CHANGE THE GAME  6:32 pm June 16, 2008

Barack Obama Throws Bowling Under The Bus

by Jim Newell

The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball.

There is still no explanation for why he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel:

“I hear there’s a bowling alley and obviously that hasn’t gone too well,” Obama told comic Jimmy Kimmel in a satellite interview from Philadelphia on Sunday. “So we’re getting rid of the bowling alley and replacing it with a basketball court in the White House.”

And then Patti Solis Doyle used campaign money to buy 700 basketballs and 900 pairs of gym shorts for her new boss.

Today on the campaign trail [AP]


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Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 6:39 pm

So much for being in touch with the working man…..what’s with Obama and his Elitist “basketball”? Why, he might as well install a Polo Field on the South Lawn!

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 6:39 pm

Doyle buys the crack.
That shit it whack.
Spending all the money on baby’s daddy.
Barry can’t bowl and Cindy is catty.

When you suck at something you shouldn’t do
Surely Hillz will come after you
and when she’s done taking sniper fire
She’ll call you again and say “VEEP for hire”


vicuna June 16, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Elitist! Oh wait, the elitist choice would be polo grounds or a squash court.

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2008 at 6:41 pm

You forgot the 800 pairs of Air Jordans. (Or whateverthehell the expensive must-have court shoe is called theses days.)

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 6:41 pm

…the “Black-ification” of the White House has begun! Next on the agenda weekly BBQ’s on the White House lawn and raising pit-bulls in the back yard!!!

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 6:44 pm

[re=17258]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: …why doesn’t he take part in a good ‘ol hard working American sport like stuffing M-80′s into bullfrogs?

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 6:47 pm

[re=17262]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: …real Americans wear Larry Bird sneakers(with optional shorts)!

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

[re=17264]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Or peeing for distance?
[re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I, for one, look forward to the 22″ spinners on the presidential motorcade vehicles.

wheelie June 16, 2008 at 6:53 pm

Either way, if the Nixon-era wallpaper is still there, it has to go.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 6:53 pm

[re=17269]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: If Barry gets assassinated, there won’t be an investigation due to it’s gang-related nature.

sagehen40 June 16, 2008 at 7:00 pm

Am I really the first person to point this out? The White House has a basketball court. Clearly Barry is not experienced enough to be president if he doesn’t even know about all the sweet perks that come with the job.

weirdiowasculpture June 16, 2008 at 7:01 pm

Jeez, next thing ya know he’ll have cockroach races and lead paint-chip eating contests.

tunamelt June 16, 2008 at 7:05 pm

[re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: Yeah, but it’s outside.

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 7:05 pm

[re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: …that doesnt matter! What matters is the fact that Barack Obama is black and will drive the property value around the White House down!!!

populucious June 16, 2008 at 7:06 pm

How dare this uppity terrorist destroy The Richard Nixon Memorial Bowling Alley, and replace it with this dangerous jungle game played by communists the world over?

God Bless Bowling, and God Bless Richard Nixon!

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 7:15 pm

[re=17283]populucious[/re]: And the nooses on the wall really tied the room together.

wheelie June 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm

[re=17277]@ sagehen40[/re]: Dear Lord. I looked at that link. George Bush The Elder put a horseshoe pit on the basketball court. Classy.

metropolitan June 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm

i thought obama was going to give up basketball out of respect for the dead and injured troops like bush gave up golf.
or is he just going to give up stop fighting the war over there so he can keep on playing basketball?

ManchuCandidate June 16, 2008 at 7:20 pm

I guess it would have been more shocking if Barry said he wanted an indoor skating rink so he could improve his hockey skillz.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 7:20 pm

[re=17288]wheelie[/re]: Where’s the cornhole grounds?

InsidiousTuna June 16, 2008 at 7:24 pm

[re=17289]metropolitan[/re]: Selfish bastard, canceling the war for his own basketball pastime.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 16, 2008 at 7:30 pm

[re=17281]tunamelt[/re]: Only an elitist would require an indoor basketball court. Basketball is best played on an outdoor court with one basket, no net and surrounded by a chainlink fence, unless movies about poor inner city kids have lied to me.

Vanity Smurf June 16, 2008 at 7:30 pm

[re=17272]wheelie[/re]: That wallpaper is perfectly appropriate for a bowling alley. Some things are so tacky you have to embrace them.

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 7:33 pm

This does it. If this doesn’t prove that Barack Obama hates white people, nothing will.

SocialList June 16, 2008 at 7:33 pm

It beats McCrampy’s plans to build a masturbatoreoum.

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 7:34 pm

[re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Wait, are BBQs a black thing now? Goddamnit, you guys take credit for everything good in our country.

RooseveltFranklin June 16, 2008 at 7:35 pm

I hope the Presidential Motorcade does not have to hang air freshener trees from their rear view mirrors. I am sad to know that the Republican white half of my family will be sending emails in 3,2,1 about this diabolical plan about the basketball court. Maybe next time he can say he’s putting in croquet and badminton to fuck with everyone.

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 7:45 pm

I’m appalled that Barry is telling the same joke after so many months. His “whitey” material had me in stitches! I can’t believe that didn’t make the Jimmy Kimmel cut.

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 7:49 pm

[re=17302]jagorev[/re]: …yes we have taken ownership of BBQ, just like everything thing else we have perfected over the year(like every sport known to man)

Walter Sobchak June 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

[re=17283]populucious[/re]: That creep can roll.

