frozen food techmologies

Democratic Defenders Of Liberty Bring Back Hallowed ‘Brew Pop’

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MmmmmdeliciousbeerThanks to two brave Democratic state legislators, patrons of your friendly neighborhood Rustico restaurant in Alexandria, VA can now eat their brew pops in peace. What’s a brew pop, you ask? Only the most brilliant frozen food item ever invented, because it is made of beer.

Last year the Virginia Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control said that people shouldn’t eat frozen beer — and it is true that anyone who has ever left a Budweiser in the freezer to “cool off faster” and then found it esploded can attest to the general undeliciousness of frozen beer. But Rustico’s is different, because it was made with loving care by an Executive Chef and a Beer Director!

The valiant toils of state delegate Adam Ebbin and Senator Patsy Ticer produced a new bill that makes all this stuff legal so hurrah. Also Rustico apparently “reformulated” their pops, maybe to make them less boozy or something.

THE SCENE: Brew Pops Are Back [Washington Post]
Rustico Restaurant

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • Canuckledragger

    I have tasted what you people call beer. It sucks, whether liquid or frozen.

    Our beer cannot be frozen, for it contains an ingredient that will not freeze. It is called “alcohol” and I suggest you try it some time. It is good and can erase bad memories.

  • Servo

    It’s refreshing to see a legislative body address the issues that matter most.

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    how about a sex on the beach pop?

  • Kittenloss

    Damn it, I created beer pops back when I was in college. Except they didn’t work because alcohol doesn’t freeze.

    I’m curious how these Virginians solved this problem.

  • CollegeStudent

    A beer popsicle?
    What will they come out with next, a black president?

  • TGY

    But..but..part of the fun of beer, such as it is, is in the bubbles. You take the bubbles out of beer and you get..uh..barley wine or hops wine or somesuch. Tastes. Like. Ass. I suppose they might’ve been able to freeze in the bubbles, but I rather doubt it. (Hm. Beer gel)

    All this cooking with chemistry, like wine beads and creamed steak and suchlike. Unnatural, I tell ya! Chemistry is for *better* living, after all.

  • Godless Liberal *

    Do not believe the lies. Canadian beer is just as watered-down and undrinkable as anything Milwaukee (which is practically in Canada itself) can produce.

    Besides, in my day we didn’t have beer. If we wanted to get drunk, we had to put the barley in our mouths and wait.

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    is liquid nitrogen involved? i sure hope so

  • Walter Sobchak

    Beer freezes just fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about… And there are good American beers, New Belgium products come to mind. I’m going to go home and freeze all the beer in my fridge, in honor of Cindy McCain and her frigid cunt.

  • allyzay

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: a) you guys drink molson for christ’s sake. b) you can freeze things with VODKA and BOURBON in them, you find it unlikely that one could freeze a guinness? are you unfamiliar with technology traditions?

  • anabellum

    alcohol lowers the freeing point of water or any other liquid…right?

    but that doesnt mean the liquid portion cant be frozen….simply that the alcohol is forced out…

    so brew pops are really the dregs of whats left over after you remove all the alcohol…

    basically, the result is similar to what happens to your friends after they get out of rehab…

  • masterdebater

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: It’s true! We should hang our heads in shame at what people in this country get away with. Imagine, calling Coors, and Budweiser, beer! Unless they make those things with Spaten, or any other respectable brew, I won’t be trying one!

  • RuperttheBear

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: Things have changed. Lienenkugels (, Capital Brewery (, Hennepin (, etc., etc.

  • Jerk Cade

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: LIAR!

    You’ve got a nerve, mister. Like making love in a canoe – all of ’em!

    Now I’ll give you this . . . you guys have some very nice canoes.

  • superfecta

    [re=20829]masterdebater[/re]: Rustico has an amazing beer selection; I would happily move in there. No BMC crap, it’s all good. It’s one of the few beer bars that reliably has Bayerischer Bahnhof Gose on hand. You can’t make an Eisbock without freezing a little beer…

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …wait a second! I always assumed the point of consuming beer was to get as much of it in you as quickly as possible. Hence wonderful inventions like beer bongs, keg stands and shotguns. Freezing beer will not only make “drinking” beer impossible, but the painfully crippling “ice cream headache” that would ensue would most certainly kill the most righteous of buzzes. This twisted incarnation of an alcoholic beverage is not only an abomination but should be outlawed from hence forth.

  • WadISay

    If you get beer cold enough, it becomes a super-conductor, too. Cheeze, Virginia, just get good beer and drink the stuff. Personally, when I over-chill beer, I regard it as a minor tragedy and wander around talking to myself in despair like Hamlet.

  • wheelie

    Handy lifestyle tip: mush up the beer pop to use as the base for a cocktail made of beer mush and liquid beer, and then add a little more beer in on that, and drink it from a cocktail glass. This way a hetero man can hang out and get drunk in a fancy gay bar without anyone suspecting a thing.

  • Jerk Cade

    [re=20848]WadISay[/re]: To thine own self be brew.

    Plus this place has amazing beer ice-cream, so there!:

  • masterdebater

    [re=20840]superfecta[/re]: Reinheitsgebot now, Reinheitsgebot tomorrow, Reinheitsgebot forever!! Sorry, I get all work up about some subjects, but this is IMPORTANT! Screw the election, we’re talking about BEER!

  • BigLar

    I love Rustico, and its my birthday today! Thank you Commonwealth of Virginia!
    I will celebrate this victory of the man over the Gov’mint by celebrating in Las Vegas (where I am at this week)!

  • bitchincamaro

    What my daughter regularly yells at me:

    “Hey pops, less boozy or something.”

