ALTAVISTA FTW  12:58 pm June 17, 2008

Obama’s ‘Google’ References Mean Very Important Things!

by Jim Newell

Last week, John McCain described his veep-vetting process, “jokingly,” as this: “You know, basically it’s a Google.” His omission of the word “search” — a Google “search” — was very shocking to every reporter and teevee personality; it showed that John McCain is OMFG so old while, in contrast, reporters and teevee personalities are so young. Anyway, this soul-crushing narrative about the proper usage of “Google” has taken another fake turn: Barack Obama mentioned “Google” three times in his speech yesterday. Correctly! And if you say “Google” three times correctly into a bathroom mirror, a magic troll appears and steals John McCain away to Narnia. [Jonathan Martin]

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metropolitan June 17, 2008 at 1:04 pm

i think old man mccain meant that he was getting barney google to be his VP.

shortsshortsshorts June 17, 2008 at 1:07 pm

John McCain don’t need no Google. John McCain has a messenger who shall travel a marathon’s length to deliver news of the pending attack. Godspeed! Our men shall be ready!

Serolf Divad June 17, 2008 at 1:07 pm

I thought proper syntax for an aging politician was “the Google.”

AxmxZ June 17, 2008 at 1:08 pm

Barack’s triple shout-out to this Google fella is actually an Ezekiel prophecy come to pass. For lo! it was written:

Ezekiel 38:2. Son of man, set thy face against Gog, of the land of Magog, the chief prince of Meshech and Tubal, and prophesy against him,
Ezekiel 38:3. And you shall say; So said the Lord God: Behold, I am against you, Gog, the prince, the head of Meshech and Tubal.


ManchuCandidate June 17, 2008 at 1:08 pm

I thought it was if you said his name backwards (niaCcM Nhoj) and it would send John McCain back to Dimension X.

Let me see and use this google doohicky to find out…

Reefpilot June 17, 2008 at 1:09 pm

John McCain’s google is a google everyone can believe in. Even AARP AOL users.

freakishlystrong June 17, 2008 at 1:09 pm

@bathroom mirror: Google, Google, Google!

SayItWithWookies June 17, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Why should any of this matter? Why, Calvin Coolidge famously refused to have a telephone installed in the White House, and his administration turned out just fine. There was a little mess immediately afterwards, but I’m sure that had nothing to do with him.

MathewBrooks June 17, 2008 at 1:13 pm

Which tube do i use to get to teh google?

V2peaceAllOver June 17, 2008 at 1:14 pm

A military occupation for a googl years.

googol = 10100 (10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
googolplex = It is the number of states a system can be in that consists of 1098 particles, each of which can be in googol states. Alternatively, it is the number of states a system can be in that consists of a googol particles, each of which can be in 10 states, or a system of 3.32 googol particles, each of which has 2 possible states.

I do recall, was it miss rex or mrs. bloomquist (grade eschool teachers) dropping the term “googleplex”.

The Real JR Revisted June 17, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Actually, McCain probably thought he meant “googol” which is a 1 followed by a hundred zeros which almost fully represents his age which is why he was confused about the reference. It’s totally understandable.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 17, 2008 at 1:16 pm

At least he didn’t say he was going to use Infoseek.

Darehead June 17, 2008 at 1:16 pm

McCain’s Google

Who’s the most important man this country ever knew?
Do you know what politician I have reference to?
Well, it isn’t Mr. Barack, and it isn’t Mr. Barr.
I’ve got a hunch that to that bunch I’m going to introduce:
(Again you’re wrong and to this throng I’m going to Introduce:)

McCainy Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes.
McCainy Google bet Cindy’s horse would win the prize.
When the horses ran that day, Carol ran the other way.
McCainy Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes.

McCainyGoogle, with the blu-blue-blu-ga-ly Pfizers
McCainy Google had a wife who owned Budweiser
She sued McCainy for divorce
Now she’s living with her horse
McCainy Google, with the blu-blue-blu-ga-ly Pfizers

loudmouthredhead June 17, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=17826]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You sure it’s not pony express or smoke signal? I mean, the original marathoner DIED conveying his message :/

MoodProcessor June 17, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Se-ee-eex? I had see-ee-eex!

shortsshortsshorts June 17, 2008 at 1:19 pm

WALNUTS recently acquired an ABC, which is capable of nothing. Just like him.

Cicada June 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm

McCain knows that you hire the interns to do a Google on the interwebs, and that’s all he needs to know, goddamnit! Damn kids with their tubes and their nets, in my day we used the Pony Express and were grateful for it!

Does this story mean that we have permission to club Ben Smith and Jonathan Martin to death?
Because that would be RAD!

shortsshortsshorts June 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm

[re=17854]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Unlike WALNUTS, the original marathoner had a sense of loyalty when in a position of extreme pressure.

NoWireHangers June 17, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=17826]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: If it was good enough for the battle of Marathon, then it’s good enough for WALNUTS! He should know. He was there.

ManchuCandidate June 17, 2008 at 1:27 pm

I call bullshit. Running wasn’t invented in McCain’s time.

El Bombastico June 17, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Are one you moonlighting on McCain’s campaign. The response (via Martin):

“We are having trouble over here figuring out these newfangled internets. We have, however, posted a letter via Pony Express to the Obama campaign asking if they might enlist the services of Father Pfleger on our behalf to help us in setting up our webcams.”

Why Father Pfleger has anything to do with this, I have no idea. Would have been funnier if the last word had been “webkinz”.

Vanity Smurf June 17, 2008 at 1:32 pm

I tried that bathroom mirror trick. It does not work. I demand a refund.

Kingbee June 17, 2008 at 1:36 pm

He meant a “Gogol”, referring to the Russian author’s book “Dead Souls”. Gawd, he’s going to choose Cheney — The Deadest Soul! Or rather, Cheney’s going to choose himself again!

AxmxZ June 17, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=17915]Kingbee[/re]: I get it. McCain is Viy.

Someone please raise his eyelids.

AxmxZ June 17, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=17889]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Knuckle-walk?

shortsshortsshorts June 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm

[re=17889]ManchuCandidate[/re]: There was however, a rather intense “trot” styled in his time.

Dave J. June 17, 2008 at 2:17 pm

My mom, this weekend (no joke): “I didn’t know I could use the Google for searching.”

RaptorAvatar June 17, 2008 at 2:47 pm

He alludes to “Myface Profiles” in 3… 2… 1…

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm

How did Newell get a picture of Ken Layne’s AOL commenters?

Borat June 17, 2008 at 6:29 pm

You see Google is one of those penny stocks Cindy found out about through a secret tips sent to her by electronic-mail-on-the-internet. And good politician knows what to do next, yeah that’s right:
Pump it and Dump it.

Hey, that’s also a good strategy for first wives.

Borat June 17, 2008 at 6:33 pm

Actually, if you read all the text and replace Google with Gargoyle, McKey makes a lot of sense

Texan Bulldoggette June 17, 2008 at 11:49 pm

Don’t make fun. We often say (& can’t seem to stop ourselves) that we’re going to the “the Walmart”. Real hicky–maybe McCain is just sucking up to the country, rural folk. You know — he & his beer heiress wife and their 8 houses & millions of dollars are just like the rest of us schmoes that have to buy 10 liters of mouthwash & sometimes stumble upon a 2 for 1 Chap stick special.

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