Wonkette
Proving that Obama’s 15-point lead in last week’s Newsweek poll was a liberal hoax, a hot new LA Times poll has Obama’s lead diminishing to a statistically insignificant 12 points, or 15 if you include fictional losers Bob Barr and Ralph Nader. Also, among voters who said they’d vote for McCain, only 45% are “enthusiastic” about doing that (Mexican vs. Muslim, pick your poison etc. etc.), while that figure is 81% for Obama. This just goes to show how screwed the Democrats will be come November. Sooner or later these Obamatards will realize that in the Real World, you don’t “like” politicians or presume they’ve got anything good to offer; you vote for the schlock you completely fucking hate, because why set yourself up for disappointment? [LA Times]
It’s the seal. It’s a silly seal. Somebody should throw it a fish, or perhaps a big rubber ball, with many colors.
I bet the kids at the Corner are just jizzing their panties over how Obama’s lead is crumbling.
Thanks a lot, Newsweek.
A swastika might please that emailing fucktard - a leetle swastika? Right in the middle?
They’re enthusiastic about Obama now — but wait until they hear what he and his hot date said about them when they were sipping martinis together at the country club.
What do you call Bitters who are bitter about voting McCain? Super bitters?
SuperRounder: Aromatic bitters. Specifically, they smell like mildew and pappy.
cOOMe sAv uSs nADEr!!! What a fucking hack that guy is. Where does he stand in the polls? Has he received his novelty percentage to fuck everything up again yet?
SuperRounder: Ne Plus Ultrabitters
Obama is literally blocks away from me right now, except for how I can’t afford $25,000-a-plate-dinners.
tunamelt: Scrooge.
“But the great majority of Clinton voters have transferred their allegiance to Obama, the poll found. Only 11% of Clinton voters have defected to McCain.”
Yea, but more importantly, when will that 11% STFU?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: I am a cheap bitch.
in other news, npr is reporting that micro-loans are now all the rage in the US.
we are well and truly fucked.
tunamelt: That’s why we have the lottery. Buy a ticket and you might be at the next dinner!
McCain suffers from a pronounced “enthusiasm gap”
This is my favorite euphemism of 2008.
polar_bear: They should be dead fairly soon.
If we buy a premium ad, can we say whatever we want on it?
I can’t believe 45% of McCain voters could actually muster up some enthusiasm about it.
shortsshortsshorts: at least he stands by his morals, and doesnt want to suck Israel’s dick like the rest of these politicians. My vote is still for him.
ronaldpagan: It’s called viagra, cialis and levitra. In combo.
shortsshortsshorts: Relax! This year it’s all about Bob Barr. He’ll convince enough Paultards to vote for him to help sink McCain, will cost the Republicans a fortune as they fight to keep him off the ballot, and should provide us with a summer and fall of good laughs. Nader is ancient history at this point.
polar_bear: Never! Obama could cure Aids, global warming and the common cold and that 11% would still say “that ineffectual black man stole the nomination from Hillary, our personal lord and savior.”
I hate hate.
PoliticalGraffiti: What? Barry wants to blow Israel into space?
slavojzizek: And everyone but Nader believes that.
I will vote for Black Jesus,if for no other reason than I really wanna see the asshole I live next door to have a stroke when Barry H.Saddam becomes the President of these here United States….
DoctorCulturae: Outstando: Maybe we should just call them Hilltards.
34% of poll respondents believed McCain was a Panamanian Muslim, while 41% thought Obama played shortstop for the Cleveland Indians prior to being signed as a free agent by the San Francisco Giants in 2005. Voters stating a preference for Barr overwhelmingly felt he had the most “regular trustworthy American name” and that “Nader” sounded like “a fucking Jew or something.”
shortsshortsshorts: It’s totally weird, but having Nader in the race is actually, consistently, helping OBAMA, not McCain.
SocialList: Careful…once you go Barack, you never go back.
Meanwhile, McCain’s designers are busy creating their own presidential seal:
http://hubpages.com/hub/greendesserts
eatsshootsleaves: That’s because Nadar provides a refuge for those ultrabitters who want to pretend that they’re the true defenders of progressive politics while they’re ironing their robes and baking pecan swasties for their next book club / klan rally.
Where does someone drum up “enthusiasm” for McCain? Is it located next to abject fear of foreigners?
eatsshootsleaves: But what if Nader starts trying to get loud again? He can be a rowdy, if not still an archaic lost-soul of the American century.
shortsshortsshorts: The American Century was last century. This is the Chinese Century. Nader is toast.
RacerMex: I think the term is “inadequate Black Male,” or blackmail; hard to tell.
I’ve hit a point now where I fap to fivethirtyeight.com thrice daily.
Nader still has a lock on the Eddie Vedder wing of the Democratic party, so he still wields some power among the smolderingly angry. He would still rather starve than eat your bread.
ColdCupofHope: McCain enthusiasm comes from:
1. Working for Halliburton
2. Working for an insurance company
3. Believing that children today should have to walk 38 miles to school, with only one foot and half a coat like you had to do when you were a kid with only a jelly sandwich in their lunch bag because the peanutbutter and jelly sandwich was not invented yet.
Godless Liberal *: Wow. That is far too much of an ass kicking to be real, and yet they take everything into account. I’m fapping, but it’s only 5:23 here.
ShortShadey:
Post of the day, absofuckinlutly!!
ColdCupofHope:
It resides in that special part of the brain that causes Alzheimers and teevee evangelism. It isn’t activated until a slight, almost imperceptible desire for lime Jello enters the brain of a bitter ‘merican.
This is only applicable to ‘mericans. Aliens and sarcastic people don’t have this part of the brain. The syndrome is called “cranolizardpublicantarditis.” The only cure is Obamababymamadramapox, found in the ovaries of a special race of humanoids found only in the Woodlawn area of Chicago.
Okay, so is it wrong that I’m glad Bob Barr is more influential in this election than Ralph Nader? Not just because it helps get a Democrat elected, but because Nader schadenfreude is so delicious.
eatsshootsleaves: Whoa that is so weird! I thought you were just misreading the statistic that Nader and Barr combined increase Obama’s lead, but you are so right…
Apparently the Army of Bitters is way more influential than I thought.
edgydrifter: Could it really be a racist thing though? What racist votes for Nader?
Sorry if this is my third comment in a row, but:
Godless Liberal *: can Obama really be ahead in Florida? That just seems so unlikely. Maybe the confusing ballots are working in our favor, this time around.
Also my state is one of the few solid red ones. Keep it real, Utah.
Godless Liberal *: Ditto. FiveThirtyEight.com is pure crack. “Here is a comprehensive list of all the mathematical reasons why Barry is going to win.”
*fap fap fap*
ronaldpagan: Nate is measuring not just the present-day polling but also momentum. And Obama’s upward climb nationally suggests that he is more likely to win Florida than not. It’s complex as fuck, but apparently it all works out.
No Fuck. That’s why I’m voting for McCain, personally. People don’t believe McCain stands for “change” (anymore), unless by “change” they mean reducing the corporate tax rate, so they won’t be let down. But people believe Obama will …hope? — that doesn’t even make sense to say. Oh, right, “change” things in ways that “we can believe in.” That last part adds so much more clarity, Hopey. I’d vote for Nader but somehow Democrats would hate me more than voting for McCain.
I’m sure the dems will figure out one more way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory this November.
Turd Way: “I’d vote for Nader but somehow Democrats would hate me more than voting for McCain”? Are you going to wear a sandwich board after the election or something? “I VOTED FOR MCCAIN - SUCK IT MORANS!” I don’t think the Dems will pay you much attention - they’ll be too busy celebrating their new mocha overlord.
ronaldpagan: What kind? The kind I volunteer with down at the community radio station–super lib-rul on paper, but verrry uneasy in the presence of anyone a shade darker than “putty”. At least Nader keeps them out of the McNutty camp.
AnnieGetYourFun:
They’re going to be less and less a statistic, but Faux news will still scrounge at least one up a week to keep their dream of democratic disorganization alive.
Maybe confetti and balloons from the convention will help with the bitters.
edgydrifter: True, there are plenty of sheltered white hippies who don’t know any black people say the most unintentionally racist shit about “African-Americans.” But I didn’t think those people would actually refuse to vote for a black dude. That’s more the kind of people who vote for Barack and then get all self-congratulatory about how open-minded they are.
Mccain supporters can’t get excited, it’ll raise their blood pressure.
ronaldpagan: I sure hope you’re right, RP.
AxmxZ: So is momentum measured by demographic? Apologies, but I am not smart enough to understand that site and you will have to dumb it down for me.
Turd Way: Democrats will hate you whether you vote for Nader or McCain. And, believe it or not, Obama has actual policies beyond “hope” and “change”, and it is surprisingly easy to find these policies laid out on the internet! If Google is too much trouble, though, you can always write in “Truck Nutz” for president. Wonkette respects that.
As this simple projection shows, these polls indicate that McCain will win in November by the largest margin since James Monroe. Obama is lucky the election is not in December, or else he might end up with a negative number of votes.
Mahousu: Oops, somehow lost the tag closure…
Advocatus_Diaboli: This is not directed at you in particular, but I am so sick of that phrase. How about, “pull the tampon of defeat from the menstruating vagina of victory”? And when that phrase gets tired, we can all come together and accept the fact that Democrats will probably win this thing, unless Americans are way more racist than any of us could have imagined.
AxmxZ: Yo another question! What does that “win percentage” thing mean on fivethirtyeight? Is it some complicated combo of Obama’s margin of victory in every state? How can it be so much bigger than the popular vote?
Someone “enthusiastic” about McCain also seems likely to be found sitting through a 4 AM TV infomercial to see how it comes out.
ronaldpagan: Dude, stop asking me sensible questions. I’m a GIRL!!1! MATH IS HARD!1!! I just look at the pretty blue map and fap over the pretty blue pie chart!
Seriously, I have no idea how he weighs things. He has a few posts up where he explains it, but they are obviously aimed at other People Who Know Math. Of which I am not one.
AxmxZ: He is The Man. Come November FiveThirtyEight.com is gonna have more hits than a porn site at a frat party.
AxmxZ: I, too, am a girl, and therein lies the problem.
(Isn’t fapping something only boys can do?)
http://usera.imagecave.com/destonio/Pack.jpg
Ahhh.. whiskey.
This is insurmountable bullshit. Barry is not leading by such a margin. We’re talking about John McCain here. If anything, these recently appearing polls will DESTROY the almighty Barry. Nothing better than the backlash curse of an Alabamian based 527, rooted in the one cause of dark secret and shitting it all over the moderate airwaves. No hope in here. None at all.
What to look forward in November? Bloody goddamn war. Tons of war. This is what grandfather McCain has suggested, and while it is unacceptable horse-hockey in June, just wait till your oil hits $100.00 a gallon. McCain’s warmonger strategies of blowing up insert oil-enriched country here will blossom like a Massachusetts virgin. She is primed and ready to be fertilized.
To imagine the other scheme of screwing my state in the ass and grabbing for the oil was something Arnold could not succeed in. But it doesn’t matter when you are read-roost, when you win the ticket by fucking over the liberal-underbelly to expose the sweet-chocolate of the conservative background. This is of course, man-shit, but these polls mean ice-on-mars, useless to us scum. A flawed pigment of distortion right here in the middle of June. Lets rejoice in our imaginary land of frisbees, world peace, universal health care and camp-fire songs. Soon the fuckheads will win.
ronaldpagan:
According to the thingy (pollster term), win % is the number of times Barry wins a given state of hte overall general in 10,000(!) simulations, not margin of victory.
I’m typetarded. Should have been “wins a given state or the overall general… “
That insignia with the eagle looks like someone dropped a “female condom” on it’s chest.
ronaldpagan:
RonPaulPagen is Utarded? Why am I not Surprised?
HughJennicks: Welcome back to the grid. Awesome.
Do national polls even matter in light of the electoral system?
shortsshortsshorts: the war economy is the only safeguard we have against a recession. we must declare war on as many countries as possible. all 167 of them.
Goddammit people load yourselves on the Bosnian tarmac!
American Dreamer: We can safely say that 24 of them will have oil resources, if we fight hard enough.
VOTE FOR WEXLER! HE WILL MAKE US WHOLE AGAIN.
I just Hoped all over my shorts.
InsidiousTuna:
What does the stain look like? Is it gleaming? Does it have ‘big ears’? Does it look like it might be able to pass a healthcare bill?
Please, do tell.
I can’t believe you actually think there will be an “election.” All of this is just a ploy to keep us from figuring out Lord Cheney’s true plan.
polar_bear: I would be interested to know how much of that 11% favored impeachment.
That 538 stuff is way too complex. Red and blue I’ve got, but I’m not too clear on the pink and purple, or the difference between light blue and dark blue, or why North Dakota is white. Is that just because, you know, it is?
It’s pretty cool, though, because it proves that Badass Barry is heading for a 48 state sweep, or near enough.
As to fapping, I’m an old fashioned fan of man-lady fap-fap, but this is the 21st century and all manner of fapping in all gender combinations are perfectly fapporific.
That 538 site is nifty. The fact that Barry Hussein could win Nevada, New Mexico, Virginia and Missouri means Walnuts is more or less fucked.
The fact that Walnuts is only leading by .8% in NC, .9% in ND and 5.5% in SC means he’s completely and utterly fucked in every way. If you’re the GOP candidate and you don’t have a double-digit lead in South Carolina, you’re done. South Carolina is pretty much the most religiously deranged, violent, racist, war-mongering cultural wasteland in the country.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Uh, have you BEEN to Alabama?
Being a Dem and a Red Sox fan I find it hard to be excited about this until it is December, the election has passed, and Dubya has to step out of the oval office for a few so Barry can measure for his new curtains before I get excited.
ronaldpagan: Win percentage is the odds of a win, based on his guessology. Basically a meaningless number, but fun!
shortsshortsshorts: You’re right about one thing. Polls at this point are meaningless (especially since the sample groups are increasingly less valid because of the Youth and their Cellular Phones and New Voting Trends).
But they’re ain’t gonna be no new war. Maybe a one-shot air strike on some Iranian nuke facility by the Israelis, but not an actual war. That crap takes insane amounts of people and months of time to plan, and some three-star who thinks we can’t afford it would have leaked it to the Times by now. There is nobody in the Pentagon above the level of major (lot of radical Republican idiots at that rank) who agrees with Cheney’s plans for more pre-emptive wars in the Middle East. Unlike Dick and George, they’ve all spent at least a year over there at this point.
Obamababymamadramapox: Word of the week.
Also: Some Some Chip Hop.
Lazy Media: I had a head full of whiskey and my hands were not obeying my commands. But you are definitely right (I hope).
Don’t forget all of the World of Warcraft people who will write in the Good Doctor’s name….Walnuts is screwed.
pipandbaby: I declare Warcraft on you.
pipandbaby: And if you spent the last three weeks of your life shoving 50 years of Thompson up your ass, you’d probably change your style too.
ronaldpagan: He can be a head in Florida, but it is easier in California what with the medicinal stuff being legal and all.
shortsshortsshorts: Make love, not Warcraft!