CHARMLESS HUMANS  9:51 am June 25, 2008

Howard Wolfson Even Douchier Than Previously Thought

by Sara K. Smith

Great googly moogly!Second only to Mark Penn in Hillary Clinton’s Annals of Campaign Staff Odiousness, former Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson is known for precisely two things: wearing a hideous Cosby sweater stolen off a murdered bum “for good luck,” and being a terrible asshole. Julia Reed, who tried to interview Hillary Clinton for Vogue, called him “the most charmless human being on the planet.” And that is only the beginning of the horrors she suffered trying to land an interview with the Inevitable Nominee.

“Let me just say, it’s not the most fun thing in the world to have breakfast a million times with [communications director] Howard Wolfson,” she said. “The man is the most charmless human being on the planet, and I’m sitting there sucking up to him.”

Ouch! Oh and then there’s this. Reed was supposed to interview Hillary at her house and Annie Liebovitz was going to take the pictures. But then the Clinton people cancelled, because they’re awful!

After thinking everything was set, Reed months later was informed the deal was off. She said she was told, “We already have the women’s vote in the bag,” and that Wolfson said, “‘We thought we were going to be in a bigger dogfight. We don’t need you anymore.’ This was right before Iowa. What an idiot!”

Howard Wolfson has been banished to the uranium mines in Clinton’s back yard, and will emerge once he’s grown a second hump for her to beat on.

Memo Pad: If Only Hillary Had Done Vogue [WWD]

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Doglessliberal June 25, 2008 at 9:59 am

It does make you wonder about Hillary that she surrounded herself with such worthless and amoral people to work her campaign (and that didn’t even do her any good because it was run so abysmally). She might be a great Senator, but she really wasn’t a great manager or leader. Yeah, I am an Obamatard, but it does say something that the people around him are low-key, out of the spotlight as much as possible, and work well together. And have much, much better taste in clothing. But I guess that confirms that they are elitist Muslim-lovers.

SuperRounder June 25, 2008 at 9:59 am

Terry McAuliffe is the third biggest d-bag on that campaign. 2 more weeks and he would have overtaken Wolfson. Now he’s stuck at home masturbating, crying and reading Maureen Dowd articles while listening to “Didn’t We Almost Have It All” by Whitney Houston and trying not to call Hillary.

Elitist Republican Tard June 25, 2008 at 10:02 am

This sounds like stuff my ex-girlfriend would say about me. I wonder if Julia Reed tried to hit on Wolfson, and he rejected her…. She’s a bitter!

El Bombastico June 25, 2008 at 10:03 am

[re=24040]Doglessliberal[/re]: Agreed. Except that Barry will have many of those same people on his campaign shortly. Already Solis Doyle, and wouldn’t surprise me to see Wolfson on board soon. On the flipside, he’s already shown himself to be an infinitely better manager than HRC and her cabal, and his “no drama” mantra will hopefully carry the day.

norbizness June 25, 2008 at 10:04 am


ManchuCandidate June 25, 2008 at 10:05 am

It was so much better to turn Hils into Hilsbot, Wolfie.

When I’m feeling blue and misterable, I think about the Hilsbot’s campaign staff because it reminds me that I never helped facilitate the biggest upset in the Demrat primary and ruin Hilsbot’s life forever then I feel so much better.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 25, 2008 at 10:08 am

We thought we were going to be in a bigger dogfight. We don’t need you anymore.

This is exactly why Vanity Fair fucking blows: shitty back-scratching celebrity profiles masked as some kind of “window into the soul” of whatever famous douche needs the publicity that month. What ever happened to writing about people, oh I dunno, whether they give you permission or not…

jjgittes June 25, 2008 at 10:16 am

Early on in the primaries, when that righty front group (CUNT, remember them? Ah, conservative wit…) began putting out T-shirts, I was so pissed on Hillary’s behalf I was ready to vote for her, no questions asked, even notwithstanding her Iraq War vote and the mealy-mouthed shit she was spouting about it afterwards.

Then it all went to hell with the rather insulting list of things (and states) that didn’t matter, and the silly lies that anyone with an internet account, circa 1998, could verify within 5 minutes. And the desperate pandering that only the Clintons could pull off.

Yeah, I’m an Obamatard too. I dunno. If his support for the Bushie FISA creeping dictatorialism is what I think it is — and I’ll admit that I’m not as informed on this as I might be — then that’s actually a serious count against him, in addition to that roadkill Great Seal. Not going to dissuade me from voting for him, though — there are too many emergencies coming at us too fast for us to fuck around, and one issue with a serious policy difference isn’t going to be a dealbreaker.

This is one, infinitessimally small chance that we won’t get a politician who isn’t a complete douche for once. Or at least it’s douchebaggery in the FDR mold that I’ve really been waiting for: play the hero to millions — legitimately so, for a generation — while you ruthlessly kneecap your enemies behind the scenes to advance your policy objectives.

At least Clinton reminded us what all that earnestness looks like once you strip off the veneer of “hope and change”: flopsweat and groping denial.

Jewdishoowary Square June 25, 2008 at 10:17 am

Could God make a sweater so ugly that even he could not wear it?

Clearly, yes. Unfortunately, Howard Wolfson gets his hand-me-downs.

Godless Liberal * June 25, 2008 at 10:19 am

Calling him “the most charmless human being on the planet” is surely hyperbole. I mean, human being? Come ON.

Servo June 25, 2008 at 10:20 am

I really loved the stunned faces after Iowa. Talk about a defining moment. She and her hired morons assumed that her nomination was a divine mandate written in the stars and then…*POW!*.

Darehead June 25, 2008 at 10:21 am

What can you expect? Guy’s a son of a wolf.

capitol-hillbilly June 25, 2008 at 10:22 am

[re=24058]jjgittes[/re]: i was gonna vote for her, and then i heard that she serves chicken with the head on. that’s just wrong.

Serolf Divad June 25, 2008 at 10:24 am

Uranuim mines? I thought it was the Spice Mines of Kessel!?

MathewBrooks June 25, 2008 at 10:24 am

[re=24065]capitol-hillbilly[/re]: isnt that Halal?

Walter Sobchak June 25, 2008 at 10:27 am

[re=24058]jjgittes[/re]: “Flopsweat and Groping Denial” is also the title of the chapter about his College years in Howard Wolfson’s bio.

Brutus Harlot June 25, 2008 at 10:30 am

Little did we know that the King Kongesque Vanity Fair cover was first imagined by Liebowitz as a photo shoot of Clinton and Obama for Vogue.

Gopherit v2.0 June 25, 2008 at 10:40 am

Not in defense of Howard Wolfson, but:

The aftermath of the storm, Reed said, has been an unforeseen opportunity to remake the dysfunctional city. “It’s like an art form,” she said, “looking for silver linings in New Orleans.”

Oh, yeah, Julia, you’re all charm.

graceless June 25, 2008 at 10:41 am

[re=24040]Doglessliberal[/re]: Being an Obamatard is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s the Hillary-heads that have the problem.

[re=24048]El Bombastico[/re]: Patti Solis-Doyle and everybody else who worked for HRC, worked for HRC. We’ve all done stupid things just because the person signing our checks wanted it done. Getting people elected in this country is its own industry. She has a new boss now, and I’m sure she’ll reflect him. Although she’ll be hard pressed to be as pretty as our Bear-Bear.

You’ll notice that I slyly avoided mention of Howard-Hungry-like-the-Wolfson.

Doglessliberal June 25, 2008 at 10:44 am

[re=24063]Darehead[/re]: that is an insult to wolves. Wolves are vastly superior to this twit.

Paultardville June 25, 2008 at 10:47 am

Of all the Clinton new hires, why can’t Obama give Huma a job? ROWR!

graceless June 25, 2008 at 10:52 am

[re=24090]Paultardville[/re]: Because Michelle’s not stupid. Don’t worry, Huma’s going to Hollywood.

MoodProcessor June 25, 2008 at 10:53 am

“Howard Wolfson has been banished to the uranium mines in Clinton’s back yard, and will emerge once he’s grown a second hump for her to beat on.”

Sara, you will always have a place in my heart for this.

Darehead June 25, 2008 at 11:11 am

[re=24085]Doglessliberal[/re]: OK, we’re 1-1 now. You’re right, even though you don’t even own a dog.

edgydrifter June 25, 2008 at 11:18 am

Unless Vogue has started tracking pork belly futures, I don’t think the article would have helped Hilz all that much in Iowa.

obfuscator June 25, 2008 at 11:26 am

It’s like the attitude of the Clinton campaign was “We’re trying to win an election, not a popularity contest… oh, shit.”

Servo June 25, 2008 at 11:30 am

I swear she found this guy at a Star Trek convention.

Outstando June 25, 2008 at 11:34 am

Wow, it’s almost like they were cynical about having the support of women. Makes those accusations of misogyny really sing.

Doglessliberal June 25, 2008 at 11:34 am

[re=24110]Darehead[/re]: hey, I love wolves, in the wild, and dogs, just not in my house.

And on a side note, you can just tell by looking at that godawful sweater that it is made of scratchy synthetic fiber that is hot, itchy, and doesn’t stretch right, so it is tight in the wrong places and feels as if it is strangling you. Sort of like Wolfson, actually.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2008 at 11:36 am

Annie Liebovitz was going to take the pictures?! You mean we missed out on a topless Hillary Clinton cover shot? Don’t we really all owe Mr. Charmless a debt of gratitude?

obfuscator June 25, 2008 at 11:37 am


I hear she found her Iowa field staffers at job fairs, so anything’s possible.

nbawriter June 25, 2008 at 11:48 am

[re=24054]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: As a member of the media, I applaud this commentary. Now stop being so serious and resume the funny shit.

Darehead June 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

[re=24142]Doglessliberal[/re]: Ha! Touché. But Dogless, if we keep talking fashion like this, someone will send us over to Jezebel.

Doglessliberal June 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

[re=24179]Darehead[/re]: you are right. And that would be a fate worse than death.

Darehead June 25, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=24191]Doglessliberal[/re]: If you brought your wolves and dogs, they could have Jezebel for lunch.

johnbpt June 25, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Huh. Why did I always think his last name was “Whoreson”?

DoctorCulturae June 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm

[re=24194]Darehead[/re]: We just ate lunch. It was called a primary and the main course was stewed bitters.

23 Skidoo June 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Hillary’s 2008 Campaign certainly led in that intangible quality… I’m not exactly sure how to put it…. umm, the overwhelming desire to jump in the shower after talking to any of those creeps. Perhaps she could upgrade in 2012 and hire some registered sex offenders to handle her campaign, sheesh….

norbizness June 25, 2008 at 12:45 pm


Outstando June 25, 2008 at 12:57 pm

[re=24249]norbizness[/re]: Hey Cosby, lay some treats on us.

DoctorCulturae June 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=24263]Outstando[/re]: No jello though please.

jjgittes June 25, 2008 at 1:15 pm

[re=24236]23 Skidoo[/re]: Ooooo… every campaign staffer should be required to wear one of those “house arrest” ankle bracelets, whether a sex offender or not.

ladymacbeth June 25, 2008 at 1:35 pm

last week the economist noted that Howard Wolfson is “one of the least helpful spokesmen this newspaper has ever encountered”.

what’s up with that?

Anita Cocktail June 25, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Jean-Claude Killy called. He wants his sweater back.
After you sponge off all the crack you been smokin’, Howard.

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