perfunctory analysis

Will Al Gore Be Obama’s Black Vice President?

When Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Bob Casey, Sam Nunn, and all those other nuts gave their various flavors of “endorsement” to Barack Obama, the chatter immediately switched to why each of them was the only possible choice to be Barack Obama’s black vice president. And then Hillary Clinton said something phunny, and people forgot about the endorsements entirely. This will somehow happen again. For now, let’s explore why Al Gore must be Obama’s black vice president if he wants any shot at this thing, and why it would be a great achievement for humble ol’ Albert Gore Jr.

Why wouldn’t Al Gore want to be vice president, now? Look at his accomplishments: He invented technology, made Power Points about lowering Earth’s temperatures (for which he won a Peace cash prize), won Oscars, Emmys and other Heroic Awards, and was a Congressman and Senator and former presidential candidate, the one with a “locked box.” Ha ha, what was that thing anyway?

If someone with that resume was offered the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be vice president, it’s hard to imagine he wouldn’t take it. It would be an exciting, new position for Gore — the number two job in America! Surely he’s been dreaming of this opportunity — to be vice president, for eight years possibly! — his entire life.

My Endorsement [Al Gore]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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49 comments

  1. Uncle Al

    Well if the election is really tight, Gore could give Hopey advice about how to concede everything right away……

  2. stankfest

    Al Gore wants to be Vice-President again because you get to go to a lot of free dinners.

  3. DoctorCulturae

    As phunny as that sounds he would be the one person who would likely quell the Bitters AND keep the Clintbots in check for Hopey AND leveraged out of a succeeding administration. He’d never do it though. Gots 2 hav dem cheeeetoooooozzz.

  4. Deepthroat

    Let’s not forget that he has also been Emperor of the Moon, invented the environment, and is the author of Earth in the Balance and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, in which he explains that the environment must be protected from global warming and dark wizards.

  5. DoctorCulturae

    And of course Gore kisses his wife while Hopey and the DIvine Ms. M will probaby do some Kama Sutra thing.

  6. metropolitan

    i was hoping hillary clinton was going to win the primaries so she could take on tipper gore as her VP.

  7. populucious

    Plus, he can give Obama pointers on how to give one’s wife that sweet sweet lovin on stage, because gosh knows we need to see more of that in this campaign.

  8. Canuckledragger

    Hopey owes Gropey BIG time.

    Hopey gots the cash from the rubes ‘coz of the inert-tubes.

    Gropey invented them thar inert-tubes.

    No tubes, no cash for Hopey.

    See how that works? It’s a will-the-circle-be-unbroken kinda dealie-o.

    The only catch is the obvious one. Will Hillaryous let her lawn jockey appoint his own second-in-command? Because the last thing I heard, she was fine with making Hopey her Veep, but I don’t recall her saying he could invite a tag-along pal.

  9. DoctorCulturae

    [re=17167]Canuckledragger[/re]: Yep. An he has to ask Mommy if he can haz some of her friends to play armies.

  10. nowukkers

    [re=17139]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: With his bare hands, dressed as a sumo wrestler.

  11. thefrontpage

    Informed sources say that Obama’s first choice for Vice President is Orlando Bloom.

    That should just about wrap up the youth vote, and the inexperience thing is fully addressed: neither one of them has any experience to hold the respective posts!

  12. Canuckledragger

    [re=17171]NoWireHangers[/re]: I thought Bubba was called Slick Willie ‘coz his willie got polished so many times by so many interns that it actually was slick. Buffed to a spitshine.

  13. Manofsteel

    I can only imagine, in the event of an Obama/Gore ticket, human civilization will quickly perish as we all will instantly burn to death Last Crusade-style upon viewing the most frighteningly self-important, star-studded, will.i.am-produced, Melissa Etheridge-performed black-and-white YouTube “message” video humanity has ever known.

    Only those without Al Gore’s invention will be spared, which means John McCain, old Jewish women in Southern Florida and Hillary’s West Virginia fan club. The latter two will wage war over control Georgia, specifically any remaining Shoney’s or Sizzlers, while President McCain will turn the Straight Talk Express into a Mad Max vehicle of doom. Or, in other words, it’ll pretty much be the 2009 we all expect it to be.

  14. AngryBlakGuy

    …Al Gore can put Obams’s hope in a “lock box”. That sounds a little dirty doesn’t it?!

  15. AngryBlakGuy

    …well after coming off the bench 20 minutes after the game has ended to hit the game winning 3-pointer whom else can Obama take as VP?!

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    The temperature just went up 3 degrees in the Arctic in the time it took for Gore to write his endorsement.

  17. Q2

    [re=17196]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Colin Powell > Double Mocha Partay Pulease! > Hopey’s Message With Military Muscle

  18. WIDTAP

    If Gore gets the VP nod, does this mean he’ll reactivate the Vice Presidential Action Rangers?

  19. ronaldpagan

    [re=17147]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Don’t the Clintbots hate Al Gore now cuz he never endorsed Hills?

    And so many cheeto jokes. Is he Britney Spears now?

    [re=17144]Jobbotch[/re]: Comment of the day.

  20. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17207]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, and that was just from his own CO2 and methane emissions.

  21. Anita Cocktail

    I’ll buy a SmartCar, I’ll install solar panels, I’ll walk to work, just please, don’t ever show that horrible wooden passion-less kissing photo again.

  22. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=17253]Anita Cocktail[/re]: There’s no passion because Gore wishes Tipper was some kind of endangered species.

  23. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17268]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That’ll never happen. As long as there is peach cobbler and people with sticks up their asses, there will be Tipper Gores.

  24. sarcasticusername

    two guys who love to get all grabby with their wives in public…hmm i see a very awkward and frightening group sex tape in our futures, that’ll be the GOP’s october surprise… you know those aren’t family values we can believe in.

  25. edgydrifter

    That’s not kissing, it’s feeding. Albert has been passing Tipper regurgitated herring straight from his crop/goiter ever since he watched a David Attenborough seabird documentary in 1983.

  26. vader1013

    omg this is idiocy. stick to your day job writing about emo bands and rating black eyeliner.

  27. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=17349]vader1013[/re]: Yeah, you really told…..someone?

    emo bands and rating black eyeliner. WTF?

  28. Mahousu

    [re=17224]WIDTAP[/re]: First rule of the Vice Presidential Action Rangers is, you don’t talk about the Vice Presidential

    Oh, who cares anymore, Gygax is dead and Deep Blue is lost on backup somewhere …

  29. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=17447]TGY[/re]: Al Gore is a hypocrite apparently. While he talks about reducing consumption, he just plowed his way through 7 four-by-fours at In-and-Out.

  30. donner_froh

    Is “Semi-permanent Vice-President for Life” in the constitution.

    But he can’t be VP anyway–who will save the polar bears???????

Comments are closed.