Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited!

Jon Ralston of the Las Vegas Sun was interviewing our friend WALNUTS! yesterday about our other friend, Great Governor Jim Gibbons of Nevada, leading to the following exchange:

(On why he didn’t choose Gov. Jim Gibbons to chair his Nevada campaign?)

I appreciate his support. As you know, the lieutenant governor is our chairman.

(Why snub the governor?)

I didn’t mean to snub him,. I’ve known the lieutenant governor for 15 years and we’ve been good friends….I didn’t intend to snub him. There are other states where the governor is not the chairman.

(Maybe it’s the governor’s approval rating and you are running from him like you are from the president?)

(Chuckling) And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago….

What does that Joke even mean? That John McCain trying to keep his distance from President Bush/Jim Gibbons is about as likely as him beating up his wife recently? Well for shame. We want a president who continues beating up his trollop wife IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

(For the record: yes, John McCain was riffing on an Old Joke.)

Transcript of McCain interview [Las Vegas Sun]

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  1. To be fair (which is hard), he refers to the “When did you stop beating your wife?” joke, meaning he thinks he was asked an unanswerable trap of a question.

  2. Don’t get all out of shape about this comment, guys. He’s just practicing for when he doesn’t beat Barry Obama in November.

  3. Plagiarized from my CNN T-Shirt post:

    ForeignSickSpecialist says at 1:42 pm, June 26th, 2008 – Reply: I want my TRUK NUTZ A-Shirt, known in the south, and in McCain’s circle o’ friends, as a Hemmy Wife Beater.

  4. …you have to excuse John McCain he is from a time when beating a woman over the head and dragging her to your cave was considered both romantic and acceptable.

  5. “I don’t need to beat her anymore. I’ve found someone else who’s even younger and richer… oh, wait… that was a flashback. You know how that PTSD can be.

  6. “(Chuckling) And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago….”

    *rim shot* followed by stunned silence and then pathetic moans from audience.

    Taps microphone: “Is this on? Heh heh … See, that’s a joke … heh …”

    Then the hook.

  7. What’s wrong with giving your trollop-cunt wife — with pasted on makeup– a good beating now and then? It probably keeps her in line and makes her think twice about bonking with the pool boys.
    And besides, she probably deserved it.

  8. It must be hard on WALNUTS to be such a horribly derived failure of a candidate. Pat Buchanan may still be interested though…

  9. Stewart: Senator, which word does not belong with the other: wife; meat, blowjob?

    McCain: Well, I beat my wife and I beat my meat, but you can’t beat a blowjob. So I would say, blowjob.

  10. [re=25468]Harvey Birdman[/re]: …Overruled: WALNUTS! is a senile bag of shit and can implicate himself in anyway he pleases! Now sit down counselor before I hold you in contempt!

    Too much “Law and Order” for me!

  11. I think John needs a comedic adviser. Hey Walnuts, my first tip is on the house. In your quote, substitute “wife” with “meat”, and trust me, you’ll get yuks a plenty.

  12. Well, since Republicans view their wives as chattel and deny them any control over their own bodies, why would somebody be surprised that they like to beat ’em up occasionally, when they’ve done something wrong like not had the dinner ready on time or served a tuna casserole two days in a row?

    I mean, c’mon people. They’re like mules and slaves; if’n ya don’t whip ’em every once in a while, they start getting uppity. Can’t have that, can we?

  13. Hey, wait, did I mention my enterprise as gigolo to wives of ancient presidential candidates? I know how to take the sting out, if you know what I mean. And vast beer fortunes mean nothing to me! Well, maybe a little.

  14. [re=25485]Canuckledragger[/re]: you gotta take away their birth control, too, unless they are your mistress, in which case it is OK (there is a Biblical exception). But for the wimmen you marry, keepin’ ’em knocked up makes ’em easier to control.

  15. [re=25482]Doglessliberal[/re]: You just might be onto something with that cosmetics thingie, Dogless. It would certainly explain her countenance of perma-fright. She just never knows when that left hook will come flying out of nowhere. Might also explain why sometimes she wears her aviator shades and her hair down. She doesn’t want us to know just how BAD she’s been.

  16. “Take my crippled first wife — PLEASE!”

    :::rimjo . . . err . . .rimshot:::

    “Hey, I just flew in from bombing Hanoi — and boy! — are my broken arms TIRED!”

    :::another rimjo . . . damnit . . . rimSHOT:::

    “And what about that Iraq thing, eh? I keep telling my daughter, ‘Hey, it’s YOUR turn! I ALREADY fought in the 100 Years War back when I was a kid in the 14TH CENTURY!!!'”

    :::another rimjo . . . oh, fuckit . . . RIMJOB::::

    Thank you! Thank you! You’re a beautiful audience! I’ll be here all week! Two shows nightly! Tell all your friends from AARP! Be sure to tip your waitress! Use your walkers when leaving!

  17. [re=25496]Doglessliberal[/re]:

    Yeah, but if you don’t use birth control with your mistress, you end up with an Isaac and an Ishmael, and we all know how that ended up.

  18. No way McCain could beat that troll. Look at the cover of Newsweek, she’s somethin’ vicious. I have to leave that damn magazine turned down because it gives me nightmares.

  19. A woman, a dog, and a walnut tree/
    The more you beat them, the better they be.

    Or, at least that was the theory in McCain’s childhood in 17th century England.

  20. [re=25522]23 Skidoo[/re]:“he can only batter his wives below the shoulder with them POW arms.”

    But if POWs are armed, why don’t they just fight their way out?

    Geez, every day I come here hoping for enlightment, and every evening I leave even more confused.

    Thanks, Wonkette!

  21. I just can’t spin that word into a term of endearment. “Oh, cunty-poo”; or “My little cunt-lips”; Oh boo cunty-wunty” just doesn’t work. “Pussy-fart”, maybe. “Twatty” I think I’ll probably use. “Cunt” not so much.

  22. I read some long New Yorker profile on Walnuts a couple months ago and it seems like his sense of humor is just to say terribly offensive and cruel things. For which I respect the man. If he works “I’m down on whores and I shan’t stop ripping them” into a campaign speech, I may need to vote for him.

  23. [re=25562]ronaldpagan[/re]: yeah, apparently he is fronzen intellectually and emotionally at about 17 or 18, when he was a bully and a fuck up in school. But it seems to have worked for him.

  24. What Paultard said. See, the joke is that even though Cindy weighs about 90 pounds, she could beat the crap out of him. One little tap and he’d get fatal internal injuries.

  25. It just struck me, you should pardon the expression, that McCan’t misspoke, because his advisors have been trying to cram a hundred years worth of slang, colloquialisms and street jargon into his feeble brain. To acquaint him with current hiptalk, from the 19th century onward. He hasn’t quite assimilated it all yet.

    Sure, it came out: “And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago….”

    But what he meant was “And I stopped “hitting” my cuntrollop a couple of weeks ago.”

    [John, John, John… how many times must we tell you? You “beat” your meat; you “hit” your wife.]

    He won’t hit it any more. Whereas, shameless pig that I am, I still would.

  26. What I think he was trying to do was imply that the question was loaded, so he responded to that famous loaded question that is used as an example of what lawyers can’t ask at trial/deposition. “When did you stop beating your wife?” He did a shitty job, of course.

    Also, Do you think he’s ever hit her with his diaper? Cuz I do! Do ya think he stopped? Me neither.

  27. Haha remember when he “hit his head on the roof of a car?” We need to end the stigma about battered men and get the poor guy some help.

  28. In former Congressman Don Sherwood’s case, the joke was “Do you still beat your mistress?”

    Except that it wasn’t really a joke.

  29. This is why I love being the last person to comment on every article. You people (or advanced web-robots from India) are funny motherfuckers.

    ha-HA! Battery…

  30. Judging from all of the makeup, I don’t think he has stopped.

    [re=25616]ronaldpagan[/re]: You could be right. This could just be transference and wish fufillment.

  31. “What do you tell Cindy McCain when she’s got two black eyes?”

    “Nothing. Ol’ Johnny boy already told her twice.”

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