Wonkette
Wonkette email operative “Bob,” like many Americans, has received an email claiming that Obama is a Muslim, a.k.a. Not American. These patriotic emails are the only way to stop the Obama Conspiracy that threatens to Blackify our government. But Bob, most likely a Liberal, was not so sure he wanted to accept the email as truth, so he replied to the sender that Obama is not a Muslim, and if he were a Muslim that would be acceptable. For this, Bob received the reply, “whatever, he’s not american, white or black……” Despite the authoritative double ellipsis, “Arugula Bob” still couldn’t understand. And that prompted a longer response from the Smearer to Bob, which we have copy-pasted below the jump.
it is in the american constitution, that says i can say what i want! i am not making a factual statement, i am stating how i feel, and first off, who are you anyway? i dont want a president obama, ok,, i have nothing against black americans. i have never reffered to him as black anyway. i didnt want hillary either ok, and from what i can tell she is a white american woman. president barack, just doesnt sound right to me, and you will see that my fellow americans feel the same way, ok. you want a wager on the election let me know. state all the silly facts you want, the breadbasket of america, doesnt want president obama bin laden leading the country. so know you know how i feel about the whole thing. thank you
an american patriot.
ps. 911 would never have happened in hilters’ country. now you are going to cry about that also right, don’t get me wrong hitler did a few things the wrong way.. ok. i understand that, but he was a creation of the brainwashing forced on to him. 911 was the worst day in my life, i dated someone who was in the building, and i lost a cousin that day, so dont try to tell me about a president obama!
Why can’t Bob also feel that Barack Obama is not an American? John McCain, at least, does not smell like a Muslim, or taste like an Osama bin Laden.
Racists wouldn’t be so bad if they at least acknowledged that they were racist.
Man, Barry can’t lock up the Nazi vote? He has no chance.
I feel like maybe somebody stood to close to Ground Zero and took in a few vapors. In Hitler’s Country? Wasn’t that a U2 song?
So wait, we should not have fought WWII? Did the greatest generation fuck something up? And was hitler’s country America? I’m confused thanks to public schools
are we really supposed to believe this genius was “dating” someone?
come on.
Isn’t there someway we can get Hitler’s DNA and create a new President that will combat Islam?
NoWireHangers: I agree. I saw some dickbag on CBS a few months ago say “I’m not racist but I just can’t vote for a black man.”
Shit like that makes me very confused. and then it makes me need happy hour. By the way, I’m not antisemitic but Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. It’s true- Mel Gibson told me.
“get me wrong hitler did a few things the wrong way”
You know, he sometimes let the dirty dishes pile up, and didn’t always replace the toilet paper when he finished a roll. That sort of thing. Nobody’s perfect.
evolutionista:What happened was that a porn-rag in his possession that had a picture he liked was destroyed that terrible day.
if an obama falls in the woods, does he sound like a muslim?
…they should be bitch slapped for mangling my sweet sweet ellipses!!!
eie tOtaRY agWee!
evolutionista: If I were dating this cretin, I’d fake my own death by exploiting a national tragedy, too.
evolutionista: In crazy-talk “dating” means “I bought her a drink and followed her home.”
evolutionista: It’s charlie crist
DEAR MOM: WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU???!!!! THINGS ARE “PRETTY QUIET” HERE!!! Ooops, sorry, wrong post.
But honest, how can you take a guy like this seriously if he can’t find THE GODDAM CAP LOCK KEY???
Yet again more holocaust revisionism. Hitler probably would have got away with most of that nonsense, except for the fact he was known to have paid hookers to take steaming dumps on his chest, sort of a prototype to the Cincinnati Hot Plate. I believe it was this disgusting habit that cost him critical support among his most loyal psychopaths and this led to his inelegant demise. Just when we were liable to get to the truth, too.
However…
Eva Braun, and Michelle Obama, who is “brown.” Need I say more?
So Logic should have no part of a decision, facts are silly and the heartland is retarded.
My brain hurts.
evolutionista: …yeah his sister!
“911 was the worst day in my life, i dated someone who was in the building, and i lost a cousin that day”
I’m sorry for the loss of both — um — I mean your loved one.
evolutionista: …CORRECTION: he did say he lost a “cousin” and someone he “dated”. I suspect this person is one and the same!!!
I was at the grocery store, ok? And this girl, ok? She kind of looked, ok?
WadISay: Yes! These nutjob rants are always either in all caps or all lowercase letters. What IS with that?
