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Keith Olbermann Once Dated A Terrible Person!

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage.

Keith Olbermann is insane, Chris Matthews is insane, and Tom Brokaw is ashamed to be anywhere near them. MSNBC is a hilarious train wreck of scurrilous hobos, one which Brokaw can only defend by describing planets crashing into the sun, as a good thing, for a hearty paragraph. Also: Tim Russert is dead, and Keith Olbermann used to date Laura Ingraham.

One Angry Man [New Yorker]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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64 comments

  1. Hominidx

    Let me tell you what I think of your profile, SIR. You obviously don’t APPRECIATE the PAIN AND SUFFERING he undergoes to bring you the TRUTH WHICH YOU SIR CAN’t HANDLE. Here’s a piece of advice for you, New Yorker: Shut the hell up!

  2. Doglessliberal

    That’s worse than Carville/Matalin.
    More proof that all these people are Cubic Zirconium whores who will say anything for coin.

  3. PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Say what you will about Olbermann now, but those Patrick/Olbermann SportsCenters were awesome.

  4. Doglessliberal

    [re=20373]SuperRounder[/re]: that I could understand, actually, as he is such a libertarian and a realist, he figures hey, good poontang is good poontang (if you think she is), who cares, if she doesn’t talk.

  5. The Real JR Revisted

    Keith Olbermann: Insane blowhard who is highly popular and is known for telling the President to shut the hell u p because he can’t say “fuck” on-air.

    Chris Matthews: Insane but somewhat loveable talking head who once in a while gets a couple of zingers in but otherwise is wont to just ramble on and on quoting random dead people and then laying it on thick for the female guests.

    Tucker Carlson: Insane and hangs around hoping someone will give him a regular gig again. Really thought the bow tie made him look smart. He was wrong.

    Rachel Maddow: Insanely awesome. When in the flying fuck will they give him a show.

    David Gregory: Was once known as that much-needed insane dude who would challenge the President, then the oddly sexy guy for having superhuman for a white guy rhythm for dancing to Mary J., but is now really boring now that he has his own show.

  6. SuperRounder

    [re=20377]Doglessliberal[/re]: Could you imagine her not talking? I’m hoping Bill got lots of head. She can’t talk during that.

  7. brrrock

    Olbermann turned to Bush’s golf remark, which he called the “final blow to our nation’s solar plexus.”

    methinks a bit lower.

  8. shortsshortsshorts

    OH MY GAWD THAT WAS LONG I AM AT WORK AND NOW WILL LOSE MY JOB

    Good piece though. Olberman is a crazy, whacky, flaming fucktard and Tom Brokaw is the hall monitor. Noted. I still love him though.

    A little disrepair in the ranks at MSNBC??

  9. RuperttheBear

    Laura Ingraham can do magical things with her coochie and has a prehensile tail. Have you ever heard of a Simian Tickler?

  10. The Real JR Revisted

    [re=20382]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Re: The Rachel Maddow.

    Okay the gender thing was a huge mistake. I was typing too fast. I love her. Love her to death. I’m totally embarrassed on the typo. Jesus Christ.

  11. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I don’t care who someone dated unless they were cruising for gay con-men to go down on them whiel doing blow in a limo.

    Everything else just seems so boring.

    Of course, that is why I always loved the story of George and Laura Bush.

  12. Canuckledragger

    Well, that explains Laura’s problem.

    But what about Keith’s?

    Oh…. never mind.

  13. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Actually, if you had to end up with one of the Blond Bimbos of Conservatism (a name that a friend gave them when MSNBC seemed to be made up of them back in the mid-90s), Ingrahm is the only one that you shouldn’t feel that bad about. Sure, her soul is as dark as midnight, but her ass wants to party.

  14. nhunter

    I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, but I think I would vote for McCcain in exchange for a Hawaiian Shoe Shine from Michelle Malkin.

  15. SayItWithWookies

    [re=20387]tacdab[/re]: Butterevil?
    Also, Brokaw is a jackass too. And Tom, pleeeease live forever so I won’t have to endure the shitrain of faux sentimentality that will ensue when you croak — just the phrase “Greatest Generation” (no offense to them at all, but to the smarmy whores who readily invoke it) makes me witless with revulsion — if I have to hear that nonstop for three days I will probably end up chiseling some mean-spirited graffiti into the facade of the NBC building, or something equally regrettable. Um — what was the question again?

  16. Mo MoDo

    And Olbermann used to make Suzy Kolber cry. That makes him The Worst Person In The World.

  17. Count Snarkula

    So, according to this, Keith Olbermann is a douche nozzle. How is this breaking news?

  18. mookworthjwilson

    [re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: How can you call yourselves the greatest generation when you can’t even program a VCR, much less handle a TiVO???

  19. mookworthjwilson

    [re=20414]Mo MoDo[/re]: But at least he convinced Joe Namath to go and console her, years later…

  20. vicuna

    Wow, I learned two things. People actually get restless legs syndrome and Laura Ingraham dates guys.

  21. RuperttheBear

    [re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]:Greatest Generation = Korean War, Vietnam War, Watergate, The Reagan/Bush/Bush deficit, the 1970s (the entire decade was fucked–I was in high school and most adults were drunk or high or fucking someone else’s wife or husband or the babysitter), etc.

  22. empress

    I think Keith is cute. Except for the Grouchos, which he really should do something about.

  23. Dave J.

    Nothing is worse than Mickey Kaus dating Ann Coulter. That’s 50 lbs. of ugly in a 5 lb. sack.

  24. edgydrifter

    [re=20392]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: My crush on Ms. Maddow has been waning hard since she brought that vile, bloated sack of leper pus Hilary Rosen on her show and was gushy and deferential to the point of sycophantism towards the former RIAA Vampire in Chief. It’s almost unforgivable.

  25. SuperRounder

    [re=20423]disgustedcitizen[/re]: I think he found out the (wait for it, wait for it) hard way.

  26. bitchincamaro

    Could be quote of the year by Keith:

    Matthews is “an out of control sprinkler”.

  27. Quacker

    Just keep in mind at all times, this is important now, are you listening? KO once was known only for his baseball card collection.

  28. metropolitan

    i do believe the MSNBC people are pretty insane and sort of out of control, but i do find that pretty funny to watch.
    it’s not really like a FOX news of the left, it’s more like a dorm room late night gab fest on meth.

  29. nowukkers

    Hey. KO gives us a nightly rant against the pigfuckers in Washington, that is at least semi-articulate, and mostly enjoyable. Don’t razz on him. Granted, though, he is both presumptuous, and a tad overbearing.

  30. Cookie Guggelman

    Olbermann is such a drama queen about his health. I’m sure before long he’ll have fibromyalgia, too.

  31. AxmxZ

    [re=20540]nowukkers[/re]: I love KO dearly. He reminds me of the protagonist in my novel. They’re both spazzes.

  32. problemwithcaring

    [re=20392]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: I luvs her too, but it was funnier with the confused pronoun. Hahah.

  33. RushLickBall

    [re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thank you for that. But unfotunately, if you have to pick one of these douchebags to replace Russert, Brokaw wins hands down as the only adult in the room.

  34. rocktonsammy

    Was there a Red Carpet show before the service? I wanted to see what all the hypocrites were wearing?
    Apparently, Lil Russ was first person who loved his family and worked hard and died,since Pat Tillman.

  35. Texan Bulldoggette

    Sorry for all the Brokaw lovers. Just saw on Hack Halperin’s site that Brian Williams will be hosting MTP in the interim. He sure does have purty hair….

  36. Texan Bulldoggette

    KO’s comment about not being compatible & NOT because of politics was funny. That’s worth a whole thread all by itself. Reasons KO & Laura I. were not compatible:

    1. she’s sewer rat crazy — he’s only moderately so & only noticeable when off his Zoloft
    2. she’s nasally (in that “it’s my adenoids” way); he’s baritone-y
    3. she’s a bitch — he seems pretty affable
    4. she probably refused to go to Hooters with him
    5. she probably went to Hooters by herself …she comes across kind of bi (She still doesn’t have a man, does she? She had to adopt a baby from Guatemala–poor baby from Guatemala being forced to listen to Rush & Hannity instead of soft, soothing lullabies.)
    6. she probably had to listen to Limbaugh (or whatever nut was on AM back then) to get in the mood–he probably needed to put a bag over her head & tape over her mouth to get in the mood.

    So many more.

  37. Harvey Birdman

    [re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And that sentimentality got us the beautifully fascist looking WW II memorial. Why should Vietnam get all the tourists?

    …Jesus, Boomers have a lot of daddy issues.

    [re=20592]RushLickBall[/re]: I think it should be Chuck Todd for the sole reason that he looks like Dante from Clerks (or Murray from Concords). Seriously, does anyone under 40 have a goatee?

  38. Makeithurt

    Since Russert handpicked Olbermann then maybe we will have see the last of him, too. What a nutbag.
    What a self-righteous nutbag.

  39. donner_froh

    [re=20416]Count Snarkula[/re]:
    The New Yorker doesn’t break news. The New Yorker breaks wind.

  40. AudicityofHope

    [re=20669]Makeithurt[/re]: Maybe Wonkette will have to see the last of you, asshole.

  41. liquiddaddy

    At least they didn’t have to pry his lips off of Punkin’ Head’s dead stiffy.

  42. Them

    Actually, I believe KO referenced his relationship with LI(E) one night when declaring her one of the Worst Persons in the World. He didn’t specify a romance, but that was the impression I got from the subtext, which queased me out and is why I remembered it.

    Good, concise summary. I read the piece earlier in the week; had you posted this sooner, you could’ve save me a lot of time. Brokaw really comes across like the schoolteacher for a class of ADD kids.

  43. Mr Blifil

    KO may have dated Laura Ingraham, but it’s a dead cert that Russert let Ann Coulter blow him.

  44. Gormogon

    I hope Laura wasn’t wearing her chemo-wig when she went down on Douchermann. That could get ugly.

  45. V572625694

    [re=20385]SuperRounder[/re]: Agreed that she shouldn’t talk, ever. That voice can peel paint.

  46. TGY

    Clark Kent dated Laura Ingraham? I thought he was stuck with Louis Lane, stupidest woman in history. (“Look: glasses, Clark Kent; take them off: Superman.”) But anyway.

    Laura Ingraham has a bit of the evil eyeshadow about her, as ’twere.

  47. Carrie_Okie

    I can’t comment. My ex-wife favors Mann Coulter. Crap. Just puked yogurt out of my nose. And now I am coming to grips with my own bi-ness.

  48. Whore Diamond in the Rough

    Keith Olbermann used to date Laura Ingraham.

    Throws up on mouth, and it’s not even lunch time yet.

  49. mk0

    Keith is a man-giant. He officially has extra bones. (No, that’s not a joke).

    Which explains why even somebody like Laura Ingraham would be intereted. (That was.)

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