Wonkette
Littlest candidate John McCain has had a lot of trouble raising money, because Republicans don’t like him and everybody knows he’s going to lose, but he finally had some “good news” today on the money front: Team McCain raised $21.5 million in May, which is the best-ever monthly take for Walnuts … and still only half of Barack Obama’s monthly average of $40 million. [Los Angeles Times]
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Sad Underdog John McCain Has Best Fundraising Month Ever!
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Christ — Hillary loans herself that for lunch money.
damn, if money keeps coming in at this rate old man mccain will finally be able to divorce that trollop wife of his.
Oh great. Now he has gas money to get back from Canada. Dammit!
THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR HILLARY CLINTON!!1!
Seriously, this is great news for everyone but McCain.
What’s that he’s holding? Hash? Is that how he’s “fund”raising money?
Hey John,
I have a big big big donation for you. It’s right here in my ass crack. Yup, that’s it. A Nickle pulled out of my ass. Just for You. Stop sniffing it and buy some great TV ads that tell everyone that Obama is a Nigger.
All the money in the world isn’t going to prevent that stroke he’ll have in October.
John McCain: Voted ‘Most Improved’ Fundraiser for the Tenth Month in a Row!
Servo: Nor will all the money in the world prevent Cheney from bombing Iran in October, declaring martial law and canceling the elections.
Way to shit on Walnuts happy time. He works real hard to pump up his numbers with all that assistance from those blue shills of Hils and then you have to remind him of the fiscal shortcomings of being the white man.
Awww…Johnny, time to buy yourself a new outfit.
Servo: Jeez, I hope he doesn’t have a stroke in October. The nutjobs are skeered enough of Obama; imagine the rhetoric if his opponent up and dies right before the election. It’ll signal the coming of the Armageddon!
carerer: It’s his swollen thumb recently treated after using it to diddle his arse.
A stroke in October would probably mean whoever WALNUTS! veep pick is would end up running for prez as a sort of emergency guy. That means we could finally end up with the Obama-Mittens race we’ve all dreamed of! Go blood-clots! Go blood-clots! It’s your birthday!
oh who cares. We’re screwed. and now the Australians are officially fatter than us.
man, Americas not number 1 at anything anymore.
that is pretty impressive, considering his deformity and all.
What opposition has WALNUTS! faced thus far? Now all we need is Obama to show up at a debate dressed as a Goo..er NVA guard. Insane McCain’s eyes roll up and TA-DAAAAA!
roundofapplause:
There’s total Debt. Whoo hoo! USA! U! S! A!
Hey! Why is no one cheering?
Wow, never noticed John’s big basket before. Impressive. Probably more walnuts though, huh?
It feels weird to be on the side with more money. My liberal conscience feels all confused…..mommy?
Just kidding. Bite it old man! Have fun driving your Straight Talk Express to Jiffy Lube with the rest of the plebes. I hope your campaign staffers enjoy the multitude of food options available from the dollar menu. Hahahahahahaha!
weirdiowasculpture: If WALNUTS! has a stroke in October, the Paultards will overthrow the party by Mischief Night.
Cicada:
…at Burger Cunt
If Johnny DoRight keeps hittin’ the fund raiser slots he may have to flipflop on public funds and backpeddle on his crtique for bMan.
Cicada: True dat. Every now and then, I’m forced to look around and go “Uh, you mean, we’ve… got… more? Money, not just hope? Wow.” Having trouble dealing with it is also a really good excuse to drink heavily.
…in all honesty that is Chump-Change politically. Barry has 21 million in his petty cash drawer!
My friends, this new found money is already earmarked for filling up the Straight-Talk Express.
It takes a whole lotta gas money to avoid being in the same state as Dubya.
He’s gonna have to ask the cunt to give him some dough pretty soon if things don’t improve.
ThreeFingersNeat: I’m imagining their 4th of July townhall meeting, where John goes off on a rambling tangent, Barry fixes him with his eyes, and John slowly trails off and slumps against the podium.
Almost enough money to fill the tank of the Straight Jacket Express.
WhatTheHeck:
Curse you, I’m putting the tin foil back on my head.
Servo: Stay away from the fish sandwich there.
The only question now that the Primaries are over: When will McCain violate McCain-Feingold again?
Has nobody yet pointed out (and made fun of) his circa-1993 Starter coat?
That’s not win-ter f-fashion we can be-believe in!
He raised more than half as much as Barry! God, some people are the type who always see the jowls as half empty. I say the McCranky money bags are half stuffed!
carerer: Hash, come on. That’s elitist and as you know all the good hash comes from muzzie countries anyway (Morroccan Black, Afgan Kush, Algerian Super, need I continue?). He’s collecting cans that’s right cans - you know you can get 5 cents a can and if you import them to Michigan its 10 cents.
You see its all part of the small donor strategy. If the big O got rich collecting $5 donations, he can get rich even richer collecting 5 cent donations! And the way I hear it Cindy has access to a lot of empty beer cans. Its like printing your own money.
Ken Layne,
Well, one of two things are happening here. Either Hillary’s donors weren’t really tapped-out or the more obvious/probable…sympathy donations. Midge with his yellowing hair, old-man-smell, and that shrew of a wife that only gives him an allowance for mowing the lawn…at whatever property she doesn’t plan on being on at the time. But, we only feel sorry for circus freaks for a little while. Childhood guilt from staring at the freakish doesn’t last long.
Reality will come crashing back down on Midge and his three-wheeled bus tour by next month.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark