homosexuals

Gay Governor Charlie Crist Makes Up Girlfriend In Interview

The New York Times Magazine‘s Deborah Solomon has a reputation for being very “forward” in her weekly interviews. Or sometimes it’s just very unprepared, like that time she asked Stephen Colbert about his dad, and Colbert said his dad died in a plane crash when he was 10, and Solomon responded, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Ha ha, weird! She is terribly awkward, which made this Sunday’s interview with Florida’s secretly gay Governor Charlie Crist such a profound occasion.

They talk about dumb things for most of the interview. Nothing really “meaty.” But just as you’re thinking, “GODDAMNIT, DEBORAH, ASK HIM ABOUT THE SECRET GAY FUCKING, YOU FUCKING PHILISTINE,” she asks, “Your personal life is not that of a typical Republican candidate. For starters, I hear you’re not a property owner.” Now that is one clutch segue. How else is his personal life, say, different?

You were married nearly 30 years ago, but the marriage lasted less than a year. Do you prefer living alone? I got married and divorced because it didn’t work out. I haven’t found the right one since. It’s really that simple.

You can’t find one woman in all of Florida? Maybe I have. Stay tuned.

And then Crist’s mother appeared in the interview room, knocked out Solomon, and repeatedly asked her son, “Why can’t I meet this nice girl?” Crist said that his gal is very shy and does not like to be pressured so BACK OFF.

Is He The Ticket? [NYT Magazine]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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66 comments

  1. stankfest

    This governor is just like that great pianist, Lee Liberace. Lee also never foung the “right woman”.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    OhpleaseletitbeKitty. OhpleaseletitbeKitty. OhpleaseletitbeKitty. OhpleaseletitbeKitty.

  3. greatgooglymoogly

    “Secretly?” If you’d never even heard of the guy, once you read the interview you could have had no other impression than, “Oh, yeah, he’s gay.”

  4. edgydrifter

    Charlie told me his girlfriend lives in Canada, and that she’s a model. He’s going to go visit her this summer after he goes to band camp.

  5. Quacker

    He’d be perfect. He looks just like all the villains in CSI:Miami. He could get into ANY club he wants, and he’s hiding something. Wonder what it is?

  6. Electric Zen

    You know, if videos surfaced of Crist getting a Cleveland Steamer from Barney Frank, I could get past it just fine.

    But this dude actually pretend-fucked Katherine Harris a while back. The horrible images won’t leave my mind. This I can not forgive.

  7. populucious

    Well, part of the problem may be that I’m looking for a woman with a penis, who isn’t actually a woman at all, but a man, but I’ma gonna keep looking. Somewhere the perfect gal for me is out there, and if I have to look in every men’s room south of the Mason Dixon line to find her…I will.

  8. weirdiowasculpture

    There’s only one way to tell for certain: we make Charlie watch the John Cornyn ad and see if it gets him hard.

  9. ronaldpagan

    [re=22731]edgydrifter[/re]: Hahahaha that is exactly what I was gonna say! Great minds etc.

  10. anabellum

    personally, i dont care about his sexual orientation…

    but that is bar-none the most stupid interview ive ever read…

    is Deborah Solomon still in high school?…

  11. ronaldpagan

    McCain, please pick this queermo as a running mate!

    Here’s a serious question for anyone on Wonkette: does McCain have any VP options who aren’t complete and total jokes that will end up hurting him hardcore? There’s Jindal, Crist, Lieberman, Romney, Bloomberg, Giuliani, Condi, Huckabee (if those last three are still options), and they’re all majorly unelectable.

  12. Uncle Al

    Everybody shut up. I keep hearing that Crist is on McCain’s list of possible VPs. We don’t want to queer that deal.

    Hah! (Chris Matthews voice)

  13. ManchuCandidate

    Debbie is the very least, Larry King in drag with the general stupidity of the questions and not prepping with a bit of yenta thrown in.

  14. Godless Liberal *

    Please, it’s Adam Putnam and we all know it. Just as soon as he divorces his beard, he and Charlie are going to make sweet beautiful orange love.

  15. El Bombastico

    [re=22749]ronaldpagan[/re]: I would guess that they’ve already picked Pawlenty. I don’t see any significant downside with him, aside from lack of name recognition, but that’s probably a plus in today’s GOP.

  16. anabellum

    [re=22749]ronaldpagan[/re]: OMG Clueless Condi…i hadnt thought of that…

    of course that footage of her buying shoes in Atlanta while New Orleans drowns might be a problem…..not to mention her ‘house mate’…

    but what fun to imagine!!!!….

    you’ve given me hope…

  17. greatgooglymoogly

    [re=22749]ronaldpagan[/re]: Governor Rick Perry in Texas wants it so bad he will lick a bad cat for the job. Plus his house just burned down so, you know, he’s available.

  18. anabellum

    [re=22764]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Perry has THE major prerequisite for being McCains VP nailed….nice hair…

    and his best friend is Ted Nugent….

    sounds like a wining combo to me…

  19. KevoTron

    Yes, there is a woman in his life. I hear Charlie has even been spotted shopping for “her clothes.” Including a fetching little pantsuit.

  20. ronaldpagan

    [re=22762]El Bombastico[/re]: [re=22764]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Lame. From their Wikipedia entries, Pawlenty and Perry don’t look like they have any major skeletons in their closet. No one tell the GOP.

