Wonkette
Nothing says “Ha ha, enjoy your black president next year” like this “I WILL HOLD MY NOSE WHEN I VOTE FOR MCCAIN” button sold on a Republican trinket website. There are many other sad and unintentionally hilarious gewgaws for sale at RepublicanMarket.com, but this is the only known example of wingnuts paying two dollars for the privilege of announcing in public that they are repulsed by their only 2008 presidential candidate. [RepublicanMarket.com via Metafilter]
OLD PEOPLE SMELL
$2 Button For Sad, Ashamed McCain Voters
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…where is the “I will give up UTERUS when I vote for McCain” buttons?
Ha ha! Black is the new president, bitch!
…damn it miss the “my”
“I will hold my nose when my grandson is drafted.”
“I will hold my nose when my daugher is brought to the hospital hemorrhaging after a back alley abortion”
“I will hold my nose when McCain shits on our Constitution.”
This is the exact same shit that doomed John Kerry. Remember all the merchandise that was like, “Kerry: at least he’s not Bush”, and things like that? Poor Walnuts probably already realizes he’s lost.
ronaldpagan: …he realized that on Monday when Barry pulled ahead in every demographic accept white men!
“I will pay $20 bucks to a swarthy black man to blow me after I vote for McCain”
ronaldpagan: Right, like those “I loved Dean but maybe Kerry could win?” bumper stickers. Inspirational!
Another alternative to holding your nose: stick it up in the air. That is what we Elitists do. Let us lift our noses!
http://i31.tinypic.com/o8xf20.jpg
I will hold my nose when the sale on truck nutz ends.
AngryBlakGuy: Oh come on! I’m sure McCain was also leading among bitters, “Hillary Is 44 bloggers”, gun-clingers, angry white pastors, yokels, sister-fuckers, West Virginians, senile white feminists, Kentuckians, sons of the soil, Joe Lieberman, Geraldine Ferraro, and other terms for “racists.”
AngryBlakGuy: And that’s why we need to introduce the white men to Bob Barr.
This is extremely insulting to John McCain. Insofar as he cannot hold his nose, since his arms do not raise above his shoulders. I would expect more sensitivity.
Hey, I wonder why McCain is all of a sudden polling 40 points behind in the Latino vote?
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/21374.Press.1.For.English.Button
mookworthjwilson: Not bloody likely. Big sale on truck nutz, you know.
El Bombastico: How unbelievably classy and tasteful. At least they know who they are:
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/21643.Big.ot.Button
We need someone to make clothespins with McCain ‘08 stamped on them. This isn’t a joke.
Oh, and, um, what does this even mean? Are they calling me a lesbian?
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/2131.Republican.Women.Like.Men.Button
ronaldpagan: WTF? Why would they…. I mean, what benefit… oh forget it.
I can picture a lot of convention attendees rocking this one:
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/19071.General.Lee.The.Review.at.Moss.Creek,.Fredericksburg,.Va
ronaldpagan: It’s just so that Republican officeholders will know to avoid them.
Who’s gonna be the first one to send one of these to Dubya?
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/19020.Golf.Balls
OMG THE BEST AND CREEPIEST YET!!!
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/3009.My.Parents.Chose.Life.T-Shirt
“Thanks for not aborting me, mom and dad!”
And the smiley looks like it has serious fetal alcohol syndrome. (The design also comes in bib form.)
i think they summed it up…”priceless!”
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/3006.My.Parents.Chose.Life.Bib
ronaldpagan: YES! I was thinking the exact same thing. The mother is clearly a born-again meth addict. Also that it looked like one of Senator Brownback’s non-aborted fetuses.
ronaldpagan: Isn’t it a bit of a tautology, surely Republicans of every gender like men?
ronaldpagan: too fast for me
also, apparently it’s 1992:
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/14100.Stars.And.Stripes.Scrunchie
andersoncooperihardlyknowher: Jinx. Imagine the irony of some 90-pound mulletted toddler running around unsupervised with two days worth of feces in his sweatpants, a giant bag of Barbecue Doritos in one hand, and daddy’s loaded rifle in the other, wearing the “My parents chose life!” shirt.
andersoncooperihardlyknowher: Hah! I am really tempted to go on a Republikitsch buying spree, but I know these assholes would just spend my money on meth and hookers.
McCain has set himself up for disaster already by touting the Old Republican Approach of Mocking Big Government and saying how it is So Terrible. That’s all he got intellectually.
Old old old.
McCain comes off “old” because he peddles so many old ideas.
ronaldpagan: ha totally…*male* hookers, of course
Cathangover:
Already done:
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1726
The funniest part on that link is the bit about stopping Hillary’s coronation. Remember when that was going to happen?
ronaldpagan: I think it’s saying Republican women are lesbians. Republican woman are like men.
I can only hope that they hold their noses, turn blue, and die. Preferably before pressing the ‘vote’ button.
Some of those bumperstickers are just plain mean. It’s great.
AGGHH! Bush + 9/11 = vomit in my mouth
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/4301.Bush.-.We.Will.Never.Forget
Brutus Harlot: I’ve been trying for months to get my daughter to parse the name of the band “Boys Like Girls” for the same reason. Is the work like a verb or not?
I prefer to assume that the repub button has a companion button that finishes the thought. “Republican Women/Like Men”…Have huge veiny hands/And penises”.
My gay ass just got hate-crimed by looking at those ties.
“Vote McCain: At least he’s White.”
“Vote McCain: Everything Republicans loved about Bush, minus the likability.”
“Vote McCain: Because I fear change.”
“Vote McCain: Because he’s probably going to fall off a stage at some point and that will be totally hilarious.”
eatsshootsleaves: “VOTE MCCAIN:
He is kind of a combination of a Couple of Presidents who did not suck that bad. Did we mention he is not Muslim?”
A little long but it might work.
junkscience: It’s like Rep platform now-
Things aren’t great for the campaign?
“BRING IN MORE FUCKING FLAGS.”
McCain voters will be holding their nose because of the rotten putrid smell of death that will permeate through the ballot due to WALNUTS! name being on it.
BTW, on “Verdict!” Kinky Friedman just brought up Hitler and his use of synthetic fuels in WWII while talking about global warming and McDrillbit’s recent flipflop. All the split screen panelists, including Dan, were speechless.
AudicityofHope: correction: *noses*
Vote McCain: Like Reagan but with less memory.
Vote McCain: I just look white
Vote McCain: What’s a computer anyway?
Vote McCain: If you don’t Diebold will
eatsshootsleaves:
“Vote McCain: At least he’s not an extreme Muslim terrorist monkey!”
“Vote McCain: So what if his wife steals narcotics and cookie recipes? She’ll give all Americans free beer!!”
Cicada: and only $495.00!! i’ll take two!
This is the only known example of wingnuts paying two dollars for the privilege of announcing in public that they are repulsed by their only 2008 presidential candidate.
Whoa, I finally have something in common with Republicans.
DoctorCulturae:
Vote McCain: Like Reagan, but less limber and more translucent.
Vote McCain: The undead have rights too!
How about a button that says “If my husband called me a cunt, he’d have to get my foot surgically removed from his ass.”
Probably too long for a button, eh?
Harriet Christian’s button: “I will remain bitter, but will cast my vote with glee against that inadequate black male Barack HUSSEIN Osama when I vote for McCain”
AudicityofHope: Harriet would keep it simple if she had a brain:
“I am a failure of a human.”
shortsshortsshorts: or: “I’m an inadequate racist white female.”
how about one that says:
i will stab myself in the eye with scissors while i vote for john mccain.
i will whip myself bloody after i vote for john mccain.
i will vomit on the ballot when i vote for john mccain.
i will hold my breath until i turn blue, passout, wake up, vote for mccain, eat a cookie, get in my hummer, drive home, watch dancing with the stars, read me some people magazine, wait - what were we talking about?
AudicityofHope:
Vote McCain: His positions smell like his teeth
Vote McCain: Hey, the military, they like me, they really like me!
Vote McCain: 100 Years of Solicitude
AudicityofHope: Actually, Harriet’s would read
“Wa, wa wa wa wa”
That’s all I hear when she speaks
Oh no, the guy that runs republicanmarket.com has another awful website called democratmall.com!!!
“I will stop having sex with other men and vote for McCain. And then be sent to a camp.”
I’m holding it right now.
Beef Supreme: There’s half as many items, and most of those are generic flag stuff. What the hell, don’t Dems get donkey jewelry? Why don’t we get our own line of patriotic ties? Where are our overpriced commemorative plaques? I feel oddly cheated.
andersoncooperihardlyknowher: Of COURSE.
Vote McCain: he used to be pretty.
Beef Supreme: Whoa, WEIRD. I hate easy Democratic bumper sticker slogans as much as anyone, but at least they don’t have any buttons saying “Proud to be a Racist.”
Cicada: I know. Why don’t we get shot-glasses saying “Thanks, Mom and Dad, for aborting me!”
ronaldpagan: Or how about a bumpersticker saying “I won’t vote for Whitey”.
Vote McCain: At least he doesn’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.
Beef Supreme: Ha ha! This one will haunt my dreams. We are capable of EPIC FAIL also:
http://www.democratmall.com/store/item/21369.Son.You.Should‘ve.Pulled.Out.Early.Button
Beef Supreme:
“Donkey print” is something I never thought I’d say. And the bumper stickers are less mean-spirited, which is a bit of a bummer.
The back of the button says “Because I fart when I vote.”
Sorry if someone else said that. I’m lazy like that.
Bbbbraapppp! I just voted!
El Bombastico:
Nice one.
This one is the perfect gift for Captain Obvious, or Senor Redundant. Whichever.
http://www.democratmall.com/store/item/21413.White.Hard.Working.Person.for.Obama.Button
ronaldpagan: (all nasally, with tongue on roof of mouth) “Tank u mommmie. I’m SPECIAL”
“I will hold my nose when I find out WALNUTS is in fact a dead man magically animated by George Lucas.”
