Wonkette
“One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. … Give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.” PUT THAT AWAY. [New York Times]
FROM BEIRUT TO BAD METAPHORS
Say what you will about Bush, but I gotta hand it to him and his administration for elevating false choice to an art form.
That article would make Bill Pullman proud.
This what happens when you hire William Kristol to write for your paper. All your other writers decide that there’s no sense in putting actual effort into their articles if they’re getting paid the same as the guy who pens his columns with a ballpoint held between his butt cheeks while sipping his morning coffee and reading the New York Post.
We need to make the switch to ethanol within one Friedman Unit or they’ll be hell to pay.
Poor Tom, his heart’s in the right place, even if he does come off sounding like a foot-stomping, temper-tantrum-throwing 4-year old. Obviously some residual pissiness coming from being pied, I’d wager.
“That’s what a real president would do. He’d give us a big strategic plan to end our addiction to oil and build a bipartisan coalition to deliver it. He certainly wouldn’t be using his last days in office to threaten Congressional Democrats that if they don’t approve offshore drilling by the Fourth of July recess, they will be blamed for $4-a-gallon gas. That is so lame. That is an energy policy so unworthy of our Independence Day.”
Friedman is aware of all energy policy-related Independence Day traditions. Especially the lame ones.
Oh, c’mon…what about clean coal technology. I saw a very persuasive commercial for it this morning. Beautiful people asking tough questions about our energy policy. AND THE TITS…WOOO COAL.
Serolf Divad: I can swear I read Kristol’s column this morning, but I remember none of it. I recall that it was so illogical and wrong that my mind started sparking, an acrid smell arose and several years of my past have disappeared.
Tom Friedman’s Version of “Baby Baby, One More Time”
Oh Lexus, Lexus
Oh Lexus, Lexus
Oh Lexus, Lexus
How was I supposed to know
That something wasn’t right here
Oh Lexus Lexus
I shouldn’t have kept you so
Oil prices out of sight, yeah
Tell me, how high is it going it to be
Tell me Lexus
‘Cause I need to know now what you’ve got
[CHORUS:]
My SUV is killing me
I must confess, I still believe
When I’m not shilling you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Buy me oil one more time
Oh Lexus, Lexus
The reason I earn is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh Lexus, Lexus
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
That’s not the way I wrote it
Show me, how you want it to be
Tell me Lexus
‘Cause I need to know now what you’ve got
[Repeat CHORUS]
Oh Lexus, Lexus
Oh Lexus, Lexus
Ah, yeah, yeah
Oh Lexus, Lexus
How was I supposed to know
Oh pretty Lexus
I shouldn’t have let you go
I must confess, that my SUV
Is killing me now
Don’t you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Buy me oil one more time
[Repeat CHORUS]
I must confess that my SUV
Is killing me now
Don’t you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Buy me oil one more time
grundle burrito: How could any company/organization/coal lobby with green/yellow logos on a white background be bad for the environment?
Somebody should make TommyBoy face north. We gotcher cheap generic pharma. We gotcher world class bud, just like we hadyer alkiehol during Termperance Times.
And we gotcher sweet, sweet crude in greater supply than anybody this side of the Saudis. And you don’t have to hold our princes’ hands to get at it. [Harper'd take a reacharound from W., though. Crowning achievement for our stiff prick would be to get manipulated by his hero, your stiff prick.]
Canada: the best drug-dealing buddy y’all ever had.
I’d be generally wary of anyone advocating a “pop from that drill,” even for purposes of “satire.” Or in Tom Friedman’s case perhaps it should be considered “Satyr.”
…so what he is trying to say is; America is just one crack pipe hit from turning $5 tricks on a dirty mattress in some filthy alley just to get enough money to fill our gas tanks?
Man, I love it when Friedman goes off his meds.
Tommy Boy, as usual, is clueless. With him having married into a fortune, I can’t get behind his righteous indignation — since he doesn’t know what an actual gas bill looks like.
I saw this last week and wish it were getting more publicity:
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/06/22/1161113.aspx
Mr. Bush, lead, follow, or get out of the way. Strike that! Just leave Mr. AssWeaselInChief.
Man, what a joneser.
JamesMichaelCurley:
Yeah, I just got done reading Kristol’s column, and have already forgotten what it was about. Something about how you’re a bad mother if you don’t raise your son to crave the intoxicating elixir of armed combat.
I felt kind of weird and uncomfortable as I read Tom’s made up W dialog…Of course he made good points, but it’s like he feels he has to be as ridiculous as republicans in getting his point accross. Sadly, he’s not as good at it.
grundle burrito: My favorite ad is the one where the woman says “Want to punish us in the oil industry? Haha, your 401Ks own stock in us! We got you by the balls, suckas!”
Thanks for describing the view from the soapbox, Tom. Now leave…..out the back door.
