Last week, John McCain described his veep-vetting process, “jokingly,” as this: “You know, basically it’s a Google.” His omission of the word “search” — a Google “search” — was very shocking to every reporter and teevee personality; it showed that John McCain is OMFG so old while, in contrast, reporters and teevee personalities are so young. Anyway, this soul-crushing narrative about the proper usage of “Google” has taken another fake turn: Barack Obama mentioned “Google” three times in his speech yesterday. Correctly! And if you say “Google” three times correctly into a bathroom mirror, a magic troll appears and steals John McCain away to Narnia. [Jonathan Martin]

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  1. John McCain don’t need no Google. John McCain has a messenger who shall travel a marathon’s length to deliver news of the pending attack. Godspeed! Our men shall be ready!

  2. Barack’s triple shout-out to this Google fella is actually an Ezekiel prophecy come to pass. For lo! it was written:

    Ezekiel 38:2. Son of man, set thy face against Gog, of the land of Magog, the chief prince of Meshech and Tubal, and prophesy against him,
    Ezekiel 38:3. And you shall say; So said the Lord God: Behold, I am against you, Gog, the prince, the head of Meshech and Tubal.


  3. I thought it was if you said his name backwards (niaCcM Nhoj) and it would send John McCain back to Dimension X.

    Let me see and use this google doohicky to find out…

  4. Why should any of this matter? Why, Calvin Coolidge famously refused to have a telephone installed in the White House, and his administration turned out just fine. There was a little mess immediately afterwards, but I’m sure that had nothing to do with him.

  5. A military occupation for a googl years.

    googol = 10100 (10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
    googolplex = It is the number of states a system can be in that consists of 1098 particles, each of which can be in googol states. Alternatively, it is the number of states a system can be in that consists of a googol particles, each of which can be in 10 states, or a system of 3.32 googol particles, each of which has 2 possible states.

    I do recall, was it miss rex or mrs. bloomquist (grade eschool teachers) dropping the term “googleplex”.

  6. Actually, McCain probably thought he meant “googol” which is a 1 followed by a hundred zeros which almost fully represents his age which is why he was confused about the reference. It’s totally understandable.

  7. McCain’s Google

    Who’s the most important man this country ever knew?
    Do you know what politician I have reference to?
    Well, it isn’t Mr. Barack, and it isn’t Mr. Barr.
    I’ve got a hunch that to that bunch I’m going to introduce:
    (Again you’re wrong and to this throng I’m going to Introduce:)

    McCainy Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes.
    McCainy Google bet Cindy’s horse would win the prize.
    When the horses ran that day, Carol ran the other way.
    McCainy Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes.

    McCainyGoogle, with the blu-blue-blu-ga-ly Pfizers
    McCainy Google had a wife who owned Budweiser
    She sued McCainy for divorce
    Now she’s living with her horse
    McCainy Google, with the blu-blue-blu-ga-ly Pfizers

  8. [re=17826]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You sure it’s not pony express or smoke signal? I mean, the original marathoner DIED conveying his message :/

  9. McCain knows that you hire the interns to do a Google on the interwebs, and that’s all he needs to know, goddamnit! Damn kids with their tubes and their nets, in my day we used the Pony Express and were grateful for it!

    Does this story mean that we have permission to club Ben Smith and Jonathan Martin to death?
    Because that would be RAD!

  10. [re=17854]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Unlike WALNUTS, the original marathoner had a sense of loyalty when in a position of extreme pressure.

  11. [re=17826]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: If it was good enough for the battle of Marathon, then it’s good enough for WALNUTS! He should know. He was there.

  12. Are one you moonlighting on McCain’s campaign. The response (via Martin):

    “We are having trouble over here figuring out these newfangled internets. We have, however, posted a letter via Pony Express to the Obama campaign asking if they might enlist the services of Father Pfleger on our behalf to help us in setting up our webcams.”

    Why Father Pfleger has anything to do with this, I have no idea. Would have been funnier if the last word had been “webkinz”.

  13. He meant a “Gogol”, referring to the Russian author’s book “Dead Souls”. Gawd, he’s going to choose Cheney — The Deadest Soul! Or rather, Cheney’s going to choose himself again!

  14. You see Google is one of those penny stocks Cindy found out about through a secret tips sent to her by electronic-mail-on-the-internet. And good politician knows what to do next, yeah that’s right:
    Pump it and Dump it.

    Hey, that’s also a good strategy for first wives.

  15. Don’t make fun. We often say (& can’t seem to stop ourselves) that we’re going to the “the Walmart”. Real hicky–maybe McCain is just sucking up to the country, rural folk. You know — he & his beer heiress wife and their 8 houses & millions of dollars are just like the rest of us schmoes that have to buy 10 liters of mouthwash & sometimes stumble upon a 2 for 1 Chap stick special.

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