PERFUNCTORY ANALYSIS  4:42 pm June 16, 2008

Will Al Gore Be Obama’s Black Vice President?

by Jim Newell

When Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Bob Casey, Sam Nunn, and all those other nuts gave their various flavors of “endorsement” to Barack Obama, the chatter immediately switched to why each of them was the only possible choice to be Barack Obama’s black vice president. And then Hillary Clinton said something phunny, and people forgot about the endorsements entirely. This will somehow happen again. For now, let’s explore why Al Gore must be Obama’s black vice president if he wants any shot at this thing, and why it would be a great achievement for humble ol’ Albert Gore Jr.

Why wouldn’t Al Gore want to be vice president, now? Look at his accomplishments: He invented technology, made Power Points about lowering Earth’s temperatures (for which he won a Peace cash prize), won Oscars, Emmys and other Heroic Awards, and was a Congressman and Senator and former presidential candidate, the one with a “locked box.” Ha ha, what was that thing anyway?

If someone with that resume was offered the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be vice president, it’s hard to imagine he wouldn’t take it. It would be an exciting, new position for Gore — the number two job in America! Surely he’s been dreaming of this opportunity — to be vice president, for eight years possibly! — his entire life.

My Endorsement [Al Gore]

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Botswana Meat Commission FC June 16, 2008 at 4:47 pm

First he has to beat up Lieberman. Then we’ll give him the job.

Uncle Al June 16, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Well if the election is really tight, Gore could give Hopey advice about how to concede everything right away……

stankfest June 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Al Gore wants to be Vice-President again because you get to go to a lot of free dinners.

Jobbotch June 16, 2008 at 4:49 pm

No. Because Obama/Gore sounds like an obscure Japanese film genre.

choinski June 16, 2008 at 4:49 pm

One word – ManBearPig

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm

As phunny as that sounds he would be the one person who would likely quell the Bitters AND keep the Clintbots in check for Hopey AND leveraged out of a succeeding administration. He’d never do it though. Gots 2 hav dem cheeeetoooooozzz.

Deepthroat June 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm

Let’s not forget that he has also been Emperor of the Moon, invented the environment, and is the author of Earth in the Balance and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, in which he explains that the environment must be protected from global warming and dark wizards.

Iggy Plop June 16, 2008 at 4:51 pm

This time he’ll be vice president with a beard. Whole new vibe.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 4:54 pm

Al Gore: Secretary of the Interior.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 4:54 pm

And of course Gore kisses his wife while Hopey and the DIvine Ms. M will probaby do some Kama Sutra thing.

stankfest June 16, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=17152]Iggy Plop[/re]: Tipper will let her’s grow in also.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=17152]Iggy Plop[/re]: Kind of like the two Riker’s on TNG, but fat?

metropolitan June 16, 2008 at 4:55 pm

i was hoping hillary clinton was going to win the primaries so she could take on tipper gore as her VP.

populucious June 16, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Plus, he can give Obama pointers on how to give one’s wife that sweet sweet lovin on stage, because gosh knows we need to see more of that in this campaign.

Canuckledragger June 16, 2008 at 4:57 pm

Hopey owes Gropey BIG time.

Hopey gots the cash from the rubes ‘coz of the inert-tubes.

Gropey invented them thar inert-tubes.

No tubes, no cash for Hopey.

See how that works? It’s a will-the-circle-be-unbroken kinda dealie-o.

The only catch is the obvious one. Will Hillaryous let her lawn jockey appoint his own second-in-command? Because the last thing I heard, she was fine with making Hopey her Veep, but I don’t recall her saying he could invite a tag-along pal.

AxmxZ June 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm

His cat needs to hire a kitty-guard.

NoWireHangers June 16, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=17167]Canuckledragger[/re]: I thought Bill was Gropey.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=17167]Canuckledragger[/re]: Yep. An he has to ask Mommy if he can haz some of her friends to play armies.

nowukkers June 16, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=17139]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: With his bare hands, dressed as a sumo wrestler.

thefrontpage June 16, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Informed sources say that Obama’s first choice for Vice President is Orlando Bloom.

That should just about wrap up the youth vote, and the inexperience thing is fully addressed: neither one of them has any experience to hold the respective posts!

Canuckledragger June 16, 2008 at 5:09 pm

[re=17171]NoWireHangers[/re]: I thought Bubba was called Slick Willie ‘coz his willie got polished so many times by so many interns that it actually was slick. Buffed to a spitshine.

Manofsteel June 16, 2008 at 5:12 pm

I can only imagine, in the event of an Obama/Gore ticket, human civilization will quickly perish as we all will instantly burn to death Last Crusade-style upon viewing the most frighteningly self-important, star-studded,, Melissa Etheridge-performed black-and-white YouTube “message” video humanity has ever known.

