INTERN ABUSE  2:39 pm June 19, 2008

Don Young’s Weird Wife Tortures House Interns

by Ken Layne

Alaska’s corrupt congressman-for-life Don Young is well known for his insane outbursts and being investigated by the Feds for being a bribe-taking crook, but did you know his wife is notorious for torturing her husband’s interns with weird foods?

An “unofficial office document” dug up by “Taxpayers for Common Sense” warns new interns that Don and Lula Young are complete freaks who love terrorizing innocent congressional interns more than anything except corruption.

Here are some creepy highlights from “The 2111: An Intern’s Survival Guide.” (PDF)

Mrs. Young:

  • Has good days and bad days, try to get people to warn you.
  • Wants Pumpkin Seeds when she says sunflower seeds.
  • Does not permit noise from computers.
  • Eat what she tells you to eat.
  • Her orders are often disguised as offers, suggestions or invitations, they are not — do them.
  • Be careful what you joke about.

Rep. Young’s interns cite do’s, don’ts [The Hill]

 

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{ 72 comments }

Hart88 June 19, 2008 at 2:41 pm

- never mention that she looks like Sen. Inouye in drag.

metropolitan June 19, 2008 at 2:42 pm

“Her orders are often disguised as offers, suggestions or invitations, they are not — do them.”
that’s the kind of ladies i like!

stankfest June 19, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Don’t bring any pet dogs around her, or they will wind up in the dinner pot.

Walter Sobchak June 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm

God only knows what ugly scene must have occurred to make the seeds issue important enough to put in a memo.

ColdCupofHope June 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Additional notes include:

If you look her directly in the eye, it’s viewed as a threat.

All pencils must be the #2 type. Even those you have at home.

I she says she’s only going to put in “the tip, to see what it feels like,” she’s going to shove the whole thing in there. You’ve been warned.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm

# Eat what she tells you to eat.

Cold Eskimo pussy?

Tits_LaRue June 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm

“Eat what she tells you to eat.”
Uh oh.
Repeat after me if you are having problems with this sentence after looking at the attached photo:
Puppies! Unicorns! Ponies! Puppies! Unicorns! Ponies! Puppies! Unicorns! Ponies! LaLaLaLaLaLa!

tsunami June 19, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Eat what she tells you to eat.

yeah, like if she tells you to…oh god…i can’t…ugh…
i’m sorry i even thought it. yuck. how could i.

scott_dog June 19, 2008 at 2:48 pm

[re=20275]ColdCupofHope[/re]: “I she says she’s only going to put in “the tip, to see what it feels like,” she’s going to shove the whole thing in there. ”

Is every post on here today going to be about Larry Craig?

MARCdMan June 19, 2008 at 2:48 pm

nice to know that congressional interns are doing important and meaningful jobs, relevant to their education, like getting pumpkin seeds for oddball megalomaniacal congressmens’ wives.

El Bombastico June 19, 2008 at 2:50 pm

All underwear is to be changed every hour, on the hour…and from hereforth, must be worn on the outside, so we can check.

StrangelyBrown June 19, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Young … gets annoyed when he sees interns with hands in their pockets.

Naturally, Mr. Young expects his interns’ hands to be in someone else’s pockets, like all good Alaskans.

RuperttheBear June 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm

“This is the best office on the Hill.” Should read: “in Hell.”

Mabalz Izhari June 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm

“Be like a sponge and soak everything up.” Especially the spooge.

tsunami June 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm

[re=20276]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]:
[re=20277]Tits_LaRue[/re]:
[re=20280]tsunami[/re]:

great minds run in the same gutter.

SuperRounder June 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm

If she’s a close talker, no one will be able to keep their meals down. Don should stop taking gifts from VECO and start promising favors to anyone who will whack his wife.

FunkyPalmettoBug June 19, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=20267]Hart88[/re]: Thats not Inouye?

Sussemilch June 19, 2008 at 2:58 pm

I had to look up CapCor to find out what was singled out as being especially evil in that office.

Not_So_Much June 19, 2008 at 2:59 pm

“If she wants help to cure the caribou hides, then sit the fuck down and start chewing, you worthless piece of shit.”

capitol-hillbilly June 19, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Botswana Meat Commission FC: with a side of whale blubber. MMM.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 19, 2008 at 3:03 pm

“If all else fails use the ‘states rights’ argument.” Works for everything from slavery to gay marriage.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 3:03 pm

“If you sneeze…”
Prepare to DIE.

ManchuCandidate June 19, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Talk about well rounded Ugly. Looks, personality and ethics, a winning combination.

Uncle Al June 19, 2008 at 3:06 pm

“The boss expects you to open doors for him.”

He’s such an old-fashioned girl.

Jobbotch June 19, 2008 at 3:10 pm

“You should put money in the piggybank.”

