Wonkette
Further proof that Our Media still conceives of Barack Obama as a 27-year-old NBA All Star. Oh man, look at the size of that boner on John McCain! Why won’t Walnuts show any nip action, however? TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF, SHOW YR NIPPLES. [Photo illustration by Andrew Eccles for New York Magazine]
Holy Mujahedeen! Terrorist Fist Jab Alert! So now they’ve gotten to McHero, too… a sad, sad day for America.
Nice abs, Senator Mocha Latte!
“Barry’s” limp wrist kind of says it all, really.
I am Lobster Maximus and I’m going to punk your St. Mark’s Camp, indie girl.
Oh. I feel shame. Though I’ve been bathing in the nude my whole life.
What’s the big deal NY? Go watch a bee.
Barry rockin’ the sixer! Also, I like to imagine that McCain is wearing the little tennis socks with the cute little puffballs on the heels.
Seriously, my man is working some crunches. Of course, McCain cannot be exposed to direct sunlight for more than 75 seconds, or his entire head becomes a carcinoma pustule.
I see now that Sullivan has linked to the post on the poorly-punctuated Hillary e-mail, and my head just exploded a little bit.
“Photo Illustration?” Does that mean it never actually happened? True, McCain’s legs aren’t that nice plus he normally wears black old man socks up to his shins supported by garters, and even Hopey’s abs aren’t that washboardy.
just in case it wasn’t clear enough, those are NOT their actual bodies…
McCain’s facial expressions are some of the least photogenic facial expressions in the history of the universe.
sezme: To be more accurate, it should have been black socks with sandals for McCain. I see him wearing that to the beach. Because he’s OLD!
Jim Newell: LOLz.
Jim Newell: You mean they don’t hang out on an abandoned Corona ad set together in real life?
sezme: Blasphemer! Hopey’s abs are the paragon of washboardiness!!
tunamelt: No, only at the Bohemian Grove.
Jim Newell: As if Barry would hang half-naked with pervy Repubs…
Fist bumpz 4 skin canker!
By the way, kudos to New York magazine for using every font that came with their demo copy of Pagemaker.
I don’t think it’s responsible for a man in John McCain’s position (the position of a man with melanoma) to be out in the summer sun without a hat.
oh, nevermind, I now remember that he is a maverick.
I initially read the headline as “fist job”.
Ick.
Nice legs on fake McCain.
WALNUTS! better put on some sunscreen if he wants to last until November.
They’ve also got the legs all wrong. Barry’s aren’t that hairy and WALNUTS! have more veins.
McCain lost his nipples during an unfortunate accident involving a bronze scabbard in the Peloponnesian War.
Maybe McCain will share his secrets on how he maximizes his lobster.
Jim Newell: Barry would never be invited to the Grove. As seen from the photo- too black.
And why the hell would NY Mag have a big picture of these two hacks without an article? Silly magazine.
Jim Newell: …yeah I figured WALNUTS! couldnt be in the sun without his radiation suit for fear of turn into the guy from Robo-Cop who gets splashed with industrial toxic waste!
For those of you who don’t remember that part of the movie:
http://www.robocoparchive.com/old/robo1-11.jpg
So….you’re saying Obama never was, you know… in the NBA?
Ooooops.
http://nymag.com/guides/summer/2008/48007/
There we go. It’s an awful thing. Smelly and awful and bad. The article shapes up to be “Barry must beat back his own rhetoric, with more rhetoric.” What the hell does that even mean?
Th-that’s not a …ca-cabana shirt we can believe in.
shortsshortsshorts: The very first sentence: Barack Obama’s upcoming speech at the Democratic National Convention is—barring the miraculous reanimation of Winston Churchill’s corpse, sometime in mid-July, to recite the Sermon on the Mount in twelve different languages—pretty much a lock to be the rhetorical blockbuster event of the summer.
It’s like a duel! With words! A verbal duel!
edgydrifter: Yeah, the guy who makes the Robert Mugabe flyers won’t be unemployed any time soon.
A century ago, Lim writes, presidential speeches were pitched at a college reading level; today, they’re down to eighth grade, and if the trend continues, next century’s State of the Union addresses will be conducted at the level of “a comic strip or a fifth-grade textbook.”
