WALNUTS! AND PIGS  1:19 pm June 23, 2008

John McCain’s ‘Pork Invaders’ Video Game Looks Older Than John McCain

by Jim Newell

John McCain’s web site features a challenging video game called “Pork Invaders,” which is designed to illustrate how he will balance the $900 trillion budget deficit by cutting hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks and “waste.” And because he is John McCain, he will use War to veto these earmarks. See for yourself in the game — you, President McCain, “fire a veto” with the spacebar at little piggie space monsters to prevent them from shitting firecrackers on your subprime mud huts. [John McCain]

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tunamelt June 23, 2008 at 1:22 pm

The piggies are kind of adorable. I did not wish to kill them.

Tawmn June 23, 2008 at 1:22 pm

The winner gets a free toaster from Glendale Savings and Loan

Doglessliberal June 23, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I think this was made for the Atari 800. You got it and Pong with your purchase.

EnBuenOra June 23, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I played it and “McCain 2008″ got blowed up so I guess the campaign is over and Obama is now President.

TGY June 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm

AHAHahaHAHhHAHhAHahaaa *point* *laugh* Whoever the hell did this wouldn’t be able to find a job taking out the trash in an advertising agency.

Also..the game doesn’t work, and budget cuts in services to finance wars abroad are uncool in the extreme. Earmarks don’t amount for much, just directed budget. Whatevs.

ManchuCandidate June 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm

The Pork doesn’t go faster as you gun more of them down. Lame.

A total waste of my 1 minute of time.

Considering the typical age of the McCain supporter, I’m thinking that Kick the Can is more their speed.

Jerk Cade June 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Shigeru Miyamoto got nuthin’ on McCain.

Anyway, isn’t blowing up pigs kinda (dah-DANH!) muslim?

Doglessliberal June 23, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=22342]ManchuCandidate[/re]: shuffleboard.

sezme June 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm

Cynics: I just save America over 6 billion dollars! One question though: how many lives does the real John McCain have? If it’s really more than 3 can he be his own vice president? Cause that would be awesome!

sezme June 23, 2008 at 1:27 pm

erm … “saved”

4tehlulz June 23, 2008 at 1:28 pm

His hatred of pork only illustrates his allegiance to AIPAC.

NoWireHangers June 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm

This is a simple way for WALNUTS! and his erectile dysfunction suffering supporters to live vicariously through video games.

eatsshootsleaves June 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Next up, McCain will use PacMan to explain his strategy to fight the War on Terror (instead of fruit, we eat nuclear missiles to scare the ghosts/terrorists away) and Super Mario Bros. to show his stance on legalizing drugs.

Oh, and:


Haha, McCain, your budget plan doesn’t make any sense. And yet I will still probably waste the afternoon playing this game.

AngryBlakGuy June 23, 2008 at 1:30 pm

…brought to you by the makers of “Duck Hunt”!

tunamelt June 23, 2008 at 1:31 pm
SayItWithWookies June 23, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Pork Invaders?! Really? Is that, like, the lost Spinal Tap album or something?

WhatTheHeck June 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm

It’s only fitting for me to play this on my old Commodore 64.
It is the only thing older than McCain.

KevoTron June 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Destroying pork with violent means? Who’s the muslim terrorist in this race again?

sezme June 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm

This is actually McCain’s plan for the presidency: he’s just going to veto everything that comes his way. All day long. Until he finds change he can believe in.

itgetter June 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm

I’m definitely voting for McCain. It’s clear that he is aware of all internet traditions.

Elitist Republican Tard June 23, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Why does the falling pig shit (I assume that’s what it is) look like an upside down cross? This is an insult to Jesus!

Noodle Salad June 23, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Liberal elitist Barry prefers the color-based Q*Bert game and Centipede with its roller-ball joystick.

itgetter June 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm


You beat me to it. Joe Lieberman was obviously consulted on this.

Serolf Divad June 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm


Seriously lame game. Where’s the challenge if they always travel at the same speed? It’s like shooting …er … pork in a barrel.

el_chupacabra June 23, 2008 at 1:38 pm

can someone give me the cheat codes to this thing? i want to solve it before lunch.

vicuna June 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm

“Pork Invaders” sounds like a cross between a primitive first-person shooter and a pr0n film.

AngryBlakGuy June 23, 2008 at 1:40 pm

…picking on poor little piggies! Why doesnt he mess with some real pork!!!


Doglessliberal June 23, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=22370]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think they are worried that if it is too challenging, it will kill half his voters because of the excitement.

Elitist Republican Tard June 23, 2008 at 1:41 pm

“John McCain was the leading voice of change advocating for a better strategy in Iraq and is dedicated to success, so that we don’t have to return to a country fallen into chaos with a premature withdrawal.”

