Wonkette
OMG Obama’s first general election ad. In case the reality of this election hasn’t fully sunk in for you yet, this ad should do it: every second of the next 4.5 months will be Barack Obama trying to convince old white Democratic-leaning voters in western Pennsylvania that he doesn’t want to blow up their houses in the name of Allah and/or O.J. Simpson. This election will literally be about that and nothing else. [YouTube]
I wish I had the ability to magically become black or white on demand. My trips to Bayview would be so much less exciting.
Ewwww, a flag pin!
Hell, there are plenty of single white girls who like him. Oh, wait.
He’s so Christian he has 4 floating window paine subliminal crosses.
NoWireHangers: Dang, I thought our man hated ‘murica. I guess I was wrong
He can convince a single white person to like him. He’s a great looking black guy with a good job. For the married white people, he’ll have to offer Bed Bath & Beyond coupons in exchange for votes.
I couldn’t sound that white if I was ordering a bologna sandwich with miracle whip.
I wonder if he eats as much bamboo as the Pander bears in China…..
I said it once, but I have to say it again. HE’S WEARING A GODDAMN FLAG PIN. I’m in a daze. The terrorists have won.
But when will he pander to single white males with criminal record in Colorado, Delaware and WV that screams “believe me I blew him, and he liked it?”
RuperttheBear: on Wonder Bread (TM)
NoWireHangers: if it gets him elected, he can wear 10. The day after Inauguration, he can have a bonfire.
Doglessliberal: and a glass of buttermilk to wash it down with.
I need a hanky. That was beautiful.
OMGaaaaH, he’s even won over Harriet Christian! (0:25)
“I’m Barack Obama. Just look at all the white people in my ad. Did I mention that I’m half white person? It’s true. And I’m not “half muslim” because that is NOT a race. If you can’t vote for a patriotic African-American, then just vote for the white part. Thank you and god bless America.”
“Hi, I’m Barack Obama. You might have thought I was black from all the hoopla in the primaries. Well, I’m here to tell you I’m white. Very, very white. Like, nth generation Midwest-white. That skin thing? Total accident. Mom got too much sun in Hawaii while I was gestating or something.”
RuperttheBear: And chased it with a bracing whiff of lutefisk.
Doglessliberal: I know, I know, it’s for the good of the election. But all I can see is the face of that whiney blabbering woman at the Snuffaluffagus/Gibson ABC debate asking why he didn’t wear a flag pin and why he hated America and it makes me want to burn a flag just because I can.
As a Pittsburgh native, I can only wish him the best of luck. Generation after generation live only blocks away from each other, and the stupidity stays too. One of the best decisions I ever made was leaving a month after I graduated high school.
But will we still call it the White House if Barry is elected?
Give the guy a break! Every candidate shows pictures of his parents and family. What is he supposed to do? Photoshop his grandparents to make them blackerer? Give them the ole O.J. treatment like Time did? I mean, goddammit, can’t a black man enjoy his whiteyness without the whole world accusing him of Uncle Tommyness?
Ridiculousness aside, I like how he weaves the approval of the ad into the script. Why don’t more candidates do this? It’s a lot more palatable than some jackass staring dead-eyed into the camera and robotically intoning: “I am John Q. Assclown, and I approve this message.”
On inauguration day as soon as she finished swearing on the bible he should light up a fatty, pull a 40 out of his pocket and blast an old Juvenile record while shouting “FUCK YOU SUCKA-ASS HONKEYS!”
even with all the problems we enlightened ones see in this ad, i have to say that i think “those” people that he is OBVIOUSLY pandering to will eat it right up with a spork… just my professional opinion. i am a professional opinion-giver.
shortsshortsshorts: The Half-White House
shortsshortsshorts: the Barack House? the Obamatorium?
AxmxZ: I dunno. Maybe you can be too white.
shortsshortsshorts: But will we still call it the White House if Barry is elected?
Nope. New name: Popeyes
shortsshortsshorts: Well, it was still the White House after George Clinton left it, motherfucker. What are ya, racisticalistic or sumfin’?
OMG, he broke into some white family’s house to tape an ad!
Deepthroat: Thanks for talking me off the ledge. I’ve put down my lighter, and I’m going to eat a bologna sandwich for lunch. With Kool-Aid. Lots of Kool-Aid.
Servo: With each generation, the distance between eyes narrows and the gaps between teeth widen. Anywhere else in the country, you’d expect to hear them playing Foggy Mountain Breakdown on the banjo. It’s hard to do whilst clutching sausages and pierogis, though.
El Bombastico: Damn, you are right. I missed that completely. Barry found a loophole! Now, that’s change you can believe in.