Please, please, please let this “american patriot” find a way to get on the teevee. I’d totally pay to watch him/her talk about how “hitler did a few things the wrong way..ok”.
Also, how does “american patriot” know what McCain smells like? And how come he/she thinks the smell of Old Spice and dirty diapers is more American than Barry’s mango chutney and coconut aroma?
Why does the breadbasket of America hate Silly Facts?
Fun fact:
If everyone in this country knew 2 people who died during 9/11, we would have 600 million dead. That’s similar to calling a slave 3/5 of a person, except all of you would be only 1/2 a person.
“i didnt want hillary either ok, and from what i can tell she is a white american woman.”
What does he mean, “from what I can tell?” That just sounds creepy.
…and by the way anyone who has to tell you they aren’t a racist ARE FUKKIN RACIST!
$50 says he didn’t lose a cousin in 911, or ever date someone in the building. He’s a lying sack of shit, as well as a racist. PS Who the fuck is hilters and where was hilters’ country?
I’m crying at the simple majesty of the “in-depth response.”
I really, REALLY like how it starts off reasonably unreasonable and then segues seamlessly into utter insanity.
“from what i can tell [Hillary] is a white american woman”
Clearly, this “low information voter” needs a good talking-to by James Carville so he can learn about Hillary’s testicles.
NoWireHangers: Concern trolls should be eradicated. “i’m just asking questions ok” is the refuge of terrible terrible people.
wonderfulwonderful: If we could mate this person with one of Hillaryis44’s ALL CAPS maniacs, their offspring would possess perfect punctuation and grammar. They’d be racist as all fuck, but they’d master the English language.
“…he wanted to accept the email as truth…”
Truth? You can’t handle the truth!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3_jh2dO78U
Am I a racist if I confess to hating idiots?
“911 would never have happened in hilters’ country”??? Wow.
So, some terrible airborne attack which would kill thousands of civilians would never have happened to a large German city, say between Feb 13 and Feb 15 1945? Oh good.
You know, Hitler did have the support of all the hardworking white people in Germany, just like Hillary!
Boy, e. e. cummings is pissed
nowukkers:
It’s common knowledge that Adloph Hilter was Benevolent Overseer of the country of Gemrany.
El Bombastico: I disagree. That’s actually how assholes who TyPE LiKe THiS are created. MySpace and LiveJournal users, basically.
WhatTheHeck: Yes, but so am I. I firmly believe that the idiot race should be locked up in camps and sterilized.
“President Bush and Vice President Dick” never sounded right to me either. Now it’s the pig-fuckers’ turn.
I’m not anti-religion, I just think religion is the source of all evil in the world.
WhatTheHeck: Only if you wouldn’t vote for one.
nowukkers: “Hilter” was actually the Hilton name before it was changed at Ellis Island by mindless immigration drones. Hilter’s “country” was, in fact, a small raft that floated for months off the coast of the Sea Islands near Georgia, before it drifted north and washed ashore in New York. The original Hilter/Hilton WAS brainwashed by the janitorial staff at the intake facility, which resulted in his creation of a chain of hotels that guaranteed full employment for thousands of housekeeping and maintenance workers for generations to come. Currently, Paris Hilter/Hilton is the most visible descendant of this noble if misunderstood legacy. We must give due credit to those, such as our email writer above, who only want to set the record straight.
Why is it you have to take a test in order to drive a car, but any cousin-loving yokel with more teeth than brain cells is allowed to vote no questions asked?
And I’m sorry to inform you, Mr. Dumbshit Hitler lover, but “Obama is a Muslim” is not a feeling. But I’m not surprised at your confusion, as you probably experience feelings at a very primitive level, such as hunger and getting your willie stuck in the vacuum cleaner.
Cicada: There goes at least 50% of the GOP base.
What do you call it when somebody in a debate brings up Hitler in a positive light? Would that be negative Godwin?
Off topic, I love that picture. Barry will rock the Furry vote.
ohiolobbyist: Fantastic.
I’m curious as to who their cousin/lover was in the “building” on 9/11. Not much demand for pig-fuckers at the World Trade Center.
its in the constitution that i can say whatever i want, ok, it doesn’t need to make sense, ok, i just feel it, ok, and you all just think barack obama is so great, ok, you think your so smart, but im not a racist because i hate some white people too especially women, ok
Christ, I thought that was a picture of Maya Angelou.
Poor Rudy…just can’t let that “day” go.
What’s odd is that in America I thought that rape was a crime, the e-mail writer seems to think it was a “date”.
Unless his cousin was his date…hey it was Rudy!
I guess my only question is how Bob managed to get ahold of my grandmother’s email address.
“911 would never have happened in Hilters country”? I may be wrong, but I think someone other than Obama was president when 9/11 happened.
Inappropriate use of “okay??” at the end of every sentence and confusion on the concept of “facts” vs. “feelings?” Ten bucks that’s Bill O’Reilly.
Please tell me that there is an email address for this douchenozzle. And give it to us! Throw him to the wolves!
gurukalehuru: ok, it’s in the constitution that i can say what i want, so let’s take one of hitlers policies and apply it the pigfuckers, i say we castrate everyone south of the dixie line, it’ll be awesome.
I think John Cleese played Hilter in the TV show.
But anyway, this guy evidently knows what Osama Bin Laden tastes like. Shouldn’t he be waterboarded for that?
greatgooglymoogly: A lot of German-descended Americans changed their last name from “Hitler” to “Hiller” or “Hillary” after WWII (for instance, Sir Edmund Hillary, the one who landed on the moon, was born as Sir Edmund Hitler - first cousin to Adolf). Some German-Americans continued to secretly express their Aryan Pride by naming their children “Hillary”, but others hid their treachery altogether by adopting unlikely names like “McCain” or “Reagan”.
So, basically, all white people are probably secretly related to Adolf Hitler. i am not making a factual statement i am just saying how i feel, ok?
m_supercomputer: Considering that “okay” is an acronym of “oll korrekt,” it’s actually more appropriate than would appear at first glance.
William Tecumseh Sherman:
I believe that would be a Schott.
SayItWithWookies:
Give the guy a break, it’s got to be frustrating being so willfully ignorant in a time where factual information is so readily available.
I feel that obama murdered my mother, ok. SURE! She is alive and well and living in NorCal, ok, but I feel like he did it. And I dont know about you, but I dont want a mother killer in the white (i never say white, ok.) house. ok
Didn’t the Reichstag happen? Isn’t that similar to 9/11? AND WHO ASKED ABOUT 911 ANYWAY?
People are so so so motherfucking(killing?) crazy.
SayItWithWookies: For the second time today, you have caused my and my coworker to laugh so hard that our tears of joy have caused our mascara to run. You might owe us each a tube of Mega-LASH.
Why oh why didn’t the Constitution deny the vote to idiots?
So this is what “truthiness” looks like when it digs under the fence and goes feral.
obfuscator: Oh that’s right - he was best buds with mullonisi and he could always rely on goellabs for a bit of porpanagda.
Does anyone know where Obama bought that nifty hat. That would be perfect for casual Fridays at the office. It makes him look so virile.
“state all the silly facts you want”
That is just Stephen Colbert, writ large.
Plus, imagine a country with multiple Hitlers, ok?
I’m super jealous of Bob for receiving this email, but not super jealous of this guy not having my email address.
I think I’m going to spend the rest of my expected lifespan–which should be around 40 years–constantly buzzed.
I am so very sad right now.
Godless Liberal *:
No, this is what “truthiness” looks like after four generations of inbreeding, playing with mercury, and handling rattlesnakes at church every week.
Hart88: I’d settle for a constitutional amendment requiring a test to get an email account.
My Jewish grandma has been spamming my mom’s inbox with “Barry is a dirty Muslim!” crap. So I sent her an email quoting Bloomberg’s recent defense of Obama and asking her to please not participate in the whisper campaign to frighten Jewish voters, whether or not she plans to vote for Obama.
Her reply?
“Sorry if I offended you.I look at these things with a tongue in cheek.At this point, I don’t know who I will vote for. A lot of people here (at the Terrace) are saying it is not who they are voteing for,but who they are voting against.
Love you,
Grandma”
Ah yes. The brilliant tongue in cheek humor of race baiting. The Terrace, by the way, is her senior home. Just imagine the chatter around the water cooler.
AnnieGetYourFun: What — you mean all that stuff about non-running, non-streaking mascara is some sort of lie?!
itgetter: Yeah, shit like that is amazing. I think I’m estranged from a cousin in the Hill Country of Texas because she attempted to spread a rumor about Starbucks and I simply pointed out that even though I didn’t freguent the place I had no problem with it and even repected their business plan and the way they treat their workers.
The rumor was completely untrue, by the way.
itgetter: Awww, that’s cute. She should be put down.
iwillsavethispatient: I was gonna say. And the Japanese fascism didn’t make their airspace bomb-proof either. Librul Bill, the first black president, was the one who lobbed a cruise missile at Osama pre-emptively, but the Republicans at the time were the ones saying “No, No, No! We must focus on the blowjob!”
