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Vice presidential “hopeful” and Louisiana’s Mexican boy-governor, Bobby Jindal, has just signed into law a very special bill, because he is incapable of vetoing anything and also because HE IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. The bill (now law) here is called “the Sex Offender Chemical Castration Bill, SB 144, authorizing the castration of convicted sex offenders.” You know, forced castration of human beings, by The State.

fdasldja32432rf2elkmwl:

SB 144 by Senators Nick Gautreaux, Amedee, Dorsey, Duplessis and Mount provides that on a first conviction of aggravated rape, forcible rape, second degree sexual battery, aggravated incest, molestation of a juvenile when the victim is under the age of 13, or an aggravated crime against nature, the court may sentence the offender to undergo chemical castration. On a second conviction of the above listed crimes, the court is required to sentence the offender to undergo chemical castration.

This bill also provides that a court may instead order a physical castration instead of the chemical castration.

It’s funny, because it’s unconstitutional. And you know how the liberals like to complain about that business. Don’t they know we’re at war, with the sex offender terrorists?

Jindal knows, because his “boyish good looks” have surely attracted the wrong sort of Louisiana trash, at soda fountains, for his entire life:

Not only as the Governor of this great state, but as a father of three children, I believe that sexually assaulting a child is one of the very worst crimes and I am glad we have taken such strong measures in Louisiana to put a stop to these monsters’ brutal acts. I want to send the message loud and clear – to the Supreme Court of the United States and beyond – make no mistake about it, if anyone wants to molest children and commit sexual assaults on kids they should not do so here in Louisiana. Here, we will do everything in our power to protect our children and we will not rest until justice is won and we have fully punished those who harm them.

Jindal clearly fucks little boys, all the time, including his own. Right?

Governor Bobby Jindal Signs Chemical Castration Bill [KALB]

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  • AxmxZ

    Jindal for VP LOLz.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    or an aggravated crime against nature

    Great. Louisiana is about to be castrated. See ya, Plaquemines Parish.

  • bmannes

    Great. Let’s all sit back and wait until they find Jindal’s secret Dicks in Jars room.

  • Son of Mark Penn

    “I want to send the message loud and clear – to the Supreme Court of the United States and beyond – make no mistake about it, if anyone wants to molest children and commit sexual assaults on kids they should not do so here in Louisiana.”

    Scalia, you’re on notice!

  • freakishlystrong

    “The Sex Offender Chemical Castration”, all the kids are doing it!

  • LBOtomist

    April Fools? C’mon, Jim, I’m not buying it. Next you’ll tell me that we are torturing secret prisoners in secret prisons all over the world. That’s just dumb.

  • Nasara

    His career totally peaked with the Sixth Sense.

  • Paultardville

    Where’s our UNITY liveblog, Wonkette?

  • graceless

    Does that include James Carville?

  • polar_bear

    “This bill also provides that a court may instead order a physical castration instead of the chemical castration.”

    Sausage jambalaya anyone?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …well the Democratic leadership in the Senate and House are safe considering they don’t have any BALLS in the first place.

  • freakishlystrong

    “if anyone wants to molest children and commit sexual assaults on kids they should not do so here in Louisiana.”, Jesus if not in Louisana, where?

  • tunamelt

    Old Testament style.

  • loudmouthredhead

    See, chemical castration is at least reversible, but the “physical” variety? Not so much…Imagine being wrongfully convicted on that one:
    “The State of Louisiana sincerely apologizes for the loss of your nuts. Our bad.”

    So if you meet any Louisiana residents with unnaturally high voices, you KNOW justice is at work!

  • norbizness

    Couldn’t he just exorcise the offending genitals?

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=26132]Nasara[/re]: What a tweest!

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=26137]freakishlystrong[/re]: You have to MARRY the kids first, moran. Thus the age of consent still hovers around 14…

  • SayItWithWookies

    This Governor Dimmesdale is a freak. Let me second Wonkette’s assessment by shouting, “fdasldja32432rf2elkmwl!”

  • ColdCupofHope

    “I want to send the message loud and clear, if anyone wants to molest children and commit sexual assaults on kids they should not do so here in Louisiana.”

