• May 26, 2012
MANIFEST DESTINY

June 16, 2008

Jeb Bush To Become Third Black President

by Jim Newell  

If it weren’t for the greatest president in modern times, George Walker Bush, Jr., the Republican nominee in 2008 would be his Brother, Jebediah “Jeb” Bush, the second male heir to the Bush crown and a known Mexican. He would win, because why not. But George Jr. got to the presidency first, and despite his fantastic performance over the last eight years, the Liberals would use the sum of their mighty slapping powers to prevent Jeb’s latest Bush presidency. Poor Jeb. But since everyone in this country forgets everything, he can easily run in 2012, which George Jr. today suggested his brother might do. Country, saved.

President Bush was asked by a SkyNews correspondent whether the end of his term marked the end of the Bush presidential dynasty that began with his father’s Oval Office tenure 20 years ago.

In response, Bush singled out his brother, who has often been mentioned as a possible Republican presidential contender. “Well, we’ve got another one out there who did a fabulous job as governor of Florida, and that’s Jeb,” he said. “But you know, you better ask him whether or not he’s thinking of running. But he’d be a great president.”

Oh God, this is the exact language Bill Clinton used in 2006 when asked about Hillary possibly running. “I don’t know, but she’d do a helluva job!” Well now Bill’s wife Hillary will be able to run against Jeb Bush in 2012. There is somehow no scenario in which this won’t happen, and we’ll finally be fighting the terrorists over here instead of over “there” (Nazi Germany). Thanks a lot, Jesus!

Second President Bush floats prospect of a third [CNN]

{ 53 comments }

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Kitty Harrison for VEEP!!!!!!!!1!

stankfest June 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Doesn’t Jeb have a daughter that likes to take drugs?

Marcel Parcells June 16, 2008 at 2:54 pm

and Katherine Harris will be his VP

sleepy June 16, 2008 at 2:56 pm

not to mention the inevitable chelsea-jenna 2048 contest…

freakishlystrong June 16, 2008 at 2:56 pm

How come the damn British media gets all these rich, sweet bon mots outta that asshole, and our librul “media” shits their panties?

stankfest June 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Laura “Xanax eyes” Bush might run in 2012.

Marcel Parcells June 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=16916]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: well, I guess she’s got two votes

populucious June 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm

That’s a race that could only be fairly decided by a cage match to the death, don’t you think?

choinski June 16, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Mary Chaney will head the search committee on naming Mary Chaney VP

bearbait June 16, 2008 at 2:59 pm

SICRAM!!!
(Sitting in the corner rocking and moaning).

ManchuCandidate June 16, 2008 at 3:00 pm

I’m guessing that E. Coli poisoning is a touch more popular than any Bush Dynasty twerp.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=16923]Marcel Parcells[/re]: I don’t know, this is Florida we’re talking about. Those new diebold machines till multiply our two votes, exponentially.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2008 at 3:01 pm

*will not till
/fixed

Vanity Smurf June 16, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Aw, I expect a post like this to feature the photo from the Bush xmas card in the 70s when chimpy couldn’t be bothered to find an ashtray, not some starchy after church candid.

RaptorAvatar June 16, 2008 at 3:07 pm

It’s okay, everyone. He’ll lose because of sexism just like the last horse’s ass who wanted to pretend America still had the Divine Right Of Kings.

graceless June 16, 2008 at 3:07 pm

I miss drugs.

problemwithcaring June 16, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Oh god – Jeb vs a 90 year old Hillary and Bill? I hope I am dead.

El Bombastico June 16, 2008 at 3:09 pm

That little girl in the picture seems *awfully* excited to have GW’s hand up her hoo-ha.

MoodProcessor June 16, 2008 at 3:09 pm

“Jeb hit head.”

Vanity Smurf June 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm

[re=16917]stankfest[/re]: Noelle. The twins call her their crack whore cousin. And then there’s the son (Not P.) that got caught fucking his girlfriend in the back of his Jeep in the mall parking lot one xmas. His wife has had a few customs scandals on her return from Columbia or Venezuela or whatever-the-hell-it-is brown country she’s from. The only shot that branch of the family has is George P. and that’s only because he’s hot (obv. from his mother’s side). He’s the sleeper cell we must watch for in a few years.

FMA June 16, 2008 at 3:11 pm

You know, if you were Jeb, you’d have every right to be pissed off right now because he was considered the “smart” Bush kid and by that, it means he’s the only one with an IQ above room temperature.
Not much higher, though, because, as it’s been reported here, he once mounted Kitty Harris.

Walter Sobchak June 16, 2008 at 3:13 pm

I would like whatever force is acting on the brothers Bush in that CNN photo to continue horizontally crushing them into nothingness.

Manofsteel June 16, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Kitty Harris says: “I will accept the position of Vice President…unless there is a hurricane.”

Vanity Smurf June 16, 2008 at 3:15 pm

[re=16950]FMA[/re]: What else do you do with a horse besides mount it and ride?

Wavingsuzy June 16, 2008 at 3:15 pm

This dynasty totally belongs to Jenna

Juice-IL June 16, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Just want to point out that Jeb’s name is not actually Jebediah, but is in fact John Ellis Bush. Making his name JEB simply his initials. This alone should disqualify him for the presidency.

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=16950]FMA[/re]: What happened to the kittens?

Lazy Media June 16, 2008 at 3:18 pm

By 2012, Hopey McUnicorn will have solved all of life’s problems, and will be elected President of Earth by acclamation. Upon which signal the Cylons will attack and kill us all. But at least we won’t have to worry about Jeb-Hillary.

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Who wouldn’t want to see Romneys vs. Bush’s on Family Feud!???

AnnieGetYourFun June 16, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Does it count as a dynasty if one guy was only President for one term, followed by an eight-year gap, followed by 8 years of a man who is arguably the dumbest man to hold the presidential office? There are a number of words I can use to describe this (such as “fucking travesty”), but “dynasty” is not among them.

rubybuckaroo June 16, 2008 at 3:24 pm

1rst test

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 3:27 pm

…if there is one positive thing about “W” it is the fact the “Bush” brand has been tainted beyond belief. Secondly as a Floridian I have begun to believe that stupidity is actually a GENETIC trait that dominant in Bush bloodline! And if you don’t believe take a look at this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9373195/ and this is only one of many arrest for this young upstanding citizen!

RobPetrified June 16, 2008 at 3:27 pm

Do html tags work on the new and Improved Wonkette?
If so, you’re looking at a lovely photo of
JEB Bush with the now dead Terry Schaivo.

Uncle Al June 16, 2008 at 3:29 pm

It’s weird. I’m pretty sure Neil Bush, the real idiot of the family, is the little guy with the bright eyes in the photo, and Jeb, the one who’s supposedly the least stupid, looks like the family retard. Doro looks cute, and Battleship isn’t grotesque yet.

Carrie_Okie June 16, 2008 at 3:31 pm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/portuguese/images/020129_noellebush150.jpg
“What day is this? Why is my brother a Negro? God I need my Xanax!” blurted a visibly agitated Noelle Bush, after spending 43 hours in jail for violating her court-ordered drug treatment plan.”

Who TF says, “Negro?” (well except for the UNCF)

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 3:34 pm

…the resemblance between Jeb and Frankenstein is UNCANNY!

TGY June 16, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Did Jeb proclaim it’s ‘Black Music Month’ for Florida, too?

AnnieGetYourFun June 16, 2008 at 3:47 pm

Sometimes I wish my grandpappy had been a Nazi. That way, I could be rich and powerful, too.

Truculent June 16, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Quick. I need a stake, a sledgehammer, six silver bullets, a cross, holy water, and directions to Florida.

Mediahohoho June 16, 2008 at 3:50 pm

What kind of retard prize is it to be considered “the smart Bush.”

Isn’t that like being the “most sophisticated fundamentalist”?

murality June 16, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Christ, that family is like the Nelsons of the damned and Jeb has always had a dumb fat head. How did it get out of Bar?

ForeignSickSpecialist June 16, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=16964]Juice-IL[/re]: I love acronyms! Goddamn Egotistical Obsolete Retarded Garbage Eater With Brown Underwear Streak Habit…

MoodProcessor June 16, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=17025]Mediahohoho[/re]:
Don’t forget the Fundie motto, “Just ‘cuz it’s a fact, that don’t make it true.”

Noelle Bush misses drugs. You’d think the Boosch clan would have a Dr. in their pockets for emergency Xanax. Maybe it was just a cry for help….

AngryBlakGuy June 16, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=17025]Mediahohoho[/re]: yeah, that is like telling your girlfriend that she isn’t as ugly as her sister!

jagorev June 16, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Too bad, really. Jeb would have been a far, far better President than George W. He’s actually, like, somewhat capable and competent and all that.

bitchincamaro June 16, 2008 at 4:19 pm

Let’s start Jeb’s impeachment proceedings now.

Dr. Spaceman June 16, 2008 at 4:47 pm

[re=16964]Juice-IL[/re]: Just like GOB? That’s awesome! He made a great CEO of the Bluth Company.

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=16980]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Christy Whitman’s daughter was arrested for public drunkenness and look at her all growed up now – and she just ran for congress!!! (and lost in the primary)

NoWireHangers June 16, 2008 at 5:15 pm

I think W said it best: “Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

Unfortunately, this is America, so it really should be: Fool me once, Bush I. Fool me twice, Bush II. Fool me thrice, Bush III

Juice-IL June 16, 2008 at 6:56 pm

[re=17141]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: I also hear that JEB carries around a Cuban puppet named Warren G Bush.

heathenish June 16, 2008 at 10:19 pm

I keep thinking Walnuts will pick Jeb for his VP.

Sabre_Justice June 17, 2008 at 6:56 am

Jeb/Flying Pig ’12!

sidwood June 17, 2008 at 10:55 am

Jeb isn’t short for Jebediah. It’s short for John Ellis Bush, using the Arrested Development naming convention.

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