Only those without Al Gore’s invention will be spared, which means John McCain, old Jewish women in Southern Florida and Hillary’s West Virginia fan club. The latter two will wage war over control Georgia, specifically any remaining Shoney’s or Sizzlers, while President McCain will turn the Straight Talk Express into a Mad Max vehicle of doom. Or, in other words, it’ll pretty much be the 2009 we all expect it to be.

Jewdishoowary Square June 16, 2008 at 5:17 pm

[re=17148]Deepthroat[/re]: Sure, blame the wizards.

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 5:19 pm

…Al Gore can put Obams’s hope in a “lock box”. That sounds a little dirty doesn’t it?!

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 5:27 pm

…well after coming off the bench 20 minutes after the game has ended to hit the game winning 3-pointer whom else can Obama take as VP?!

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 5:34 pm

The temperature just went up 3 degrees in the Arctic in the time it took for Gore to write his endorsement.

Q2 June 16, 2008 at 5:41 pm

[re=17196]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Colin Powell > Double Mocha Partay Pulease! > Hopey’s Message With Military Muscle

WIDTAP June 16, 2008 at 5:51 pm

If Gore gets the VP nod, does this mean he’ll reactivate the Vice Presidential Action Rangers?

ronaldpagan June 16, 2008 at 6:05 pm

[re=17147]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Don’t the Clintbots hate Al Gore now cuz he never endorsed Hills?

And so many cheeto jokes. Is he Britney Spears now?

[re=17144]Jobbotch[/re]: Comment of the day.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 6:06 pm

[re=17207]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, and that was just from his own CO2 and methane emissions.

Anita Cocktail June 16, 2008 at 6:33 pm

I’ll buy a SmartCar, I’ll install solar panels, I’ll walk to work, just please, don’t ever show that horrible wooden passion-less kissing photo again.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

[re=17253]Anita Cocktail[/re]: There’s no passion because Gore wishes Tipper was some kind of endangered species.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 7:42 pm

[re=17268]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That’ll never happen. As long as there is peach cobbler and people with sticks up their asses, there will be Tipper Gores.

sarcasticusername June 16, 2008 at 7:49 pm

two guys who love to get all grabby with their wives in public…hmm i see a very awkward and frightening group sex tape in our futures, that’ll be the GOP’s october surprise… you know those aren’t family values we can believe in.

edgydrifter June 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

That’s not kissing, it’s feeding. Albert has been passing Tipper regurgitated herring straight from his crop/goiter ever since he watched a David Attenborough seabird documentary in 1983.

vader1013 June 16, 2008 at 8:19 pm

omg this is idiocy. stick to your day job writing about emo bands and rating black eyeliner.

Gopherit v2.0 June 16, 2008 at 8:41 pm

[re=17349]vader1013[/re]: Yeah, you really told…..someone?

emo bands and rating black eyeliner. WTF?

RuperttheBear June 16, 2008 at 8:45 pm

[re=17145]choinski[/re]: Be cereal

Mahousu June 16, 2008 at 9:18 pm

[re=17224]WIDTAP[/re]: First rule of the Vice Presidential Action Rangers is, you don’t talk about the Vice Presidential

Oh, who cares anymore, Gygax is dead and Deep Blue is lost on backup somewhere …

Darehead June 16, 2008 at 9:20 pm

Sounds Hopey-Gorey to me.

TGY June 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm

I dunno. With Al Gore, Barry’s sure to pick up the fat Nobel prize-winners vote.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=17447]TGY[/re]: Al Gore is a hypocrite apparently. While he talks about reducing consumption, he just plowed his way through 7 four-by-fours at In-and-Out.

MrAgro June 16, 2008 at 10:55 pm

[re=17186]Jewdishoowary Square[/re]: “Peace out, y’all!”

Oscar Folsom Cleveland June 17, 2008 at 12:03 am

Al looks and sounds more and more like Foghorn Leghorn every year!!

donner_froh June 17, 2008 at 12:48 am

Is “Semi-permanent Vice-President for Life” in the constitution.

But he can’t be VP anyway–who will save the polar bears???????

Borat June 17, 2008 at 2:13 am

[re=17158]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Kama Sutra sex, that’s almost as elitist as gay sex

Quacker June 17, 2008 at 2:15 am

yu iz teh king o snark today!!!!

Servo June 17, 2008 at 6:30 am

[re=17216]Q2[/re]: James Earl Jones. Mother of God!

Servo June 17, 2008 at 8:11 am

“Oh Tipper! Your lips taste like crisp, tasty bacon.”

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