Wonkette
Gay Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has been actively opposed to drilling for oil off of Florida’s coast his entire political career. Many Florida politicians oppose it, in fact! Short version: it ruins the environment which would ruin tourism. Long version: “It would harm beaches vital to the state’s tourism economy and interfere with weapons testing and training in and over the Gulf of Mexico by Florida military bases.” So basically Charlie Crist has always opposed offshore oil drilling due to some postmodern, “green” interpretation of the military-industrial complex. But now that John McCain wants to lift the ban on offshore drilling, the veep-hunting Crist has suddenly decided that WE MUST ABSOLUTELY DRILL OFFSHORE, because of poor people and “states’ rights.” Seven whore diamonds. [AP]
Look on the sunny side. Once he’s VP, Crispy can help keep WALNUTS! parchment colored, liver-spotted skin a vibrant shade of Florida orange. He’ll get WALNUTS! some Crest White Strips, and a fine selection of neon colored swimwear. Look at him glow!
A day without an orange whore is like a day without sunshine.
HA!
“And my heart bleeds for them.”
Apparently not enough bleeding.
Somebody should exercise the new “bring your gun to work” policy in the capital.
I’m a republican and I’m sick of the states’ rights argument being used. There are no states’ rights!
Only thing left for Crist to win the veepstakes is to suck off McCain, but I’m sure he’ll have no trouble with that one.
Jesus, Crist!
perhaps he can enslave Cuban refugees because of state’s rights.
kind of looks like an oompa loompa, doesn’t he?
“If John McCain jumps off a cliff, will Charlie Crist jump, too?” Bubriski said.
Be still my beating heart.
Charlie’s not opposed to all forms of drilling.
Tawmn: I can beat a hobo to death in Alabama thanks to states’ rights.
Paultardville: Egad man!
Ho boy, the old “state’s rights” canard again. The south just loves that one don’t they? It wasn’t about SLAVERY confound it! We object to the federal government! Now build us new levees and highways.
Orange is the new penis euphemism
I’m guessing “states rights” will magically stop right at the point where Oregon’s (VOTER APPROVED, YOU GOP ASSHOLES) physician-assisted suicide plan goes into effect.
Sorry, I am all for the environment and all that good shit, but I am also all for anything that hurts Floridians. Fuck Florida.
Dave J.: “States Rights” are not applicable to blue states just like “Congressional Oversight” is not applicable to Republican administrations.
ronaldpagan: Al Gore will have his revenge on Florida when the ice caps finish melting and the sea swallows everything but Orlando.
Crist is so fabulously gay and desperately lame that having him and his imminent buttsecks scandals as VP would be a silver lining in my grey dreary world during a McCain administration.
Vanity Smurf: confusionanddelay<: Yes. This is the rumor that simply will not go away: http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-02-28/news/the-talk-of-the-green-iguana/#Comments
Hey, it’s awfully hard being orange and (allegedly) gay, but still wanting sooo badly to be the Veep. You got to bust our your best whore moves to make the cut.
If you get the nod, it makes all those photo ops where you have to touch icky girls/beards, that pretend to be married to you, just that much more tolerable… Maybe the secret chamber where the current v.p. feeds on the young could be converted to some sort of nambla-themed love palace?
ronaldpagan: Amen to that. Florida’s always fucking everyone else, why not fuck it back?
confusionanddelay<: That Barry will deny us the chance to witness more page fucker scandals is a sacrifice we must make. There will be so few Republicans left in Congress that we may be reduced to relying on state legislatures and mayors for tawdry, public toilet butt sex and big black cock sucking. Luckily Florida is poised to see us through this dark time.
…’ol Charlie never could resist a good DRILLING. All that thick goo just rushing to the surface after penetrating deep into the surface gets him kind of flustered. Just the thought of all those big strong men out there on a oil platform with only themselves for entertainment is really exciting for him after all.
shortsshortsshorts: Yes, I say we start by abolishing handicapped parking spaces and raising taxes on all-you-can-eat buffets.
If you want to see this whole thing fall apart, just contact your congressman and ask to have an amendment that directs that no petroleum products can be exported. Because it’s for “energy independence”, right? I mean, what good would it do to drill and then just ship the oil overseas? I’m sure there will be no argument from the multi-national oil companies, because this is NOT about profits…it’s abount what’s good for the U.S. Americans! Yea, for us! No more foreign oil! Of course the transport facilities are going to be owned by British Petrolem…and the leases will probably be held by Dutch Shell, or a Saudi company. Oh, so what, you commies!
The Steve Martin of orange, gay politicians.
I think we need some standardization for the whore diamond scale. It would be just like the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, only less boring, and all of them would be diamonds instead of just the top one.
