Shut Up, Wes Clark

  not helping

And put a fucking shirt on.Meet General Wesley Clark, the secret GOP operative with the black, beady eyes of a born sociopath. (Or Jim Lehrer.) After spending four years windsurfing with John Kerry in Hell, he came back to remind America why he should never open his yap on the teevee. This weekend on Face the Nation, he said that John McCain’s experience riding in a fighter plane did not translate into preparation for executive office — which, while completely true, met with utterly predictable outrage.

Now Republicans, Patriots, and war porn connoisseurs get to express disgust over Clark’s terrible smear of John McCain’s glorious war record, and every time some Proud Democrat says “Hey but wait a minute!” the world can get regaled, yet again, with the story of John McCain getting his arms sawed off in Vietnam while Barack Obama was off studying Muslim theology in the South Pacific.

At time of writing David Axelrod had been hastily dispatched to track down Wesley Clark and whisk him to a secret Democrat prison where he will be cellmates with Alex’s mom.

Clark hits McCain’s military credentials [Politico]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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71 comments

  1. Maj. Major Major Major

    Two words in Wes Clark’s defense: Ulysses S. Grant

    (yeah, yeah, yeah – two words and an initial)

  2. bitchincamaro

    Wes Clarke is hot and will win over the horny mullahs in Tehran with his overpowering handsomeness without having to fire a shot. When he is VP.

  3. The Real JR Revisted

    Also, McCain never made Admiral.

    And he crashed 5 planes so basically I doubt he was even shot down, they just waited for him with a butterfly net.

  4. Inadequate Blackmail

    McCain’s time in the Hanoi Hilton will be invaluable while he’s conducting our future war with Vietnam.

  5. EnBuenOra

    Yeah, Republicans and news anchors need to get outraged in 2008 that a Vietnam Vet’s war service was said to not automatically qualify him to be PREZNIT, which is totally different than in 2004 when it was important to interview 8 million times the Sh*t Boat Liars for Dupes and to watch Republicans mill around their convention wearing purple f***ing bandaids.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    What further outrages will this liberal tool perpetrate upon the American public? Next he’ll be saying that Dubya being in an airplane that landed on an aircraft carrier didn’t qualify him to declare the Iraq war a victory. Is there to be no end to this slander?

  7. leonT

    does anyone remember when he used to put his foot in his mouth during the 2004 debates? he once told some long story about a homosexual soldier that made no sense at all, whatsoever.

    but like bobby jindal, let us not forget the man is a RHODES SCHOLAR. ya’ll’ah, let us all be as ill adept at talking to the media as this man. get him a muzzle.

  8. EnBuenOra

    By the way : F*** 8 year old Bob Schieffer for nearly crying when Clark suggested that St John McCain of Maverickia was not magically made President when his plane was shot down.

    “Really?” this useless, pre-pubescent G.I. Joe-playing hack babbled when Clark made the statement that anyone over 14 should agree with: Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down DOES NOT MAKE YOU THE F***ING PRESIDENT, and I didn’t hear Bob F***ing Schieffer saying that John Kerry getting shot on a Vietnames River made him Preznit Man.

  9. NedPepper

    [re=27047]EnBuenOra[/re]: To be fair and balanced, I believe I heard that John Kerry served in Vietnam
    and this qualified him to be prez or that is what I believe I was told.

  10. shortsshortsshorts

    Clark will soon be indicted as an Australian on drug charges in Indonesia. DETAILS TO FOLLOW.

  11. georgia_peach

    [re=27043]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: HA HA! That is a fantastic image.
    [re=27031]graceless[/re]: His torso is frowning because it is a Hillary supporter.

  12. Anita Cocktail

    “which, while completely true, met with utterly predictable outrage.”

    Yep, that’s why I loves me my Wonkette. Trenchant observations that the MSM won’t touch. Well done, Sara K. Smith (if that is your real name).

  13. EnBuenOra

    [re=27058]NedPepper[/re]: Did you hear this from a major news anchor, or from John Kerry and his campaign?