    Try Nevada. The dry weather is nice for buggery.

  • sezme

    “Jindal clearly fucks little boys, all the time, including his own. Right?
    Well, I wouldn’t have thought so until learning to parse Republican Rhetoric. Thanks, Wonkette!

  • ZombieRaegan

    …in other news, experts say Louisiana’s population will decline rapidly in coming years.

  • Uncommon Sense

    Great. Way to fucking embarrass the rest of us Indians, “Bobby.” You just HAD to do whatever you could to be accepted by the other kids, didn’t you?

    All the more embarrassing, he’s a fellow Punjabi, too . . .

    Sigh. I’ll have to drown my sorrows in paan liquer and cheap “FOR SALE TO INDIAN MILITARY PERSONNEL ONLY”-labeled whiskey tonight to console myself . . .

    (By the way, where the hell’s the Wonkette liveblog from Unity, NH?)

  • loudmouthredhead

    Rather than spending so much money on “chemicals”, couldn’t they just spend about 10 cents on each offender and give them pictures of a nude Barbara Bush, grabbing her cankles?

  • The Real JR Revisted

    Jindal FTW. Seriously.

    Molestors should be culled from this Earth. There is no positive reason to keep them around after they have done their crimes. I can’t imagine what could change my mind about such a thing.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=26153]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Oh shit! I’m dyin’ ova here!

  • qwerty42

    [re=26140]loudmouthredhead[/re]: if this happened, the state of Louisiana could square things up by providing the guy with truck nutz.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    I’ve always lamented the loss of the castrati in opera. Now they can make a rebound. Hurray!

  • Count Snarkula

    But what would Margaret Drysdale say?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …being from the state of Florida where the majority of people who are molesting minors are really hot female teachers in the Tampa Bay area; how in the hell do you castrate a woman? I smell an equal protection under the law challenge!

  • uncletravelingmatt

    Apparently one generation of imbeciles is enough.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Fuck it. Castrate those perverted bastards. Excellent work. No need for prison overcrowding now.
    And the Supreme Court has been beating down precedent like a pinata, so fuck some 70 year-old case also. And then, after fucking the Supreme Court case, castrate another perv.
    Good.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    I’m going to file a motion requesting that the name of this bill be changed to the Sex Offender Yakky Doodle Bill.

    (What, no Harvey Birdman fans here?)

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=26161]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Wish I had thought of that one! Jindal is thus secretly supporting a cultural revival in teh bayou!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …oh yeah and I have a few suggestions for other crimes.

    -Theft = chopping off your hands
    -Evading arrest = chopping off your feet
    -Arson = Burning at the stake
    -Perjury = Cut out your tongue
    -Adultery = **Please reference Old Testament**

  • MARCdMan

    Honestly I have no problem with this. They should use a rusty papercutter.

  • KevoTron

    [re=26165]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: What would Hunter S. have to say about this Shorts? “Castration! Double castration!”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26172]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: The Code of Hammurabi rises again.

  • Cool2Snog

    Talk about a dream ticket!

    McCain / Jindal ’08!

  • Choire

    Yes, in fact, his bill would cause any 19-year-old having sex with a 16-year-old to be castrated. CHARMED. Also anyone who has sex with a drunk person. Of course, the current sentence? “Hard labor for not less than three nor more than fifteen years”–with no suspension of sentence or parole. HA WHEE LAW AND ORDER.

  • ALIVE!

    You may think “why the hell not,” and the list of crimes looks to my non-lawyer eyes to be limited … but in a couplea years there’ll be someone convicted of what should have been at most statutory rape, who literally takes one in the nutz.

  • edgydrifter

    Did the court clarify the method of physical castration? This is Louisiana, so I’m betting they hire Bruce Willis to reprise his role from Sin City.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=26177]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …damn it, I guess that means I wont be be able to place curses upon my enemies for fear of death!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26176]KevoTron[/re]: The good Doctor would definitely be for a castration law (even though 9/11 truthers will probably tell me that he was part of a pedophilia ring, which Alex Jones already has, because he is such a hack).

  • Joey Ratz

    forcible rape, aggravated incest, aggravated crime against nature.

