TOO GOOD  7:32 pm June 16, 2008

‘Big John’ Cornyn Creates Comical ‘Western’ Montage Of Self

by Jim Newell

Big John Cornyn had to speak at a convention,
Oh my, what to say, with all that attention!
He queried his staff, they dwelled on the matter,
‘Til finally they settled on iambic quadrameter!
“A cowboy to narrate! Some bales of hay!”
Then Cornyn responded, “but isn’t that gay?”
“Nay” said his staffers, “It’s rugged, and tough!
It’s hard-working and white; you’ll look crazy buff!”
So Cornyn agreed and they made this video,
It’s shockingly gay; they thought it was witty yo!
Dear god, it’s hilarious, to a cosmic degree,
‘Cause this is what happens when egos run free.

[Burnt Orange Report]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 118 comments }

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

ohmyGAWD!!! I just LOVE the suede jacket with the tassels, and the cowboy hat is SOOO totally manly!! And the horsies!! I think I’m feeling faint.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 7:41 pm

I need a Hazmat shower. But wait, maybe it means I’ve caught teh gehy. Thanks Big bad John Cornhole.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 7:43 pm

I MUST KNOW WHICH VILLAGE PERSON SHE IS, or he. Whatever.

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 7:50 pm

Unintentionally gay Republican cowboys AND poetry! Have I died and gone to heaven?

My favorite parts: the angelic choir, the fringed jacket, the word HUSTLE, and the part where he’s standing in his cowboy hat and the star spangled fireworks are shooting behind him, just like that scene in Brokeback Mountain.

Karl-Thomas June 16, 2008 at 7:51 pm

Thanks for the post. I’m so glad that Texas can continue providing political entertainment in a post-Dracula Cunt world. Thankfully, those of use in Texas can do something abut it by replacing this goofball with Democrat Rick Noriega this year.

NoWireHangers June 16, 2008 at 7:51 pm

“Big Brawwwwwwwwwwwn, feminine napkins!”

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

One day Big John had personal business to attend
all business of the senate he had to suspend
He wandered down the hall to the big bronco’s room
a wide stance in a stall he prepared to assume,
Poor John soon found he was in quite a jam;
on one side Larry Craig, the other Leslie Graham.
What’s a Texas cowpoke to do? He let Larry ride him, while Leslie he blue.
All in a day for Big John ,Big John. Closet Gay John.

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

Are all the men in Texas compensating for their suppressed homosexuality? I mean, the guns, the leather, the chaps, the bareback riding, the executions, the crazy religion– you’d think somebody would sit them down and explain just how pathetically obvious it all is. Lighten up and suck a dick once in a while, fer chrissakes, and calm the fuck down.

NoWireHangers June 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

[re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: That’s a cow poke you can believe in.

johnbpt June 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

But, but Larry Craig thought it was so butch!

spencer June 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

This is the dude who thought fucking box turltes was gay.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

[re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: OMG!! BLEW! Blew, you idiot! Like you totally BLEW the joke!

johnbpt June 16, 2008 at 7:55 pm

[re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Damn, beat me to the Larry Craig reference by THAT much!

wheelie June 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm

[re=17305]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Doesn’t do it for me.

Me, I prefer my gay bears to be more straight-acting. He’s just a bit too camp and faggy for me. (No offence to the other members of my community but . . . you know.) He won’t be cornyn’ me any time soon.

[re=17314]ronaldpagan[/re]: The angelic choir was definitely too much gay. But I admired his Pride cowboy float near the end with him and the lesbian.

Seek June 16, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Absolutely Gawd Awful. That is an offense against humanity. The jacket, the narration, all of it. I suspect even Texans think this is a steaming pile of cow crap.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 8:04 pm

[re=17330]wheelie[/re]: FTW.

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Putting aside the whole gay butch thing, the Jimmy Dean song this ad is ripping off came out in 1961! That means the average age of anyone who might actually get the connection is at least 55 or 60. Way to appeal to a dying demographic there, asshat.

Q June 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=17305]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: BMAN GOT DAT BEAT!!!

http://www.adrants.com/images/obama_smoke.jpg

Darehead June 16, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Big BAD [re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Bone-anza!

I liked da “blue.” We can use it for code when the fundies are around.