  14. WadISay

    Actually, throwing a crippled wife under the bus, cozying up to some cunt for money, and getting sexed up by representatives of the military-industrial complex is kind of good training for the presidency.

  15. AngryBlakGuy

    …I actually think this will play well with the people who were too young to remember Vietnam or weren’t born. Because the more he defends it the older he sounds.

  16. slavojzizek

    Why doesn’t anyone care that John McCain ‘confessed’ in Vietnam? Imagine if a Democrat were running with that on his record. And then the asshole wants to torture people, presumably to get the ‘truth’ out of them. Fucker deserves everything you can throw at him.

  17. jagorev

    What on earth is wrong with Rhodes Scholars (ie, Jindal, Clark, Clinton, Stephanopoulos)? Do you have to be an obnoxious douche completely lacking in self-awareness in order to be considered?

  18. Atoz

    You think maybe Barry rejected Clark’s statement because he feels like POW experience is in fact relevant for the presidency? Like, the Prisoner Of the White house?

  19. freakishlystrong

    I tire of manufactured nutjob “outrage”, when are we going to get outraged at the real outrages this lying, outrageous, fucked up administration has foisted upon us?

  20. Chiraq

    WTF?! MSM going ape-shit about how Wes Clark “called into question” McCain’s war record!!? How fucking dumb is this? What I find humiliating is that I am called into defending a hack like Wes Clark who did an awesomely bad job supporting psycho-bot Hillary. Why are we being treated like dumbshits? And fucking A! Obama just DISTANCED himself from this!? Barry, you disappoint me, you big gulp of lukewarm Coca Cola. This is not swiftboating. It is not calling into question McCan’t’s record… ahh, I am going back to taking heavy drugs.

  21. RaptorAvatar

    I believe the term for McCain is “Shitty Pilot” not “hero.” If we want to be generous we could maybe say he was a “torture victim” instead of a “bomb-dropping air bully who got what was coming to him.”

  22. Sussemilch

    Obviously, the children of strong leaders are stronger leaders than strong leaders.

  23. AnnieGetYourFun

    And it begins. I knew that Senator Unicorn would eventually stop standing up for what is right. I believe it started with the lapel pin.

    I fucking hate Republicans.

  24. Kingbee

    [re=27081]Chiraq[/re]: MSNBC is a Republican front organization. Slightly more subtle than Fox.
    [re=27085]RaptorAvatar[/re]: Omigod! So true!!

  25. AnnieGetYourFun

    If McCain had any semblance of testicular remnants, his almost immediate response would be “He’s right. Being shot down and tortured in a foreign country does NOT qualify anyone to be leader of the free world. I like to think that the 20-odd years I’ve spent serving in the US Senate, however, have.”

  26. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=27102]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Not that I think his Congressional experience is worth much, but STILL.

  27. uncletravelingmatt

    How dare Wesley Clark suggest that he knows more about military service than the pundits? He didn’t even have a fifth star, the big fraud.

  28. floraway

    Clark sucks. But what he said is true, and is being misrepresented by McCain and actually, by the media and dems.

    For someone who is supposed to be “tough”, McCain is basically running on hurt feelings. Ageism, military service, 100 years, Cindy’s tax returns… anything that he is criticized for makes him weep and say that everyone is mean.

    Luckily for Obama, McCain does enough to piss off the left that his move toward the center isn’t as noticeable. But it is becoming really disheartening. That’s what I get for falling for a politician.
    It is like dating a musician, you always end up disappointed.

  29. Q2

    [re=27028]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: I wonder…if someone stuck their dick in that mouth thingie…near his belly button…what would happen?

  30. gurukalehuru

    Being shot down does not make you an ace, being a prisoner does not make you a hero, victimhood doesn’t qualify anyone for anything, being an admiral’s grandson and son does not make you an admiral, marrying a millionaress does not mean that you love her, running for congress with her mob-connected father’s bankroll does not prove that you had a burning desire to work for the public good. Being acquitted in the Keating 5 scandal does not prove that you were innocent. Introducing legislation does not mean you can’t, personally, avoid that law, or speak out against it at a later date.