    Not being a Southerner, I had no idea that they needed so many different technical terms for underage cousin-fucking. I guess it’s just like the Eskimos and their hundreds of different words for ‘snow’ – when it’s all around you all the time, you need an expanded, more precise vocabulary to properly describe it.

    And, seriously, what the hell is an ‘aggravated crime against nature’? Having sex with a food processor? Forcing someone to watch According to Jim?

  • toastandlove

    “Chemical castration” is basically just giving them depo-provera (what’s in ladies’ birth control) and it shuts off their libido. They ain’t removin’ no body parts or nothin’.

    Choire: Yes, in fact, his bill would cause any 19-year-old having sex with a 16-year-old to be castrated.

    Nah, it gives the jury the OPTION to hand down this sentence, and not in statutory rape cases. I don’t know what an “aggravated crim against nature” is (homo rape?) but the rest of those are very serious crimes indeed. Besides maybe the incest? But they really need to do something to discourage that in Leeziana.

  • Maus

    [re=26152]Uncommon Sense[/re]: Overcompensation is pretty normal when a kid REALLY wants desperately to be liked.

  • southernbitch

    i am so proud of my governor. every day when i turn on npr there is a new update on how he must be stoned out of his fucking gourd.

  • Truculent

    [re=26202]toastandlove[/re]: I thought chemical castration involved dunking the offender’s berries into Drano.

  • travellabyrinth

    I can tell based on his lucky human’s dick key chain pendant that he is also a devotee of Hanuman. Someone please ship this man a statue, fast.

  • TGY

    So, like Viagra in reverse? What do we use to cure ‘electile’ dysfunction?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=26125]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Hell, Plaquemines Parish already got castrated via Katrina. And as far as chemical castration, two words: Port Sulphur. Oh, two others words: Leander Perez.

  • travellabyrinth

    O.k. it was a monkey penis, but it’s not like he couldn’t get a human one, this guy knows how to get penis, he’ll have you know. It was a monkey penis for purely ritual reasons known to the Hanuman idol worship cult of India.

  • 4tehlulz

    “I want to send the message loud and clear – to the Supreme Court of the United States and beyond”

    Even Japan?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=26137]freakishlystrong[/re]: Duh, Alabama, naturally.

  • gurukalehuru

    It’s lucky for Casey Aldridge he lives across the river in Mississippi. Unless they did the deed at Mama Jamie Lynn’s house. In that case, off with his nuts.

  • BananiaBlogger

    Maybe an “aggravated crime against nature” is like strip mining or offshore drilling or driving a Hummer.

    You know, maybe this is just a climate change bill in disguise!

  • nowukkers

    [re=26135]polar_bear[/re]: It’s called “boudin”.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Dude, I saw Chemical Castration at Lollapalooza, and they were, like, awesome; I couldn’t hear for a week. bobby was there, man, love beads and his sitar — like, the Austin Powers of the Deep South, people!

  • nowukkers

    [re=26165]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, but the problem is Louisiana juries, which have about 3 brain cells between the various jurors. In principle, yeah go for it- in practice, I wouldn’t be so sure that they could get the right answer.

  • populucious

    Considering the fact that this guy is most famous for physically assaulting, I mean, “exorcizing”, some poor chick who made the mistake of wanting to have sex with him in college, I would say this is just the tip of the iceburg in Bobby Jindal’s quest to make nasty gross sex-ness of all kinds a capital offense in Louisiana.

    And, yes, I think rape is horrible and yes I think raping children is unfathomably wretched and yes I actually find myself questioning the Supreme Court on this capital punishment issue for child rapists, which I think means I may have to turn in my laminated Lefty Liberal card, but that said, face it. You just know Bobby J wants to chemically castrate everyone don’t you?

  • Madness

    Geeze, this place makes me feel like a Neocon.

    Am I the only one who doesn’t feel sorry for the pederasts getting the chemo cooldown? I guess it is much better up in Mass., where instead, they just ruin the victims lives…

    I miss the old, equal opportunity Wonkette. The KosKids version blows.