Who the fuck wrote that? I’ve read it at least 10 times and still don’t really understand.

DemmeFatale June 23, 2008 at 1:42 pm

[re=22342]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Wasn ‘t there also a game, back in the day, that involved hoops and sticks and little boys in sailor suits running down dirt roads?

anabellum June 23, 2008 at 1:42 pm

i think its a great game…i love watching McCain get shat on by pigs…

Shypixel June 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm

ooo, ooo! I am so making a Hangman game for [Mc]Cain, and the body will be a little black guy, to represent Obama, and it won’t have any subtle references to the good old days when you could still lynch a colored without fear of liberal reprisal.

Doglessliberal June 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=22380]DemmeFatale[/re]: you can buy one!


grundle burrito June 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm


Advocatus_Diaboli June 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm

God, how I was hoping this link would be related to porn.

itgetter June 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Must… resist… awful… “shot down and tortured” joke…

AngryBlakGuy June 23, 2008 at 1:49 pm

…John McCain is an old beat up swap meet Atari 400 and Barack Obama is a new out of the box PlayStation 3!!!

Elitist Republican Tard June 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm

scoring system on main screen:

[pig] = 10 points
[pig] = 20 points
[pig] = 30 points

Um… what? I know McCain doesn’t know much about economics, but something’s wrong there.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland June 23, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Kewl!! I completely took out Pansy Pelosi’s million dollar Countrywide mud hut AND Hiltard’s Citicorp shit pad!! Let the sky-flying piggies rain havoc on the Obama bin Luddites forever! ha ha ha ha ha

Shypixel June 23, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=22388]itgetter[/re]: Please don’t…

Resist, that is…

grundle burrito June 23, 2008 at 1:53 pm

Waste schmaste! John McCain would like to funnel billions of dollars to teh mil’tary ‘dustrial c’mplex by staying in Iraq FOREVER.

nbawriter June 23, 2008 at 1:55 pm

Pork Invaders is the the proud great-grandfather of INIAC.

DemmeFatale June 23, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Just the name “pork invaders” makes me want to clamp my knees and ankles together. Tight.

weirdiowasculpture June 23, 2008 at 1:58 pm

I thought all the pork invaders lived in Idaho with Larry Craig.

Canuckledragger June 23, 2008 at 2:00 pm

“Pork Invaders?”

I can just see a couple of Crusade-o-phobic Islamos reacting to this:

Akbar: They’re going to invade us with pork?

Ali: Yeah, he’s promised a thousand years of it.

Next stop: Armaggeddon, thanks to McCain’s “campaign outreach.”

econdave June 23, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Their next videogame will be “Cougar Ms. Pacman” featuring Cindy McCain.

weirdiowasculpture June 23, 2008 at 2:01 pm

My John McCain got blown up by pigshit before it could veto all the pigs. So why would I want to vote for somebody that incompetent?

Servo June 23, 2008 at 2:01 pm

I think Insane McCain is more of a Tandy type.

Cicada June 23, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=22401]nbawriter[/re]: Nerd! Of course, I’m just as big of a nerd for getting that reference, so +1.

freakishlystrong June 23, 2008 at 2:02 pm

This looks like something outta South Pork…fucking Jerkoff-asurases..

Outstando June 23, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Sure, it’s an easy game if you do it wrong. You’re not supposed to raise your arms over your head, and your left hand is supposed to hold a revolver pointed at your temple. Each time you pull the trigger, you pull the trigger. What was that fucking noise, you cunt?

GIJoeIce June 23, 2008 at 2:04 pm

This isn’t nearly as fun as the Pork Invaders game on Bill Clinton’s website.

anabellum June 23, 2008 at 2:05 pm

an interesting bit of text from the game…

“John McCain is against wasteful spending, fought against the pork projects and has $0 in earmarks. As President, John McCain will make the authors and supporters of wasteful projects famous.”


bitbull June 23, 2008 at 2:06 pm

“As President, John McCain would exercise the veto pen…” as in “pig pen”?

The mind boggles. I will never begin to understand you americans and your funny antics.
Bonus: you can sign up for more jolly games at his site. Joy!

rod June 23, 2008 at 2:06 pm

So after I destroyed all the terrible people’s houses, the unappreciative pigs shit all over me!

Jim Newell June 23, 2008 at 2:07 pm

see, i told you it was fun!

WadISay June 23, 2008 at 2:11 pm

In v 2.0 of this, the huts will be labelled “Iran”, and you can cheer for the pig shit.