    You, John McCain, are a cranky, war-loving, cruel, hypocritical and quite possibly senile old man. That, your close connection to lobbyists, your helping in the lies that have started this war and kept it going, and your weak ass phony smile is what disqualifies you from being President.

  31. TGY

    Well, the cynic’s view is: why does Hopey get to be made president because he was a ‘community organizer’? He didn’t make admiral (or Organizer Admiral), either, though it’s true he’s crashed fewer planes than John McCain. The small-minded among us might wonder how many planes he would’ve crashed had he actually flown any.

    Dread Pirate Wesley’s remark about McCain is just as un-germane as any that could be made about Obama. Not that I admit he should go to Gitmo because of it. A nice 5-star hotel room with a door that locks on the outside is sufficient.

  32. nbawriter

    Two things about McCain’s response today:

    1) Someone gave him tan-in-a-can. No doubt about it.
    2) I thought he was going to cry, when all Clark said was that just because you got shot down and spent five years in the Hanoi Hilton doesn’t mean you are suitable to be President. Which is true. If Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel was shot down and survived five years in captivity, I’d admire him for toughness and valor. It doesn’t mean I want Cletus to be Prez.

  33. KevoTron

    To me what’s missing in the comparison between the Swift Boat jackasses and Clark is CONTEXT. Kerry was campaigning on his military service in juxtaposition to GWB who skipped out on the draft and flew some planes in Texas (when he wasn’t doing cocaine, not that there’s anything wrong with THAT.)Kerry was roundly criticized by a team of hawkish, bastards who had lead us into war. Kerry was a leader of men and that was his point- he has military leadership experience and is battle tested.

    Obama was very young during the Vietnam war and the draft was but a distant memory by the time he was old enough to serve. His surrogate, Clark, made a point that being a POW does not give you foreign policy cred.

    If the Swift Douches had challenged him on the same grounds that Clark is challenging Walnuts! than fair play to all. The fact is they sought to make Kerry look like a fraud and liar while Clark has stated rather plainly that spending five years in captivity does not, necessarily, a leader make.

  34. problemwithcaring

    I stayed at the Palm Springs Hilton this weekend: where’s my purple heart? Shit was like a bombed out Motel 6. They didn’t even have a hair dryer.

  35. problemwithcaring

    [re=27111]TGY[/re]: why does Hopey get to be made president because he was a ‘community organizer’?

    Obama supporters have no qualms with the assertation being made is the difference. (Even if ignoring objectively, crashing a plane and then divulging state secrets to the enemy is less of a leadrship quality, than say…”leading and organizing people.”)

  36. William Tecumseh Sherman

    I’m not as pissed off about all this outrage coming out of the teevee because it’s been counterbalanced by all the coverage and attendant outrage being shown over those hearings about torture and the DOJ scandal and that recent story in the New Yorker about the White House trying to start a war with Iran. Oh wait…. nevermind

  37. kapish

    Hey, wait a minute. Wes Clark is doing exactly what I have ben told a Veep candidate is supposed to do – play attack dog.
    Then, the POTUS candidate rises above the controversy, right? I admit that telling the truth is way extreme – much
    too extreme for MSM, which never does truth stuff. But, all’s fair in love anat. Wes is just auditioning.

  38. TJBeck

    Dammit, I guess I forgot that after the Clinton campaign stopped, their idiot surrogates would now be saying stupid things on TV for the Obama campaign.

  39. JSDC007

    Wes is one hot peepaw.

    That man can say anything and I’ll just nod and say “yes, hot daddy.”