Well, when you’re right, you’re right. Hitler did “do a few things the wrong way.” First off, he made his soldiers dress up like Nazis. That’s just bad PR.
Then, he got those trains to run on time, which is totally socialist and gay.
And then he lost World War II. Badly. he didn’t even win the sympathy vote.
We should hold our leaders to the same amount of scrutiny. John McCain would never hire Geobbles, because he would have publicly hoped for a terrorist attack so his candidate would be able to beat an un-American for the Presidency of the United States.
tunamelt: It’s better than, “as far as I know” isn’t it?
El Bombastico: I am not at all offended by that statement. What does that say about me?
SayItWithWookies: Only when you’re giggling this hard. Coworker sort of shrieked “willie!”, which got the whole office staring… good times.
i have been trying and failing to laugh silently in my basement/office, dern you people and your commenting.
i thought at first he was calling hillary “hilters”. but i think maybe 9-11 would never have happened in hitler’s country because then it would be germany and they don’t have twin towers?
As a resident of the breadbasket of america, I’d like to elect a new spokesperson.
This reads like Nostradamus.
Also, the confidence with which he proposes a wager makes me think you might be able to get odds.
My mother met a stupid Yugoslavian once about 30 years ago, and the last time we talked, I mentioned somebody who I think is stupid. She asked: “Was he Yugoslavian? They’re all stupid you know.”
So I have two questions:
1) Who did this “Smearer” guy once meet that put him off Barry, by association?
2) Is this “Smearer” guy Yugoslavian? Mom will want to know.
this is all very well and good, but who’s bob?
You know, it’s fun snickering how the dude’s not getting laid, but my terrible fear is that, in reality, he’s probably procreated six times while the Barry voter waits for the Chinese adoption papers to come through.
That’s a fake email. No one would ever imply that somehow Hillary would make a better president than Hitler.
evolutionista: We’ve had 8 years of the dubya regime, this jackass has probably already bred more than anyone who posts on Wonkette.
OMFG your comments have been great.
And, “Bob” is here.
I stopped really paying attention after the words, ‘i am not making a factual statement’
Idiot.
For the record, Mr. “Hilter’s” country is the United Kingdom of Great Britain. It is also Mr. Bimmler’s country, and the home country of the National Bocialist Party.
I will only reply the way that my namesake did when Joel (or was it Mike?) asked him what he wanted for Christmas.
“I want the power to determine who lives and who dies.”
@lazy medua: I said, “you wouldn’t have much fun in Stalingrad, would you?!”
Crow T. Robot: Here’s to MSTing McCain campaign.
i know all the internet traditions that run through its vast series of boobs and tubes, and hilter did do some good things, like get people to air out their right armpit, but i am not making a factual statement, i am stating how i feel
and first off, who are you anyway?
the double comma is particularly powerful.
Okay, for the love of all things holy: When you say “president barack, just doesnt sound right to me” YOU ARE A F*CKING RACIST. “Doesnt sound right to me” is code for “He has a funny furrin name! And he’s black! Run for the hills! Hide the womenfolk and the liquor!” I am so F*CKING TIRED of people claiming not to be racist and following that up with RACISM. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH.
Mr Blifil: Dude, it’s Germany. If the internet is to be believed that’s the national hobby.
Okay, no, I’m sorry but that HAS to be a joke. “hitler did a few things the wrong way.. ok. i understand that, but he was a creation of the brainwashing forced on to him.” I just don’t believe anyone could, in all seriousness, say that and truly mean it.
Of course not, because in hilter’s country we all wear halter tops and holler from hill tops, ahoy! It’s heiress hilton (or cundy mccandy?), and hillteary clitnon, and headdressed tribambosamba, halloping hover the homeland, here comes everyone!
Well, he should not have been dating his cousin.
(That type relationship always ends badly.)
My wife recently lost a bunch of her relatives; she made the mistake of forwarding one of those Obama thingees floating around to me and I called them a bunch of inbred retards and hit reply all.
They won’t email her anymore.
(I don’t think we are missing much.)
“you want a wager on the election let me know”
sure, let’s bet $300 million dollars.
Canuckledragger: I believe the question now would be: Bosnian, Bosniak, Croat, Macedonian, Montenegri, Serb, or Slovene?
Darehead: Minnesota.
Mr. Hilter is far too busy with the North Minehead By-Election to worry about Barry.
Canuckledragger: I heard your mother wears Slovakian army boots.
Darehead: Damn your anti-Kosovar rhetoric!
SayItWithWookies: ooops, must have missed the cut and paste. Yes, Kosovars too.
It’s always heartwarming to see a prejudice defeated by a deeper prejudice.
Lone Star –John Sayles.
SenorDirtySanchez: It’s Mr McGoering from the Bell and Compasses. He says he’s found a place where you can hire bombers by the hour.
SenorDirtySanchez and he’s found a place where he can hire bombers by the hour.
beaten to the punch by lionel hutz. My Yugoslav-hating gangy will be ashamed.
The fact is, the heartland is a place where only convenient facts count.
Wouldn’t the breadbasket of Amurrica be plenty happy with anyone who prevented their semi-annual flooding, even if he’s called Obama bin Laden? I mean, obviously they don’t want the trains running on time because that would be socialism or something, but better levees? No?
Let’s see. He managed to confuse fact with opinion and Obama with Osama. When called a liar he responds with a whiny assertion of his First Amendment rights. Then he Godwins his own argument by outing himself as a Nazi sympathizer and Hitler apologist.
Clearly, he’s a shining beacon of success for our public education system.
Wow. I barely know what to say. Is universal suffrage really such a good thing…?
Feral truthiness indeed.
RaptorAvatar: Idiocracy, here we come! In that light, it is amusing that the guy brought up Hitler. Doesn’t he know that the UN has UN-Nazied the world forever?
It did deny the vote to idiots; thats why originally you had to be a land owner or a professional (tailor, lawyer, teacher, cobbler, ect.) and above the age of 21 to vote. However, these rules were soon changed as unscrupulous politicians (like Thomas Jefferson) realized that it was easier to win elections by wooing the ignorant fekking mob with booze and barbecues than it was to convince the educated and the interested to vote against their own well-being. Having said that, our electoral history would be much less entertaining, and realistically unfeasible given the amount of immigration taking place at the time, if those original voting rules had been maintained to the present day.
So, in summary, this e-mail says:
1. I can say anything I want. Iz in ze konstuhtooshun.
2. I am a liar.
3. I am not a racist.
4. I am a sexist.
5. I am a racist, and so are all other Real Americans. I will bet you money on it.
6. I am a patriot!
7. Hitler was OK.
8. 9/11 was bad.
Fun game: try and count the self-contradictions! Nonsensical, racist e-mails are full of fun games, just like Highlights For Children!
wonderfulwonderful: They’re too focused on their brilliant pontificating! It takes 100% of that massive brain power to give birth to all of that brilliance. He can’t waste a cell on stupid elitist frivolity like grammar.
Suddenly, I understand NASCAR.
Obama was also born and raised in The Bermuda Triangle and Area 51, and his father was one of the “bums” taken into custody in Dallas in November, 1963, along with Woody Harrelson’s father, Charles Colson and Yuri, the covert Russian spy who worked at the Pentagon for 30 years.
Just for the record, 911 did happen in Hitler’s country. For two years, every day and every night women and children died in Berlin, Hamburg, Cologne and many other towns because Hitler brought destruction on our heads.
http://www.wdr.de/themen/politik/deutschland/kriegsende_1945/_img/koeln_dpa_400q.jpg
Here’s a response I received when I asked an aunt to stop sending me racist Obama smear emails:
“Just because of the diversity of our family( which I never have a problem about). I think some people need to wake up and realize what they think would make a great president for our United States of America… It has noting to do with your diversity. That’s not all that’s important when we are voting for a president…”
Say what…?
Has anyone heard the term ‘Hudna.’ Hudna (هدنة) is an Arabic term meaning “truce” or “armistice” as well as “calm” or “quiet”, coming from a verbal root meaning “calm”. However, it can be broken at any time without any reservations. Beware, Obama may sound good but what he says and what he does are two different things. That could be said of most politicians, but afterall didn’t Obama get sworn in with the Koran when he took his present position? I don’t think he has the better interests for The United States in the future. GOD
Has anyone heard the term ‘Hudna.’ Hudna is an Arabic term meaning “truce” or “armistice” as well as “calm” or “quiet”, coming from a verbal root meaning “calm”. However, it can be broken at any time without any reservations. Beware, Obama may sound good but what he says and what he does are two different things. That could be said of most politicians, but afterall didn’t Obama get sworn in with the Koran when he took his present position? I don’t think he has the better interests in mind for The United States in the future. GOD HELP US if he get’s voted in; all I can say is ‘duck and cover.’