  • Brutus Harlot

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: There is apparently even less alcohol in the beer in Utah. Love those Mormons.

  • superfecta

    [re=20858]masterdebater[/re]: Reinheitsgebot has some good starting points, but you’d never get Dogfish Head by sticking to the rules…now I want a Theobroma.

  • KevoTron

    [re=20807]Canuckledragger[/re]: You can keep your fucking Kokanee and Molson Canadian, that shit’s gross. Down here in Seattle we drink the beer of the Gods and that is called Mac n Jack’s African Amber.

    Run along now.

  • Mahousu

    [re=20890]superfecta[/re]: When’s Theobroma leaving Delaware? It looks like the release has been pushed back…

  • Q2

    BrewskiSchmooski…how about making a “Nictione Pop” for our Hopey? Shape it like a giant Marlboro on a stick and no more need for Smokey…err..Hopey…to be sneakin’ out back to catch a quick drag. Yeah! Dat hit da spot!

  • confusionanddelay&lt


    I think summer with 2 toddlers just got more bearable. Some of that nasty fruity beer should work just fine. Perhaps mixed with a capri sun.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=20898]KevoTron[/re]: Fuck the Canadians (no offense intended towards Canuckledragger–he’s just a victim of nationalistic brew promotion and in all other ways seems very reasonable). Let them live in their fantasy world where you slap a Molson label on a bottle of PBR and it magically transmogrifies into drinkable beer. Shit, those frozen wastrels think their blended whiskey is the bees knees, too.

    By the way, you may be right about gods drinking Mac n Jack, but I assure you that they are only the puny, minor gods. The important gods drink Deschutes and Rogue.

  • KevoTron

    [re=20927]edgydrifter[/re]: Many valid points in your argument there drifter. Yes, Canuckledragger does seem quite reasonable. And yeah, what the fuck’s the story with Canadian whiskey? No self-respecting Irish-American drinks anything less than Jamiesons or Middleton’s (certainly not Bushmills though, that’s protestant whiskey.)

    And yes you also raise a good point about the Rogue and Deschutes although I must say I find Black Butte Porter to be a huge disappointment.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=20935]KevoTron[/re]: Agreed, though porters rank low on by beer list anyway. I much prefer their Obsidian Stout when the occassion calls for a good dark elixir.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Even better is a champagne slushy. I accidentally left a bottle in the freezer once – then opened it to see what would happen. Pretty cool seeing a solid column of frozen champagne rise from the neck of the bottle. A delicious summer treat!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Agreed. I need carbonation in my beer.

    Plenty of good beer around here in Minnesota. We got Summit, Surly, Flat Earth, Brau Brothers and many brew pubs where you can fill up a growler with your favorite micro brew and take it home. Plenty of good beer from nearby states like New Glarus and (my personal favorite) Bell’s of Michigan. There’s no excuse for drinking shitty beer.

    Of course the best beer of all is home brewed. Thanks to Jimmy Carter, you can legally brew (except for Alabama) 200 gallons per household. Just call me lazy but I haven’t maxed out my quota yet.

  • youknew

    That’s great! I’m still trying to figure out the legalities of our drive-thru daiquiri joints here in Alexandria, LA. They’re dangerously delicious!

  • Brutus Harlot

    DC is apparently banning sale of single beers every place but Whole Foods. And the rich shall be the only ones to drink out of paper bags.

  • superfecta

    [re=20912]Mahousu[/re]: I think Theobroma is August now, as far as bottles, but it’s making the rounds of all good beer festivals and it’s on tap now. Hence I’m off to Rehoboth next week…

  • youknew

    Just kidding. We have drive-thrus all across Louisiana. It’s cause of the “straw law.” God bless it.

  • dizzydee

    You guys are a bunch of beer elitists. I drink Miller High Life exclusively, the official beer of bitters everywhere.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=20815]Kittenloss[/re]: The alcohol was substituted with ‘100% Colombian coke’ (as for it by name).

  • ThreeFingersNeat

    Yay, beersicles! Now you can numb the brainfreeze while you’re causing it!

  • RaptorAvatar

    This sounds like the kind of thing that would ruin beer, yeah; we all know how good beer tastes after it’s been sitting in the open air for an hour and a half while it freezes. Isn’t the synaesthesisa with the taste, texture, and bubbles interacting the point? The “It’s faster” argument also doesn’t work. Shotgun the bitch or do shots instead.

    [re=20935]KevoTron[/re]: [re=20927]edgydrifter[/re]: I still love Black Butte Porter, though I will have to try Obsidian Stout.

  • hoboking

    Wait wait wait.

    I just don’t get the basis of this article, there is more to this story!

    ‘Beer Pops’ have but one conceivable use, lowering the inhibitions of people so young that they still think beer tastes ‘oooky’ and not yet old enough to realize that freezing something doesn’t necessarily make it a special treat.

    Is there a GOP congressman involved in this, ’cause otherwise I just don’t get it.

  • RuperttheBear

    [re=20983]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: 200 Gallons! Hoot. My new project for July.

  • ThreeFingersNeat

    [re=21126]hoboking[/re]: Obama can make Joe Biden the Secretary of Beersicles.

  • Mahousu

    [re=21226]RuperttheBear[/re]: Around here, 200 gallons is what we call “Tuesday.”

  • CollegeStudent

    I’ve thought about it all day, and I am going to defend you by citing the utter drinkability and high alcohol of Labatt Blue.
    Though I will admit, since I befriended the indian homie who runs my little corner store, he’s been giving me 12 packs for a dollar off, so that plays a factor.