SPORTS ANCHORS  3:44 pm June 19, 2008

Keith Olbermann Once Dated A Terrible Person!

by Jim Newell

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage.

Keith Olbermann is insane, Chris Matthews is insane, and Tom Brokaw is ashamed to be anywhere near them. MSNBC is a hilarious train wreck of scurrilous hobos, one which Brokaw can only defend by describing planets crashing into the sun, as a good thing, for a hearty paragraph. Also: Tim Russert is dead, and Keith Olbermann used to date Laura Ingraham.

One Angry Man [New Yorker]

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Hominidx June 19, 2008 at 3:48 pm

Let me tell you what I think of your profile, SIR. You obviously don’t APPRECIATE the PAIN AND SUFFERING he undergoes to bring you the TRUTH WHICH YOU SIR CAN’t HANDLE. Here’s a piece of advice for you, New Yorker: Shut the hell up!

loudmouthredhead June 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm

NO F’ING WAY. No wonder his hair bleached…

SuperRounder June 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm

This still isn’t worse than Bill Maher and Ann Coulter.

Doglessliberal June 19, 2008 at 3:50 pm

That’s worse than Carville/Matalin.
More proof that all these people are Cubic Zirconium whores who will say anything for coin.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 June 19, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Say what you will about Olbermann now, but those Patrick/Olbermann SportsCenters were awesome.

Doglessliberal June 19, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=20373]SuperRounder[/re]: that I could understand, actually, as he is such a libertarian and a realist, he figures hey, good poontang is good poontang (if you think she is), who cares, if she doesn’t talk.

AngryBlakGuy June 19, 2008 at 3:51 pm

…pheeeeeeew! I thought you were about to say Mann Coulter!

The Real JR Revisted June 19, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Keith Olbermann: Insane blowhard who is highly popular and is known for telling the President to shut the hell u p because he can’t say “fuck” on-air.

Chris Matthews: Insane but somewhat loveable talking head who once in a while gets a couple of zingers in but otherwise is wont to just ramble on and on quoting random dead people and then laying it on thick for the female guests.

Tucker Carlson: Insane and hangs around hoping someone will give him a regular gig again. Really thought the bow tie made him look smart. He was wrong.

Rachel Maddow: Insanely awesome. When in the flying fuck will they give him a show.

David Gregory: Was once known as that much-needed insane dude who would challenge the President, then the oddly sexy guy for having superhuman for a white guy rhythm for dancing to Mary J., but is now really boring now that he has his own show.

SuperRounder June 19, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=20377]Doglessliberal[/re]: Could you imagine her not talking? I’m hoping Bill got lots of head. She can’t talk during that.

tacdab June 19, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Laura Ingraham’s kinda hot. Shame about the evil.

brrrock June 19, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Olbermann turned to Bush’s golf remark, which he called the “final blow to our nation’s solar plexus.”

methinks a bit lower.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 3:58 pm


Good piece though. Olberman is a crazy, whacky, flaming fucktard and Tom Brokaw is the hall monitor. Noted. I still love him though.

A little disrepair in the ranks at MSNBC??

RuperttheBear June 19, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Laura Ingraham can do magical things with her coochie and has a prehensile tail. Have you ever heard of a Simian Tickler?

The Real JR Revisted June 19, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=20382]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Re: The Rachel Maddow.

Okay the gender thing was a huge mistake. I was typing too fast. I love her. Love her to death. I’m totally embarrassed on the typo. Jesus Christ.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 19, 2008 at 4:03 pm

I don’t care who someone dated unless they were cruising for gay con-men to go down on them whiel doing blow in a limo.

Everything else just seems so boring.

Of course, that is why I always loved the story of George and Laura Bush.

Canuckledragger June 19, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Well, that explains Laura’s problem.

But what about Keith’s?

Oh…. never mind.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 19, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Actually, if you had to end up with one of the Blond Bimbos of Conservatism (a name that a friend gave them when MSNBC seemed to be made up of them back in the mid-90s), Ingrahm is the only one that you shouldn’t feel that bad about. Sure, her soul is as dark as midnight, but her ass wants to party.

nhunter June 19, 2008 at 4:13 pm

I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, but I think I would vote for McCcain in exchange for a Hawaiian Shoe Shine from Michelle Malkin.