  21. masterdebater

    I have heard that finding the right woman IS tough…espcially if you want her to come complete with a working penis and all.

  22. Vanity Smurf

    [re=22814]ronaldpagan[/re]: Perry is almost as gay as Crist. He just only does it with other married dudes so it’s hard to get anything on him into the press. Probably more of a bi swinger type.

  23. DemmeFatale

    Ill-fitting suits?
    Blousy, over-sized vest?
    Pleated, baggy pants?
    Charlie is trying too hard to look butch.

    TOTALLY (closeted) GAY!!

  24. ronaldpagan

    [re=22846]Vanity Smurf[/re]: HA yes. Some enterprising Wonkette-reader needs to solicit him at a TGI Fridays.

  25. Tits_LaRue

    He does have a girlfriend, but it’s weird, all her friends are men and she lets them all call her a “hag.” Still, I’m so glad he’s found someone after 30 years!

  26. MC_Bob

    In Mr. Crist’s defense: As a great man once told me, “you’re not gay if you’re on top.”

    Oh……upon further reflection, never mind.

  27. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Actually, how is making up a girlfriend? He just says that there is “somebody.” And its the same week that California started letting the gayez marry. Just sayin’.

  28. ronaldpagan

    [re=22928]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Bestiality is legal in Florida, so maybe his special someone is an adorable golden retriever puppy.

  29. hrhkingfriday

    WALNUTS! super (geigh) dream team

    Veep = Lindsey Graham
    Sec. State = Charlie Crist
    Sec. Def. = Cheney
    AG = Larry Craig

  30. Joey Ratz

    [re=22749]ronaldpagan[/re]: Wasn’t Haley Barbour everybody’s pick to be the VP a couple of years ago? Of course, I haven’t heard any mention of him in a while, but, being a fat Southern dipshit with an incomprehensible accent, he would certainly appeal to the Republican base.

    Me, I want Johnny Mac to run with Sonny Perdue.

  31. ExecutorElassus

    jeez, that was the dumbest interview, like, ever. Here, I’ll condense it for those of you who don’t need any more reasons to drink today:

    Debbie: I read some factoid! What do you think of [random factoid]?
    Gov. Fancybritches: that’s a factoid.
    Debbie: …
    Debbie thinks: omg! He’s so GAY!
    The end!

    Time to hit that scotch.

  32. artbot2000

    [re=22734]Electric Zen[/re]:

    Was this before or after the boob upgrade?

    Thing is, though, once you read about dating Miss Kitty, you KNEW he was gay.

  33. GideonGlib

    The Republicans have tried the dumb, fundamentalist, anti-environment route, maybe going with Crist might work better for the republicans?

  34. S.Luggo

    [re=22721]stankfest[/re]: Plus, Charlie believes in searching for hydrocarbon deposits off-shore. Notice that, instead of “hydrocarbon deposits”, I did not say, “Homo Fuck Gel”. I respect the gays.

  35. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    [re=22814]ronaldpagan[/re]:
    Pawlenty has that little problem of the bridge that fell down on his watch.
    Perry tried keeping up the killing machine of the Texas prison system, but there’s a temporary hold right now. He tried to out do his predecessor, our current halfwit at 1600 Penna. Ave. One of these days, DNA will prove that one of the people he signed off on killing turned out to be the wrong guy.
    Then the sit hits the fan & Perry.

    Plus Perry probably burned the governor’s mansion to hide something he did.

  36. American Dreamer

    The rumor down here in Palm Beach is that Crist is dating a female socialite who is married. I guess that is good enough in the Republican play book.

  37. jasonelias

    Check out that “stay tuned.” Stay tuned for what? The next time he has sex with a dude?

  38. KTHXBAI

    Yeah I remember telling my parents I hadn’t found the right girl either. I was pretty much saying that all the way up until the point I was fucking guys.

    He’ll find her eventually. Her name will be Stephen.

  39. gurukalehuru

    I’m sure that we can find Pawlenty of shit on the governor, and de facto airport men’s room chief administrator,of the great state of Minnesota.

  40. Crapola

    Oompa, Loompa doompa-dee-do.
    I’ve got a little riddle for you.
    Ooompa, Loompa doompa-dee-day.
    OMFG! Crist is totally gay!

    What do you do when the Gov. loves the dick?
    Endorse the corpse, hope to be his Veep pick.
    Screw all the schools, firefighters, and cops.
    Say all the homeowners who want their $200 bucks.

    I hope your fucking houses burn.

    Oompa, Loompa doompa-dee-da.
    If you use KY your ass will not scar.
    Live in the closet without a clue.
    Like the Ommpa Loompa doompa-dee-do.

  41. 4tehlulz

    >>Women with penises don’t count, Charlie.

    But she was from Thailand! She said the’re all like that there!

  42. Matthew Crunt

    Hold on! We need to conduct some tests. Does Charlie have a “tan line”? Does he drop pennies on the men’s room floor near the urinals? Does he pick up the pennies? Are his gerbils missing? If the answers are NO, YES, YES and “YES”, he’s dating Jethro Bush, W’s smart brother.

  43. raider12

    I always thought that Crist looks like the (gay) character that Tommy Lee Jones played in “JFK”.

Comments are closed.