Wonkette
The saddest part about Tim Russert’s death last Friday was not that he was young. It’s that he never got to stick it to those damn liberal tree-fuckers who don’t want to drill America’s coasts for sweet, sweet Texas Tea! Such was the extrapolation of Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) yesterday on the House floor. Do those elite big city fairies think that “Lil’ Russ” liked paying $5 a gallon for gas? He definitely did not! And while we’re at it, how can those Democrats go around killing babies when Tim Russert is also dead? [Think Progress, YouTube]
Also, Tim Russert was such a loving dad that he would’ve surely wanted Roe v. Wade overturned.
But what would Princess Diana have wanted? Surely her deep thoughts and opinions should be the basis for most government intervention?
WWTRD
What would Tim Russert drill?
Issa is the same tool that orchestrated the recall against Gray Davis in California. His most memorable moment was when he almost cried on TV after realizing that Ahnold was the people’s choice, not him. Yes, Darrell, we hate you. We really, really, hate you.
Nice to see that he’s kept the douchebag train rolling.
if we did everything lil’ russ wanted we’d all be knee deep in bacon sandwiches and baseball metaphors.
All this time I thought that the GOP frowned on necrophilia. And then there’s Issa humping a corpse on C-SPAN. Wonders never cease.
Tim Russert. Tim Reassurt. Tim Reagert. Tim Reagan.
I heard Russert’s last words were “Detention camps for anyone darker than Behr’s Cotton Whisper.”
Beef Supreme: WWTRD? Probably Mrs. Russert.
Thanks Wonkette for the new avatar inspiration. I guess Truck Nutz were too easy. I’m trying harder.
Oh man, Olbermann is going to eat this guy’s liver.
They need a necromancer to exhume and reanimate Russert so he can testify before congress on this critical issue.
…WoW, so they are going to try and turn Tim Russert into a Republican deity!? I wonder if John McCain will utter his name 5 million times during debates just like Ronald Reagan!?
God, Issa is a scumbag.
http://www.perrspectives.com/blog/archives/001007.htm
He needs a terrorist fist jab in the testicles.
Cicada: Amen
There may be others more deserving of a size 12 Allen-Edmonds wing-tipped brogue up his ass this morning but I can’t think of any just now.
Baconcat: …with a side of arugula and fava beans, perhaps?
Tim was a huge fan of off-shore drilling… of whores.
Hey, can I get a what-what?! He’s not even in the ground yet.
AngryBlakGuy:
I think Huckleberry will claim divine intervention during the campaign, and truck Randy Quaid out in a pinstripe suit. (insert appropriate/humorous Quaid movie quote here)
Now the rest of the U.S. can behold the amazing scumbaggery of Darrell “The Hack” Issa!
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: And a delicious mocha latte.
He left out George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, who I’m sure would be enthusiastic supporters of coastal drilling.
There was something in that enormous pumpkin-head; maybe it was sweet crude. We’ll never know unless we try.
It seems the congressman has a colorful history of actions unbefitting a representative. I’m surprised no one has placed his name into this hallowed hall of the lame. Someone with more knowledge of his skullduggery should do so.
http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Main_Page
If I hear one more f*****g word about Tim Russert I’m going to drill through my skull. Jesus, people. He was a freakin’ hack — there I said it. Who the f**k cares what Tim Russert wanted drilled or not drilled. Jesus!!!!!
I bet one of these days, if another Republican gets caught “drilling” a ten-year-old boy, he would lift his chin and say, “It’s what Tim Russert would have done… Lil Russ may be looking down at me from heaven right now.”
It must be really hard to get somebody’s opinion when you just keep KICKING them and KICKING them but there’s no response. GAWD.
MoodProcessor: See, when I saw you write Quaid, and I thought you were going to make a Total Recall reference, such as:
As he lay dying, Tim revealed the existence of his parasitic twin, who whispered to an astonished studio staff,
“Quaid…start the drilling in ANWAR…”
Tim Russert would want the Buffalo Bills to beat the hell out of Darrell Issa.
Darrell, I think I speak for Tim Russert (and shortsshortsshorts) when I offer this
bit of advice:
Eat a bag of dicks.
loudmouthredhead: Freaky….and gives a whole new meaning to Lil Russ.
The important question is whether Tim Russert would want to legalize anonymous gay bathroom sex in every airport. Until we can discern this truth, fuck Issa.
Tim Russert wanted me to drill Salma Hayek.
Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.
loudmouthredhead: I was thinking, “I’m Back!!!!!”
superfecta: Yea, but I think saddest of all is we will never hear the wonderfully slurred and sedated way Anna Nicole would have mispronounced Barack Obama…
A country’s loss really.
…keep reaching, Issa… keep reaching… keeeep reaching… Ungh. It’s like his arms aren’t long enough to give a proper reach around or something. In related news, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) is an impotent fucktard that is hated by the entirety of The Golden State. Eureka!
Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan etc.
Behold.The.Textbook.Definition.Of.Douche.
problemwithcaring: Oh man…too soon!
Serolf Divad: I think his quotes, along with a black and white sketch of his bust will make it into the next Webster’s. He gives those feminine hygiene products a bad name.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: And a nice chianti!
OK, I need some help. Would Issa be “doucherrific” or “douchtastic”?
Sorry, but if Tim Russert had been “alive” between 2001 and 2008, he might actually have tried asking Dick Cheney what he and all the oil bigs discussed in the great “divvy up the spoils to come” pow-wow Republican operative Vito Pasquale Scalia decided were none of our fucking business back in 2001. Thanks, Issa, for reminding us what a lazy, fear-driven fuck Russert actually was.
Last night as I was packing the ol’ bong, Tim came to me in a vision. He said, simply, “Legalize It”, and then, like that, he was gone. Not a word about black gold. Nada.
Gopherit v2.0: I second that emotion.
Darrel Issa is supremely insufferable. Especially when he appears on Maher’s show.