What?!! This is beginning to give off a definite it-puts-the-lotion-on-its-skin vibe.

policonoclast June 19, 2008 at 3:10 pm

“Mrs Y prefers ribbed condoms, the Congressman is fine with any style”

PrairiePossum June 19, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Sounds like old lady Young would make a good addition to the Bush White House – maybe a replacement for Scooter Libby. Torturing interns is almost as fun as torturing foreigners.

The Real JR Revisted June 19, 2008 at 3:22 pm

The wife looks Filipina which in that case the list is merely detailing how to be a houseguest of an Asian woman. For example, my mother.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 3:25 pm

“You all must keep in mind that the lobbyists MUST FEED.”

nowukkers June 19, 2008 at 3:27 pm

[re=20307]Sussemilch[/re]: I did and I’m still none the wiser.

thefrontpage June 19, 2008 at 3:28 pm

If it’s really this bad, then why doesn’t someone in the office file an official complaint with the Sergeant at Arms, the Senate Ethics Committee, the U.S. Capitol Police, or whatever office oversees blatant, illegal misuses of authority? This type of behavior in a federal legislative office really does border on insanity and harassment. It needs to stop—we can’t have psychos running our Congress, can we?!

nowukkers June 19, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=20337]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: According to Wikipedia, she’s Gwi’chin – native Alaskan. Still fucking ugly.

Advocatus_Diaboli June 19, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Oh, please, Miss Wife of a Congressman from fucking Alaska (Alaska?!) run for public office. With Cocktober, Blovember and Kitty just fading memories, we NEED you. Your country needs you.

loudmouthredhead June 19, 2008 at 3:33 pm

I’m wondering what brought that “couple” together.

[re=20275]ColdCupofHope[/re]: Adding to your order:
- Don’t bear your teeth in her direction: It’s a symbol of aggression.
- Upon first meeting, DO offer your ass for her to smell: she will learn your scent and accept you more easily.
-Do NOT joke about how she resembles a shriveled E.T. wearing a wig.

MathewBrooks June 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm

Imagine what Michelle Bachman or Marilyn Musgrave’s offices are like…

MathewBrooks June 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm

She reminds me of Kahn’s mother on King of the Hill.

ronaldpagan June 19, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Dude, I always thought being a politician’s wife just meant big hair, photo ops, and standing behind your husband in pearls when he cheats on you. But if you get to terrorize interns with your crazy demands, I want in. And when I ask for sunflower seeds, I want them WITH THE SHELLS, GOD DAMN IT!

Buffy and Hildegard June 19, 2008 at 3:36 pm

[re=20342]thefrontpage[/re]: It’s always hard to guage the insanity whilst you are in the situation. I once spent an entire night re-labelling binders because the stickers on the spine were not placed in the “correct” direction.

allikatz June 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Wait — she gets a desk in the office? NEPOTISM!

S.Luggo June 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm

- Never drop your soap in the shower.
- If she asks, “where is my Mandingo?”, suck it up and do your goddam duty, you fucking woose. You. Make. Me. Want. To. Puke. And stop your crying. She doesn’t like crying. The Congressman likes crying.
- No, that job as a Polar Bear sexer is no longer open. You’re stuck working for Don.

WadISay June 19, 2008 at 3:46 pm

If her “does” are anything like Larry Craig’s D.O.E.S., look out.

Monsieur Grumpe June 19, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Bad cougar.

S.Luggo June 19, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=20344]nowukkers[/re]: Did Don pay for her in beads or in whiskey?

Tits_LaRue June 19, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=20294]tsunami[/re]: We all belong to the same mutated hivemind. Resistance is futile!

mookworthjwilson June 19, 2008 at 3:52 pm

[re=20342]thefrontpage[/re]: Why break with tradition? And Don Young ain’t running anything anyway…

mookworthjwilson June 19, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=20354]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: I once had to sand off where it says “Made in China” on the bottom of the free coffee mugs that my boss hands out…that was a thrilling time…

ronaldpagan June 19, 2008 at 4:01 pm

My favorite piece of advice might be:

Chuck is a big Reagan fan.

Oh, the humanity.

sanantonerose June 19, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Pumpkin seeds. Naked or in the shell?

Mahousu June 19, 2008 at 4:14 pm

If you’re being chased by armed police man, don’t try to escape into a metro station.

Why didn’t anybody tell me that sooner?

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star June 19, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Oh, big deal. She sounds just like every other Filipina grandmother to me.

White people are so sensitive.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star June 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

The wife looks Filipina which in that case the list is merely detailing how to be a houseguest of an Asian woman. For example, my mother.

Oh, hey. fist-bump!