  40. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=27227]JSDC007[/re]: I agree. For an old man from Arkansas–with a wife named “Gert” or “Gertrude” –I’ve just heard her referred to as Gert, he’s do-able. Not Brad Pitt or young Robert Redford do-able, but much more so than say…Jack Black (totally undo-able), any British rocker of any age with yellow/missing/decayed teeth, Hannity/O’Reilly (only unless you can get blackmail photos), Jack Nicholson (shiver up spine….only if he’s going to make me a superstar!), and the list of those grosser than Wes Clark goes on! Anyway, all in all old Wes is smack in the middle of the pile of average.

  41. Prodigalson1982

    As the un-official President of General Wesley Clark’s Vice-Presidential Nomination, I’m saddened and disappointed with General Clark’s comment. Not to change the subject. How dare Wonkette run an anti-wesley clark story while I was nowhere near a computer for a period of 5 hours! This is what you do the moment the un-official President of General Wesley Clark Vice-Presidential Nomination or as i call it UPGWCVP club! How dare thy saintly wonkette act treasonous to our Supreme Allied Commander! This is far more prejudicial then Sexism, Racism, Homophobia, or Ageism…this is pure anti-militarism!

    I would go as far as to say that just because Wonkette deems itself as a D.C. Gossip site, it’s not qualified enough to cover the next Sexual Gangbang that will involve Hopey, Slick Willy and Mrs. Ahmadinejad!

    Also, The picture of Wesley Clark makes me Hard.

  42. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=27272]Prodigalson1982[/re]: At least Wesley has somebody to get hard for him. Hey- he’s a good enough guy, I say. And his military record is just a BIT better than WALNUTS

  43. bitchincamaro

    [re=27080]freakishlystrong[/re]: Like the Sy Hersch piece in the latest New Yorker detailing how we are about to follow W and Dick to war with Iran??????? AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

  44. NedPepper

    [re=27067]EnBuenOra[/re]: Who has not heard the tale of his heroic exploits? What puzzles me about the entire Kerry time in country, is the free time he had to relive his adventures via self made home movies and reenactments. You did not get that kind of free time and let alone video equipment in country. Personally, I was too busy keeping my shit wired up tight and stopping the little people from shooting my ass off. The best I could mustard up was the time to keep a thin war journal sleep and eat. Of course there were the boom boom bars…..

  45. TGY

    [re=27139]problemwithcaring[/re]: Ok, ok, so I tried to not be an Obamatard quite so hard. Fail!

  46. donner_froh

    Past time to let slip the dogs of surrogacy, Clark or anyone else. Pile onto the stupid old man, keep him on the defensive, make sure Obama defines the field upon with they do battle. Someone needs to find (or create) one of the men held at the same time as McCain to give press conferences on how he collaborated with his jailers, was given special treatment for selling out his comrades and sucked cock for cigarettes.

    Make these guys see what they set in motion with the Swift Boat fraud.

  47. Tra

    Arrrrgggghhhhh.

    Dear Sen. Obama: When you said you were going to bring a gun to a knife fight, we did not realize you meant a *&^&%^$%#@% squirt gun. Thanks for clearing that up.

    Dear Freaking Insane Media Assholes: We look forward to your forthcoming explanations of how military service should automatically make you president. For instance, Vietnam flying ace pilot “Duke” Cunningham would be a terrific president by virtue of his stellar military service. We do not believe he crashed any of his planes, which makes him even more holy and glorious than John McCain! Please get on this important story Right Away!

    Dear Sen. John Kerry: We second the resounding WTF that must be running on a loop right now inside your head. We are so very sorry.

  48. EnBuenOra

    [re=27324]NedPepper[/re]: “Who has not heard the tale of [Kerry's] heroic exploits?”

    I’d say all those idiot cretins repeating Swift Boat sh*t, and those fat ugly monsters roaming the Republican national convention with purple heart bandaids showing the depth of their humanity bubbling up from their corroded dermal layers.

    I never said John Kerry was the combination of Paul Bunyan and all the souls of Valley Forge wrapped into one.

    But in the years when fake war-mongering twits such as George W. Fake A** Coward Moron Destroy Every F***ing Business He Ever Touched Andover Cheerleader Dry Drunk Fake Texan A**hole Bush Jr. got celebrated like conquering heroes because they sent other people to blow up a nation which didn’t attack us, and Democrats who actually served get morphed into pictures of Saddam Hussein and have unsuccessfully trans-gendered harpies joking about how they let a grenade blow 3 arms off, Kerry’s service should have been enough to at least shut those freaks up.

  49. Cicada

    Good lord, Clark got caught telling the truth! Of course Barry has to distance himself, since he’s been saying for months that WALNUTS! military service is out of bounds. And, as always, the purists are screaming about his “betrayal” of Clark, because they want to talk about how WALNUTS! shouldn’t be Prez because..um.. his military service doesn’t qualify him, or something. Because Dems run issue based campaigns, only Republican SCUM want to get wrapped up in distractions…right? And this is an issue we should stand firm on…right? Because the real issue is…THEY SUCK! THEY DID BAD THINGS TO KERRY! WE HATES THEM! HAATES THEM!!!! Oh, and Barry is a pussy, a big ol’ stinky fish taco. He should totes hire Karl Rove to show him how to run a real campaign, WITH BALLS!

    I want to drown myself in tequila and renounce my libtard tendencies.

  50. NedPepper

    [re=27360]EnBuenOra[/re]: I agree with a lot of what you say, my point is that Kerry’s time in Vietnam does not add up technically, to many that were there, myself included. As far as qualified to lead the USA, I concur.

  51. artbot2000

    [re=27072]slavojzizek[/re]:

    The McCain CONFESSION TO WAR CRIMES is especially pertinent at the moment, since DOD announced yesterday that it’s going ahead with the trial of Mohammed Mohammed Whatever, who CONFESSED UNDER TORTURE that he was the Mastermind of the Cole bombing. That confession under torture is, BTW, the only evidence we have so far.

    So for you kids keeping score at home, we are about to enact a kangaroo court for one guy who confessed to a war crime under torture, while we make a national hero and possible President of another who did exactly the same thing.

    I had funnier material than this, but nobody told me it was a costume party.

  52. vp

    *** HUH? ***

    What General Clark said is true. Period.

    McCain’s heroic personal sacrifice is completely separate from his lack of experience making strategic war decisions.

    Nothing can lessen the fact that McCain’s war against Iraq (and Iran?) detracted from the pursuit of al Qaeda. He doesn’t even understand it in retrospect, and it is by FAR the most important strategic decision he’s made.

    McCain’s foreign policies are dangerous for America.

    And that’s the truth.

  53. Servo

    McCain was NOT a fighter pilot! He was an ATTACK pilot! Huge difference. As noted by Tra, Randall “Duke” Cunningham was the first American ace of the Vietnam War. Cunningham and his RIO, William “Irish” Driscoll, downed three enemy aircraft in one day in the famed VF-96 “Showtime 100″. They were hit by a SAM on their way back to the carrier, and were miraculously rescued before being taken by the pursuing Vietnamese PT boats.

  54. Mr-Clark

    Sara K. Smith,

    The photo was not necessary. I ran screaming through my apartment, “I’m blind, I’m blind, I’m blind,” until the cat tripped me. Just a minor concussion. I should be fine in a couple of days.

    Please nothing similar with Midge, even if Cindy thinks he’s too sexy for his shirt.

    Sincerely and respectfully,

    Mr-Clark

  55. Big Al1317

    Oops! Don’t ever be frank and honest in this country. Must spin everything so no one gets offended. General Clark told it like it is and Barry the Pussy threw him under the Straight Talk bus. Let’s just take the war stuff out of the debate because it doesn’t mean shit to a tree, as evidenced by Premier Bush’s outstanding wartime leadership based on his meritous service.

  56. Outstando

    McCain’s Vietnam experience makes him the perfect Manchurian Candidate for President of the United States. Vote yes for nuclear war. Vote yes for John McCain.

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