Isn’t the same thing supposedly true of newspapers? It’s kind of scary how Idiocracy isn’t so much a movie but a prediction of the future.
tunamelt: No pressure, Barry.
tunamelt: New York Mag is far and beyond any of these “other” newspapers. They’re going for the Alzheimer audience.
tunamelt: I’d say we’re devolving into something akin to Wells’ “Eloi”, but I don’t know what any of that means anymore.
“The War Over Central Park>”
I thought we were fighting them over there so we didn’t have to fight them over here?
Fuck, McCan’t might win this thing yet if AQ takes the duck pond.
“Obama’s Impossible Speech: Maximizing your lobster.”
Well, on the one hand, I laud Obama for dreaming big. On the other hand, if the movies I’ve seen of the impossibly large spider attacks of the ’50s are any indication, impossibly large lobsters will only do harm to America.
I can’t believe that they used digitally removed the “Harvard Law Review 4 Life” tattoo from Barry’s abs, a la Sports Illustrated and Allen Iverson. What a load.
tunamelt:
I seem to remember reading an article saying that newspapers are to be written at a 3rd or maybe 5th grayd reeding levil.
Not nice. McCunt’s nipples are hanging in the “Wall Of Zeroes” gallery in the basement of the Hanoi Hilton. School children from all over Uncle Ho’s re-united Vietnam have been putting snotty noses to the glass for of that exhibit for, gosh, thousands of years.
sezme: Keep it up, and that ole pirate’ll have yer gutz fer garters.
RobertSeattle: Damn your eyes. Beat me to it.
AngryBlakGuy: Win. w/ that link, yowzaaaaa.
I love that photo, the way they put Obama’s whole head over his arm like that. If that was real life, his neck would be like 8 inches.
I’ve been out of the country for a while and I need some updating….when I left, you clowns were singing the hildabeast’s praises but now I come back and you,ve thrown her under the bus. What gives?
Walnuts! should be wearing black socks with garters and old man sandals.
obfuscator: Anything higher would be elitist.
SOZ: NEFINK HI-A WUD BE ILL-EET-IST
Dave J.: In real life, McTwat cant’ lift his arms. I know. I know. Fuckin’ hero.
Why won’t Walnuts take off his shirt? Oh please, didn’t you learn anything from Hillary Clinton’s defeat? The American people are not ready for a president wearing a bra.
could be worse… they could have used a decapitated russian dog’s head on one of those bodies.
AxmxZ: but the triceps leave much to be desired
he should step into my Pilates studio
Is it just me or does obamalamadingdong look a lot like Mr. Potato head? Hoo dat muthafucka fink he iz yo finkin he can be de prestident!!!
Dem dam publicans done blow up the levees!
That picture may have been taken just before Barry decided to support that FISA legislation. That would explain it.
Johnny does have quite boner leaning to the left there. Big knob on top. Also, legs spread so his big juicy balls can hang down.
Mmmm. Delicious, just like real-life John McCain. I would lick him all over his body, even though I would inevitably get a lot of band aid in my mouth.
Mmmm. Can ya imagine that taste? Savor it.
you know that picture’s a fake cuz mcmelanoma can’t sit in the sun without a hat and full burkha to cover his pale-ass splotchy old man skin.
keepinitrealyo: That would be a Huckabee family type-deal.
Where are the liver spots?
wheelie: OK OK OK…..WE GOT IT!!!!!!
You’re a faggot….NOBODY CARES!!!!!
Its pretty pathetic that you lick another guy’s roids just to be accepted.
Get a life!
I want to know more about that “New York Real Housewife, Back For More”?!?! Is she what the knuckle touch is about?
wheelie: All right, that kind of language is just unacceptable. Off to gargle with Extra-Strength Listerine.
That’s what I usually call it at the beach. Maximizing my lobster.
Anita Cocktail: Anita Cocktail: I assume you are Anita Marie Cox…I saw your photo thru Wikipedia.
You used to be a guy, right?
raymond: You must be George Carlin when he wasn’t funny. How did you evade death?
George Carlin made a fortune pandering to tinfoil hat secret squirrel types like you by whining and sniveling about the country that made him wealthy. He was never funny.
raymond: I rest my case.
That has got to be the worst gay porn ad I have ever seen.
McInsane’s mouth is in parentheses again. Obama should’ve buried him in the sand, below high tide level.
My Tan is comming along nicely.
They better keep those arms where they belong. None of that “Bi”-partisan business here.
This is a secret plot to make Barry look bad when he goes to Hawaii this summer and the inevitable beach pictures surface clearly showing his petite man-boobies.
Why does New York magazine hate Hopey?
raymond: …since when does wealth trump social responsibility? Republicans always use this attack as if it is suppose to prove point. If someone starts life in poverty and manages to work their way into wealth(or even win the lotto for that matter) why is it so horrible that they speak of the injustices they experienced and witnessed? That being said what would be wrong with someone BORN INTO WEALTH discussing social inequality and injustices. Eleanor Roosevelt was a champion of black civil rights even though she was white and was afford ALL of the perks and advantages of her race stature. Using your rational she shouldn’t have been fighting the society that treated her so well. If you are a Republican HACK then none of what I say will matter, but if not then remember wealth comes and goes and everyone deserves a voice and that was what George Carlin was!
AngryBlakGuy: and WIN. again.
Where’s your SPF 900, MyCane?
Actually, this picture looks like a bad buddy-cop movie advertisement.
McCain, POW, scars. Maybe we shouldn’t be expecting him to take of his shirt.
Pix is so Spy magazine circa 1991. NY rag mag.
McCain and Obama are both such sexy beasts. It will be hard to choose between two such fine men. Both of them have profiles on craigslist.
AngryBlakGuy: God bless your angry blackness.
I heart AngryBlakGuy
raymond: Who the fuck are you?
Oh, yeah, what you said. Nobody here fucking cares, you wee back of day-old shit.
uh, bag. Welcome to wonkette. I’ve had too many drinks to psell perfectly, but that doesn’t keep me from spelling a bag of shit when it’s at my feet.
Fuck off, Raymond.
raymond: As shorts probably meant to tell you…..eat a bag of dicks.
raymond: Anna Marie is wonderful. And no, I don’t think Anita is Anna, but who knows? More importantly….why aren’t you eating your dicks? You have a whole bag, just sitting right there.
AngryBlakGuy: for the win x3
AngryBlakGuy: Aww. That’s what Donald Rumsfeld would call catastrophic success. I was actually hoping for a more drawn-out Troll Beatdown Night but I think he just spontaneously combusted into a greasy, sickly-sweet charcoal like that poor motherfucker at the end of 30 Days of Night.
All I can do is stare at the ashes and say, “Well — that was quick.”
shortsshortsshorts: amen.
I wish Wonkette would hold a memoriam for all the posters who did not make it through the void when we switched to the new server. So many lives were lost.
Barry’s so toned. There must be a Secret Muslim Gym in the basement of Trinity United Racial Hate Center for Christ.
Well … Everyone Loves (Giving a Cleveland Steamer To) Raymond.
InsidiousTuna: I’m just thankful the McCain stand-in didn’t spread his legs any further.
Gopherit v2.0: He’s a tease I guess. He doesn’t like bending over completely, but he comes within shooting range of man-juice OR the nomination. Hard to be a G.O.P. candidate these days, poor stupid bastards. No assfucking at all.
Suffice it to say, the white sneakers are a strong indicator that McCain’s toe nails are fugly.
raymond: Carlin. Never funny. I take it you also contend that Winslow Homer’s watercolors look like shit.
Mr Blifil: Oh, you can’t begrudge a man who spent five years in the Hanoi Hilton a touch of jungle rot. And yeah, his toenails might be a little disfigured too.
So, wacky idea time. In all seriousness- what if Barry appointed WALNUTS as Secretary of Homeland Security?
shortsshortsshorts: I’m talking about WALNUTS here, not the admirable AngryBlakGuy. Maybe I’m a bit under the weather.
InsidiousTuna: Only if Cindy is made health care czar. Yummy yummy Percoset for everyone!
Trollops have the best drugs, hands down.
There was a time when the originator of TonytheTiger was human. Once.
InsidiousTuna: Are you suggesting Barry take a confused and ignorant (not being ageist here — his statements would qualify his as both of those even if he were 35) failed opponent and place him in a position where he would see his vanquisher every day, and in addition give him access to information that would only boost his paranoia? Hell, I can’t see the smallest problem with that.
And if you wanna try anything else, like maybe communicating with the alien spaceship, talking to the vampire, or giving the chainsaw-wielding hitchhiker a ride, lemme know.
shortsshortsshorts:
I think you’re wrong. If you are a republican you just can’t be caught assfucking on tape, in the oval office, with an under aged scout. The rest you can just lie about… or go to gay camp, get cured, and BINGO, you’re ready for re-election in any red state in the country! Because, Jesus loves right wingers more than he hates assfucking. It’s in the evangelical’s bible, I think.
masterdebater: Then fuck it. Let this be a lesson to us. Nobody deserves the throne more than a 14,000 member church that is, um, forgiving.
Breaking up is hard to do (with the evangelicals)… thank Gawd I’ma devote Cathorick.
I empathize with geezer McFuckface somewhat, except for all the corporate whoring and warmongering and shit because I, too, am getting on a bit and the eyesight is fading.
The point is, when I look at a magazine cover, I tend to see only what is in largest print, e.g.
“Obama’s Impossible Speech: Maximizing Your Lobster”
Is this one of those internet traditions I am unaware of?
Not to name names, but the golden age of Presidential fisting has come and gone. Plus, we’ve got a President who ass-fucks his scottie dog , so the whole fisting thing might be a bit tamer and hot-for-the-eighties than one might think.
nbawriter: Arghh! I didn’t know what that is until I just googled it now.
raymond: No, no I don’t think you get it at all, chicken. Probably never have . . .
Dear Wonkette, please refrain from using “Boner” and WALNUTS! in the same sentance.
Kisses and Appreciate it,
freakishlystrong
Hey - anyone here seen the email about the Russert Miracles?
shortsshortsshorts: AngryBlakGuy: Gopherit v2.0: wheelie:
Now that Noboby Loves Raymond, can we lobby to get him off my TV. ‘Coz I never did like him there and I like him even less here. “Faggot?” As always when I hear that word used as a slur, I am offended on behalf of all hets everywhere, lest teh gayz think that’s the high point of our collective wit.
And, Raymond…. really. Why hate somebody based on their orientation when, if you really got to know them, you could find so many better reasons to hate them?
Geez, I take one night off and there’s a whole new unfunny arsehole to contend with on Wonkette. And I missed my chance to kick him in the goolies, too.
Canuckledragger:
George Carlin referred to the show as “Raymond Blows the Milkman”.
shortsshortsshorts: Hey now, McCain never did make admiral.
gurukalehuru: My disdain for McCain is spawned by two things: 1) His sellout cocksucking of Bush in ‘04 when he knew damn well that this Administration was a corrupt, bungling fuckshow that, if given another four years, would steer our country straight up the poop chute, and 2) the fact that uber-douche Droopy Dog asshole Joe Lieberman follows him around like a combination of Florence Nightengale and that little dog in the cartoon that used to bop around the big bulldog with the cigar.
That is why I offer McCain nothing more than a bag of dicks in a nice, velvety Crown Royal bag and tell him to eat them.
disgusted and aroused at the same time…
Um, how exactly does one ‘maximize’ one’s ‘lobster’? Is that a double entendre or what?
Man, that was quite a night. Perhaps Ken and Sara are putting off posting anything today in the hopes Raymond will come back and entertain us some more. I should really consider hanging out on Wonkette while I’m NOT supposed to be doing my job, I miss all the good stuff.
InsidiousTuna: I’m hoping he gets head of FEMA.
TGY: It sounds very LNS to me.
Gopherit v2.0: FEMA’s a branch of DHS. He would be in charge of the organization, and when Our Moslem Jesus Hussein Barry has his Secret Muslim Friends, Reverends Wright and Pflager, flood Phoenix in the name of Allah/Jesus, WALNUTS would be fucked, forever.