Jobbotch June 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=20401]sanantonerose[/re]: On the half shell

Count Snarkula June 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm

I have had several dealings with this crazy bitch, and believe me this just barely scratches the surface of how incredibly nutz and evil she is. She jumped out of her chair at a dinner party when she overhead a woman two places down use the word “Eskimo”. She screamed at the poor thing, snatched her hair, and then threw a glass of water on her. She was shreiking that the correct word to use was “Innuit” and that Eskimo is pretty much the N-Bomb and the woman who used it was a racist. The gentleman next to the woman rose and informed Mrs. Young that in fact, his dinner partner had said JUST THAT, that it was now not-pc to use the word Eskimo. Mrs. Young’s aide helped out of the dining room and into a car that was already running and that was that. I have several more stories on her, but that one pretty much took the cake for me.

Mabalz Izhari June 19, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=20428]Count Snarkula[/re]: Good thing none of the interns referred to themselves as “low man on the totem pole”.

AnnieGetYourFun June 19, 2008 at 4:39 pm

I have a very bad feeling about this entire thread.

econdave June 19, 2008 at 4:40 pm

[re=20428]Count Snarkula[/re]: So I guess she’s not a big fan of “Heathers”?

econdave June 19, 2008 at 4:44 pm

And what is it with Republican Senators and mixed-race marriages? I can think of four off the top of my head: Phil Gramm, Mitch McConnell, William Cohen and Young. Personally I’m all in favor of miscegenation (plus it’s a cool word), but doesn’t that seem like a really high proportion?

I guess Larry Craig also has a mixed marriage, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 4:47 pm

[re=20444]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You must work for Young. Sucks to be you!

AnnieGetYourFun June 19, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=20449]econdave[/re]: If you can only think of four, then maybe there aren’t nearly enough mixed-race mariages in Congress?

[re=20453]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I dunno – I don’t like the idea that anyone married to a public figure can be anonymously smeared online. I guess that’s all a part of the age of the interwebz, but it seems wrong, even if the awful reputation is deserved.

shortsshortsshorts June 19, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=20463]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Be careful. The devil is compelling you into questions of morality and fairness.
I kinda go with anybody associating with a public figure takes the gauntlet of their association. Withat that comes the interwebs. It’s like this model:

1. Person get famous.
2. Person get married.
3. Person’s wife is crazy nut job who strikes fear into interns.
4. ??????????
5. Profit!

Borat June 19, 2008 at 5:19 pm

I worked in this office and it I am scared for life. There is a missing set of bullet points at the bottom of the memo. The only one I can remember in kind of hazy way is what to do when there are no Pages available. Whenever I think about it I kind of get a headache. Does anyone else remember the rest?

KevoTron June 19, 2008 at 5:41 pm

[re=20428]Count Snarkula[/re]: That’s fucking scary. If some crazy old lady threw water on my girlfriend have bigger problems she’d end up way past “offended”. It’s tough picking up teeth off the floor with broken fingers.

DangerousLiberal June 19, 2008 at 6:33 pm

[re=20297]SuperRounder[/re]: Veco is dead now–long live Veco (not)

BTW, having grown up in Alaska, it’s good to see a picture of *two* of the main reasons I got the hell out. Bye bye.

[re=20481]Borat[/re]: Borat, I’d be scared for life just looking at that picture. And scarred for at least the next thirty years.

bitchincamaro June 19, 2008 at 6:51 pm

I don’t know
but I’ve been told,
Eskimo pussy is
mighty cold.

capitol-hillbilly June 19, 2008 at 7:30 pm

[re=20582]bitchincamaro[/re]: Inuit pussy to you, sir.

zhubajie June 19, 2008 at 7:57 pm

So why do any of you WANT to be political interns? Teaching English in China is loads of fun (what with the cheap booze, no open container laws, the women eager to see if foreign men are really “better,” etc.). Why not do that?

Zhu Bajie

Borat June 19, 2008 at 8:35 pm

[re=20622]zhubajie[/re]: Dude where do i sign up? But I’d only do Shanghai and Beijing girliemen. Those girls from the provinces remind me of my boyhood in WV.

Simi P. June 19, 2008 at 9:39 pm

EEEWWWWW.
Eskimo pie.

schvitzatura June 19, 2008 at 9:48 pm

Are there as many words for “wack bitch” in Inuit, like there is for “snow”?

gurukalehuru June 20, 2008 at 1:02 am

What’s up with Alaska? I mean,the place has like, what, 3 electoral votes and yet they’vegotthisnut case, Ted “Bridgetonowhere” Stevens, and the hot governor on the bearskin rug. Was Northern Exposure not fiction?

trai_dep June 21, 2008 at 3:03 am

“When Mrs. Young sends you running to the Sports store to pick up ‘some balls’ for her upcoming dinner party, you will be tempted to return with ping-pong balls. Resist this temptation.
Recall that Mrs. Young was half-raised by polar bears: her well-developed vaginal muscles require bowling balls.”

Arthur December 10, 2008 at 5:02 pm

Ha, I’m so glad I found this page. I interned there for 4 months and can safely say that she, and the delightful Congressman are both complete f%%king mentalists.

What a strange and creepy existence they live.

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