Wonkette
Wonkette Political Apparel Operative “Lisa” directs us to a magical store on CNN where you can buy tee shirts with funny quotes on them. But buy now because the shirts are only on sale until the headline falls off the “Latest News” section!!!! Oh no wait they have an archive too. Brilliant. [CNN Shirt]
UP WITH CAPITALISM
I can’t wait to dry my car with one of these!
Please edit the shirt copy to read, “John McCain is aware of the series of tubes. It’s not a big truck.”
But there are TRADITIONS dammit!
I want my TRUK NUTZ A-Shirt, known in the south, and in McCain’s circle o’ friends, as a Hemmy Wife Beater.
“McCain Suffers from Swelling of the Legs and Edema.”
I like “Roto-Rooter sucks kitten from drain” on p.5 of the archives.
I can’t wait for the “Do Pens Misspell Words?” T-shirt.
Hahahahah. This archive should be our new favorite thing. Observe:
“Junk in trunk may be slurping your gas.”
That’s right. News you can use. CNN is telling it like it is. Your fat ass is the reason you’re only getting 18 miles to the gallon. Do a sit up for Chrissake!
CNN must be hard up for money. I mean they’re taking headlines & slapping them on a T-shirt. Although “Women spin atop escalator handrails” would make for an interesting visual.
Old. This thing was all over the interwebs last month.
I’m a tool. I want one.
jagorev: OH WELL THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW.
Call now to beat the rush for: “U.S. Declares War on Iran; China Mobilizes; End of Civilization Looms.” That’ll be a real hot seller.
I suggest “Cindy: First Lady of Milfington!”
Please. Buying t-shirts with headlines on ‘em is retarded in the extreme. Next they’ll be printing on mugs or something. I mean, First Amendment, sure, but this is working my mental ‘retarded filter’ overtime. I’ve had to change it twice today already.
This thread is boring and uninteresting. My post serves only to galvanize that condition.
AxmxZ: I want one, but I’m cheap.
TGY: I’d love a t-shirt with a FOX headline. There are pretty much a million of them that get the initial “what the fuck” out of people.
Page 7 has some good ones: “Teens sentenced to donate blood” and “Look out! Your groceries are shrinking!”
mrtrailsafety: Bitch please. Michelle Obama is a million times more fuckable than Cougar McBotoxface.
They’ve been doing that for like a month now. I’m pretty sure that’s why they have had so many retarded headlines, like “Brazile to Andersen: I’m not your boo.” Then they can sell the retarded headline shirts.
Fox News should reprint some of its crawlers: “Democrats: threat…or menace? We report, you decide.”
“CNN to emulate the Onion, sell shirts, internet implodes. In related news, studies indicate that the internet reflexivity index has risen 13%.”
Here are 3 tarded headlines, in a row, on page 10.
“Mud-fearing pig forced to wear boots”
“Pig wears wee boots to keep off mud”
“Mud-fearing pig wears wee little boots”
CNN is officially a Beatrix Potter book.
I want my “Inadequate Black Male” t-shirt. White, of course.
Fucking CNN.com. Such retards. Haha. Laugh at them, kids…
“Secretive Swingers club irks neighbors”
“Women watch man get tasered at party”
“Saloon-girl bridesmaid hated dress”
“Boy voted out of kindergarten”
“Park rangers discover unicorn in Italy”
and my personal favorite….
“Dear blog, I’ve been laid off”
beyond retarded
Here’s the original treasure trove of CNN.com headers…
http://gawker.com/351228/an-extensive-history-of-terrible-cnncom-headlines
I would pay serious cash for a t-shirt that said…
“Woman beats off burglar with a gnome”
Paultardville: Come to think of it, I want that shirt too!
Texan Bulldoggette:
“Women spin atop escalator handrails” would be a great name for a garage band.
shortsshortsshorts: I placed my order for “I Love Obama’s Baby’s Momma” T-shirt last week.
Is there a “John McCain is ascared of the internets” t-shirt available?
“Half Eaten Obama Waffle Goes Up for Bid”
“Fed Up With Gas Prices? Ride a Horse”
“Church Steeple is Cell Tower Goldmine”
“What to Tell Kids About Mom’s New Nose”
“After Iraq, a Broken Nose is No Big Deal”
“Army Barracks Aswim in Feces, Ickiness”
I’ll bet this guy would wear those t-shirts:
http://www.customduallytruckaccessories.com/images/truck-nutz-dodge.jpg
Inadequate Blackmail: Fatasses need not purchase the CNN shirts, because the largest size you can order male shirts is “extra large”. Since we’re overpopulated with people who require the extra “X”, CNN is again failing to serve the needs of its public.
Sara K. Smith: YOUR WELCOME
Sara K. Smith: if it makes you feel better there hasn’t been a funny, clever or meaningful headline that’s been on one of their t-shirts yet.
Ah durr, let me rephrase: Until today there hasn’t been a funny headline on one of their t-shirts. WALNUTS! being aware of the Internet is always funny.
Damn I wish I’d read about this before I spent my clothing budget on that “It’s Not Lupus” T-Shirt.
This is, quite honestly, the most inane thing I have seen on the internet. Check our their frequently asked questions…
“What are the minimum computer specifications required to use CNN Shirts?”
“I took my CNN shirt on vacation, and I have great pictures. Where can I send them?”
“How can I share my CNN Shirt on Facebook?”
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!
Is John McCain aware of all Internet traditions?
botlrokit: I walk away from this thread and suddenly you start calling me a fatass? That’s not cch-change we can believe in!
Does the tips@wonkette destination really work? It just has me wondering why this post is valid today, two months after sending a “tip” that CNN was doing this. Not complaining. Okay, maybe complaining, but I guess we were all too wrapped up in Barry v. Hillz to care back then.
Cindy McCain may be a MILF but Michelle Obama is a certified FLILF.
AusKosh: You ARE complaining. There would be no Wonkette without tips. I doubt the doubt that any doubter might convey doubt to this doubtlessness.
shortsshortsshorts: Aah, thanks for confirming what I already admitted. Point being, if the tips provided aren’t paid attention to then doesn’t the well run dry?