CONSPIRACIES  12:22 pm June 30, 2008

INSANE Hilltards On Vandalism Rampage?

by Sara K. Smith

Obama smokes crack and eats cold Popeye'sSo this guy in Orlando was driving, at night, when he suddenly noticed a gazillion cars all covered in goofy graffiti saying “Obama smokes crack.” But that’s only the beginning of the troubling evidence at the crime scene pointing to a NOBAMA PUMA Just Say No Deal Hillary Clinton 4 EVA Conspiracy.

“I’m driving by and every car I see has been hit with spray paint,” witness Mike Lowe said. “There is so much damage to them. There are messages written on them and the vandals left their business card, which is crazy.”

Special business cards left near the damaged vehicles contained negative messages about Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain. However, there were positive words about Sen. Hillary Clinton, Local 6′s Kimberly Houk reported.

Mark Penn got drunk and printed up some cheap business cards and flew to Orlando, where he drove around with all two of his friends painting cars until dawn. He is still drunk today.

‘Obama’ Hate Messages, Graffiti Cover 60 Orlando City Vehicles [Local 6]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


graceless June 30, 2008 at 12:23 pm

How smart is that?

SuperRounder June 30, 2008 at 12:24 pm

I guess “inadequate black man” wouldn’t fit.

graceless June 30, 2008 at 12:24 pm

And what is this business about Mark Penn having friends?

wallythepug June 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Way to misspell Obama, morans!

Cool2Snog June 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Having the nation saw that Terry McAuliffe guy on television with a belly full of cheap rum, I don’t think the police need cast their nets too far.

SayItWithWookies June 30, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Karl Rove’s just getting sloppy, is all I can figure.

SuperRounder June 30, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Mickey Mouse was a Hilltard? You’d think he’d be down with the brown, just to show some big eared solidarity.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 30, 2008 at 12:28 pm

60 vehicles? Those are some hard-working white people.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Obama does smoke crack. So what? It keeps him on his toes.

problemwithcaring June 30, 2008 at 12:33 pm

I’m sorry – I think their hate-filled graffiti correctly reads: “Obama smoke crack”. Mind the sloppy journalism.

Son of Mark Penn June 30, 2008 at 12:33 pm

Is there any wonder why a Floridian’s votes count one half?

4tehlulz June 30, 2008 at 12:35 pm

6boma smoke crack?

RaptorAvatar June 30, 2008 at 12:38 pm

Oboma,Obama: Hmmm…. Are they brothers?

Truculent June 30, 2008 at 12:39 pm

[re=26815]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This is just a placeholder until Karl finishes doctoring up that gay porn DVD. Takes a while to insert Obama’s face into all those scenes.

What? You think I’m kidding?

Sean O June 30, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Wow, while Oboma Smoke Crack is what gets the attention, it’s the baby-blue abstract designs towards the front of the SUV that are the real substance.

Who knew the bitters were so artistic?

AngryBlakGuy June 30, 2008 at 12:41 pm

…is there any doubt that this was more than likely done by a Republican?!

SayItWithWookies June 30, 2008 at 12:46 pm

[re=26834]Truculent[/re]: Nah, Karl’s not that foolish — he’ll stay away from the gay porn meme lest it capture the imagination of all the Republicans disgusted with McCain.
Though if I were Obama, my response to this would be, “See, Florida needs some education money and they need it now.” I know vandals don’t have a reputation as the world’s best spellers, but this is a cry for help.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 12:47 pm

[re=26838]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: They were attacking McCain too, so I don’t know. I think it was either a Paultard turned-Hilltard, or a loyal Hilltard is firmly believes the convention will settle the score, one and for all.

XOMuffintop June 30, 2008 at 12:49 pm

As a resident on the Orlando area, I am surprised the vandals were able to for a statement that was so close to being gramatically accurate.

slavojzizek June 30, 2008 at 12:51 pm
graceless June 30, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Did anybody else notice, is that Obama’s blue?

Truculent June 30, 2008 at 1:00 pm

[re=26845]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Or just capture the imagination of republicans period.

WonksRunAmuck June 30, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Has to be hilltards, they’re trying to alleviate some campaign debt. graffiti free car = free advertising. Quite the entrepreneurial streak here.

Voyou Charmant June 30, 2008 at 1:02 pm

So, does this “Oboma” guy smoke crack?

ronaldpagan June 30, 2008 at 1:03 pm

They’re clearly giving him helpful campaign advice. It’s meant to read “Obama, smoke crack!” The back says “Because coke is too elitist.”

Monsieur Grumpe June 30, 2008 at 1:04 pm

You can tell a MACO paint job a mile away.

RacerMex June 30, 2008 at 1:05 pm

I call for the death penality in case. Call it, Chlorine for Gene Pool.

problemwithcaring June 30, 2008 at 1:06 pm

[re=26851]slavojzizek[/re]: I luv that Hilltards now think Obama’s problem is that he is too Clintonesque. Will these people stop at nothing to justify their non-transendental racism?

freakishlystrong June 30, 2008 at 1:06 pm

[re=26855]graceless[/re]: Actually, I was thinking more “Hillary Pantsuit” blue…

Serolf Divad June 30, 2008 at 1:08 pm

This was clearly done by Karl Rove’s apprentices, as anyone who’s been paying attention knows that the only way Hilltards know to spread their message is through embarrassing choreography.

Godless Liberal * June 30, 2008 at 1:10 pm

I secretly hope Obama loses so he can devote the next 8 years to suing every ignorant jackass this side of California for libel.

AngryBlakGuy June 30, 2008 at 1:10 pm

[re=26846]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …my perception is that it a Republican who is picking at the Democratic nomination scab. Even the most hardcore Hil-tards realize she has a 0% chance of winning the nomination. So why would they go out of their way and jeopardizes their freedom by vandalizing 60 cars? It just seems WAAAAAAAY over the top for a Hil-tard. However a McCain supporter would realize that Hil-tards aren’t voting for McCain because they like him or his policies, they are voting for him because of revenge. So they can attack their own candidate(to throw the police off) and it doesnt matter because Hil-tards don’t care. Also during Hillary’s failed attempt to steal the election she drove a massive wedge between the democratic party in the state of Florida and it is advantageous for Republicans to keep that in front of the minds of Hillary voters. In the very least if McCain doesn’t pick-up some Hillary voters, maybe he can suppress their vote. Its a bit Machiavellian(and more than likely wrong) but it makes sense.

ManchuCandidate June 30, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Mad Tards, Mad tards
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you

Mad tards
Always whine, Always whine
Whatcha gonna do
When Barack Obama flicks you
Tell me
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo


When you were old
And you had low votes
You support Hils
And fail the primary rules
So why are you
Acting like a ancient Tool
If you get hot
You must get cool


You spray it on that one
You spray it on this one
You spray it on your daughter’s and
You spray it on your sonny’s
You spray it on your brother’s and
You spray it on your sister’s
You spray it on that one and
You spray it on mine


Nobody naw give you no break
Obama naw give you no break
McCain naw give you no break
Not even Clinton naw give you no break

capitol-hillbilly June 30, 2008 at 1:12 pm

bowser and his two friends … goofy and pluto.

ronaldpagan June 30, 2008 at 1:14 pm

[re=26870]problemwithcaring[/re]: I know, right? It is so surreal to hear them bash Obama because some of his more cynical moves imply that he might – in the absolute worst-case scenario – turn out a little like Bubba.

Quacker June 30, 2008 at 1:24 pm

[re=26872]Serolf Divad[/re]:

Those guys clearly should have been kicked out of the lunchroom in Jr. High School by football players. Then we would never have had to see this….

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 30, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Nah. I’d bet the farm these are hardcore right wing Minute Men types who don’t want this getting back to McCain. In fact, I’m pretty confident that most of these Nobama Hilltard folks are really just lifelong Cracker-ass Republicans who want to sew doubt in the minds of hard-working ‘Nillas.

Doglessliberal June 30, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=26874]Godless Liberal *[/re]: he’d better not file in DC because accusations of crack smoking are not libel in the District. They get you reelected (see, Barry, Marion).

Paultardville June 30, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Wait, so they’re trying to win voters over by vandalizing their cars? Jeebus, when did America become a third-world country?

Doglessliberal June 30, 2008 at 1:35 pm

[re=26877]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: have you seen these Hilltards? I would not be surprised in the least if it were some of this group.

populucious June 30, 2008 at 1:36 pm

I have a question: where is Bill? Did he go on a bender again?

boggart June 30, 2008 at 1:36 pm

What I love about American elections is anything that’s said about a candidate, no matter how crazy, will take root. Problem is, I have to stop making political jokes – people think I actually believe the stuff I say about the candidates.