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/21386.Drive.her.home.Button
it was on the sale section.
Vote McCain: Nobody Calls Me
Vote McCain: NUUUUUURSE! NUUUUUUUUUURSE!
Vote McCain: I’m Cold
Vote McCain: You Look Like My Wife, That Cunt
Yea you stupid fucking idiot … hold your nose and kiss your ass goodbye. Because you are STUPID!
wow, this place is a gold mine!
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/2116.’Single.And.Conservative’.Button
I will hold my left nostril when I snort CoCaine.
I will hold one nostril when I vote CoCain.
Love the delay here. Keep trying till you get it right.
“I Only Sleep With GAY Republicans”
http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/22102.Nixon.And.Elvis.Magnet
Squwonk: Squwonk: I nill son vote when I hold McCain.
what about THIS? i want one!http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/item/61304.Mens.CIA.Watch
heathenish: THIS IS THE WAY THEY WORK. All the Republicans become gay, and then they come into power and fuck each other all the time. AND THEN, there is a dawn of power, where they get eight years of fucking, sucking, shit-stained balls, etc…
When they lose office, they die off, like a locust, but they come back 8 years later, instead of 17 (like the locust), to take the thrown and repeat the former two exorcisms, or exercises, depending…
Ed Hale, are you paying attention? Here’s your ticket for that full page ad in the Steubenville Shopper.
Vote McCain: take one for the team!
I thought my old dusty ‘Are You Willing To Die For Exxon’ button from a ‘91 protest was significant, however this button just takes the yellow cake! Haw Haw
I like the listing of ‘Silk Ties from $6′ and ‘Bags from $3′– so truthful in the way Repubs manage their marriages..
Vote McCain. You cunt.
trai_dep and everyone: I’ve reached my saturation point on cunt/trollop.. It’s boring anymore. Cunt cunt cunt, trollop trollop. Anything new? (and for fuck’s sake, don’t call me a cunt or a trollop).
“Marsha, Marsha, Marsha”?
Smoke Filled Roommate: Really? I’m over McCunt and random “cunt” insertions, but the entire sentence, “At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt”, is and will forever be a hilarious comeback in a wide range of situations.
Except moms. Never use that line on your mom.
Related note: do you know that Irish Spring doesn’t taste even remotely Irish-y?
How about: “I will stick my head up my ass when I vote for John McCain.”
How about” “My nonogenarian mom chose life and decided to keep me in a vegetative state and Dick Cheney becomes president”
ronaldpagan: No, no, they shoudl say “Thanks, Mom & Dad, for aborting all my siblings; life as an only child ROCKS!”
I wasn’t on Wonkette much yesterday (due to my pesky ‘job’), so I’m assuming everyone saw this one come across the Kos, Drudge HuffPo etc feeds…?
http://img.skitch.com/20080617-b24pwcrqnd2qgdawirc22jc99m.jpg
http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/06/texas_gop_we_didnt_know_about.php
All right, this is really dorky, I know I’m becoming way too obsessed with politics because I had a dream last night (after seeing that Black House button)that I was visiting Barack Obama at home. He does Sudoku puzzles and he’s a brilliant DIY type, by the way. Anyway, before I woke up, a campaign button flashed onto the screen and I thought “that’s cool.” It said “Our 1st Black President. Can flying cars be far behind?”
I told you this would be a dorky comment.
i have to hold my nose when i’m around mccain because he smells like ben-gay, gold bond powder and incontinence.
“Vote McCain: He’s not such a maverick, after all”
ronaldpagan: Left unsaid is the obvious conclusion that Democratic women like babies.
ivenson: Republican Women… Like Men… But Clutching Their Pearls.
McCain, Lieberman, Graham - Redux. February 2003 they wrote this Sense of the Senate Resolution, Sub-itled “France and Germany -What the Fuck Do They Know”, where they went on to thank those others who “stood in solidarity with the US” because if they don’t it is a threat to world peace”.
“[T]he United States
[has] presented compelling evidence to the United Nations Security
Council detailing Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction programs, its
active efforts to deceive U.N. inspectors, and its links to
international terrorism”.. “..a clear and present danger.”
Not like Bush, McCain says? McCain, Lieberman and Graham helped write and push the damn thing- they’re three times as WORSE THAN BUSH.
And Harry Reid gave Lieberman back his positions…
hold your nose, and don’t forget your Official McCain 08 Butt Plug
“I will push my uvula when I vote for Obama”
“I will squeeze my sphincter when I vote for Obama”
“I will ram hot pokers in my eyes when I vote for Obama”
“I will self-immolate when I vote for Obama”
“I will disembowel myself when I vote for Obama”
gurukalehuru: Dude, that’s an AWESOME idea for a button! Make them!! I’ll buy two.
/is also a colossal dork
“Repulsed” or not, McCain will be the next president of the United States. This country will not vote that inexperienced, fancy-speech-giving lack-of-knowledge guy into the office.
thefrontpage: If McCain’s hilarious forgetting which type of Muslum darkie is our friend and which is not is knowledge, then color me a know-nothing.