PoliticalGraffiti June 23, 2008 at 2:13 pm

“don’t eat pork, not even with a fork. can’t touch this!”

schvitzatura June 23, 2008 at 2:13 pm

That won’t do, pig… that won’t do.

schvitzatura June 23, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Can’t wait for “Lute Hero III”…

schvitzatura June 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=22350]4tehlulz[/re]: In that case, where is the high-point scapegoat zipping across the screen.

Redo this Galaga-style, with VC in black jammies overrunning McCain’s firebase, and I might stick around at least another 4.5 seconds or two…

vicuna June 23, 2008 at 2:20 pm

A pig’s a filthy animal. But bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste goooood.

JamesMichaelCurley June 23, 2008 at 2:24 pm

[re=22378]Elitist Republican Tard[/re]: If it wasn’t for premature withdrawal, John McCain would have had 18 kids before he finished the Naval Academy.

Mumble Softly June 23, 2008 at 2:25 pm

I only got to level three before killing myself due to an overload of sheer boredom and weepy nostalgia for the simpler times when I was three and played space invaders. Hats off to McCain for having the stupidest website ever.

ps : Does McCain think that he is still fighting the war against the gooks at the hanoi hilton? Is that what the little piggy’s REALLY represent VIET CONG guerillas disguised as cute little piggies?

Tits_LaRue June 23, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Not as good as the new Republican Guilt By Association Game:

Muslims = Hate Pork
John McCain = Hates Pork
John McCain = Muslim Terrorist Manchurian Candidate

nbawriter June 23, 2008 at 2:56 pm

[re=22410]Cicada[/re]: If you live in Philly, and your wife works at Penn … oh yeah, you know INIAC.

nbawriter June 23, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=22407]econdave[/re]: Of course, the “pellets” are actually Oxycontin tablets.

nbawriter June 23, 2008 at 2:59 pm

[re=22475]Tits_LaRue[/re]: I give these Tits two implants up for that one …

Jerk Cade June 23, 2008 at 3:04 pm

[re=22435]schvitzatura[/re]: Hee!
or Rock Band – with real rocks!

Tits_LaRue June 23, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=22525]nbawriter[/re]: What’s good for the goose, and all that…

Shypixel June 23, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=22449]vicuna[/re]: Pork tastes like people. South Pacific Cannibals call human meat “Long Pig”. People are filthy animals too, wonder if there is a connection?

DudeLooksLikeALady June 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm

So, Obama raised his $300 mil by getting a shitload of people to each give $25. McCain’s strategy is to collect that much 25-cents at a time, with a sub-par ATARI rip-off that includes tiresome propaganda?


spencer June 23, 2008 at 4:04 pm

This game should have been called, “Help McCain avoid the pig jism.”

Anita Cocktail June 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Decrepit, boring and slow. Yep, that video game is perfectly symbolic of Walnuts.

termite June 23, 2008 at 4:40 pm

So, Mccain can be decimated by pig shit….

Anyone got a plane that can drop pig shit?

HollowBrain June 23, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Okay….but why are the pigs all ejaculating on the adobes?

Doglessliberal June 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=22582]Shypixel[/re]: Pigs are not really filthy. They root in the mud to cool themselves off because they cannot sweat and overheat. They don’t live in pigpens in the wild. They are actually smarter than dogs. They are probably smarter than Bush.

Big Al1317 June 23, 2008 at 4:55 pm

I liked it when the pig shit bombs landed on the McCain box. Hehehe.

AxmxZ June 23, 2008 at 5:29 pm

[re=22396]Shypixel[/re]: It’s the virtual embodiment of McCain’s recurrent dream where *he’s* the one shooting down invaders shitting all over him.

Mr Blifil June 23, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Next will be their take on the immortal “Frogger,” probably called something trenchant like, “Blogger,” which will depict left-leaning blog writers squashed into road kill by ginormous oil trucks as they try to reach the coffee place across the street. And if you make it to the road kill, you earn the right to tell an off-color joke about Obama’s daughters.

villageatrois June 24, 2008 at 2:25 am

[re=22356]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “Duck Hunt”

Woo! You said, “duh cunt”, just like Jamacane. Bravo.

trai_dep June 24, 2008 at 3:31 am

McCain’s first tray at winning the kids, Missile Command (where visitors defend Christian church-cities from Iraqi nuclear missiles hurtling downward), failed. Iraq had no nuclear missiles and defending church-cities from nothing bored them to tears.

Keram2 June 24, 2008 at 3:37 am

My objection to the game — aside from the fact that it promotes an old kook’s presidential bid — is that the veto bullets are too big. How the fuck am I supposed to use the old “shoot through your own base as a means of protection” strategy when my chode-ass bullets destroy my whole base with like two shots?

No, no McCain. This is all wrong.

MD4Prez2032 June 24, 2008 at 11:28 am

And Arizonans finally see that he has done NOTHING to help out his state…

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