McCain Says ‘Stop Calling Me Old’

  ageism is the new sexist racism

'Just call me handsome.'John McCain would very much appreciate it if Democrats quit calling him “confused” and saying he has “lost his bearings.” These are despicable code words used by silver-tongued political operatives who want to make UNFAIR IMPLICATIONS about John McCain. But what are they trying to imply, exactly?

When John Kerry called John McCain “unbelievably out of touch” regarding Iraq and Obama adviser Susan Rice cited “a pattern of confusing the basic facts and reality that pertain to Iraq,” what did they really mean? They probably meant he was intentionally obfuscating, or in plain English, lying.

Or when Obama said McCain had “lost his bearings” when he talked about how much Hamas loves Obama and wants to have his babies, the Illinois senator should have just said, “McCain used to say things that were somewhat truthful, and now he does not.”

McCain’s tetchiness about his age misses the point. Americans have a proud history of electing the elderly to the nation’s highest office, and sticking with those presidents even after they begin their decline into senility while still in the White House. The problem with John McCain isn’t that he’s old, it’s that he’s a nasty shite-talking fraud.

Are Dems talking about McCain’s age in ‘code’? [Politico]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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73 comments

  1. Rodney Badger

    Look, the guy is incompetent. I don’t know if it’s because of his age or just because he is stupid. But it doesn’t really matter. Calling him old is the best he can hope for, because then he can at least blame his incompetence on the inevitable march of time.

  2. AngryBlakGuy

    …maybe they should use phrases like:

    -Age impaired
    -Petrified
    -Decrepit
    -Mummified
    -Jurassic
    -Pre-Biblical
    -Overly mature

    etc, etc, etc!

  3. Chiraq

    Why don’t John McCain and Barack Obama get along? They both have black daughters. Set a playdate,people.

  4. SuperRounder

    Well when you confuse the important details of the war you want to keep fighting, you’re either “confused” or a complete fucking moron. Your choice, Senator.

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17587]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …oh yeah and my personal favorite: “Beyond his use by date!”

  6. NoWireHangers

    It would be different is WALNUTS! was a happy, bow-tie wearing, balloon animal making old man. He’s more of a grumpy old man that tells the kids to keep off the grass and calls his wife the C-word.

  7. freakishlystrong

    I live in Florida, and there’s gobs of ancient cottontops here, and they always walk around farting in the grocery store…WALNUTS! is so old, his SON probably does that…

  8. ManchuCandidate

    This wouldn’t really matter if Walnuts remembered shit and made sense once in a while instead going all Abe Simpson at press conferences.

  9. metropolitan

    i used to love it when slick snake tongued devil obama would introduce the section of his speeches about mccain with a reference to his admirable “half a century” of public service.

  10. norbizness

    [re=17594]ManchuCandidate[/re]: (1) “That’s only nothing. Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die. I’m tired of this conversation. Let’s talk about something else. I’m going home.” (2) “Eh, you never know what you’re capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong.”

  11. Jerk Cade

    [re=17587]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

    irascible
    Cocoon-esque
    Shuffleboarder
    Lawrence Welk afficionado

  12. ronaldpagan

    There are better things to attack McCain for than being old, but it’s funny that Hillary and McCain were all up in arms over the media’s prejudices, while the uppity black Muslim elitist race-baiting whitey-killing madrassa-attending terrorist-fist-jabbing candidate refrains from whining about that kind of portrayal.

  13. Walter Sobchak

    I think they should stop talking in ‘code’ and just say things like “HEY WALNUTS! YOU’RE OLD AS FUCK!” Maybe then we could move past ‘untruthful implications’ and no one would have to be upset.

  14. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17598]metropolitan[/re]: …yeah that was so deliciously EVIL!

    [re=17594]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …personally I think it would still matter if he was semi-coherent for a number of reasons such as stress. Also you have to remember that Americans like for their president to look young and sexy in comparison to all other world leaders. And John McCain with his urine stained dentures is NEITHER “my friends”!

  15. AxmxZ

    [re=17614]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hopey is so very good at being deliciously evil.

    Lord Vetinari fans for Obama!

  16. ronaldpagan

    And if dubbing Abe Simpson’s voice over McCain speaking is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

  17. Serolf Divad

    Other clever quips and backhanded compliments you could say about McCain:

    “I think he confused the brake and gas pedal on that one.”

    “His 50 years experience in the Senate is a fitting capstone to the 50 years that preceded them.”

    “We are infinitely grateful to John McCain for his military service. If his generation had not taken arms when they did, we might all be speaking English in this country.”

    “Lay off the Geritol, pops… heh… just kidding. Drink as much as you want.”

    “The man could make a bib look fashionable (and sometimes does).”

    “It’s 4:00 on Saturday afternoon and your alarm goes off. Time to pick up the kids at the mall movie theater. Who would you rather hand the keys to?”

  18. ronaldpagan

    Also, Bush gets called “confused” all the time. Because he is. Stop your bitching, Johnny.

  19. professor.cj

    Potential NYT aging-tolerant lede on the story of McCain’s inauguration:
    “His wizened countenance gazed indistinctly out upon the gathered masses as he ascended to the throne of America and shat upon it. Without realizing it.”

  20. Godless Liberal *

    I’ll stop implying McCain is old when everyone else stops implying Obama is black.

  21. econdave

    [re=17617]ronaldpagan[/re]: I can’t wait until WALNUTS! starts talking about wearing on onion on his belt, because that was the style at the time.

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17606]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    -Walking Dead
    -Crypt Keeper-esque
    -Well aged

    …or they should simply disguise their attacks as compliments:

    -John McCain looks great for a 92 year old!

    -John McCain served his country bravely during World War I!

    -It is wonderful that Hollywood has made a movie about brave soldiers like John McCain. I cant wait for the sequel to 300!

  23. Vanity Smurf

    W says, “Apres moi, le deluge!”

    McNasty is antediluvian.

    From tragedy to farce, the “modern” GOP.

  24. Gopherit v2.0

    Anyone who had their mid-life crisis is old. Getting touchy about it makes him sound cranky AND old. That’s presidential material?

  25. TGY

    Cranky is old Johnny M. Cranky and *mean*.

    Also, “McCain Tells Democrats to Get Off His Lawn”

  26. travellabyrinth

    Now let’s show the man some respect for his service. He is a national treasure, an antique, an heirloom from a neglected corner in the the dusty cobwebbed basement of our heritage. Like the melted-down gold from spoils of wars lost and won, or the galliant whips and chains of those who braved the jungles of the Ivory Coast and Niger to build our nation’s economy, he stands as a stark reminder of what this nation once was and what it could be again.

  27. Uncle Al

    It would help if McCain would stop making references to things like the Carter Presidency as if they were yesterday.

    How stupid is he that he doesn’t realize that millions of voters have no memory of the Carter Presidency?

  28. Quacker

    [re=17587]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

    Top Ten adjectives John McCain can’t’ stand:

    or:
    10. Vintage
    9 Antiquated
    8. Rickety
    7. Doddering
    6. Hoary
    5. Foggy
    4. Feeble
    3. Prehistoric
    2. Methusalistic
    1. Undead

  29. ronaldpagan

    [re=17638]AxmxZ[/re]: Gore Vidal for president!

    [re=17629]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: [re=17639]travellabyrinth[/re]: I love you both. I think it would be awesome if reporters talked down to McCain the way one does to people in old age homes. When McCain is foaming at the mouth going, “That’s not change we can believe in!” the interviewer should be like, “Looks like somebody needs a nap!”

  30. obfuscator

    [re=17606]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    Barry:

    “Just the opposite, actually. I have great admiration for Senator McCain’s work ethic and drive. He’s really very… spry. I hope I’m as spry as he is when I’m his age… in 2033.”

  31. AxmxZ

    [re=17650]ronaldpagan[/re]: I don’t care how vociferously Vidal insists that he and his boyfriend were just pals – Hopey’s ass isn’t safe around him.

  32. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17646]Quacker[/re]: [re=17615]AxmxZ[/re]: [re=17606]ronaldpagan[/re]: …and if they really want to be diabolical they should start using word/terms like the following when they are referring to his campaign:

    -Terminal
    -Needs to be revived
    -on life support
    -on borrowed time
    -last breath
    -one foot in the grave
    -running on fumes

    …and once again my personal favorite!
    -fallen and cant get up!

  33. 4tehlulz

    “That’s not change we can believe in!” the interviewer should be like, “Looks like somebody needs a change!”

    Improved.

  34. mothermaven

    Around here mentioning age is just too obvious. We call Mccain “Manchurian Candidate” or John “Keating 5″ Mccain. Take away his age and there are plenty things that disqualify him as presidential material. When these things come out he may snap and beg to be seen as an old man. “Why would you pick on an old man like myself, shame whipper-snapper!”

  35. nhunter

    [re=17646]Quacker[/re]: Top Ten adjectives John McCain can’t’ stand:

    Can not be considered definitive without at least one of the “antes”

    -antebellum
    -antediluvian

  36. WhatTheHeck

    McCain is past his “shelf-life” or “Use by” date.
    I hope he has enough preservatives in him to keep from going rancid.
    Oops. Too late.

  37. Bill_TX

    [re=17629]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
    “I cant wait for the sequel to 300!”

    THIS…IS…ARIZONAAAAAA!!

  38. guerilla-nation

    the coded “old” comments are payback for mccain calling obama a “dazzling urbanite.” (props to those old enough to get the reference.)

  39. metropolitan

    john mccain is so old he was on the news yesterday talking about iraq and he was calling it Babylon.

  40. choinski

    Those codewords aren’t as oblique as:

    When pressed for a withdrawal from Iraq, the Senator said “Pancakes! I want my Pancakes!”

  41. AxmxZ

    [re=17710]guerilla-nation[/re]: McCain is way too uncool for me to believe that he’s ever seen any Mel Brooks flicks.

  42. Carrie_Okie

    You know what the next step after OLD is, old man?
    It is DEAD. Wait, the constitution doesn’t specifically say the president need be ‘alive’ does it. How about this, we let them elect undead John McCain’t and they let me marry my boyfriend, the box turtle.

  43. ronaldpagan

    Can we call him a “relic?”

    I just think it’s worth noting that his midlife crisis happened in the early 70′s.

  44. problemwithcaring

    [re=17632]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Srsly. Nothing makes you seem truly old as being as old as he is – so old! – and then living in disagreeable self-denial about it. Bob Dole at least dyed his hair, whitened his teeth and tried to keep the crotchiness to a minumun, when not acting outright grandfatherly.

    McCain acts like he believes – and we should too – that he looks like a man who could still punk bin Laden, instead of just some dude who looks like he looses his dentures and shouldn’t be driving.

  45. travellabyrinth

    [re=17656]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Best comment ever. This idea needs to be put in the hands of every diabolical liberal think tank.

  46. obfuscator

    [re=17739]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    Ewwww…

    “Friends… welcome to my home. The fondue’s almost ready… don’t forget to drop your car keys in the bowl on the coffee table.”

  47. travellabyrinth

    [re=17748]obfuscator[/re]: I want to know more about the knife-wielding floozy though…

  48. sarcasticusername

    when mccain stops referencing “drug dealers from the south side of chicago” as code for barry’s scary black friends when talking about barry’s apparent inability to understand the true dangers posed by terrorists who’ve been made aware of what they’re charged with, then i’ll stop pointing out how walnuts is a half-dead, senile old bastard with a drugged up 2 diamond whore as his pretend wife.

  49. guerilla-nation

    [re=17734]AxmxZ[/re]: i thought he played gabby johnson in blazing saddles. “not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expresses a courage little seen in this day and age …”

    “REVRRUMMM!!!”

  50. RaptorAvatar

    Is it ageist to state that, given an average life expectancy, McCain will die in office?

  51. travellabyrinth

    speaking of which
    McCain’s former wife wrote this poem:

    that John used to make me real bruisy
    but he left for some knife-wielding floozy,
    a tobacco man’s daughter,
    and after he caught her
    a beer heiress blonde I call “boozy”

  52. Servo

    Note to McCain campaign staff
    The stages of human decomposition are:
    Fresh
    Putrefaction
    Black Putrefaction
    Butyric Fermentation
    Dry Decay

  53. Anita Cocktail

    [re=17737]Carrie_Okie[/re]: “‘E’s passed on! This presidential candidate is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

    ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the seat of the Straight Talk Express ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!

    ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!

    ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!!”

  54. Mahousu

    [re=17641]Uncle Al[/re]: If you can remember the Carter administration, you weren’t there, man!

  55. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=18059]Big Al1317[/re]: I LOVE that photo! Looks like McMaverick’s Metamucil finally kicked in & he finally managed to pinch one off (but with much pushing, huffing, puffing & grunting). And if his sphincter didn’t come through, he was going to whip it’s ass!

Comments are closed.