Is Tom reminiscing to the days he and Jeff Gannon took turns on the presidential pipe?
FULL. BODY. SHUDDER.
Actually the points he make seem sorta reasonable. The only ridiculous thing is that he sounds like a cop trying to lecture kids about drug use. “Are you hopped up on goofballs?” He should stick to sounding like a less-hip Joe Friday.
Friedman is exactly right on every account AND he made reading his article entertaining at that.
SayItWithWookies: I dunno, I think it resembles the creepiness of a priest talking about sex.
Not_So_Much: The House ‘closed’ that loophole in a bill they passed last Thursday. soon to be vetoed by Bush or Fillibustered in the Senate by the Republicans.
Serolf Divad: When we were the up and coming generation we wanted to Make Love not War (though I never got a Jersey Girl to go fo it.). When McCain engages the Hundred Year Mid-Easst War, our grandchildren will F*ck for War.
MordecuS: Is Lee Siegel sockpuppeting for all middlebrow douchebags now?
Less oil dammit, and MORE COWBELL.
JamesMichaelCurley: Thanks!
I will write my working senator, Boxer, and the worthless lump of poo, Feinstein, to ask for their positions (but not in a sexual way, obviously)….
Canuckledragger: Plus you got your Canadian actress Elisha Cuthbert, http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q60/warungplus/Superbabes_C_Elisha_Cuthbert_Q_I.jpg
Oil is one great lubricant. The more we get screwed by the Bushies, the more lube we need.
Yes baby, one more turn of the screw.
No whore diamonds for outraging at a lame duck.
WhatTheHeck:
The Bushies use crumbled rose granite from Kennebunkport to lube us…barnacles and all.
Is there a petition going around anywhere to put most of the NYT editorialists back behind a pay firewall?
More Cowbell might require rhythm, and we have all seen Bush dance.
norbizness: “Is there a petition going around anywhere to put most of the NYT editorialists back behind a pay firewall?
How about in front of a firing line?
Between the retarded rantings of MoDo and the poo flinging of KKKristol, the Gray Lady surely has jumped the shark.
McAged believes that crude discovered in ANWR or off-shore will benefit the U.S. And under-age hookers will be banned from the Repug national convention. Sure, I can take a joke. Whatever crude is discovered will sold to the highest bidder.
*****
1. http://ncseonline.org/NLE/CRSreports/natural/nrgen-25.cfm
Alaska Oil Exports
“About 7% of crude oil production from the Alaska North Slope (ANS) is currently exported to South Korea, Japan, and China. Tight supplies on world oil markets and unfavorable public reaction to exporting domestic oil during times of high prices and tight supply have focused legislative attention on the Alaska exports. ANS exports had been banned since construction of the trans-Alaska Pipeline System was authorized in 1973, but an apparent glut of oil on the West Coast persuaded Congress to lift the ban in 1995.
However, recent controversy over the effects of ANS crude exports has resulted in the introduction of several bills to reinstate the ANS export ban. “
[The legislation never passed.]
2. “Potential Value of Alaska North Slope Crude Oil to China: A Refinery Modelling Analysis,” with Frank C. Tang, OPEC Review, June 1996, pp. 165-179.
Suck. On. This. And then you can have it, Tommy.
*sigh*
Whatever happened to the halcyon days of Blovember? Oil policy? I got nothin….
Friedman is a sleazeball mouthpiece for globalization, economic imperialism and re-colonialization. He makes a decent point as often as those 10,000 monkeys at 10,000 keyboards finish the collect works of Shakespeare.
donner_froh:
Or as often as I use the correct form of “collected”.
donner_froh: It turns out the ‘10,000 monkeys’ example is muy incorrect. ‘10,000 chimps/orangs/gorillas’ have a much better chance of getting Shakespeare. With monkeys (especially Rhesus), you just get Ann Coulter.
TGY: Or thown feces…oops, never mind.
This was the best Tom Friedman column I ever read. I guess this says something about the general quality of his columns.
When right-wing nitwits (I refuse to publicize individuals; you know them) get emotional, everyone says how wonderful it is that they’re passionate about their “cause” (bringing back the Inquisition). However, when a moderate like Friedman pulls out the stops, people get anxious, except for conservatives who feel that their territory has been invaded (the primary feeling of conservatism, actually; they react to everything that way). I think Friedman’s term “petro-terrorism” is an excellent description of the economic jihad being waged by OPEC with help from their puppet Bush and Detroit. He has every right to be deeply upset.
Serolf Divad: Actually, TF’s column was his only column this month that made a dime’s worth of sense. And it’s a contender for best of the year. He actually grew enough balls to call out Bush und das lackeys on their “energy”"policy.” Don’t worry, though–that sound you hear from the Northeast is Tom’s nutsack retracting to its original upright and locked position.