Wonkette
Get ready for the softer, whiter side of Michelle Obama! According to somebody at the New York Times who leaked it to Drudge Report, Barack’s fancy corporate wife is getting a “subtle makeover” that will finally make right-wing nuts put aside racism and sexism so they can metaphorically embrace their new first lady, who represents everything they so deeply resent in life: intelligence, wealth, style, liberalism and especially the “being female” and “being black” parts. UPDATE: Oh here it is.
Well, Drudge didn’t exactly get that straight. It’s a front-pager (we think?) that says Michelle Obama doesn’t take any shit from people and she is not one to pretend there are no racial issues in this country, and she is the descendant of slaves (who were all racist), and off she went to super-white Princeton where her white dorm-mate’s mom was furious about a black gal being in such close proximity, blah blah, this won’t satisfy anyone who is so worried about a black woman getting somewhere in the world, the end.
After Attacks, Michelle Obama Looks for a New Introduction [NYT]
What is she, diving into Cindy’s stash or something? Oh no no no, Drudge is actually doing that.
Are they going to bleach her skin and hair so she has a ghastly pallor like the McCains?
She’s going to put on a headwrap, an apron, and walk around barefoot.
AxmxZ: Key word: HUMBLE.
Why would anyone consider giving Michelle a makeover? She is literally perfection. If they make her over, can I have her old persona?
She’ll following in the footsteps of Michelle Malkin. Look for “In Defense of Slavery” by Michelle Obama at your local bookstore.
jagorev: Yep. http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Transformer/
…does this mean that The Times will mail anyone who doesn’t currently love Michelle Obama an envelope full of anthrax or something?
shortsshortsshorts: As if! Cindy guards her stash like a… well… large wildcat…
…unfortunately a make over wont help all that much with the wingnuts! They have pulled out their old play book from the 90’s against the Clinton’s. They are trying demonize her in the same fashion that they demonized Hillary Clinton. Attacking her strength and opinions in an attempt to paint her as the “over bearing wife from hell”(and in this case she is also “Black”). My opinion is that she should stay out of the lime light and let Barry smile and grin while he bludgeons John McCains lifeless campaign in a puddle of goo! And then we can all ride ponies and eat Little Debbie’s come January!!!
problemwithcaring: Your link just takes me to the start page of the tool (which is fascinting), but here’s what I got with a quick attempt to whitenize Michelle:
http://i27.tinypic.com/2zyv038.jpg
It worked better when I had it visualize what First Lady Obama would look like in 2016 after 8 years of being relentlessly attacked by the right wing thugs - pretty amazing in fact:
http://i32.tinypic.com/10yfh52.jpg
Yes, they’re going to “subtley transform” her into Nicole Kidman, holding a puppy.
This plan to let MO win the “minds” of wingnuts is doomed to failure. It’s based on the premise that the wingnuts will read the NYT and can actually understand the funny squiggles that normal people call words.
leave michelle alone, don’t fuck with a great thing! the only thing they need to do is have barack whore out his wife and cute kids at every single opportunity, get those kids stumping, it’ll be pure gold.
AngryBlakGuy: True. But the saddest thing is, no matter how much she stays out of the limelight, the wingnuts will never fucking shut up about how “this is the first time in my adult life I’ve truly been proud of my country.” They will never, ever let that go.
And that’s why we need to fight back. John McCain may or may not have called his wife a “cunt” 15 years ago, and I refuse to get over it.
Does Wonkette filter out any post with more than one link in it? Bastards swallowed my perfectly legit post.
Thanks for the fascinating tool, problemwithcaring: here’s my attempt to visualize Michelle Obama in 2016 after 8 years of rightwing thugs attacking her nonstop:
http://i32.tinypic.com/10yfh52.jpg
populucious: Intriguing… but what breed of puppy?
Gopherit v2.0: Others of Michelle’s re-works will include:
The Sword and the Distaff
The Planter’s Northern Bride
Frank Freeman’s Barber Shop and
English Serfdom and American Slavery; or, Ourselves as Others See Us
All of which were originally written by Michelle’s new-found post-enlightenment era Whitey influences.
jagorev: Yup, they’ve done it to me too, last night, with my DIABEETUS vids.
Someone at the NYT leaked something to Drudge? You would think those two outfits wouldn’t even share seats on the same airplane much less information. I guess it’s OK to say that when it comes to media outlets, they all look alike.
edgydrifter: Golden retriever?
They could just have Michael Jackson appear with Hopey and say it’s Michelle….
He could use the cash, so I’m sure he’d play along.
jagorev: Yes.
This is one of 500 commenter system things I hope to get “fixed,” someday. It’s a spam-prevention thing but it’s over the top.
I have to personally go into the Comments Awaiting Moderation thing and okay multi-link comments. PAIN IN MY ASS.
Ken Layne: You’re running Wordpress, right? Akismet tends to take care of most spam, allowing me to relax the other settings.
I prefer to set it so that the first comment by any commenter gets held in queue, but once the new user is approved they can run free (until they’re banned, forever).
There’s really only one way they can make over Michelle that has a chance of success among the wingnuts. Think about it: who is the only black woman that generations of white bitters have welcomed into their home without a second thought?
That’s right — Aunt Jemima.
Look for Patti Solis Doyle to bankrupt the Obama campaign on an endless quest to find “just the right babushka” sometime this summer.
OMG! The NYT is going to bleach Michelle’s hair, put her in a green dress and make her gain weight so Americans will relate to her!
Ken Layne: So if we are angry with you one day, we just need to keep posting with multiple links? Good to know.
I fear the Blackanization of Harriet Christian.
i don’t care if the wingnuts like her, or not.
she’s so fine, but still…i have fantasies.
ghetto hootchie michelle.
princeton professor michelle.
milf michelle.
nubile slave michelle.
pole dancing michelle.
there must be a thousand desirable michelle types.
bring ‘em on.
Leave Michelle Alone!!!
(srry had to be done)
Oh no. The pollsters have decided that the only image of a black woman the majority of Ammericans can swallow is Aunt Jemima, and they’ve sold Hopey on it. However, the only thing Washington Republicans seem to be able to swallow is sperm.
http://www.tvacres.com/images/aunt_jemima2.jpg
Unless and until Barack divorces Michelle, and shacks up with Halle Berry, the top of the Dem ticket just does not work for me, sorry. Cautioning Michelle not to insult America or make scary fist gestures with Barack on TV or a bigger “Jackie flip” in the back of her hair won’t do it. At first I thought Billary as number 2 might fix it for me, but I was soooo wrong. (I will NOT be holding my nose when completing the little arrow next to McCain’s name on my CA absentee general election ballot.)
agingboomerguy: Scary fist gestures? You’re kidding, right? Otherwise I will be forced to break out my treasure trove of offensive Boomer generalizations.
Oh, the article’s up:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/18/us/politics/18michelle.html?_r=1&hp=&oref=slogin&pagewanted=print
It’s practically gushing about Michelle, but really, how could you not? And I’m still amazed that people can read her Princeton thesis and think “Black Separatist.” That’s completely missing the point. I’m sure if any of those white men who hate her were placed in a situation for four years where they were only one of a handful of Caucasians, they’d feel a little uncomfortable, too.
agingboomerguy: Good thing Obama’s going to win California, anyway! Haha, you live in a traditionally Democratic state and your vote doesn’t matter! Suck it, boomer!
Like, the secret Negro handshake is not scary?
Well, there’s that.
ronaldpagan: Michelle is pure hot. So’s Barry. So are the kiddies. Jewels, the four of them.
Q: Even after a makeover the Repubtards will try to make her into something like this:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/49/150135244_dbbcef65b5.jpg?v=0
agingboomerguy: snark or be gone.
Michelle is doing a reverse psychology trick. You would THINK that she is going to become white, but instead she’s broadening the booty, getting jiggy on the ebony-jive, implanting the B.E.T. chip, and riling up to get jiggy on your white asses.
The “Ambush Makeover” team will kidnap Michelle, stick her in a kitchen, force her to fix chicken n’ waffles and eat them until she gains fifty pounds, deprive her of cocoa butter, and brain wash her into responding only to the name “Mammy”.
Fantasy: The Dems bring out J-Lo & MIchelle & Scarlett Johanssen together to do some maniacal dance with Kenyan drums which shows off their populist assets.
Last week the NYTimes told us Michelle was just like “Battleship” Barbara Bush. So why does she need a makeover?
eatsshootsleaves: I think the article’s annoying. The only example of Michelle’s missteps they can trot out is…well, guess. They’re acting like “Obama’s baby mama” somehow reflects badly on Michelle for being too racial, as opposed to reflecting badly on Fox for being too racist. The rest of it is basically gushing, but still. Overprivileged boomers don’t always realize how insensitive they can be from time to time.
Ken Layne: I had one with two links that posted over an hour after I submitted.
BTW, maybe someone explained it around here somewhere already, but I was curious about what happened to the Larry Sinclair pubic speaking thread. Did it turn out that Larry was only 12 years old?
The article makes clear her elitism, alrighty:
Michelle Robinson grew up in the black half of a divided Chicago. She and her brother, Craig, lived with their parents on the second floor of a bungalow. “Two bedrooms, if you want to be generous,” she says.
God dam bitterz America needs a makeover.
Darehead: No, see, she is an elitist. The BLACK HALF? What, is she too good for white people or something?
That’s funny. McCain is hiring Tracy Morgan to make him more black. I can’t wait to see him walk like he has the clap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrngtVuexXo&feature=related
Darehead: I noticed that. It disappeared.
ronaldpagan: Republicans (perverts who love Jeebus) only love white people who aren’t elitist and the extremely white elitists who act like their not.
agingboomerguy: aging boomer guy why do you have to be such an aging boomer guy?
AxmxZ: Once again, we were just having synchronized dreams. But Shorts was there, having a feisty dual, as I recall.
Anyone willing to give slip Drudge ‘news’ certainly intends to white wash ’something’. I think that the something is little ol’ Stephanie Cutter, whom Michelle just hired -as something of a personal hit woman. When you’ve reached the top… oh those yummy perks
Cutter is so sharp with wordcraft she made Chris Matthews whine in frustration and scared the Kerry ‘04 team so bad they fired her.
Evil doers, you better call your little gargoyles inside. The Dems have put away their bongs!
AngryBlakGuy: ronaldpagan: The wingnuts are pulling a Hillary on Michelle and it will not go away–it didn’t go away for Hillary until she invoked wingnut tactics in her primary campaign. It’s sexism in it’s nastiest form: demonize the strong, intelligent, poised, successful woman because she threatens the Morans. Where’s the Hillary “that’s sexist” army when we need them? Oh, they’re off voting for WALNUTS! Listen up wingnuts, stay the fuck away from Michelle or I will cut you. I hate your pearl wearing, simpering, smiling-over-my-husbands shoulder, cookie recipe stealing, deaf-mute Laura/Barbara/Nancy/Cindy types. They suck. I want a first lady who’s got my back in the board room and in a knife fight, so fuck off.
Darehead: Oooooops= *duel
I’m a watch Michelle on The View tomorrow. Can you liveblog it, Ken?
On second thought, you’re a dude; that’s like asking me to liveblog Fishin’ Hole.
Darehead: Well yeah, because humans (me, mostly) have to go into the publishing system, read over the held comments, and manually approve them. You can imagine how that’s not the main thing I love to do, as writer/editor of a website, and yet I did it within an hour. You’re welcome.
NoWireHangers: Nancy sucked more than any other first lady in history, or so I hear.
vicuna: I am, as you noted, the sort of human who is proud to only know about “The View” from video clips I’ve seen on Gawker. But maybe we can make our Sara live-blog it, due to her gender disadvantage!
Sara, will you watch that show tomorrow that you’ve have admitted to watching?
NoWireHangers: damn girl, you make me want to go all shakespeare on their ass.
oh, wait, i want to do that anyway.
but now i’m fired up and think we need a wonkette go-girl team that will take out the simpering pearls.
Ken Layne: THANKS for the hand job!!
It was good for me. But from now on, one link. Rule. Got it.
NoWireHangers: I think I just fell in love.
Darehead: I guess Diogenes’ lamp went out, and all went dark.
I’ve never watched The View either. Too bad we’re not a Nielsen family.
AxmxZ: Oh yeah, that was you. He never had a lamp cuz he was a rascally scoundrel himself. That was a fun thread though.
Maybe we’ll meet up in a dream on Wonkette again; kinda reminds me of Angels in America.
Ken Layne: Blogging is a pain in the ass and you are damn good at not being a dumb fuck. You have made an awesome life(Eastern Sierra), I’m five years behind you in terms of the goals (BUT I WILL FIND YOU) and you do an awesome hand job (on the keyboard, of course). Cheers. Now let me take advantage of your powers ? ? ?
agingboomerguy: As an aging boomer guy myself, you make me yearn for the days when you weren’t an aging boomer guy.
Or breathing.
Y’all, I think Aging Boomer Guy is kidding. The “secret Negro handshake” was what tipped me off. It’s just hard to tell because he’s not especially funny.
NoWireHangers: Very well-said, especially about the dazed, simpering, Republican ideal for first ladies. But to be fair, I think the Hillary “that’s sexist” people are still bitter that people like me - and lots of other Obama supporters - were so ready to call Hillary a cunt. Because she kind of acted like one sometimes. But we still should have been nicer. Hopefully the feminists will start defending Michelle if we give them some time.
ALSO, this isn’t meant to be an attack on Silda or Hills, both of whom I admire, but let’s say Obama got caught in a sex scandal. Michelle would be one of the few political wives to tell her cheating husband to fuck off instead of standing by his side in a press conference. You know? She’d be all, “Sorry, sweetie, you’re on your own.”
jagorev: Michelle Obama contracts vitiligo/leukoderma?
jagorev: yes, they seem to filter posts with more than one link to it. at least they never allow my posts about my patented skin-lightening products
If Michelle were mixed race, and they had ‘mixed’ twins, this scenario would totally fuck up the critics…
http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/mixedtwins.asp
The GOP’s problem with Michelle is that she alone has everything that they collectively do not; honor, courage, intelligence, and stunningly good looks.
Gopherit v2.0: Actually, Michelle Malkin hasn’t betrayed “Asians,” because that’s a bogus, meaningless race classification. Michelle Malkin is Filipino, and they have plenty of excuses to hate the Japanese.
So writing an apologia for the internment camps makes her a douchebag, but not a self-loathing douchebag.
agingboomerguy: It’s only a secret Negro handshake to retards whose only experience with black people is watching the CW. Lemme put it in terms your aged brain might understand: it’s the 21st-century Gimme Five!
Michelle Obama = best first lady period
She is going to be the first lady that both Eleanor Roosevelt and Jackie Kennedy would approve of and that is enough for me. I have to say that democrats do create some kickass first ladies even Rosalyn, Lady Bird, and Hillary were heads above what the republicans have offered us.
She is MY first lady.
They hate her most because of her low body fat. Bitters, ditto-heads, and other assorted cretinous sorts are almost always large bags of lard.
jagorev: No prob, ja. & thanksf or the michelle o. pic. i was too lazy and tired to upload one of her myself after wasting the previous 3 hours seeing what michael jackson would look like black and asian, etc.