1 Whore Diamond=Embarrassingly sold dignity to fraternity brothers for respect
10 Whore Diamonds=Hilariously sold vagina to governor for money
Wonketteers! Can we fill out the rest of the scale? Your country’s whores call out for your aid!
masterdebater: Not that we have refining capacity beyond our current domestic supplies. It’s a moot point anyway, since the oil companies themselves expect there to be lots of natural gas, but not a lot of oil. off Florida’s coast. You’re right….they’re using the fear of $5 gas to get the idiots of Florida to make the oil companies even more wealthy. To echo the general sentiment: Fuck Florida. Give it back to the gators.
awesomeguy#1: Don’t be mean to Steve Martin. I would be his shop girl any day. Unless by this you mean Charlie is “The Jerk” in which case all is forgiven because I can’t stand that movie.
Jewdishoowary Square: There’s nothing wrong with being a whore — just as long as you’re not a cheap whore.
I, for one look forward to sporting the latest in Florida beachwear:
http://www.oneinchpunch.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/crude-oil-spill-clear-up.jpg
I’ve said this before about somebody else, or probably him, but he’s gayer than Jm J Bullock, Tom Cruise, and that Ricky dude from My So-Called Life bungee-corded together.
Do you think he gives or receives? I might give it to him, but taking it would just be strange. Oh no, I forgot there are those secret tapes of him kissing a woman in an elevator. Why are the good ones already taken?
I assume some comedic misunderstanding concerning “off-shore drilling”, sailors, the term “VP Slot” and man on man coconut grove nights and leather for skin and — other things — happened.
I like the GOP notion of sacrifice. Let Alaska and California drill across their state, but precious Florida’s beaches must be pure. For the good of the country!
Until a local pol wants to kiss up to a damaged candidate who wants to kiss up to Big Oil. Then all of a sudden, it’s fine.
Any chance of the Biblical floods hitting the midwest drifting east and south? Please, gods?
FunkyPalmettoBug: I agree with the concept of “States Rights”, but the state of Florida is not interested in drilling on the coast, so, it’s this states right and choice to say no.
Voyou Charmant: Yeah, but thats not the grounds in which this is being pushed. That its the superseding interest of the whole nation that gas prices have to come down, so Crist saying that its “states’ rights” is ridiculous.
I think this clears everything up.
um i meant this but the internets didn’t let it: http://media.browardpalmbeach.com/1954010.47.jpg
Borat: I think he’s probably a Fristing bottom.
FunkyPalmettoBug: I agree. He’s not right. I didn’t come here for genuine political discussion. See my post at 7:25 for further evidence.
Dammit, that’s where I live. Aren’t hurricanes bad enough without an oil spill risk? Thanks a lot, Coppertone.
What about State’s rights when California wants to set their own emission and mileage standards? What about State’s rights for medicinal marijuana? What about Oregon’s or Florida’s right to allow someone to die with dignity. What about Florida’s right to recount all the friggin votes in 2000.
The republicans clearly want to write off California (surprise!) They better not get anywhere near our coasts. Your messing with our tourist economy, baby.
All of McCain’s vice presidential choices are laughable. Is there one Republican VP front-runner right now who’s not a gay, a Mormon, or a pseudo-Democratic Jew? His party’s failure this fall is going to be epic.
mothermaven: We have Arnold for coastal assfucking. Remember? Our states-rights include drilling the shit out of Santa Barbera.
Charlie’s under Veep consideration for only one reason.
WALNUTS! asked his pollsters what his chances for winning the general were.
They said, “Only if you make Christ your co-pilot.”
Voila!
ronaldpagan: Although Gov. Crist will try to chip in as best he can, I believe Floridians are fucking Florida well enough on their own.
Crist/McGreevey 2012!!!
Crist needs state’s rights so he can focus on some of his own personal “drilling,” from behind.
If you squint just enough, Crist appears to be decapitated next to all that rich mahogany paneling in the background…
McLesionCrist 2008!
it doesn’t matter what he says. this man is way too tan to be taken seriously by anyone. surely his insides are cooked, and he will die soon.
No one knows what it’s like
to be an Orange man,
to be Oompa
Perhaps Loompa
Behind dark eyes
No one knows what its like
To be mated
To be fated
To telling only lies
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat…
ronaldpagan:
Between Rudy, Mittens, Crist, or the Exorcist guy, my personal schadenfreude levels (damn, I love German words) are approaching stratospheric levels.
Perhaps it’s time to start up the betting pool on the *degree* of epic fail: Dole ‘96? Dukakis ‘88? Mondale ‘84??
jjgittes: LBJ ‘64! The last time a senior Senator from Arizona tried his hand at this presidential thingamabob, it didn’t turn out so well. The past is prologue.
I can’t help but always think about, w/rt this issue “Jenna Bush’s Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open For Public Drilling” (couldn’t find a link with text).
Allthough they’ve since awarded the contract to a single bidder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_H._Hager