WALNUTS! and pigs

John McCain’s ‘Pork Invaders’ Video Game Looks Older Than John McCain

John McCain’s web site features a challenging video game called “Pork Invaders,” which is designed to illustrate how he will balance the $900 trillion budget deficit by cutting hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks and “waste.” And because he is John McCain, he will use War to veto these earmarks. See for yourself in the game — you, President McCain, “fire a veto” with the spacebar at little piggie space monsters to prevent them from shitting firecrackers on your subprime mud huts. [John McCain]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  1. Doglessliberal

    I think this was made for the Atari 800. You got it and Pong with your purchase.

  2. EnBuenOra

    I played it and “McCain 2008″ got blowed up so I guess the campaign is over and Obama is now President.

  3. TGY

    AHAHahaHAHhHAHhAHahaaa *point* *laugh* Whoever the hell did this wouldn’t be able to find a job taking out the trash in an advertising agency.

    Also..the game doesn’t work, and budget cuts in services to finance wars abroad are uncool in the extreme. Earmarks don’t amount for much, just directed budget. Whatevs.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    The Pork doesn’t go faster as you gun more of them down. Lame.

    A total waste of my 1 minute of time.

    Considering the typical age of the McCain supporter, I’m thinking that Kick the Can is more their speed.

  5. Jerk Cade

    Shigeru Miyamoto got nuthin’ on McCain.

    Anyway, isn’t blowing up pigs kinda (dah-DANH!) muslim?

  6. sezme

    Cynics: I just save America over 6 billion dollars! One question though: how many lives does the real John McCain have? If it’s really more than 3 can he be his own vice president? Cause that would be awesome!

  7. NoWireHangers

    This is a simple way for WALNUTS! and his erectile dysfunction suffering supporters to live vicariously through video games.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Pork Invaders?! Really? Is that, like, the lost Spinal Tap album or something?

  9. WhatTheHeck

    It’s only fitting for me to play this on my old Commodore 64.
    It is the only thing older than McCain.

  10. sezme

    This is actually McCain’s plan for the presidency: he’s just going to veto everything that comes his way. All day long. Until he finds change he can believe in.

  11. itgetter

    I’m definitely voting for McCain. It’s clear that he is aware of all internet traditions.

  12. Elitist Republican Tard

    Why does the falling pig shit (I assume that’s what it is) look like an upside down cross? This is an insult to Jesus!

  13. Noodle Salad

    Liberal elitist Barry prefers the color-based Q*Bert game and Centipede with its roller-ball joystick.

  14. itgetter


    You beat me to it. Joe Lieberman was obviously consulted on this.

  15. Serolf Divad


    Seriously lame game. Where’s the challenge if they always travel at the same speed? It’s like shooting …er … pork in a barrel.

  16. el_chupacabra

    can someone give me the cheat codes to this thing? i want to solve it before lunch.

  17. vicuna

    “Pork Invaders” sounds like a cross between a primitive first-person shooter and a pr0n film.

  18. Doglessliberal

    [re=22370]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think they are worried that if it is too challenging, it will kill half his voters because of the excitement.

  19. Elitist Republican Tard

    “John McCain was the leading voice of change advocating for a better strategy in Iraq and is dedicated to success, so that we don’t have to return to a country fallen into chaos with a premature withdrawal.”

    Who the fuck wrote that? I’ve read it at least 10 times and still don’t really understand.

  20. DemmeFatale

    [re=22342]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Wasn ‘t there also a game, back in the day, that involved hoops and sticks and little boys in sailor suits running down dirt roads?

  21. Shypixel

    ooo, ooo! I am so making a Hangman game for [Mc]Cain, and the body will be a little black guy, to represent Obama, and it won’t have any subtle references to the good old days when you could still lynch a colored without fear of liberal reprisal.

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    …John McCain is an old beat up swap meet Atari 400 and Barack Obama is a new out of the box PlayStation 3!!!

  23. Elitist Republican Tard

    scoring system on main screen:

    [pig] = 10 points
    [pig] = 20 points
    [pig] = 30 points

    Um… what? I know McCain doesn’t know much about economics, but something’s wrong there.

  24. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Kewl!! I completely took out Pansy Pelosi’s million dollar Countrywide mud hut AND Hiltard’s Citicorp shit pad!! Let the sky-flying piggies rain havoc on the Obama bin Luddites forever! ha ha ha ha ha

  25. grundle burrito

    Waste schmaste! John McCain would like to funnel billions of dollars to teh mil’tary ‘dustrial c’mplex by staying in Iraq FOREVER.

  26. DemmeFatale

    Just the name “pork invaders” makes me want to clamp my knees and ankles together. Tight.

  27. Canuckledragger

    “Pork Invaders?”

    I can just see a couple of Crusade-o-phobic Islamos reacting to this:

    Akbar: They’re going to invade us with pork?

    Ali: Yeah, he’s promised a thousand years of it.

    Next stop: Armaggeddon, thanks to McCain’s “campaign outreach.”

  28. weirdiowasculpture

    My John McCain got blown up by pigshit before it could veto all the pigs. So why would I want to vote for somebody that incompetent?

  29. Cicada

    [re=22401]nbawriter[/re]: Nerd! Of course, I’m just as big of a nerd for getting that reference, so +1.

  30. Outstando

    Sure, it’s an easy game if you do it wrong. You’re not supposed to raise your arms over your head, and your left hand is supposed to hold a revolver pointed at your temple. Each time you pull the trigger, you pull the trigger. What was that fucking noise, you cunt?

  31. anabellum

    an interesting bit of text from the game…

    “John McCain is against wasteful spending, fought against the pork projects and has $0 in earmarks. As President, John McCain will make the authors and supporters of wasteful projects famous.”


  32. bitbull

    “As President, John McCain would exercise the veto pen…” as in “pig pen”?

    The mind boggles. I will never begin to understand you americans and your funny antics.
    Bonus: you can sign up for more jolly games at his site. Joy!

  33. rod

    So after I destroyed all the terrible people’s houses, the unappreciative pigs shit all over me!

  34. WadISay

    In v 2.0 of this, the huts will be labelled “Iran”, and you can cheer for the pig shit.

  35. schvitzatura

    [re=22350]4tehlulz[/re]: In that case, where is the high-point scapegoat zipping across the screen.

    Redo this Galaga-style, with VC in black jammies overrunning McCain’s firebase, and I might stick around at least another 4.5 seconds or two…

  36. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=22378]Elitist Republican Tard[/re]: If it wasn’t for premature withdrawal, John McCain would have had 18 kids before he finished the Naval Academy.

  37. Mumble Softly

    I only got to level three before killing myself due to an overload of sheer boredom and weepy nostalgia for the simpler times when I was three and played space invaders. Hats off to McCain for having the stupidest website ever.

    ps : Does McCain think that he is still fighting the war against the gooks at the hanoi hilton? Is that what the little piggy’s REALLY represent VIET CONG guerillas disguised as cute little piggies?

  38. Tits_LaRue

    Not as good as the new Republican Guilt By Association Game:

    Muslims = Hate Pork
    John McCain = Hates Pork
    John McCain = Muslim Terrorist Manchurian Candidate

  39. nbawriter

    [re=22410]Cicada[/re]: If you live in Philly, and your wife works at Penn … oh yeah, you know INIAC.

  40. nbawriter

    [re=22407]econdave[/re]: Of course, the “pellets” are actually Oxycontin tablets.

  41. Shypixel

    [re=22449]vicuna[/re]: Pork tastes like people. South Pacific Cannibals call human meat “Long Pig”. People are filthy animals too, wonder if there is a connection?

  42. DudeLooksLikeALady

    So, Obama raised his $300 mil by getting a shitload of people to each give $25. McCain’s strategy is to collect that much 25-cents at a time, with a sub-par ATARI rip-off that includes tiresome propaganda?


  43. Anita Cocktail

    Decrepit, boring and slow. Yep, that video game is perfectly symbolic of Walnuts.

  44. termite

    So, Mccain can be decimated by pig shit….

    Anyone got a plane that can drop pig shit?

  45. Doglessliberal

    [re=22582]Shypixel[/re]: Pigs are not really filthy. They root in the mud to cool themselves off because they cannot sweat and overheat. They don’t live in pigpens in the wild. They are actually smarter than dogs. They are probably smarter than Bush.

  46. AxmxZ

    [re=22396]Shypixel[/re]: It’s the virtual embodiment of McCain’s recurrent dream where *he’s* the one shooting down invaders shitting all over him.

  47. Mr Blifil

    Next will be their take on the immortal “Frogger,” probably called something trenchant like, “Blogger,” which will depict left-leaning blog writers squashed into road kill by ginormous oil trucks as they try to reach the coffee place across the street. And if you make it to the road kill, you earn the right to tell an off-color joke about Obama’s daughters.

  48. villageatrois

    [re=22356]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “Duck Hunt”

    Woo! You said, “duh cunt”, just like Jamacane. Bravo.

  49. trai_dep

    McCain’s first tray at winning the kids, Missile Command (where visitors defend Christian church-cities from Iraqi nuclear missiles hurtling downward), failed. Iraq had no nuclear missiles and defending church-cities from nothing bored them to tears.

  50. Keram2

    My objection to the game — aside from the fact that it promotes an old kook’s presidential bid — is that the veto bullets are too big. How the fuck am I supposed to use the old “shoot through your own base as a means of protection” strategy when my chode-ass bullets destroy my whole base with like two shots?

    No, no McCain. This is all wrong.

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