Barry! 95% of this is exactly what a Republican would say! Don’t worry though; my white ass is still voting for you, but only because of that picture in the leather jacket.
RuperttheBear: I thought whitey likes mayo and Black people liked the tangy zip of miracle whip?
I think that elderly woman gave him a neck hickey.
And to think, Cindy McCunt was still in rehab when that video taken and John McAncient had long ago qualified for Medicare. Where, oh where, have the years gone?
edgydrifter:
There’s also that “bathing optional” thing too.
He really should have added that beach pic with his grandpa. That pic has enough cuteness to rival a bunch of kittens.
PsychoDonkey: And he predicates the approval with a because clause. No categoricals for him ’cause white people love enthymemes.
I’m no expert, but I think just a couple of rap gestures would have broadened the ad’s appeal a lot, like, “I approve dis bitch because…”
That biography of Elijah Muhammed which Barry has in hands, is it autographed?
problemwithcaring: what am I if I hate both and like mustard? A Communist?
I was so looking forward to the new cabinet-level position “Secretary of Funk,” but I can see from this ad we will have to settle for the “Secretary of Inoffensive American Standards We Can All Enjoy.” And the Secretary will be Charo, because white people of all ages love Charo. Her response to all questions from the press will be “cuchi-cuchi.”
RuperttheBear: A professor I know who used to hang out with him in the 80s says that back then at least, he was very white, very genteel and very boring. Also, he apparently didn’t date.
ronaldpagan: Yeah, he’s definitely got no compunctions about seducing the electorate with teh pretteh.
@NoWireHangers: good. i am a fan.
Mabalz Izhari: MrAgro: tsunami: Canuckledragger:
The House of Hamas Waffles?
professor.cj: We need to have David Flores dig up that family photo he labled with cabinet positions. I can’t find it!
“Come quick, honey, there’s a negro on the television and I’m not scared of him. He’s got white parents just like those Drummond boys.”
My god, he’s going to take our white women. And do fist bumps with them.
And yet, you can’t help but wonder–is this guy a good enough bowler to be our president?
problemwithcaring: You could be right–my racism gets blurry with sandwich condiment metaphors.
White person Larry Sinclair like Obama once, for a day or two anyway. FULL AUDIO:
http://www.archive.org/details/LarrySinclair-NationalPressClubJune182008Full
AxmxZ: And PS. Larry says Obama’s hung like a white guy.
Why doesn’t everyone realize that if he were actually a Muslim terrorist, he would have blown half of himself up by now? It’s just cold, hard math, people. But I’m not worried. One Scarlett Johansson vote = 83 regular white people votes. We’re fine.
This is going to be the best election ever! Wonkette’s gonna be overwhelmed with material.
Gormogon: Larry can keep dreaming these swee dreams in prison. Or at least fantasize about Barry while taking it up the ass from his cellmate, Butch.
Awwww. I now see why Mr. Sinclair has a crush on him. Just look at how cute he is with that book at law school. I kind of want to see his Muzzy
Hominidx: You mean he and his supporters will ravish our virgins?
I’m embarrassed to say as a far lefty this made me teary. After he stops speaking he looks us right in the eye, not like some smiley snake oil salesman, or geeky ole hobbit, but like hey crackers, I’m as real as a heart attack and you will not be able to deny it. And sure he wore a damn flagpin. So what? I greatly resent that the left allowed the right to steal the image of the flag back in the 80s and then again after 9/11. Back in the 60s people made clothes out of it to celebrate personal freedom.
I think this spot is absolutely brilliant. I think it’s subtle message underneath the pablum for the bitters is: Don’t for a second think I can’t or won’t kick ass if I need to. I walk and talk softly, but carry one honkin’ stick. To me this smells like the kind of candidate we haven’t seen since jfk, someone who actually intends to LEAD.
pondscum: For your viewing pleasure:
http://wonkette.com/356160/meet-baracks-family
RuperttheBear: I recently purchased the handbook.
Doglessliberal: Easy-one. You’re a Hindu in “untouchable” caste.
So we can’t expect one of these in Ebonics any time soon?
Every time I have just about made up my mind to vote for him, you throw out these questions and I start to ask myself if it’s OK to vote for him. I mean, I’m not single, but I am white (if I stay indoors alot). Voting is hard. Damn you Wonkette!
problemwithcaring: I hesitate to ask, but what does “sweet relish” mean?
Secret Mexican Obama: souvenir margarita glass from Tijuana…
He looks mainstream and clean and storybooky. If Biden saith so, da udder typical white folks should too.