Guppy06 June 30, 2008 at 1:38 pm

I thought he was running for president, not mayor of DC.

Delicious June 30, 2008 at 1:46 pm

[i]60 city vehicles parked across the street from City Hall[/i]

Fuck City Hall!

Yeah! Fucking A Right!

Doglessliberal June 30, 2008 at 1:47 pm

[re=26895]Guppy06[/re]: the former Crack-smoking Bitch Set Me Up Mayor of DC, now a City Councilman, just launched his reelection campaign from the pulpit of a church, invoking God about every other word. I guess separation of church and state doesn’t apply in Barry-world.

TGY June 30, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Haha! There’s no mystery: ‘Oboma’ is obviously ‘McCain’ spelled by a moran.

slavojzizek June 30, 2008 at 2:00 pm

[re=26870]problemwithcaring[/re]: Yes. The reason Hillary Clinton ran emphasizing her experience in her husband’s administration was that she wanted to show how she was going to break with his policies and approaches if elected. That makes a lot of sense.

KevoTron June 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm

Who says it’s Hillary or McCain supporters (or, for that matter, Paultards)? You know those Orlando hoodlums… For all I can guess they’re probably stoked on “Oboma” smoking da rock. “Yeah bitches! He’s a pipe-hittin’ Prezident! Get your vote out y’all! Vote or DIE and shit!”

Also, what’s it mean when I can’t comment on the Aussie stoner chick thread? Did I miss some misogyny or something off-color over there?

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=26889]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: You may be right. Maybe the Nobama Hilltards do not in fact exist in reality and are simply internet-trolls. I mean really, that might be totally accurate.

WIDTAP June 30, 2008 at 2:09 pm

…because nothing makes one want to agree with the fellow more than when he takes a spray can to you new car paint job.

AxmxZ June 30, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=26825]problemwithcaring[/re]: It’s even better: “Oboma Smoke Crac6″

travellabyrinth June 30, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=26833]RaptorAvatar[/re]: I think it said Oboema. So it was probably done by some Dutch people who watched Jiskefet. Oboema’s character was described by the Dutch, who colonized South Africa, as the “white negro”.

travellabyrinth June 30, 2008 at 2:15 pm

[re=26936]travellabyrinth[/re]: I tried to post this but it didn’t show up the first time: see also:

hopeforbill June 30, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Do the Orlando cops ever go by city hall? Most taggers might get 2 or 3 in such an obvious place, not 60. Unless the Orlando PD love Hilz?!?

itgetter June 30, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Oh, I’ve seen their work before!

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=26877]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: But what if it was one of Obama’s rival gangs??

S.Luggo June 30, 2008 at 5:08 pm

It was the Art Students League of NY, fearful of losing their exclusivity on elitism, those Chardonnay-swilling bastards.

S.Luggo June 30, 2008 at 5:10 pm

[re=27066]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: The Taliban?

Slutty_Chola_Cobbler June 30, 2008 at 5:11 pm

I doubt it’s Hilltards, I say they are Walnuts supporters using Hilltards as scapegoats and to create a divide.

I can only imagine Slick Willy enjoying this..

American Dreamer June 30, 2008 at 7:43 pm

This looks like the work of Canuckledrugger (the Nook of the North). I would recognize that profanity anywhere. His parents must have taken him out of the mental institution for imbeciles where he is kept for a weekend of fun and sun in Orlando.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 8:14 pm

[re=27126]S.Luggo[/re]: Heh. Awesome.

shortsshortsshorts June 30, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=27239]American Dreamer[/re]: Now Tony, that was unfunny, and not nearly insulting enough.

Mr. Spanky June 30, 2008 at 9:08 pm

We Orlandoans are told weekly by Fox 35 News not to leave our cars on the streets and Super WalMart parking lots for fear of coming back and finding some rude graffiti sprayed on them.

But does the City pay attention to these warnings? No!

BTW, there is a hard-core pod of Paultards in O-Town. They would be my prime suspects for this mischief!

NebraskashireGentry June 30, 2008 at 10:16 pm

[re=26877]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I think the thought process of most vandals is more closely akin to: car! must paint!

Whore Diamond in the Rough July 1, 2008 at 10:16 am

[re=26813]wallythepug[/re]: I know, right? I thought Hillary supporter were white middle class (over)educated ladies.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: