Wonkette
Brilliant Republican strategist Karl Rove is not Arrogant, or an Elitist. He has helped his party help poor people and the underrepresented by flying young men and women to Iraq, which they may colonize for a brighter, more prosperous future. Rove knows what an Elitist is, and it is Elitist Barack Obama. This morning, Rove was speaking with a group of poor, Average Americans known as “Republican insiders at the Capitol Hill Club” to describe, in layman’s terms, Barack Obama: he is like “that guy” at the “country club” who, uh, won’t be sociable with the other members. And if Bitters know one thing, it’s the subtle internal politics of country club cocktail hours.
ABC News was on the scene:
ABC News’ Christianne Klein reports that at a breakfast with Republican insiders at the Capitol Hill Club this morning, former White House senior aide Karl Rove referred to Sen. Barack Obama, D-Illinois, as “coolly arrogant.”
“Even if you never met him, you know this guy,” Rove said, per Christianne Klein. “He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”
PERCHANCE YOU MEAN… OUR NEMESIS? We are familiar with that rapscallion of ancient archetype, the flaneur who disregards the trappings of wealth, the bonhomie of chums, for McGovernish tobacco “pulls” and conical spirits!
The American people will not stand for a candidate who hates the atmosphere of country clubs.
When this is all said and done, Billy Zabka will play Barry in the biopic. McCain will need to defeat him in the big (ski race/regatta/surfing competition/croquet match) to win the White House.
My friends, he jus’ a hater! A HAY-TER! We don’ need that…sheeeyit.
Turdblossom has such a way with metaphors.
Impossible. The only black people at Karl’s country club are the table bussers and kitchen help — and that’s only because all their Mexicans were stolen by immigration.
Wait, country clubs are integrated now?
El Bombastico: would the inaugural ball then count as the triumphant (teen/youth/community center dance) with Walnuts! as the (pulling hair out angry business guy)?
…FAKE: Everyone knows that the only black people allowed in country clubs are the ones that wash dishes! DUHHHHHH!!!!
loudmouthredhead: Maybe the “Enchatment Under the (Rising) Sea” prom?
Wrong on the facts Karl. Hardly likely that this audience has much experience with black men at their respective country clubs.
Somebody tell Rove to get back in the kitchen with the rest of the help.
…I think Karl had a flash back to highschool for a second. Im surprised he didn’t mention getting stuffed into lockers and super wedgies!
But but but wasn’t that your candidate? W?
Either that or he’s got some serious hots for Barry.
Then Karl is definitely snotty little grandson Spalding: FART! TURDS!
Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger… no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake…
Judge Smails: You’ll get nothing, and like it.
That would make Obama more of a Ty Webb than a Judge Smails.
NoWireHangers: He’s half-white, so he can go in the pool up to his midriff.
loudmouthredhead: No, in our story, Walnuts is the rough-and-tumble blue-collar kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Trying to carve out a place for himself amongst the Harvard bluenoses. And wooing the heart of the upper-crust (but down-to-earth and sensitive) beer heiress who’s really a simple gal at heart. A simple gal with a Vicodin addiction.
Is KKKarl’s country club that one in Chicago that only allows old, fat white guys and they have the luxury of playing without shirts if they choose?
(erk — just made myself throw up in my mouth a little bit…)
I hear this place is restricted, Barack, so don’t tell ‘em you’re Jewish, okay?
ronaldpagan: That’ll be a big disappointment to all the country club wives who were hoping that it was the bottom half that was teh black man.
Yeah, and you know what kind of guy I am?
I’m the kind of guy who frequents Wonkette and posts urls of Karl Rove’s gay dad’s pierced penis.
http://www.bmezine.com/news/guest/louie-1.jpg
I’m also the kind of guy who then adds that if you’re stupid enough to be told that this is NSFW, then you’re likely Ned Pepper.
I guess it’s time to tell Rove to shave his ass.
In actuality, Obama and his beautiful date is being friendly to everyone passing by, but the paranoid, fat, ugly, pale rejected guy hanging bitterly in the corner who thinks every time Obama glances in his general direction it means that Obama must have just made some crack about him.
“That guy” making snides comments with a glass of martini?
That was Will and Grace.
this “Obamas are elitists” theme is just the most idiotic thing, but it keeps snowballing. Let’s see: half-black kid with single mom, raised by her and grandparents, all of whom worked in low-paying jobs. Got scholarships, did incredibly well, went to work for peanuts for NFP. His wife: grew up in third-floor apartment where she and her brother slept in living room. Parents both worked. Got scholarships. Did well, took job at big firm. When father died of MS left that job to work for hospital system. Was stil, family breadwinner despite pay cut. Husband elected to political office. Have two cute kids and no nanny. Yes, they did well, yes, they have money. They earned it. How is this not the friggin’ American dream? How is Daddy’s Coattails Boy of Privilege McCain more like the “working people”? (or how was Hillary?) It is just moronic.
Now now Wonkette heathens! Who among us hasn’t felt slighted at the country club? I ask you to call on your painful memories and rise as one to defeat this Barry Obama, this Arrogant Liberal Elitist. For the purity of country clubs everywhere!
You man like an LNS’er?
Karl hates it when, instead of handing him a club, his caddie just stands there with a martini and cigarette making snide remarks about passersby.
Vanity Smurf: Hahaha nice! Sadly from the waist down, Obama is a white woman. Ask Maureen Dowd.
Canuckledragger: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I thought that was going to be a little tasteful Prince Albert but instead it is some terrifying Mardi Gras cock that made me vomit out a kidney. No one click on that!
Has anyone ever seen Judge Smails and John McCain in the same place at the same time?
Rove: “He’s the guy at the country club with…”
97% of America: “Huh?”
I’m going to write a children’s book called: (working title) Karl Christian Rove, The Elitist Who Tries To Make Non-Elitists Think That Money Will Trickle Down From Elitists Someday, Thus Making Them Elitists, But Really It Never Will. (SPOILER: It has a sad ending.)
I am sure Rove’s country club has black people, if you count the lawn jockeys.
standing against the wall with Barry, drinking a martini and snarking at Karl Roves silly plaid golf pants…thats my idea of a dream date……
Jeez…he’s talking about Dubya! “Only in ‘Merca”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdeCl1ZDYwo
Or possibly that Karl was once snubbed by Tiger Woods and his hot wife at a country club and he is just too stupid to tell the difference between one famous mixed race young whippersnapper and another.
Karl Rove’s melting pot is full of fondue made of babies instead of RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE.
El Bombastico:
Billy Zabka references = Whore Diamonds!
Maybe the country club fella with the cigarette and martini is avoiding you because you’re an asshole, Turdblossom.
Watch Obamas new fashion show. WTF.? http://www.TheObamaPlan.com
ronaldpagan: Interesting. What would Maureen Dowd know about being a woman from the waist down?
Maybe Rove is trying to turn the election into Slobs vs. Snobs. McCain will show up to the debates in his hobo outfit and respond to Barry’s arguments with, “Ha ha, I just farted!”
Barry is that guy at the country club who was only allowed membership as a token to allay concerns of the club being too “exclusive.” So, naturally, Barry stands against the wall with a double Hennessy and a Kool telling Rove and his “cracker” friends to go polish each other’s balls.
Meanwhile everytime Michelle comes to pick him up, Rove and his friends can’t help but catcall like the good Duke LAXers… until Barry gives them the “I’ma FUCK YOU UP” look, just before slamming the last of the cognac and pulling the last of the smoke through the Kool.
Then Karl and his friends go back to their Pinky and the Brain scenerios…
Karl’s been pissed ever since Barack made that zinger about his wife really being something before electricity.
pastor mike: Do you mean fashion show or poorly-designed propaganda website? Anyone who supported any other candidate in the primaries has a lot of nerve calling Bear-Bear a flipflopper.
(PS: If there is a fashion show on that website, I apologize and will totally watch it. The man is extraordinarily good-looking.)
Karl Rove is, I respectfully submit, more evil genius than Lord Cheney. He first managed to sell the pampered wealthy son of a failed President as ‘the kind of guy you could have a beer with.’ AND got him elected despite losing. Then, after 4 years of awful governance, including the largest casualties on U.S. soil since the Civil War, the complete destruction of American foreign policy and getting us trapped in a land war in Asia, the S.O.B. got his AWOL reservist buddy elected as more fiercely patriotic than a multi-decorated hero of the last fiasco. Won a majority of votes on a “safety” platform for the guy who sat in stunned ignorance while the Twin Towers fell. Making a pot smokin’, hoop playin’ Chicago community organizer/pol come off as an arrogant country club martini swiller, that’s just a morning’s work for Karl. What a guy!
2goats: it does make you wonder if he has mind-control powers. Or blackmail material on half the population of the US.
ronaldpagan: Sorry, Ronnie, but I didn’t promise teh “pretteh.” But, swear to Dog, it is Karl Rove’s dad’s sorry much-pierced unit, and Karl’s dad was one of teh gays.
Now, neither fact means shit to me [consensual acts, grown man], but I think it should gain greater currency, because I think that would mean shit to Karl, and for him. Pass it on.
ronaldpagan: I couldn’t get far enough into the site to see, as the pic of Barry with the huge ‘fro made me too angry/nauseated.
And if Bitters know one thing, it’s the subtle internal politics of country club cocktail hours.
Yeah, from the Bitter-ite weiss-Anglo Saxon Protestant greenskeepers and caddy perspective at Congressional, fer sure (and Augusta, most def).
If Tiger had not maxed out his IT band and ACL…watch this drive, cracka!
Doglessliberal: it’s an odd idea tho: “the guy at the country club” … wtf??? Does Karl and the GOP braintrust really think that is connecting with the family in Cedar Rapids who have lost their house and belongings or to the GIs going through a stop-loss or to anyone but the weirdos he is talking to in the so-called “Capitol Hill Club”? Is this part of a strategy for victory or a strategy to make the whole party look like the punchline to an endless series of jokes?
So Obama is Al Czervik? That’s only going to make people want to vote for him.
2goats: It is true that if I could have lunch with anyone in Washington, it would be Karl Rove. I long to be as evil as he is, only I would use my evil… for the forces of good?
qwerty42: good point. But as 2goats notes above, whatever Turdblossom has spewed in the past has been bizarrely effective, despite its utter incredibleness.
ronaldpagan: Have you seen Idiocracy? If not, you should watch it, like tonight.
Ahh, President Camacho…we hardly knew ye.
AnnieGetYourFun: At least he’s consistent. Probably a major element of his success.
AnnieGetYourFun: if you had the powers he does and used them for good, we really would all be dancing among unicorns and rainbows because that is some powerful mojo he is working.
“Even if you never met him, you know this guy,” Rove said, per Christianne Klein. “He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”
Bush is the guy at the party, lit up but still slurring who feels obliged to touch everyone in his vicinity and laugh loudly at jokes nobody made.
Obama is the tennis pro at the Country Club, boning Rove’s wife.
In eal life, we have ONE black dude at my country club and he is the “General Manager” of the restaurant.
If Karl belongs to the country club I worked at in Texas, Barry wouldn’t be allowed in the pool, much less be served a martini.
True fact: Barack Obama has worn loafers without socks every single day of his entire elitist life.
Also, he has tried to feel up your on-again-off-again girlfriend in the back of the Ferrari his parents bought him for his super sweet 16, and then made her walk home when she told him off.
The trap is to get us making fun of the country club. Black guy and class warfare and all that. The proper response, IMHO, is to make Obama Chevy Chase and McCain Smails. He only seems too cool, because he doesn’t want to waste his time hanging out with an angry asshole. Meanwhile he’s nailing your hot niece. Oh wait.
Canuckledragger: I know, I’d heard about the Elder Rove dick piercing before. If the dad is still alive he must be weeping overr his son.
NotNotLickingToads: So weird, I watched that just the other night! It is disturbingly close to reality. Although I LOVE President Camacho.
ronaldpagan: He means the fashion show Versace dedicated to Barry. Ironically, he looks better in his clothes than any of her models do in theirs.
You can’t use a pretentious French term like flaneur and misspell it — poor form.
Yeah, I’m totally with Karl here. I hate it when I get off working swing at the mill and I’m just hanging out at the country club with all the regular joes when one of those Harvard Negroes decides to crash the place with his elitist friends just to ridicule us and our unfortunate circumstances. Why do his kind always have to act like such dicks to us?
Doglessliberal: He has been successful in the past, but at considerable cost to his own party and I do not believe he has any understanding of what is happening. These are childish taunts and all that needs to be added is “the guy at the country club” to make them look more cartoonish. We should look for something like the Monopoly “rich guy” in the talks next. I see some of this was picked up by Yglesias. Some smart alec comments as well.
So, according to Rove, Barack:
1)has a classy taste in drinks
2)Can get a hot date
3)Is smart enough to know that people at country clubs deserve to be mocked.
And the problem with all that is….?
Hey everybody! We’re all going to get LAID!
What was the name of that group Nixon was in — you know, the sweaty strivers who couldn’t be cool if their lives depended on it. No, NOT Republicans. I’m being serious here. The Wombats or something. Anyway, Reichleader Karl obviously suffers from that great, ravening need to get even with the world for …. what? W has been punishing everyone who ever snickered that he was a dumbshit who had no business at Yale, letting alone driving drunk.
nhunter: Queue Journey
A guy with a cigarette, a martini and a beautiful date mocking country club geeks sounds exactly like the kind of guy I want to be my President. A Frank Sinatra for my generation.
I still maintain Rove’s mother was psychic and saw what kind of person Rove would turn out to be; she also wanted to leave him to be molested by the gay father.
Is that all ya got, Karl? ‘Cause if so — ya got nothin’.
Wait. Did Karl Rove just call Michelle hawt?
PrairiePossum: You have to see it from Rove’s point of view. The cool guys at his country club used to ambush him in the toilets and give him elitist wedgies.