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

[re=17312]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You couldn’t even leave golf alone, could you? Tiger winning the US Open was a HUGE slap in the face for all the hardworking white Americans who voted for Hillary. Hillary EARNED this championship, dammit.

Dr. Spaceman June 16, 2008 at 7:53 pm

[re=17277]sagehen40[/re]: That’s hardly a basketball court, it’s not even a half-court. The top of the key is in the grass.

Dr. Spaceman June 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

[re=17312]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Whitey still has beach volleyball.

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 8:02 pm

[re=17321]jagorev[/re]: …well the Celtics are still ahead in the NBA finals and by default everyone on the Celtics is Caucasian!

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=17325]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: …dont get TOO excited:

El Bombastico June 16, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=17310]ronaldpagan[/re]: After he quoted Chris Rock yesterday in his father’s day speech, I was expecting a re-creation of the “black people” vs. “n***’ers” routine. That one kills in West Virginia.

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: I’m just watching that speech now. It’s a good speech (I loved the “that was when I wasn’t black enough; now I’m too black” aside). But isn’t Bill Cosby going to sue him for copyright infringement?

El Bombastico June 16, 2008 at 8:31 pm

[re=17348]jagorev[/re]: Only if he starts wearing horrible sweaters. Speaking of which, did you read that article where the guy who played Denise’s husband is struggling whether to betray his conservative principles to vote for Obama? Makes me wonder what Elvin’s positions on the issues are.

The interesting thing is that the Chris Rock namecheck isn’t in the prepared remarks – he added it on the fly.

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 8:33 pm

[re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: …when you say “kills” do you mean that figuratively or literally, I mean after all we are talking about W.Virginia!

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 8:38 pm

[re=17362]El Bombastico[/re]: Maybe President Obama could appoint Bill Cosby to be Secretary of Black People, and then they could kill off hip hop to win the crucial Mickey Kaus endorsement:

El Bombastico June 16, 2008 at 8:47 pm

[re=17371]jagorev[/re]: That kill bling article is right on! Because when I want to learn about the recent trends in the African-American community, the FIRST place I go is the Huffington Post. And when I want a forecast of the future of “bling”, I think of a middle-aged white woman who leads the “ band” Little Pink.

AxmxZ June 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm

[re=17343]El Bombastico[/re]: Barry *is* the recreation of the “black people vs. n*****s” routine…

El Bombastico June 16, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=17389]AxmxZ[/re]: This will surely result in an ongoing battle of standup references. McCain’s next speech: “My friends, when it comes to keeping America safe, I will do like Larry the Cable Guy and ‘Git R Done’.”

mookworthjwilson June 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm

[re=17332]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: And if by everybody you mean Veal “I barely even dress” Scalabrine, then yes…they are all white…hahaha…sure there are a good deal of white guys on the Lakers, but they are mostly Eurotrash or fake hippie offspring…

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Mr Blifil June 16, 2008 at 9:50 pm

This is why I’m hoping either Obama or McCain selects Bolton for VP and the White House can recreate the orgy room at Plato’s Retreat.

dilhavarti June 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Forgotten “White” House Interior Rooms Renaming Roll-out. WHIRRR!!!

TGY June 16, 2008 at 10:17 pm

And there was much rejoicing.

AxmxZ June 16, 2008 at 10:37 pm

[re=17396]El Bombastico[/re]: “Take my wife, for instance… No, seriously, take my wife. I found a better one.”

KTHXBAI June 16, 2008 at 10:39 pm

[re=17410]Mr Blifil[/re]: It wouldn’t be at the White House though. It would located in Concourse C of the Minneapolis Airport, next to the Cinnabon.

Squwonk June 16, 2008 at 11:07 pm

On the subject of elitist sport, A friend tells me that Tiger Woods is getting ready to endorse The Gutterballer – those damn multi-ethnics are taking over the world I tell you! To the ramparts!

AxmxZ June 16, 2008 at 11:56 pm

[re=17457]Squwonk[/re]: Obama/Woods ’08! That’s either a winning Presidential ticket or realy fucking hot porno.

Words June 17, 2008 at 12:42 am

small protest: enough w/throwing Anyone Under Any Bus! sorry. I’m really tired of that…. it no longer even qualifies for “trite” or a cliche.

sanantonerose June 17, 2008 at 2:20 am

MY EYES! MY EYES! That White House Nixon-era bowling alley wallpaper should be ripped out and sent to the Middle East. Let that horrendous pattern do the fighting for us.

Sabre_Justice June 17, 2008 at 6:15 am

[re=17263]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Weekly barbecues? Hey, I can dig that. And pitbulls are cute.

wallythepug June 17, 2008 at 7:32 am

Walnuts! announced that when he is presnit he will emulate his idol, Teddy Roosevelt, and swim naked in the Potomac every morning.

AxmxZ June 17, 2008 at 11:18 am

[re=17508]wallythepug[/re]: Breaking news, 90% of Republican voters under 50 previously claiming to support McCain have switched their allegiance to Sen. Obama. When asked what prompted such a dramatic shift, the responders could not produce an answer but instead vomited profusely at the pollster.

problemwithcaring June 17, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Can’t wait for the White (Black) House episode of MTV Cribs.

“Yea…we put 3 new plasmas in the Lincoln bedroom. Of course, you know, each room has its own copy of Scarface…”

bowling September 29, 2008 at 2:39 am

Tim was talking about this on his site at Tims Bowling,
It’s gonna be a close match up!

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