The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball.

There is still no explanation for why he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel:

“I hear there’s a bowling alley and obviously that hasn’t gone too well,” Obama told comic Jimmy Kimmel in a satellite interview from Philadelphia on Sunday. “So we’re getting rid of the bowling alley and replacing it with a basketball court in the White House.”

And then Patti Solis Doyle used campaign money to buy 700 basketballs and 900 pairs of gym shorts for her new boss.

Today on the campaign trail [AP]

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  • Gopherit v2.0

    So much for being in touch with the working man…..what’s with Obama and his Elitist “basketball”? Why, he might as well install a Polo Field on the South Lawn!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Doyle buys the crack.
    That shit it whack.
    Spending all the money on baby’s daddy.
    Barry can’t bowl and Cindy is catty.

    When you suck at something you shouldn’t do
    Surely Hillz will come after you
    and when she’s done taking sniper fire
    She’ll call you again and say “VEEP for hire”


  • vicuna

    Elitist! Oh wait, the elitist choice would be polo grounds or a squash court.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    You forgot the 800 pairs of Air Jordans. (Or whateverthehell the expensive must-have court shoe is called theses days.)

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the “Black-ification” of the White House has begun! Next on the agenda weekly BBQ’s on the White House lawn and raising pit-bulls in the back yard!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17258]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: …why doesn’t he take part in a good ‘ol hard working American sport like stuffing M-80’s into bullfrogs?

  • AngryBlakGuy
  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17264]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Or peeing for distance?
    [re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I, for one, look forward to the 22″ spinners on the presidential motorcade vehicles.

  • wheelie

    Either way, if the Nixon-era wallpaper is still there, it has to go.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=17269]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: If Barry gets assassinated, there won’t be an investigation due to it’s gang-related nature.

  • sagehen40

    Am I really the first person to point this out? The White House has a basketball court. Clearly Barry is not experienced enough to be president if he doesn’t even know about all the sweet perks that come with the job.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    Jeez, next thing ya know he’ll have cockroach races and lead paint-chip eating contests.

  • tunamelt

    [re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: Yeah, but it’s outside.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: …that doesnt matter! What matters is the fact that Barack Obama is black and will drive the property value around the White House down!!!

  • populucious

    How dare this uppity terrorist destroy The Richard Nixon Memorial Bowling Alley, and replace it with this dangerous jungle game played by communists the world over?

    God Bless Bowling, and God Bless Richard Nixon!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17283]populucious[/re]: And the nooses on the wall really tied the room together.

  • wheelie

    [re=17277]@ sagehen40[/re]: Dear Lord. I looked at that link. George Bush The Elder put a horseshoe pit on the basketball court. Classy.

  • metropolitan

    i thought obama was going to give up basketball out of respect for the dead and injured troops like bush gave up golf.
    or is he just going to give up stop fighting the war over there so he can keep on playing basketball?

  • ManchuCandidate

    I guess it would have been more shocking if Barry said he wanted an indoor skating rink so he could improve his hockey skillz.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17288]wheelie[/re]: Where’s the cornhole grounds?

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=17289]metropolitan[/re]: Selfish bastard, canceling the war for his own basketball pastime.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=17281]tunamelt[/re]: Only an elitist would require an indoor basketball court. Basketball is best played on an outdoor court with one basket, no net and surrounded by a chainlink fence, unless movies about poor inner city kids have lied to me.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=17272]wheelie[/re]: That wallpaper is perfectly appropriate for a bowling alley. Some things are so tacky you have to embrace them.

  • jagorev

    This does it. If this doesn’t prove that Barack Obama hates white people, nothing will.

  • SocialList

    It beats McCrampy’s plans to build a masturbatoreoum.

  • jagorev

    [re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Wait, are BBQs a black thing now? Goddamnit, you guys take credit for everything good in our country.

  • RooseveltFranklin

    I hope the Presidential Motorcade does not have to hang air freshener trees from their rear view mirrors. I am sad to know that the Republican white half of my family will be sending emails in 3,2,1 about this diabolical plan about the basketball court. Maybe next time he can say he’s putting in croquet and badminton to fuck with everyone.

  • ronaldpagan

    I’m appalled that Barry is telling the same joke after so many months. His “whitey” material had me in stitches! I can’t believe that didn’t make the Jimmy Kimmel cut.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17302]jagorev[/re]: …yes we have taken ownership of BBQ, just like everything thing else we have perfected over the year(like every sport known to man)

  • Walter Sobchak

    [re=17283]populucious[/re]: That creep can roll.

  • jagorev

    [re=17312]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You couldn’t even leave golf alone, could you? Tiger winning the US Open was a HUGE slap in the face for all the hardworking white Americans who voted for Hillary. Hillary EARNED this championship, dammit.

  • Dr. Spaceman

    [re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: That’s hardly a basketball court, it’s not even a half-court. The top of the key is in the grass.

  • Dr. Spaceman

    [re=17312]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Whitey still has beach volleyball.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17321]jagorev[/re]: …well the Celtics are still ahead in the NBA finals and by default everyone on the Celtics is Caucasian!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17325]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: …dont get TOO excited:

  • El Bombastico

    [re=17310]ronaldpagan[/re]: After he quoted Chris Rock yesterday in his father’s day speech, I was expecting a re-creation of the “black people” vs. “n***’ers” routine. That one kills in West Virginia.

  • jagorev

    [re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: I’m just watching that speech now. It’s a good speech (I loved the “that was when I wasn’t black enough; now I’m too black” aside). But isn’t Bill Cosby going to sue him for copyright infringement?

  • El Bombastico

    [re=17348]jagorev[/re]: Only if he starts wearing horrible sweaters. Speaking of which, did you read that article where the guy who played Denise’s husband is struggling whether to betray his conservative principles to vote for Obama? Makes me wonder what Elvin’s positions on the issues are.

    The interesting thing is that the Chris Rock namecheck isn’t in the prepared remarks – he added it on the fly.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: …when you say “kills” do you mean that figuratively or literally, I mean after all we are talking about W.Virginia!

  • jagorev

    [re=17362]El Bombastico[/re]: Maybe President Obama could appoint Bill Cosby to be Secretary of Black People, and then they could kill off hip hop to win the crucial Mickey Kaus endorsement:

  • El Bombastico

    [re=17371]jagorev[/re]: That kill bling article is right on! Because when I want to learn about the recent trends in the African-American community, the FIRST place I go is the Huffington Post. And when I want a forecast of the future of “bling”, I think of a middle-aged white woman who leads the “ band” Little Pink.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: Barry *is* the recreation of the “black people vs. n*****s” routine…

  • El Bombastico

    [re=17389]AxmxZ[/re]: This will surely result in an ongoing battle of standup references. McCain’s next speech: “My friends, when it comes to keeping America safe, I will do like Larry the Cable Guy and ‘Git R Done’.”

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=17332]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: And if by everybody you mean Veal “I barely even dress” Scalabrine, then yes…they are all white…hahaha…sure there are a good deal of white guys on the Lakers, but they are mostly Eurotrash or fake hippie offspring…

  • jagorev
  • Mr Blifil

    This is why I’m hoping either Obama or McCain selects Bolton for VP and the White House can recreate the orgy room at Plato’s Retreat.

  • dilhavarti

    [re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Forgotten “White” House Interior Rooms Renaming Roll-out. WHIRRR!!!

  • TGY

    And there was much rejoicing.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=17396]El Bombastico[/re]: “Take my wife, for instance… No, seriously, take my wife. I found a better one.”


    [re=17410]Mr Blifil[/re]: It wouldn’t be at the White House though. It would located in Concourse C of the Minneapolis Airport, next to the Cinnabon.

  • Squwonk

    On the subject of elitist sport, A friend tells me that Tiger Woods is getting ready to endorse The Gutterballer – those damn multi-ethnics are taking over the world I tell you! To the ramparts!

  • AxmxZ

    [re=17457]Squwonk[/re]: Obama/Woods ’08! That’s either a winning Presidential ticket or realy fucking hot porno.

  • Words

    small protest: enough w/throwing Anyone Under Any Bus! sorry. I’m really tired of that…. it no longer even qualifies for “trite” or a cliche.

  • sanantonerose

    MY EYES! MY EYES! That White House Nixon-era bowling alley wallpaper should be ripped out and sent to the Middle East. Let that horrendous pattern do the fighting for us.

  • Sabre_Justice

    [re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Weekly barbecues? Hey, I can dig that. And pitbulls are cute.

  • wallythepug

    Walnuts! announced that when he is presnit he will emulate his idol, Teddy Roosevelt, and swim naked in the Potomac every morning.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=17508]wallythepug[/re]: Breaking news, 90% of Republican voters under 50 previously claiming to support McCain have switched their allegiance to Sen. Obama. When asked what prompted such a dramatic shift, the responders could not produce an answer but instead vomited profusely at the pollster.

  • problemwithcaring

    Can’t wait for the White (Black) House episode of MTV Cribs.

    “Yea…we put 3 new plasmas in the Lincoln bedroom. Of course, you know, each room has its own copy of Scarface…”

  • bowling

    Tim was talking about this on his site at Tims Bowling,
    It’s gonna be a close match up!

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