  • anabellum

    [re=26172]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “-Adultery = **Please reference Old Testament**

    actually, in Louisiana, adultery falls under the Napoleonic Code…under the sub-section titled ‘Virgin/Whore’, [it only applies to catholic women, but then under the Napoleonic Code all women in Louisiana are required to be catholic]..

    in these cases, the judge is required to make the determination as to whether the woman in question is a ‘fille de la cassette’, a ‘yat talkin charmer’, or a ‘nut bustin ho’…

    filles are sent back to the Ursiline nuns to be re-educated…charmers sent to work as either a stripper or a waitress in the quarter…and ho’s are pushed out into the street to fend for themselves..

    there is no question of innocence under the Napoleanic code…if the woman fails to comply..the court simply has her mouth sewn shut…either way, the problem is solved as far as the law is concerned..

    at least thats the way it works in New Orleans…

  • Jim Newell

    [re=26165]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I don’t think kiddie rape is the big problem re: prison overcrowding. They have other things like, what, drug laws for that.

    The whole “many many years in prison” thing sounds bad enough as a deterrent. But if they want to mutilate people, that is fine, and entertaining; A Clockwork Orange was a very good film after all.

  • Deepthroat

    aww, castration’s no fun unless you actually get to cut something off!

  • Deepthroat

    P.S.
    Thank you to everyone for refraining from any Loreana Bobbitt refren… fuck. In my defense, i was just reminded of John Wayne Bobbitts epic “Frankenpenis” porn foray. Has anyone ever seen ‘it’?

  • Deepthroat

    also, yes, i know they don’t actually cut off the penis, but still…

  • William Tecumseh Sherman

    Wait, I thought Jindal was just going to try and give all the bad people in LA excorcisms?

  • toastandlove

    [re=26209]Truculent[/re]: Actually, that is how they do it in Louisiana.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26257]Jim Newell[/re]: Who wouldn’t want a society similar to a Clockwork Orange? I’ll be first in line.

  • MoodProcessor

    Then again, I hear Creole Faggots are delicious, served piping hot.

  • JSDC007

    What’s Bobby going to do to hot Cougars with a taste for young fresh juvenile pole? Or do they get a pass from the terrible hand of mutilating justice? Everyone knew that Bobby had a big thing for that teutonic Cougar Alice.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=26331]MoodProcessor[/re]: The ones at Bourbon Pub certainly are. Not that I’d know or anything…

  • elburrito

    They comin for you, Vitter!

  • supremecourtjester

    The sponsors of the bill referred to it as the two strikes and no balls law.

  • InsidiousTuna

    The Dems should offer free Truck Nutz.

  • South of I-10

    A guy in my neighborhood here in the gret stet pleaded to “crimes against nature”, so he wouldn’t be convicted of “aggravated crimes against nature”. He was getting his 21 year old friends drunker than Cooter Brown and uh, fondling them while they were passed out. They apparently kept waking up confused and hung over as hell with their pants around their knees. Eventually someone woke up in flagrante delicto. So there you go – aggravated crime against nature.

  • confusionanddelay&lt

    [re=26257]Jim Newell[/re]: Seriously. Convicted child rapists do die-in-prison kind of time, so the castration angle is just a pointless attention whore move by L’il Bobby.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26415]confusionanddelay<[/re]: If you slice off the balls though, there won’t be anymore sexy-offending. No balls=no game.

  • confusionanddelay&lt

    [re=26415]confusionanddelay<[/re]: I don’t know. I think at least half the diddler game is about violence and cruelty, so if the balls are gone are they suddenly going to be nice to kids? I don’t trust it, and I just don’t like novel forms of punishment. Let’s just stick with jail. Keeps things from getting too hand-choppy.

  • pseudonymouslawyer

    I seem to recall reading something in the Constitution about “cruel and unusual” punishment being forbidden. But I guess he took the wind out of the supreme court’s sails by sending a message to them about how they roll down in LA. Or something.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26462]confusionanddelay<[/re]: Jail sounds fine then, but I still think we should rip their balls off as well, just to make an example. Hammurabi would have it no other way.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    How bout shackled work furlough in a Seven Eleven?
    Hammurabi has no idea just how fucked up the world really is

  • Garyosu

    @madness – Eight year olds dude,

  • Garyosu

    Being the proud Okie I am, I’m glad to see that someone has finally out Eighth amendmented the Okies. Woo hoo!

