATES THEM! HAATES THEM!!!! Oh, and Barry is a pussy, a big ol’ stinky fish taco. He should totes hire Karl Rove to show him how to run a real campaign, WITH BALLS!

I want to drown myself in tequila and renounce my libtard tendencies.

NedPepper July 1, 2008 at 1:55 am

[re=27360]EnBuenOra[/re]: I agree with a lot of what you say, my point is that Kerry’s time in Vietnam does not add up technically, to many that were there, myself included. As far as qualified to lead the USA, I concur.

artbot2000 July 1, 2008 at 2:02 am

[re=27072]slavojzizek[/re]:

The McCain CONFESSION TO WAR CRIMES is especially pertinent at the moment, since DOD announced yesterday that it’s going ahead with the trial of Mohammed Mohammed Whatever, who CONFESSED UNDER TORTURE that he was the Mastermind of the Cole bombing. That confession under torture is, BTW, the only evidence we have so far.

So for you kids keeping score at home, we are about to enact a kangaroo court for one guy who confessed to a war crime under torture, while we make a national hero and possible President of another who did exactly the same thing.

I had funnier material than this, but nobody told me it was a costume party.

vp July 1, 2008 at 5:10 am

*** HUH? ***

What General Clark said is true. Period.

McCain’s heroic personal sacrifice is completely separate from his lack of experience making strategic war decisions.

Nothing can lessen the fact that McCain’s war against Iraq (and Iran?) detracted from the pursuit of al Qaeda. He doesn’t even understand it in retrospect, and it is by FAR the most important strategic decision he’s made.

McCain’s foreign policies are dangerous for America.

And that’s the truth.

Servo July 1, 2008 at 6:50 am

McCain was NOT a fighter pilot! He was an ATTACK pilot! Huge difference. As noted by Tra, Randall “Duke” Cunningham was the first American ace of the Vietnam War. Cunningham and his RIO, William “Irish” Driscoll, downed three enemy aircraft in one day in the famed VF-96 “Showtime 100″. They were hit by a SAM on their way back to the carrier, and were miraculously rescued before being taken by the pursuing Vietnamese PT boats.

Mr-Clark July 1, 2008 at 7:02 am

Sara K. Smith,

The photo was not necessary. I ran screaming through my apartment, “I’m blind, I’m blind, I’m blind,” until the cat tripped me. Just a minor concussion. I should be fine in a couple of days.

Please nothing similar with Midge, even if Cindy thinks he’s too sexy for his shirt.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Mr-Clark

Big Al1317 July 1, 2008 at 11:18 am

Oops! Don’t ever be frank and honest in this country. Must spin everything so no one gets offended. General Clark told it like it is and Barry the Pussy threw him under the Straight Talk bus. Let’s just take the war stuff out of the debate because it doesn’t mean shit to a tree, as evidenced by Premier Bush’s outstanding wartime leadership based on his meritous service.

Outstando July 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm

McCain’s Vietnam experience makes him the perfect Manchurian Candidate for President of the United States. Vote yes for nuclear war. Vote yes for John McCain.

Outstando July 1, 2008 at 1:44 pm

John McCain is batshit insane! McCain ’08.

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