SayItWithWookies June 19, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=20387]tacdab[/re]: Butterevil?
Also, Brokaw is a jackass too. And Tom, pleeeease live forever so I won’t have to endure the shitrain of faux sentimentality that will ensue when you croak — just the phrase “Greatest Generation” (no offense to them at all, but to the smarmy whores who readily invoke it) makes me witless with revulsion — if I have to hear that nonstop for three days I will probably end up chiseling some mean-spirited graffiti into the facade of the NBC building, or something equally regrettable. Um — what was the question again?

Mo MoDo June 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm

And Olbermann used to make Suzy Kolber cry. That makes him The Worst Person In The World.

Count Snarkula June 19, 2008 at 4:18 pm

So, according to this, Keith Olbermann is a douche nozzle. How is this breaking news?

mookworthjwilson June 19, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: How can you call yourselves the greatest generation when you can’t even program a VCR, much less handle a TiVO???

mookworthjwilson June 19, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=20414]Mo MoDo[/re]: But at least he convinced Joe Namath to go and console her, years later…

disgustedcitizen June 19, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=20373]SuperRounder[/re]: Bill Maher dated a dude in drag? Does he know?

vicuna June 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Wow, I learned two things. People actually get restless legs syndrome and Laura Ingraham dates guys.

econdave June 19, 2008 at 4:35 pm

Didn’t Laura Ingraham date Larry Summers at one time?

AxmxZ June 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Huh, so Olbermann really *is* clinically devoid of balance and equilibrium…

RuperttheBear June 19, 2008 at 4:45 pm

[re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]:Greatest Generation = Korean War, Vietnam War, Watergate, The Reagan/Bush/Bush deficit, the 1970s (the entire decade was fucked–I was in high school and most adults were drunk or high or fucking someone else’s wife or husband or the babysitter), etc.

empress June 19, 2008 at 4:54 pm

I think Keith is cute. Except for the Grouchos, which he really should do something about.

Dave J. June 19, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Nothing is worse than Mickey Kaus dating Ann Coulter. That’s 50 lbs. of ugly in a 5 lb. sack.

edgydrifter June 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm

[re=20392]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: My crush on Ms. Maddow has been waning hard since she brought that vile, bloated sack of leper pus Hilary Rosen on her show and was gushy and deferential to the point of sycophantism towards the former RIAA Vampire in Chief. It’s almost unforgivable.

hardeknox June 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Ingraham and Coulter are getting too old to breed. Hallelujah!

Voyou Charmant June 19, 2008 at 5:16 pm

Nightly hate fucking. I could get into that.

SuperRounder June 19, 2008 at 5:20 pm

[re=20423]disgustedcitizen[/re]: I think he found out the (wait for it, wait for it) hard way.

bitchincamaro June 19, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Could be quote of the year by Keith:

Matthews is “an out of control sprinkler”.

Quacker June 19, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Just keep in mind at all times, this is important now, are you listening? KO once was known only for his baseball card collection.

metropolitan June 19, 2008 at 6:01 pm

i do believe the MSNBC people are pretty insane and sort of out of control, but i do find that pretty funny to watch.
it’s not really like a FOX news of the left, it’s more like a dorm room late night gab fest on meth.

nowukkers June 19, 2008 at 6:08 pm

Hey. KO gives us a nightly rant against the pigfuckers in Washington, that is at least semi-articulate, and mostly enjoyable. Don’t razz on him. Granted, though, he is both presumptuous, and a tad overbearing.

Cookie Guggelman June 19, 2008 at 6:13 pm

Olbermann is such a drama queen about his health. I’m sure before long he’ll have fibromyalgia, too.

AxmxZ June 19, 2008 at 6:14 pm

[re=20540]nowukkers[/re]: I love KO dearly. He reminds me of the protagonist in my novel. They’re both spazzes.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 6:17 pm

[re=20532]metropolitan[/re]: I miss those parties.

KevoTron June 19, 2008 at 6:21 pm

[re=20409]nhunter[/re]: What’s a Hawaiian Shoe Shine? Checking the google now.

RushLickBall June 19, 2008 at 6:55 pm

[re=20385]SuperRounder[/re]: Why not? She speaketh from the arse pipe.

problemwithcaring June 19, 2008 at 6:57 pm

[re=20392]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: I luvs her too, but it was funnier with the confused pronoun. Hahah.

RushLickBall June 19, 2008 at 7:00 pm

[re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thank you for that. But unfotunately, if you have to pick one of these douchebags to replace Russert, Brokaw wins hands down as the only adult in the room.

rocktonsammy June 19, 2008 at 7:07 pm

Was there a Red Carpet show before the service? I wanted to see what all the hypocrites were wearing?
Apparently, Lil Russ was first person who loved his family and worked hard and died,since Pat Tillman.

Texan Bulldoggette June 19, 2008 at 7:27 pm

Sorry for all the Brokaw lovers. Just saw on Hack Halperin’s site that Brian Williams will be hosting MTP in the interim. He sure does have purty hair….

Texan Bulldoggette June 19, 2008 at 7:28 pm

[re=20546]Cookie Guggelman[/re]: Oh & Epstein Barre Syndrome

Texan Bulldoggette June 19, 2008 at 7:36 pm

KO’s comment about not being compatible & NOT because of politics was funny. That’s worth a whole thread all by itself. Reasons KO & Laura I. were not compatible:

1. she’s sewer rat crazy — he’s only moderately so & only noticeable when off his Zoloft
2. she’s nasally (in that “it’s my adenoids” way); he’s baritone-y
3. she’s a bitch — he seems pretty affable
4. she probably refused to go to Hooters with him
5. she probably went to Hooters by herself …she comes across kind of bi (She still doesn’t have a man, does she? She had to adopt a baby from Guatemala–poor baby from Guatemala being forced to listen to Rush & Hannity instead of soft, soothing lullabies.)
6. she probably had to listen to Limbaugh (or whatever nut was on AM back then) to get in the mood–he probably needed to put a bag over her head & tape over her mouth to get in the mood.

So many more.

Harvey Birdman June 19, 2008 at 7:45 pm

[re=20410]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And that sentimentality got us the beautifully fascist looking WW II memorial. Why should Vietnam get all the tourists?

…Jesus, Boomers have a lot of daddy issues.

[re=20592]RushLickBall[/re]: I think it should be Chuck Todd for the sole reason that he looks like Dante from Clerks (or Murray from Concords). Seriously, does anyone under 40 have a goatee?

AudicityofHope June 19, 2008 at 8:00 pm

This information just ruined my day. Thanks a lot, Jim. (F%@k!!)

Makeithurt June 19, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Since Russert handpicked Olbermann then maybe we will have see the last of him, too. What a nutbag.
What a self-righteous nutbag.

donner_froh June 19, 2008 at 9:15 pm

[re=20416]Count Snarkula[/re]:
The New Yorker doesn’t break news. The New Yorker breaks wind.

AudicityofHope June 19, 2008 at 9:25 pm

[re=20669]Makeithurt[/re]: Maybe Wonkette will have to see the last of you, asshole.

liquiddaddy June 19, 2008 at 9:56 pm

At least they didn’t have to pry his lips off of Punkin’ Head’s dead stiffy.

Them June 19, 2008 at 10:13 pm

Actually, I believe KO referenced his relationship with LI(E) one night when declaring her one of the Worst Persons in the World. He didn’t specify a romance, but that was the impression I got from the subtext, which queased me out and is why I remembered it.

Good, concise summary. I read the piece earlier in the week; had you posted this sooner, you could’ve save me a lot of time. Brokaw really comes across like the schoolteacher for a class of ADD kids.

Mr Blifil June 20, 2008 at 12:01 am

KO may have dated Laura Ingraham, but it’s a dead cert that Russert let Ann Coulter blow him.

Gormogon June 20, 2008 at 12:56 am

I hope Laura wasn’t wearing her chemo-wig when she went down on Douchermann. That could get ugly.

V572625694 June 20, 2008 at 5:49 am

[re=20385]SuperRounder[/re]: Agreed that she shouldn’t talk, ever. That voice can peel paint.

TGY June 20, 2008 at 9:00 am

Clark Kent dated Laura Ingraham? I thought he was stuck with Louis Lane, stupidest woman in history. (“Look: glasses, Clark Kent; take them off: Superman.”) But anyway.

Laura Ingraham has a bit of the evil eyeshadow about her, as ’twere.

Carrie_Okie June 20, 2008 at 9:03 am

I can’t comment. My ex-wife favors Mann Coulter. Crap. Just puked yogurt out of my nose. And now I am coming to grips with my own bi-ness.

Whore Diamond in the Rough June 20, 2008 at 12:11 pm

Keith Olbermann used to date Laura Ingraham.

Throws up on mouth, and it’s not even lunch time yet.

mk0 June 21, 2008 at 2:31 am

Keith is a man-giant. He officially has extra bones. (No, that’s not a joke).

Which explains why even somebody like Laura Ingraham would be intereted. (That was.)

Wagamuffin June 25, 2008 at 6:05 am

You guys are all brutal.

I think I’m in love.

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