Wonkette
Like a full goddamn week after Jesus flooded the entirety of Iowa, President George W. Bush will travel to our heartland to view the devastation today, and he will patriotically not play golf. But there’s a problem for the Republicans here: John McCain will also be looking at floods in Iowa today. Shit! You see, it’s extremely important to John McCain’s reputation as a Maverick Independent Hero that he not look at flooded homes with the president, because of Iraq. Alas, the McCain campaign fears that its flood-navigating canoes might intersect with Bush’s flood-navigating canoes, in Iowa, and the resulting paddle-splash sea battle will give Obama the White House.
It seems that they have multiple cities in this “Iowa,” which should lessen the chance of a disastrous encounter:
Schedules from the McCain campaign and the White House this morning show that both John McCain and President Bush will descend on Iowa at the same time, but in three different cities. Mr. McCain is set to arrive in Columbus Junction at noon Central time. Mr. Bush is to be in Cedar Rapids shortly before noon and in Iowa City, some 35 miles from Columbus Junction, a little after 1 p.m.
Maybe the McCain campaign isn’t so worried about meeting up with Bush after all. Maybe they just want to cover more (of the same) ground, at different times!
Ha ha just kidding, they really are extremely fucking worried:
The McCain campaign said that it was not trying to step on Mr. Bush’s trip and that the two men’s paths would not cross. “We’re not going within 30 miles of the city he’s in,’’ said Charles Black, one of Mr. McCain’s senior advisers.
The reporter then cut off Black and told him to turn around, because George W. Bush had been holding bunny ears over Black’s head for the entire interview.
McCain and Bush to Survey Iowa Flooding, Separately [New York Times]
Can’t McCain win votes by blaming the floods on the Jews?
Keep shooting the gift, Mr. Newell. You’re on fire.
So George is Enkidu and WALNUTS is Gilgamesh? Or is the other way around? I’m confused.
hopefully both campaigns are up to date with their circle circle dot dot cootie shots.
stankfest: No, I heard he is secretly a Jew and was sworn into the Senate with a Tanakh.
Marco………Polo.
Mr. McCain is to be in Canada on Friday and on the West Coast next week, and Thursday was his chance, she said, to stop in Iowa. “It just makes sense logistically, and obviously the situation continues to worsen,” [McCain press secretary] Buchanan said.
Ah, great — like President Douchenozzle, McCrone will visit disasters whenever it’s convenient to his schedule. Is he sure he doesn’t just want to fly over the place and be photographed looking out the window with a concerned expression?
anybody remember that GMA shot, the reporter’s in a canoe, and two people walk right in between her and that camera, showing the water to be ankle deep?
Of course that won’t happen here…
Straight Talk Canoe?
Pity those two. They remind me of two folks who had a hookup that ended badly being forced to attend the same funeral. Lots of awkward silences, stares, whispers, finger pointing and intoxication that usually end up with those two making out in the coat closet leading to more regret and shame.
“Mr. McCain is set to arrive in Columbus Junction…”
He should stay at the Shady Rest in Hooterville.
http://tubearoo.com/articles/4788/Reporter_Exaggerates_Flood.html
I wish I didn’t have to work so I could rig up a Noah costume and show up with an ark at these floods.
W: You said you’d call
WALNUTS!: Baby, you know how it is
W: Well, are you at least going to meet me in Des Moines?
WALNUTS!: You know I can’t do that
W: When am I going to see you?
WALNUTS!: Just send more money, I’ll let you know
W: You’ll call this time, right?
WALNUTS!: Sure baby, I’ll call this time…
…I thought that the undead couldn’t cross bodies of water?! Next thing you know you are going to show me a photo of John McCain in church!
So it has come to this: king George has become King Midas in reverse.
McNutz dare not look him in the eye.
shortsshortsshorts: Problem with that: Gilgamesh and Enkidu were in combat together. The reference would work better if there were some Babylonian hero who spent the difficult times in Houston doing blow and Brazilian hookers.
Don’t cross the streams!
“I’m thinkin’ about all those cows and pigs out there in the flood. They’re homeless, ya know. Well, barnless, I guess, would be a better term. In Texas we have steers. They can do just fine on their own. But I’ll tell you what. I don’t play golf because of the soldiers. Now because of this here flooding, I’m givin’ up something else. I will no longer ride my bicycle backwards. That’s right. Remember when you were a kid you could sit your but on the handle bars, face backwards, and pedal? That’s was fun, right? I like to do that a lot. Still do. But so long as folks and livestock are flooded out, I won’t. Because the American people don’t want to see their president riding his bike backwards when they’re in pain. I took the baseball cards out of the spokes, too.”
SayItWithWookies: You may refute, but you can’t deny that WALNUTS would do pretty much anything for that “forever young” plant/stream thing (I dont remember its been a while).
In fact, maybe McCain really is Gilgamesh, in the flesh, regretting the last 3500 years of his life.
What? Bush and McCain weren’t seen together riding in a marshmallow boat with gumdrop lifejackets and candy-cane paddles throwing bags of money out to the drowning white people of Iowa? Geez, maybe they just hate everybody and not just black people in Louisiana!
What happens if they get wet? Remember, don’t feed them after midnight.
shortsshortsshorts: No, I think McMelanoma is Darmok and George is Jilad. And they have traveled “over the water” to Tinagra, which is Iowa (aka White Louisiana).
Sussemilch: That’s what McCain says everytime W wants to “swordfight” at the trough urinal in the little republicans’ room.
shortsshortsshorts: That would explain his undead wife.
RuperttheBear: Ha! You’ve obviously never been to the Republican executive washroom. They don’t pee into some proletarian trough. They pee on orphans.
edgydrifter: Darmok?
http://images.wikia.com/memoryalpha/en/images/2/20/Dathon.jpg
Handsome looking felle’r. I think you’re totally right.
The last time McCodger saw high water like that was when his sitz bath overflowed. Or was it he went down the Colorado with John Wesley Powell?
Dang, howcome I never get to go see flooded Iowa? I wish I were my party’s candidate. Those candidates have all the fun.
“I knew it was you, Fredo.”
Lay off Dubya! He was busy, all right? He had a horse show in Slovenia to attend!
McCain’s campaign song should be “Old Man River”.
I bet Bush chases him around and McCain tries to fend him off by tossing soggy ears of corn.
edgydrifter: You are SUCH an alpha nerd:
http://www.memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Darmok_(episode)
stankfest: Probably not, but he can win votes if he blames black Muslims, or blacks and muslims, and illegal immigrants.
Gopherit v2.0: Guilty as charged. I do so love that episode.
Does seeing lots of water work the same way as hearing the trickle of water? I would be concerned about the number of Depends needed for this trip…
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm59/wonk_the_heck/safeintheflood.jpg
taken after the SS McCain floundered today in Iowa
You mean John McCain threw W. under a canoe?
Also, I frankly don’t think John has a paddle after getting up the flooding Shit Creek.
shortsshortsshorts: Does that make Barry Inanna? Then who’s going to impregnate whom and create humans? I’m lost…
loudmouthredhead: Cross-reference to teh Greeks and go for Kronos. He’s got enough sperm for everyone, ever.
Bush + McCain + water = DISASTER
Wasn’t Bush icing McCain’s birthday cake during Katrina?
This is perfectly understandable. If you were going somewhere where God is actively handing out kick-ass, would you give him a chance for a twofer?
And will someone please ask the Rev. Hagee what it means that teh gayez can get married in California, and it is Iowa and the Midwest that is getting its ass kicked? Is He mad at us for banning teh gayez marriages?