PrairiePossum: So true! I’m swooning just thinking about it. Now that I’ve moved past Karl’s genius and really started thinking about it.
Doglessliberal: I totally agree but I don’t think people are buying the GOP brand of hate/slime this year. All signs point to people being consistently annoyed with this stuff. I personally find it funny that this is the approach they’re taking. How laughable is it that elected GOP politicians are running on the same “change” meme when it’s painfully obvious that change means sending them to an early happy hour on November 4.
Jim: Am I the ONLY one in here who is familiar with “Caddyshack”?
The character Rove is describing — “He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.” — ISN’T Judge Smaills.
It’s TY WEBB (played by Chevy Chase), as in:
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
[Nb. Hopey is TALL, too!]
If Rove thinks that Hopey is Ty Webb — to McCain’s Judge Smails — the GOP is REALLY screwed.
I thought the black guy in Rove’s country club was a golf pro… the one who wasn’t carrying the trays, I mean.
NoWireHangers: Most super exclusive country clubs now have one (possibly two) black members. Oakland Hills in Bloomfield MI has one African-American member, a VP at General Motors. I am sure that he is referred to as “that guy” if not “that colored guy” by most of his fellow golfers.
Neilist: Silly Neilist. The Judge is Karl Rove, the subject of the story.
Jim Newell: Oh.
Well, in that case: “[D]id you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?”
Holy crap, I can’t believe no one ever figured out Barry Obama’s true identity until now…
You’re right, Karl Rove! Barack Obama is OSCAR WILDE!
AngryBlakGuy: I think you exactly right about rove and high school, I think he’s insanely jealous and can hardly stand that everyone else in the world thinks barack obama is the coolest guy on earth. It’s almost like this time Rove told the truth.
I’m betting Rove knows how to get sociable with the fellers. Real sociable.
PrairiePossum: see? reading this hours late, this was exactly my thought. if i can have my president cast from a noel coward play (or in fact be nick and nora charles), why wouldn’t i want that? why on earth wouldn’t i want that?
tho i doubt the o’bama’s drink like anyone in noel coward’s life or plays.
About the breakfast, in which fatty, fatty McFatFat boy, in ever sorrow at never had been selected for pegging by the HS football team, ate 12 live baby chicks in one breath and then demanded a notarized receipt:
WHO, WHO are we to judge if “cooly arrogant” means a former Texas Air National Guardsman who played “hide the salami” with Karl’s father in the dank backroom of a Mobile bar? Seriously. Must we all saints? Pegster?
Neilist: Ty Webb. That’s what I thought too. McCain is Smails, and Rove is blowing up gophers, but without the sensemilla.
S.Luggo: The best thing is that no matter what he weighs, Rove’s baby-head will ALWAYS make him look like Mr. Fattie-bo-battie!
And I got to know [Obama] because we have a mutual friend, Ken Mehlman, who was his law-school classmate at Harvard. And so as a result, whenever in the last three years he’s been around at the White House, I’ve gotten to see him, and we sort of would hang around and chitchat about things. I’m actually in his book. He wrote that “people like Newt Gingrich, Tom Delay, Ralph Reed, and Karl Rove say we are a Christian nation.” And I did not say that. I confronted him about it. At the White House.
And what did he say?
Well, first he denied that I was in the book! And then he denied that it said that I said that it was a Christian nation. And then when I pulled out the thing [he had a copy of the offensive page with him] and showed it to him, he sort of blah-blah-blah-blah-blah- blah-blah. And I thought, That’s who he is. I mean, look, he may claim that he’s for a different kind of politics, but that was a cheap shot. And I’m not certain if any of the four said it either. But it was like, you know, Let’s just strap it in there and see if it goes someplace. Another example: Him saying, “We honor John McCain for his fifty years of service” was a cheap shot. He was going out of his way to say John McCain’s old.
norbizness: You get all the points for being the first to figure out that this is like Caddyshack. It was bad enough when Michelle said she wasn’t prevously proud of America. It’s worse now that she’s going to ask us to loofah her stretch marks.
Turdblossom, of course, is Judge Smails’ grandson Spaulding, who asks everyone at dinner “Can I have your fat?”
bostonfern: I think you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque, bud.
bostonfern: No, a cheap shot is calling your wife a cunt in public. But hey, at least he’s not an elitist. Because only white, rural, gun-toting, bible thumping, blue-collar xenophobes talk like that.
toastandlove: If Barack is Oscar Wilde, is his “beautiful date” actually Larry Sinclair in a blonde wig?
Even if you’ve never met Karl Rove, you know this guy. He’s the guy who stands around presidential and vice presidential candidates while they call journalists “major league assholes.”