  • hopeforbill

    [re=26415]confusionanddelay<[/re]:They never actually do the “die-in-prison” time. They ususally get out early, if they ever go in, and recidivism is high.

    [re=26478]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Removing the obvious objects, while satisfying public vengance, is ineffective at preventing reoffending. Deprived of organs, they simply use objects. Its power to them, not sex.

  • confusionanddelay&lt

    [re=26544]hopeforbill[/re]: At least in my lovely state, each count of rape of a child carries 15 to 25 years at 100% day for day for a first time offender. No parole, no nothing, and each count represents one penetration so needless to say there’s almost always more than one. If convicted at trial, judges always ensure that diddlerdude dies in prison. If the case is resolved by plea bargain, a ‘happy for the diddler’ disposition (who by the way is typically middle aged for some reason) is one where he might get out when he’s a little old man.

    Granted that’s for full-on rapey rape, not just naughty touchings (sexual assault) which carry way less time. O and if you’re a juvenile you’ll probably get treatment instead for whatever it is you do unless it’s really really bad and you’re tranferred to adult court(usually residential), but if you’re a juvenile doing this stuff you were probably recently diddled yourself. Did I mention it’s a wonderful world?

  • tocute2btrue

    Bobby will be my VP choice.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=26544]hopeforbill[/re]: Then we should cut off their arms and legs as well. These fucks deserve JUSTICE people.

  • ladymacbeth

    [re=26560]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: i think i always thought this but now i know for sure: i’m in love with shortsshortshorts and sometimes even pantspantspants.

  • Whore Diamond in the Rough

    [re=26127]Son of Mark Penn[/re]: Mark Foley is on notice too.

  • Matthew Crunt

    Well shit, Bobby just converted to Catholicism. He already had that “know it all” attitude. Does he have red slippers, too? I think he must have had some bad karma in his chicken tikke. Bobby, come on up to Nebraska. We’ll fill you up with some Rocky Mountain Oysters! Now that’s castration!

  • Redhead

    [re=26237]populucious[/re]: “And, yes, I think rape is horrible and yes I think raping children is unfathomably wretched…”

    I agree – true, forcible rape, incest and child molestation are horrible, horrible things and I’d have no problem seeing people who commit those acts castrated by the town drunk with a rusty razor blade. But what worries me is the 17-year-old having consensual sex with his 16-year-old girlfriend (or whatever the age of consent there is) and who is caught by the girl’s dad (or vice versa on the gender), who then presses charges… the college student who picks up a girl at a bar, asks her her age (maybe even sees her ID, all of which say she is over 18), not realizing she’s lying and using a fake ID because she looks 20 and not 15… Our court system isn’t perfect, and people do get wrongly convicted, too. Chemical castration is one thing – it’s reversible. The death penalty and actual physical castration are another, because they’re permanent, and mistakes do happen.

    I don’t know, I agree that this is LA’s big “eff you” to the Supreme Court for saying they can’t kill rapists anymore. I doubt it will get very far.

  • RuperttheBear

    [re=26140]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Dude, they sell bags of those things, deep fried, at Jazzfest.

  • Ted Perino

    I remember that Saddam had Chemical Ali, but I am horrified to learn that Bobby Jindal has his own Chemical Castration Bill.

  • BrownMenace

    [re=26152]Uncommon Sense[/re]: We Punjabis needn’t claim him.
    And if we do, we can take comfort in the idea that although proposing castration of humans is illegal and insane, it is probably not immoral to castrate child molesters.

  • torera

    WHAT??? Somehow while following the meltdown of my 401k and the slumdogging of my local mall, I missed this medievalism in the late great state of Luziana. WrTF did they get the idea that people are always righteously convicted of any crime especially a sex one…what are they going to do to the 13 yr old girlz who can be charged with child pornography for texting nude pix of selves to their 14 yr old boyfriends that get forwarded to whole damn 9th grade class? Enough’s enough. Every citizen of LA who can leave should do it and everyone else should boycott the whole damn state as well as everything Bobby Jizl touches. Leave it all to the alligators, who undoubtedly have more sense.

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