Q June 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm

My God, the hubris. This man is not embarrassed by this?

tsunami June 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm

hey…it’s texas.

“they’re simple folk, you know, morons.”

or

“what in the wide, wide world of sports is goin’ on here”?

ManchuCandidate June 16, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Well, I walk into the room
Taking in hundred dollar bills
And it chills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill
And I yell a double double round of crown
And everybody’s bowing down
An’ this town ain’t never gonna be the same.

(Chorus:)
Cause I saddle up my truck
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the bucks
They are so many
Strutting up and down the Hill
with my big dumb ego
And the folks say
Big ass hat, what a Phony.
Everybody says
Big ass hat, what a Phony.

Well I don’t give a dang about nothing
I’m saying I’m Big John Cornyn
While the real boys are dying
In Iraqi towns!
And I wouldn’t trade the ol’ Hill
or office for a lobby job
Or Tour of Duty
I’m the only fake cowboy left in this town

Cause I saddle up my truck
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the bucks
They are so many
Strutting up and down the Hill
with my big dumb ego
And the folks say
Big ass hat, what a Phony.
Everybody says
Big ass hat, what a Phony.

PsychoticMonkey June 16, 2008 at 8:15 pm

I can’t wait till this cowpoke is busted in a Dallas airport stall tapping his feet and passing some horse nuts under the divider to Larry Craig.

iburl June 16, 2008 at 8:21 pm

SocialList June 16, 2008 at 8:22 pm

Big John and his gay bestiality groper porn is just another reason to watch your ass when in Texas….

iburl June 16, 2008 at 8:23 pm
ManchuCandidate June 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm

[re=17353]iburl[/re]:
Troy McClure would have been proud of Cornyn and his amphibian lust.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm

[re=17353]iburl[/re]: Spoken like a man who’s never had a box turtle look at him in that…..special way.

blanca estela June 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm

He’s reaching out to a lot of folks. The kind of folks that enjoy tassels.

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm

Sorry to kind of go on a tangent, but here’s another “Big John” song and Larry Craig reference!

Panamanian strongman Juan McCain
Was a handsome guy with a subpar brain.
And he banged a floozy by the name
Of sweet Marie, Floridian flame
But by far the greatest of them all
Was a girl who modeled swimsuits at the mall
He went off to Nam, but at such a cost
He and Carol got ugly, the attraction was lost
For Big John, Big John, Big Bad John

Well, although poor John was far from a stud
He found a cougar and heiress of Bud.
And could he be president? Yes? No? Maybe?
Not with that black bastard baby!
So eight years later, he had to beg
And suck more dick than Larry Craig,
He was lucky enough to get nominated,
But Democrats scoffed, and Republicans hated
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John

Well, his trollop wife Cindy is a pill-popping cunt
And his buddy Hagee said Hitler liked to hunt
His PR people were repping for Burma
His penis was limp and not getting any firmer
“Th-th-that’s not change we can believe in,
Hey, where are you going? Why’s everyone leavin’?”
He’s been dethroned by “YEs WE CAN”
But at the bottom of the polls lies a shell of a man
It’s Big John, Big John, Big Bad John

FlipOffResearch June 16, 2008 at 8:27 pm

That tune reminded me of a little game I play sometimes. It’s called Jesus, God, Or Praying. What you do is: turn on the country music station and see how long they can go without mentioning Jesus, god or praying. And then see how many more times they do it, until you can’t take it any more and have to change the station.

tsunami June 16, 2008 at 8:28 pm

troy mcclure is dead?

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 8:30 pm

Actually, they are kind of hot when you hold them up and look between their legs.

http://www.twingroves.district96.k12.il.us/WEtlands/Turtles/BoxTurtle/BoxTurtlePicts/BTLooking.gif

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 8:32 pm

[re=17359]tsunami[/re]: Didn’t you hear? His wife SHOT HIM (for realz).

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 8:32 pm

[re=17358]FlipOffResearch[/re]: I think you’re supposed to hit a tequila shooter each time they say one of those things. If you can last 20 minutes before your liver explodes, you win!

WhatTheHeck June 16, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Easy there Wonketters, that music video just might win an award for Best New Bull Shit Artist of the year.

RuperttheBear June 16, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Well, aside from the obvious, this reminded me of THE GODMEN, which is also obvious.

http://www.godmen.org/

[re=17320]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: If they’d just “flame on” they’d be a “hole” lot happier.

Now, back to cornyn the wife

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 8:37 pm

[re=17363]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Strangely enough, by a blonde, drug-addled, cuntrollop.

tsunami June 16, 2008 at 8:37 pm

[re=17363]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:

oh god…he was so good in “the attack of the big breasted sorority bimbos”.

well…nobody lives forever.

Texan Bulldoggette June 16, 2008 at 8:37 pm

I didn’t know Brokeback Mountain was located in Texas….& I live here!

InsidiousTuna June 16, 2008 at 8:40 pm

Cornyn’s a fucking tool. I’ve met the guy, and regretted it since.

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 8:40 pm

[re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: [re=17344]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Nice! Keep it up!

[re=17330]wheelie[/re]: Yeah, the float and his beard were faaaaaabulous!

BrandonMills June 16, 2008 at 8:50 pm

http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=143226 – Ron Paul Soda?!? Paultards are the gift that keep on giving!

PS – Wonkette is *still* crashing Opera when commenting…

Sub_Standard June 16, 2008 at 8:51 pm

He rooted out homos, with AIDS in their butts
And proclaimed far and wide, “Big sale on Truck Nutz!”

Q June 16, 2008 at 8:51 pm

Pride is a burnin’ thing,
And it makes campaign cash sing
But bound, by sex desire –
I got stuffed with a cockring of fire.

I got stuffed with a burnin’ cockring of fire –
It went in, in, in,
And my ass kept liftin’ higher,
And it burns, burn, burns,
Your cockring of fire, cockring of fire.

The smell of poop is strong,
When, Big John goes wrong.
I fell for you like a page child –
And, oh, you rode me wild.

I fell into a burnin’ cockring of fire –
It went in, in, in,
And my ass kept liftin’ higher,
And it burns, burn, burns,
Your cockring of fire, cockring of fire.

Your cockring of fire, cockring of fire (and Fade)

And the music obligatory video…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2iv_E-Fn9E

Wonkette karaoke! Everyone together now! And a 1, and a 2…

Darehead June 16, 2008 at 8:54 pm

[re=17355]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: [re=17353]iburl[/re]: Why, our own peerless associate editor seems to have a turtle looking at him in that special way. Jim Newell, are you John Cornyn’s neighbor?

EnBuenOra June 16, 2008 at 9:02 pm

The guy from Yellawood should sue.

http://www.greatsouthernwood.com/video/index.aspx

Particularly given the Legend of Yella Fella.

Rodney Badger June 16, 2008 at 9:06 pm

Speaking of gay, Al Gore is on my teevee right now. It’s funny, effeminate Al Gore comes across far less gay than Cornyn. . .

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm

[re=17385]Rodney Badger[/re]: AHHH is he endorsing? I can’t find it on MSNBC.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm

Elections smatter?

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Motherfucking CNN is making me download some shit to watch the Al Gore endorsement. Did anything good happen?

Rodney Badger June 16, 2008 at 9:14 pm

[re=17387]ronaldpagan[/re]: Yep. He is giving a heluva speech too. In honor of Tim Russert I declare this speech a Bona Fide Stemwinder.

Rodney Badger June 16, 2008 at 9:16 pm

[re=17390]ronaldpagan[/re]: He gave Obama a huge kiss as he came onto the stage. It was slightly less awkward than the one he gave Tipper.

Darehead June 16, 2008 at 9:22 pm

[re=17387]ronaldpagan[/re]: Two Hopey-Gorey stories can be found just a few doors down from this one, including a vid!!

onosideboard June 16, 2008 at 9:24 pm

Obama just thanked Chauncey Billups?

Rodney Badger June 16, 2008 at 9:24 pm

[re=17388]DoctorCulturae[/re]: That thump you heard each time he said “every vote matters” was the sound of Taylor Marsh throwing another one of her cats against the wall.

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=17391]Rodney Badger[/re]: God damn it, my computer randomly shut down and I just made it back in time to hear Hopey thank Tipper. (Ewww.)

[re=17397]Darehead[/re]: What do you mean “a few doors down?” Link!

smapdi June 16, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Bob, Yer sure do got a purtty mouth.

Darehead June 16, 2008 at 9:33 pm

[re=17400]ronaldpagan[/re]: I mean right here on Wonkette.

Mr Blifil June 16, 2008 at 9:45 pm

Big? Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

To their credit, I heard they cut the shots of him and Larry Craig running through a field of Super Tubers.

dilhavarti June 16, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Hey Cornyn. Your editor is so totally gay.

key :14 horsies
key :21 saddle
key :29 gentle hooking of own cock
key :30 flag diddle
key :39 checks out dudes ass
key :49 checks out dudes package
key :56 demonstrates grammar aptitude
key 1:17 “opened up” gubmint
key 1:21 “gave support” to troops… navy?
key 1:23 fringey jacket?
key 1:45 “another man’s turn”
key 1:56 more grammar demo
key 2:04 PANTS-GASM
key 2:10 more “peepee tower” self-hooking/afterglow
key 2:22 See Stars With Me

Whoa, Nelly.

capitol-hillbilly June 16, 2008 at 9:56 pm

alternate title: they call him corndog

msvainfl June 16, 2008 at 9:56 pm

That’s like a party I never want to end, I cried a single tear when it was over.
I wish all the republicans up for re-elect would make a “Big John” styled video!

Lazy Media June 16, 2008 at 9:56 pm

For an encore, he does “I’m Super, Thanks for Asking!”

JSDC007 June 16, 2008 at 9:59 pm

Looks like Larry Craig made this video: How Larry got some Dick while sitting on Big John,

professor.cj June 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=17408]dilhavarti[/re]:
key 1:21 rose to the top in just one term

Vanity Smurf June 16, 2008 at 10:03 pm

He’s going to lose to a guy named Noriega so we will still be able to have a good time with the Senator from Texas.

dilhavarti June 16, 2008 at 10:04 pm

[re=17408]dilhavarti[/re]: and he hates you/self. :56/1:56. Set him free, John, set him free your lover/editor.

Jake290 June 16, 2008 at 10:08 pm

Hey! Hey! Hey! Born and raised in Texas and I’ve never been more embarrassed my a politician representing my state like I am in Corney (Bush is from Connecticut!), but as a member of the “opposing team” – the pink flawless one – we don’t want him! Granted the video was extremely flamboyant, campy and will probably make the rounds at the bars, but come on! You guys can keep Corney, Craig and T. Cruise! We don’t want them!

rubybuckaroo June 16, 2008 at 10:14 pm

OMG! You are all so uber-snarky!
Damn, I admire your skills!!!
Sometimes I wake up mumbling, words a tumblin’, but no, I still don’t have the “way” of snarkness.
I long to participate, but alas, your shine is too blinding.

By the way, who is doing that voice over? Is it an “Allen Smithy” contract ya s’pose?

loudmouthredhead June 16, 2008 at 10:17 pm

[re=17305]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Yup, the embroidery on the SQUEAKY clean, never-ever-used-anywhere-near-animals, suede jacket really screams “REAL man’s man”

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2008 at 10:19 pm

He sure don’t look like no steer to me!

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 10:22 pm

[re=17408]dilhavarti[/re]: That was beautiful. Well done.

[re=17428]rubybuckaroo[/re]: I think it’s DIABETUS! ! ! ! !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4LyaNgzy6U

OH and ANIMATED DIABETUS! ! ! !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69ujLvxLi0M&NR=1

Diabetus always loved the Big (cocksucker) John. Just like he loves WALNUTS.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 10:23 pm

[re=17431]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: That boy’s as straight as a horseshoe.

obfuscator June 16, 2008 at 10:24 pm

I’m not sure if he’s aware that “cow poke” is a noun.

Happy Fun Ball June 16, 2008 at 10:24 pm

I love the part where we learn that ‘ol Cornyn’s gonna go get hisself “six mo.”

The Republican Party: it’s the new clergy!! It’s fabulous!!!

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm

Actually, everyone who speaks at the GOP convention has their own video just like this – McCain’s is going to be set to the “In the Navy” by The Village People.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sqPn-kuGOjQ

ManchuCandidate June 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm

Makes Montgomery C Burns’ Man of All Seasons appear humble and dignified.

Still nothing funnier than Larry Craig’s Man Getting Toe Tapped in the Men’s Room.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm

[re=17319]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: land lidsey, you douche!

RobPetrified June 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm

The vid starts out like a beer commercial, then goes into an
unintentional [?] parody of a ’50s novelty song.
The Conservative Base will eat this up with a big wooden spoon.
Two big snaps up for Big Johns handlers.
Thats a brilliant, manly, kill the liberals type of commercial.
Brilliant, of course, in a warped, keep the bitterz involved kind of way.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 10:39 pm

Is the voice in the background… DIABEETUS?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4LyaNgzy6U

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 10:39 pm

[re=17416]capitol-hillbilly[/re]: isn’t that his secret service designation?

KTHXBAI June 16, 2008 at 10:59 pm

I think some of the video rubbed off on me and somehow I got even gayer.

WonkaBee June 16, 2008 at 11:06 pm

[re=17355]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: My neighbor married a box turtle, once. But then there was that accident with the lawnmower…

But wait! From: http://www.prospect.org/cs/articles?articleId=8112
*************
“It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean that it’s right. … Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”

Later, a spokesperson for Cornyn explained that Cornyn had not read the passage in his actual address. In other words, at the last minute, on an issue of mighty national import, Senator John Cornyn choked. Pure cowardice. Naked — you should pardon the expression — political expedience wins out again over principled leadership. Where is the outrage?
*************

Smoke Filled Roommate June 16, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Big John..

Beers– Check!
Steers– Check!
Queers– Check!

Big Bad John..

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 11:20 pm

First 30 secs I thought it was going to be the Kline “Fever,” but then with the admiring close-up of barbed wire, the sultry windmill, those romantic slow-mo horsies, the skeevy grabbing of the saddle, and the lame look to the camera…Oy. Big Sissy John.

mactastic June 16, 2008 at 11:35 pm

Oh Jesus Christ in chaps. Noriega 08.

sanantonerose June 16, 2008 at 11:55 pm

It’s posts like these that make me embarrassed to be a Texan.

Gopherit v2.0 June 17, 2008 at 12:16 am

[re=17462]sanantonerose[/re]: This is what it takes? Jesus, you have a tough hide.

wonk_the_heck June 17, 2008 at 12:18 am

[re=17462]sanantonerose[/re]:
It’s posts like these that make me embarrassed to be human.

Karl-Thomas June 17, 2008 at 12:26 am

I’ll second that Noriega ’08 remark.

http://www.ricknoriega.com

Darehead June 17, 2008 at 12:46 am

[re=17462]sanantonerose[/re]: You still got Dixie Chicks.

Borat June 17, 2008 at 1:19 am

That is the best political ad ever. I seriously am going to smoke a bunch of Marlboros now to calm down.

I wonder if him sittin’ on top of a convertable in Texas was some kind of additional manly reference? I ain’t afraid o no snipers – I’ll stare ‘um down

sanantonerose June 17, 2008 at 1:56 am

[re=17465]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Well, at least I don’t live in Okrahoma. Dear lord, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning from the shame.

sanantonerose June 17, 2008 at 1:58 am

[re=17472]Darehead[/re]: Actually, I never really liked them that much. Their collective voices pierce my earholes like a javelin. But yeah, I know what you mean. I cling to the memories of Ann Richards, Molly Ivins, and Barbara Jordan.

Quacker June 17, 2008 at 2:01 am

[re=17428]rubybuckaroo[/re]:
It’s a Sam Elliot imitation – I think… ’cause if it’s really Sam, I’m gonna have to spit up.

sanantonerose June 17, 2008 at 2:08 am

I hope to God that voiceover isn’t Sam Elliott or I may have to return my copy of Ghost Rider.

villageatrois June 17, 2008 at 4:34 am

Who’s he fucking kidding? Who’s he kiddy fucking?

Tell ya, hoss, ya don’t get those double chins from ridin the range tendin your doggies. Them wattles is from tending yer (ktichen) range and feedin your doggy. And it takes a lifetime of lassitude to make a big belly hang out when covered in leather, which is, well, stiffer than the honoree of this lame jamboree.

I give it an 01, Larry. All Asshat and no Ass-cattle. The kids can’t dance to it, and shouldn’t. Not even the gay kids.

Darehead June 17, 2008 at 5:38 am

[re=17357]ronaldpagan[/re]: [re=17494]villageatrois[/re]: [re=17408]dilhavarti[/re]: [re=17344]ManchuCandidate[/re]: n’ da rest of yers too: Big BAD John dun tap into yer creative faculties quite goodly.

gurukalehuru June 17, 2008 at 5:55 am

I can’t believe that we’re 98 comments in and nobody has pointed out that this is not even the 1st time this political season that someone has done a bad parody of “Big John” as a campaign commercial.
Ron Paul was 1st! Ron Paul wins!

I’m not good with the linkie things, but it was that one where he was putting the defibrilators to the Constitution.

wallythepug June 17, 2008 at 7:30 am

Just wondering what fellow Texan and erstwhile songwriter of “Homo Erectus”, Kinky Friedman, thinks of this video.

Jewdishoowary Square June 17, 2008 at 8:12 am

[re=17367]RuperttheBear[/re]: Did that guy just invite me to bible study at the YMCA?

Jewdishoowary Square June 17, 2008 at 8:19 am

[re=17439]Happy Fun Ball[/re]: I think he meant “six ‘mos”.

bitchincamaro June 17, 2008 at 8:37 am

Cowboy John’s definitely a bottom. And that retching sound you
hear is Tony Schwartz throwing up in his grave.

slavojzizek June 17, 2008 at 8:54 am

I love that ‘makes lesser states squirm’ line. Texas is so macho it can’t have good relations with the rest of the UNITED STATES?! Damm furrenners….

Carrie_Okie June 17, 2008 at 9:11 am

“6 Mo” obvious gay reference.

And are there “Lesser states” than TX? I think not.
Mess with Tejas, I do.

Steers and queers I tell ya.

Carrie_Okie June 17, 2008 at 9:17 am

oh wait, fringed jacket, a song about him…hmmm where is Dustin Hoffman? I mean, what about this DOES NOT SAY: Midnight Cowboy. He even admits hustling.

capitol-hillbilly June 17, 2008 at 9:42 am

this is the Gayest Movie since “Jules et Jim”

snig June 17, 2008 at 9:43 am

His only entry in Wikiquote is:

“Well, you know, that’s the problem in America, we’re always having elections. “

disgustedcitizen June 17, 2008 at 9:46 am

Dear God, what an asshat.

snig June 17, 2008 at 9:47 am

Here’s the Furry Jewish version that they decided against:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U077BiDMmPE

Hitch June 17, 2008 at 10:45 am

Is anyone else hungry for beef all of a sudden?

liquiddaddy June 17, 2008 at 12:55 pm

A Box Turtle: 1 pint of Everclear, 1 tsp Gatorade powder concentrate, ice

teddytoad June 17, 2008 at 1:15 pm

As a huge fan of the original Johnny Cash version they’re defacing, my favorite part is the ultimate abandonment of the rhythm: “Big Johhhhhn… Big Johhhhn… Big Bad John! Cornyn.”

TJBeck June 17, 2008 at 2:20 pm

BTW, Big John (biiiig jooohhhhn….) should know that the sun doesn’t rise on the Pecos, it sets. The Pecos is west of probably 95% of Texas’s population (….biiiiiiig jooooohhhhhhhhnnnnnn……….), and the other 5% is just a bunch of Mexicans in El Paso.

….biiiiiiig jooooohhhhhhnnnnn……….

vuknanizer June 17, 2008 at 2:31 pm

uuhmmm, yeah texas I think they still go for the hat.

sezme June 17, 2008 at 2:39 pm

You know who else is “bad”? Michael Jackson: that’s who.

TXisgoing DEM June 19, 2008 at 9:10 pm

When the ad says: “Big John gave support to the troops”, do they mean that Big John gave them a jockstrap or simply cradled their testicles? I guess he and Larry Craig took turns welcoming the troops home in the airport restroom. Happy Gay Pride, John Cornyn! Be sure and give Texas Gov. Rick (Perfect Hair) Perry a big smooch for us!

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